Chapter 16
I’ll be honest (and a little dramatic): I’d gotten so used to Theo’s daily check-ins and flirtatious calls and messages that a few days of radio silence felt like a bit of a tragic loss – the kind you don’t cry over, but still mope about like someone stole your last piece of chocolate.
Pathetic, really. But here we were. I hadn’t heard from him since our little chat recently, and I’d found myself mindlessly going through random photos and videos we’d made together while on my work lunch break.
‘D’you have a date for your mum’s wedding yet, Cass?’ Kofi asked me one day over lunch.
‘Ugh. Don’t remind me; my mum keeps calling me every day, asking about it.
I don’t really see the big deal in going alone but alas, the woman wants her wedding to be perfect.
No one in mind yet, though,’ I replied, tucking into my ham and cheese sandwich.
It was at that point that I saw a flicker of mischief shift within Kofi’s eyes, followed by a swift smirk.
‘Mm. I see,’ he said, peering over his glasses at me with an amused look. ‘Well, it’s not long to go now and I figured, since you and Jeff seem to be getting along much better these days, why don’t you ask him?’
I stopped mid-chew and stared at Kofi, willing my face not to betray me.
I’d rather eat a jean jacket than ever ask him.
I hadn’t told Kofi about my run-in with Jeff, and tried as hard as possible to keep my face passive.
In a different universe, it would probably have been ideal taking someone like Jeff to the wedding.
He was older than me; an accomplished surgeon, attractive.
Well dressed. With a fancy flat in Vauxhall and a pension plan.
I could see my mum and the aunties practically fawning over him. But alas. But then again …
‘Kofi! I don’t think that would be appropriate, you know,’ I said, trying to feign laughter. I really needed to chill out. ‘I hardly know the guy! Plus, I wouldn’t want him to get the wrong idea or anything. The last thing I’d ever want is an office romance – yuck.’
‘OK, but I love that with everything you just said, not once did you deny finding him attractive – or that he might have a bit of a thing for you,’ Kofi said, hands raised in mock innocence.
‘I’m just saying! If the talent pool’s looking a little dry, he could be an option. Let me play matchmaker for once, man!’
I rolled my eyes. I would have much preferred to have gone to the wedding with Theo.
I suppose there could still be an opportunity to do that if I paid him to be my date, though.
I couldn’t deny that I did miss him a little bit.
If only he could stick to the day job – I just couldn’t risk the shame of bumping into someone who could potentially recognise him though.
Ugh; a dilemma.
I’d been working extra hours after my shift, trying to muffle the loneliness that crept in whenever I was home alone.
It was surprising how quickly I’d grown used to spending time with Theo, talking, laughing, just being around each other every day.
Now that our conversations had slowed, a quiet emptiness had started to settle in, one that even Sade and my other friends couldn’t completely fill.
Being with Theo these past few weeks had reminded me what it felt like to be seen – truly seen – and desired, openly and without hesitation. And I missed that. I missed him.
That evening after work, I found myself lingering on his OuiMeet profile, looming over the new pictures he had uploaded.
One of the photos – a profile shot of him in the park wearing a beige co-ord set, diffused winter sun making his face glow handsomely – was one I’d taken of him while on one of our dates.
I found myself briefly thinking back to that date; I’d organised a cute picnic in Larkhall park – a stone’s throw away from my flat.
He’d shown up at midday and we ended up spending approximately forty-five minutes on the grass frolicking before deciding it was too cold and clambered back to the flat, where we spent the rest of the day making love and drinking wine. It was wonderful.
I let out a sigh as I scrolled through the rest of his photos, debating whether I should take the leap and book him again.
He’d been pretty clear that OuiMeet should be our main line of communication moving forward, and out of respect for his boundaries, I didn’t want to risk making him uncomfortable by reaching out through calls or texts out of the blue.
I hovered over his booking menu. Maybe it wasn’t just the sex. Maybe I did like him more than I let on. Without thinking, I clicked on ‘overnight stay’ and saw that he had availability for Saturday night. I booked it, closed the app and held my breath. Fuck it.
As expected, about twenty minutes later I received a message from him:
Oh. I see. Just couldn’t stay away, huh? I’ll see you on Saturday, I guess. Thanks for the booking.
No kisses. No sign off. I couldn’t quite make heads or tails of his response, but ultimately I was glad that I would be seeing him again, if only as one of his clients. I replied back, matching his aloof energy:
What can I say? I miss your company. And you’re very welcome.
That was that, then. It was an uneventful week, but Friday had finally arrived, and I was dismayed upon finding out that I’d RSVP’d to another after-work drinks event that evening and had completely forgotten.
Kofi and Sade had a date night, so I couldn’t even use them as an excuse to dip.
It wasn’t until one of the nurses reminded me at 4 p.m. that I remembered.
I checked the calendar invite and saw that Jeff was due to attend too. Fantastic . .
When the workday finally wrapped up, I logged off, fixed my make-up and decided to pop in for one quick drink – just to show my face. Part of me also wanted to signal to Jeff that things didn’t have to be awkward; we needed to get used to being around each other again.
As we all entered the pub, I made a beeline for the corner booth again and tried to make a conscious effort to seem sociable. As the others placed their orders at the bar, Jeff approached me and asked for my order.
‘I’ll have a gin and tonic, I think, thanks,’ I said, trying to appear normal.
‘Coming right up,’ he said, and wandered over to the bar to make the order.
Minutes later, he was back, and took the seat opposite me.
This couldn’t have been any more awkward if it tried.
‘So, how has your week been? It’s been a pretty busy one at my end, so apologies for all the extra work I lumbered you with – I feel awful.
I didn’t anticipate the influx of new patients this week. ’
OK, a bit of light chat; fair enough. We could just pretend as if it never happened.
‘Ah, don’t worry about it. It’s literally what I’m here for. You’re all good.’ I smiled politely and sipped my drink, wishing I could be at home.
‘I appreciate it a lot. Anyway, erm, it’s been nice having these little work outings and getting to know the wider team – it’s like a little family.’
‘Haha – yeah, almost,’ I replied; little did he know I barely knew anything about my other colleagues outside of their full names and roles. Our offices were situated away from the outpatients’ department, meaning that outside of the consultant meeting rooms, Kofi and I were quite isolated.
We made polite conversation for the next twenty minutes, with Jeff starting on his second beer. After a swig, he suddenly became solemn. This was what I had been dreading.
‘Cassandra … about that moment in the car, I just wanted to apo—’
I waved my hand lazily, cutting him off. ‘It’s fine, Mr Paulson; it’s fine. You’ve already apologised, and I accept your apology. I don’t think we need to go back to that, do you? I’d love to just move past it, if that’s OK?’
Jeff nodded his head slightly, his mouth forming into a thin line. His face was unreadable. ‘You’re right … you’re right. I just feel awful about it – I won’t bring it up again. Deal?’
‘Deal,’ I replied, breathing a sigh of relief. I was hoping that things could now finally get back to normal.
We played a couple of rounds of friendly pool before heading back to the booth where I picked up my jacket. I’d done enough socialising for the night.
‘So, any plans for the weekend?’ he asked.
‘Not much, to be honest. Just spending the evening with a friend, and maybe browsing a few flower shops for wedding bouquets during the day. My mum’s getting married at the end of May, and at this point, floral arrangements are the only thing she trusts me with,’ I replied, suddenly remembering that extra chore I’d been tasked with.
At this, he raised his glass. ‘Congratulations to your mum! That’s super exciting. I’m going to a wedding at the end of May too; must be the season for it!’
‘Yeah, I’m looking forward to it – it should be a decent day!’ I said, stifling a yawn. I really wasn’t good at small talk, but at least we were back to being semi-normal again.
On the taxi ride home, I sent Kofi a message to update him on how the evening went. I immediately received a message back:
Oh good, I’m glad it went well! Also, I forgot to give you the gist. I found out that he has a whole family by the way, lol, so ignore everything I said the other day about inviting him to the wedding as your +1.
I read the last part of the message again.
Wife? A family?
Upon first meeting him, I made sure to note that he didn’t have a wedding ring on. Not to mention that he’s never brought up any mention of having a family in all the conversations we’d had. Not that he had to, of course, but still. Interesting. I typed back:
Wait wtf. How do you know he’s married? Never seen him wear a ring??
I arrived home and made a beeline straight to the bedroom to try and sleep off the alcohol. Propped up in bed, I read Kofi’s eventual reply: