36. Alessia
Chapter thirty-six
Alessia
I ended up sleeping in my old room across the hall last night. And Massimo never came for me, not even to talk or drag me back to our bedroom.
But this morning, he had no problems hunting me down to tell me Tullio requested our presence today. He delivered the message, then left.
I’m an emotional mess inside, but I gather up my wits and head out to the waiting SUV. I’m almost surprised when he slips inside the same one as me, and I hold my tongue about it. How much his sudden change in character hurts will remain mine to bear, as is the severe impact these silent moments take on my heart.
The entire ride is painful as he stares down at his phone and I look out the window watching the world whiz by. I feel like we’re further away from each other than when we first met. When he was cold towards me then, it was obvious he just didn’t know how to relax around anyone. He needed time. Now, he’s trying his best to ice me out and he doesn’t even have the decency to tell me why.
Whatever my brother wants to talk with us about, I want to speak to him about coming back home. It’s clear that Massimo no longer wants me. Last night, he redacted every promise he had ever made to me, and it killed me.
I hate myself for obsessing over where it might’ve gone wrong. What I could have done wrong. Is he really so turned off by my decision to fight to save my sister?
I’ve never tried to hide who I was. I’m the same tenacious woman I’ve been from the beginning. The very one he’s been encouraging to soar.
How could he shape me for a throne, only to deny me its seat?
As soon as we pull up to my family’s estate, I practically throw my door open and jump out. I don’t bother waiting for Massimo as I saunter up to the door and let myself in and head right back towards the office. Ready for battle and hyped up for war.
Santino, Armando, Paolo, and Jino are all hovering right outside the door with penitent faces and can barely make eye contact with me. Whatever is going on, they’re all bracing themselves for my reaction, which means I’m at the center of this.
The fucking coward I was obligated to marry didn’t have the fucking cogliones to tell me himself. He needed backup from my brothers. Good fucking ridden then. But fuck does it hurt.
Entering the room, Tullio is sitting behind the desk per usual and the door closes behind me. Glancing back, I see Jino standing on one side of it and Vinny stationed on the other. Why do I feel like I’m about to be accused of a crime and then proscribed and banished? My perception may not compare to these men, but I know premature remorse when I see it. Especially when Tullio isn’t even trying to hide it. If he thinks his puppy dog eyes will help mitigate the blow he’s about to deliver, he’s sorely mistaken. My anger is already simmering, and I’m still in the dark about what’s coming.
I sit down without having to be told and Massimo takes the chair next to me. “How are you, piccolina ?” Tullio asks.
“Cut to the fucking chase, Tullio. What the fuck is this about?”
He hesitates for a moment. “I need to ask you to hand over your piece.”
“Fuck off. I’m not handing over shit until you tell me what’s going on.”
He takes my hostility in stride, knowing it’s merely a prelude to the storm his forthcoming words will unleash. “I figured you’d say that,” he mutters, and Massimo remains silent next to me. “You know I love you so fucking much. I—”
“Just stop, Tullio,” I choke out, not able to hear any of this shit. “Please. Just get it over with.”
“You’re leaving” He finally rips it off like a bandage. “You, Gemma, Mamma, Lesina, and Alba. It isn’t safe for you all right now. Not until we have dealt with the Russians and whoever they are connected with.”
“The only place I’m leaving is the De Luca estate to come home,” I state.
“Not an option, Alessia.” The gravity in his tone is solid.
“Fuck it’s not! You cannot tell me what to do!”
He slams his hand down on the desk making me jump a little in my seat. “I can tell you what to do as head of this family.”
“Why?” I say just above a whisper. “Why are you sending me away? I get wanting to send Gemma, Mamma, Lesina, and Alba away, but why me? You know I can take care of myself.”
“Because we love you, that’s why.”
“No.” I swallow hard. “You’re dismissing me.” He doesn’t say anything. “What about Paolo and Armando and Santino and even, fuck, Salvatore! What about your son?! Oh, wait. Because he’s a male!”
“It’s not about you being a female,” he says evenly.
“ Cazzata ! Yes, it is!” I lean forward waving my hands everywhere. “I’m just as much a part of this family as any of you! I have the same blood running through my veins! This isn’t fucking fair!”
“You had to kill almost a dozen men, Alessia! That’s what you want for yourself? To have to take on a small army and kill people? You made it out alive this time, but what about the next time?”
“It’s the life I signed on for! I haven’t been hiding under a fucking rock!” I turn on Massimo. “And you ,” I seethe, and he turns his head to me. His eyes dead as they glare back. “Every promise, every vow, every word you’ve ever fed me. It was all bullshit, wasn’t it?”
“Not all of it, but things have changed.”
My heart sinks. “Like your feelings for me.” The bastard doesn’t answer. “Or are you pretending not to care to make me go away?”
“I do care for you, but I need to put my empire first.”
“Enlighten me.”
“You’re a liability. I have enough enemies as it is, with the Russians coming after your family, it puts a hit on mine for our association.”
“Our association ,” I repeat, and the word dries up on my tongue leaving a sour taste in my mouth. “That’s how you sum up everything we were.” I shake my head in utter disappointment. The rancor inside of me growing and building up more momentum.
I jump to my feet and both my betrayers slowly rise to theirs. “You are such a fucking liar and a fucking coward.” His love isn’t fickle? Once he loves, it’s for life? I pry the engagement ring that feels heavier than ever from my finger and chuck it at him as hard as I can. He dodges it by calmly stepping to the side. Then I reach up to the rose gold chain around my neck, a necklace he had gotten me, and give it one good yank. It easy snaps, and I fling that at him too. He turns his head to dodge it, but part of the chain grazes his cheek. He ignores the blood trickling down his face as his eyes firmly meet mine again. It feels good to see him shed blood because I know he won’t be shedding any tears for me.
I pull out my .22 and aim it at his head. Two other guns cock back and then a third. Vinny pointing one at my head, Jino and Tullio pointing one at Vinny. Massimo just stands there like a statue not evincing a single emotion. Everything from the inside out made of stone. “You.” Then I point my gun to my brother. “And you. Both of you. Dead to me.”
I abhor them. I hate them so fucking much. I’m on the verge of insanity and there’s no talking me down from there. If I don’t leave now…
I turn to escape, and I just cannot contain the roaring rage inside. Pointing my gun, I pull the trigger. Shooting Vinny right in the foot on my way out. I don’t miss a beat and continue past the rest of those who have betrayed me and walk right out of the front doors.
Tullio tried to feed me the bullshit of this being temporary, but this is the last time walking out of the place that used to be my home. I will never step foot inside of this place again. I have no home, I have no family. All of them a bunch of traitors.
The short drive back only has me stewing, working myself up more. I’m sure my things are already being packed for me. Once I get up to his bedroom, I lose it completely. Fisting one of my knives, I scream and slash. Destroying the bed first. The one he bought brand-new so it could be just ours and not tainted by other women. Stabbing the mattress and slicing through it over and over again. Then the pillows all get ribboned and the blankets until it looks like it’s snowing in here. Everything he bought brand-new for me. They can all rot in hell along with his fucking black heart.
Next, I storm over to my closet and thank God there isn’t a maid in there. She would probably find her way at the wrong end of my blade. I dig out my wedding dress that I was obviously never meant to wear, and I tear it to shreds too. “You fucking lying sack of shit! You never loved me! You never meant anything! You fucking played me! You stupid motherfucker !” I scream as I stab and slice my gown until I double over as a sob abruptly rips through me. “You fucking motherfucker !” I wail and continue slashing through the extravagant material. The hardwood floor becoming collateral damage in the massacre.
Surrounded by the fabric of my torn gown, I cry my fucking lungs out as the world is caving in around me. As if I haven’t experienced great loss recently, the two most important men in my life collectively broke my heart, tearing the rest of my life apart. Taking everything that means most from me.
Why did you leave me, Babbo? Why?
He wasn’t supposed to leave me like this. Not when I need him more than ever. He wouldn’t banish me. He wouldn’t force me away.
I’d give anything to run into his arms like a little girl, and have him squeeze me tight. Keep me in his embrace where I feel most protected. Most loved.
Regaining a bit of stability, I use the soiled dress to wipe the snot and tears from my face and stand up. Holding my head high, I exit the closet, and my phone starts going off. I pull it from my pocket to see that it’s Mamma calling, and there’s no way I can talk to her right now.
When I decline the call, it goes to the home screen, where I have a rare picture of Massimo and me set as my background. With a high-pitched scream, my ire bleeds from my pores, and I throw my phone as hard as I can against the wall, knowing it shattered the screen.
Rage takes back the wheel and I trample through the estate in a destructive frenzy. I obliterate anything in my path while barking orders for my shit to be packed immediately. I’m ready to be rid of this place.
It was beginning to feel like home to me. It was quiet and cold compared to the warm house I grew up in, but because of Massimo, it was becoming home. Because he was becoming my home, as well as my heart.
Now, they’re both broken.
Do they not remember who I am? Sending me away is severing any connection. Infinitely. It can never be repealed, yet they went ahead and did it anyway.