Chapter 9
NINE
ADESEWA
"Sigidi," I said as he entered my bedroom like he did every night, smelling fresh as if he had just come from a shower. He normally timed it perfectly for when I was already drifting off into slumber, but my anticipation of what I was going to risk had been all I needed to stay awake.
If this went wrong, it could all go wrong.
He was our lifeline, our connection to understand the strange alien ship we found ourselves on. He was our source of knowledge of how to use the tools and create the things we needed. If I was wrong about this, if he didn't desire me the way I desired him, then I could mess this all up.
I could drive him away.
I didn't know where he could go, as we were all trapped on this ship together, but I knew there was more to it than what we could access, and he was a resourceful male. If he wanted to get away from me, he would find a way.
But I was betting that the memory of our kiss tormented him as much as it did me.
I sat up in bed, letting the sheet slip down to show I had decided to wear nothing at all.
His gaze fixed on my chest for a long moment, and he almost stumbled, his gait shifting to catch himself as he came to an abrupt halt.
He tore his eyes away from my chest, yanking them back up to my face with an abruptness that looked viscerally painful.
"Adesewa, you're awake," he said, his voice rough with an ache that matched my own. "I will come back when you are sleeping."
"No, stay," I said, my words catching and holding him before he could even turn to leave. "I need you to stay."
"You need me to stay?" he asked. "Can you explain in more detail? I thought my presence in your room was for my benefit alone."
He was going to make me spell it out.
The act of saying it, being that specific with my words, was terrifying in its own way.
Glances and touches could always be played off as friendliness.
Flirtations could be brushed aside as joking around.
The simple act of putting desires into spoken word created a risk of rejection that couldn't be avoided.
It created a moment of finality. If I said it, I put him in the position where he would have to decide right then and there if he wanted to move towards me or away from me, and that would be the end of it or the beginning of everything I wanted.
I wasn't quite ready, so instead I took a smaller step forward by asking for information I didn't have.
"What are your feelings about romantic interactions with humans?" I asked. "Is that something that you are interested in?"
"What do you mean by romantic interactions?" he asked. "Is that the same thing as mating?"
"For humans, romantic interactions involve flirtations, spending time together with the intention of building a long-term bond, building desire through touching and kissing, and mating," I said.
"So when you kissed me when we first met, that was a romantic interaction?" he asked.
"It could be seen that way," I said. "But the context of the situation, the fact that we had just escaped captivity and you were being controlled and could be forced to hurt us, made it so that kiss shouldn't be seen in that context.
Full consent for both parties is required for romantic interaction to be genuine.
If there is any coercion or inability to consent freely due to fear or environmental pressures, then any romantic action can't build to a fully stable relationship.
They can only build towards something that is imbalanced or has rot from within that must be cut out for the relationship to grow instead of wither. "
It was easier to be clinical with my words, because it provided a level of detachment that separated me from the consequences of not getting what I ultimately wanted.
"So you are saying that we have had no romantic interactions?" he asked.
He was making this so difficult for me because he wasn't providing his own thoughts on the situation. Even so, he had been created into a life of control where he never had the options he had now. Ultimately, I was the more socially experienced of us two, and it was on me to open up first.
"Not exactly," I replied. "Romantic interactions are nuanced.
For me, kissing you was a wonderful experience and made me want more interactions like that with you.
What I was saying was that because of the context of the situation when I kissed you, I don't have any expectations about what that kiss meant for you.
I asked you how you felt about romantic interactions with humans because I'm trying to learn more about how you think and what you want, so I can best help balance our community as a whole. "
"If I said I wasn't interested in any romantic interactions with any humans, what would you do?" he asked.
"I would take you at your word, and I would then do my best to make sure that the other humans respected that, even if you were not willing to tell them directly yet," I said, thinking of Andrea and how he would move away from her and hide from her but not actually say anything directly.
"What if I said I was interested in romantic interactions with only you?" he asked, his voice calm and cool even as his words caused my heart to skip a beat. Even though I was interested in him, even though I was already putting myself on the line by starting this conversation, I had pride.
I wasn't going to play games with him.
"That is something I am unwilling to answer if it is only a what-if question.
Since I have been direct, you asking that is something that we humans call 'playing games'," I said.
"I have already expressed that I enjoyed kissing you and would like to do more, and in being clear, I deserve the same clarity in response.
It is now your turn to examine what it is that you want and communicate it. "
"I want to do far more than kiss you," he said, still standing there, his words creating forward momentum even as his body remained perfectly still.
"I want to run my hands over your body and experience every inch of you.
I want to cover you with my body, to hold you down and feel you move underneath me.
I have this urge, this heat and thickening between my legs whenever I think of you, and I want to spread your legs open and press that part of me up against you. "
A thrill of anticipation ran through me, even if his specific words gave me pause.
"That part of you?" I asked, suddenly realizing I hadn't actually confirmed what it was that he had hidden beneath his trousers. "Can you show me?"
"Yes," he said, as simply as he always did, and in a swift motion, he removed his coverings. He stood naked before me. His body was muscular and gorgeous, every line cut from marble and shaped as if a sculptor had carved a statue to display my personal idea of a perfect male form.
Except for what was between his legs.
It was a bulge, like someone had cut the wider end of a pint glass off and glued it to his body, creating a mound that was far too short and way too wide.
There were no hanging sacks like I was used to, just the mound that wouldn't fit inside me, and even if it did, it wouldn't go far enough for what I preferred.
Compared to the rest of his body, it was a disappointment, but I was far too well-mannered to say that.
Besides, he was an alien of a species I didn't know anything about, captured and altered on a ship by a cyborg collective that prioritized worker drones over everything.
Expecting him to be hung like my ideal human man was unrealistic.
"What is it that you want to do with that?" I asked, trying to assess the situation.
"I wish to rub it in between your legs," he said, heat in his voice that hooked into my own desire where it was hesitating and pulled it back to the forefront.
There was a lot we could still do. Even if penetration was off the table, there was a lot of pleasure to be found in external stimulation, and I was utterly desperate to touch him.
"I would like that," I said.
He was at the bed, climbing onto it, with a flash of speed that startled me given how long he had been standing perfectly still.
I barely had time to gasp before he ripped the sheet the rest of the way off me and was on top of me, his body invading my space as he pressed into me, pushing my upper body back down with his own as his knees slide inside of my own and then he was on me, the weight of him pinning me down to the bed with a suddenness I wasn't expecting.
His arms held some of his weight, so he wasn't suffocating me, but I couldn't move, couldn't do anything as his hips settled down against mine, that bulge between his legs sliding against my lower lips as his hips shifted, seeking, rubbing heat against me like he was searching.
"Sigidi!" I managed to gasp, the sensation of his body against mine almost as overwhelming as the rough but delicious caresses as he used his hips to root himself against me, to rock and rub up and down until he was spreading me open and the wet heat of me was exposed and thrust against the thick bulge of his desire.
He stilled at the sound of his name, his warm thickness pressing against my opening as my body cried out, my channel twinging with need even as the press of him teased me with the heat that was too wide to invade.
He brushed my braids back from my face as he searched my eyes, his face hovering over mine even as his body captivated me with his sudden, unexpectedly aggressive approach.
He had been spending his nights standing in my room, not doing anything, not touching me, not instigating anything, not expressing any desire apart from heated looks during the day.
I hadn't expected him to leap on me like an unhinged madman the moment I gave the most basic form of verbal agreement.
"Is this good?" he asked, a groan in the edge of his tone like he was hanging onto a cliff edge for dear life.
He rocked his hips against me, the rolling shift of his body catching my opening and the underside of my bundle of nerves, and my head rocked back as the press of him pushed my entire body just enough to lift my chin.
Pleasure rocketed, his body delivering the perfect amount of pressure and movement, the sensation of his touch pairing with the mental arousal at the anticipation of his touch and his predatory approach to drive me towards a peak that was rapidly approaching.
"Yes, it is good," I moaned as he shifted against me again, as if he were trying to drive that unreasonably sized choad inside of me even though there was no way it would fit.
Even so, I lifted my legs and wrapped them around his back, giving him a better angle.
Maybe we could get there, eventually. Maybe I could train to take in that wideness, even if it would never reach in as far as I desired.
There were so many ways we could approach this together after we got out of the sudden initial insanity that was him jumping on me and pinning me to the bed.
I could hear and feel the soft sucking of my own body as he rubbed his heated thickness against my wetness, spreading it all over himself, sliding up and down through my slit as he humped me with an intent determination.
"Sigidi, I'm going to… I'm going to…." I gasped out as my pleasure coiled inside of me, reaching higher, carried there by his delicious aggression.
"Adesewa, I wish to mate with you," he groaned as our bodies continued to make soft wet sounds with the sound of his press and rub against me.
"Then mate with me!" I cried out as my climax peaked, exploding as my channel clenched at the empty space inside of me and my hips canted with the teasing press of him against my needy opening, grinding out the waves of pleasure as they rolled through my entire body.
He let out a grunt, and then I felt it.
Sliding into me, spreading me open, as suddenly the press of him against me became a thrust and he penetrated me, not with the bulk that he had been rubbing against me, but with something cold and slippery and hard and overwhelming, filling me to the point where it was too much and not enough.
I let out a guttural scream and dug my nails into his back.
He roared back at me, his cry punctuated as the thing inside me moved like a piston made of ice, chilling me even as the shock of the sensation took my orgasm to the next level and I convulsed with the pleasure of it, impaled upon his thrusting rod as I rose and crested and nothing existed but the way he held me down and utterly ravished me until he gave a hard, deep thrust and I was completely and utterly filled, the thick twitching inside me familiar as it spurted his seed deep into me.
I held on to him with my arms and legs, as shocked as I was satisfied, and he remained seated inside of me.
Then he gave a little groan, and pushed against me a little more.
There was a soft pop as more of him slid in, this part of him as warm as the bulge he had rubbed against me before.
Heat radiated just inside of me, a sharp counterpoint to the chill of the rest of him inside of me, and I felt an intense pressure just inside my opening, like whatever he had put inside of me was swelling.
"Sigidi," I whimpered, my pleasure teasing up against the border of too much, too strange. "What is that?"
"Knot," he grunted as if he were struggling for words. "The species I am from locks into their mates to ensure the seed has time to fertilize."
"I can't take any more," I gasped out, pleasure rolling through me even as panic fluttered around the edges of my mind. "It's too much."
"You've already taken it; you are doing so well," he said, his voice soothing even as his arms clamped down around me, the weight of him holding me still, holding me impaled. "I'll hold you still. Do you want to more, or should I try to calm my knot down and withdraw?"
His words, and the question along with them, calmed my panic down until I could feel the intense pleasure of being filled in a deep, satisfying way that I had never felt before.
"More," I whispered. "I want more."
Then the cool thrusting began again, rubbing inside of me, over and over as he held me trapped underneath his body and all I could do was take it as I lost myself in the utter bliss of being thoroughly and completely taken.