Chapter 57
The anxiety I felt at the light knocking on my door was nothing compared to the relief of actually seeing him once more.
Blake. My Pair. My equal.
Gods, he was beautiful.
Blake’s face, tight with tension, softened the moment he stepped into my room. Relief flickered across his features, unguarded, like he’d been holding his breath and could finally exhale. He sat down on my bed and pulled me into his arms with the utmost tenderness.
“I thought you were dead,” he rasped, his voice rough with emotion. I could see the torment in his eyes, the fear he’d been holding on to until this moment.
“Not dead yet, Axefire,” I breathed, tucking into him tightly. His lips pressed to my temple. His hand combing through my now-red hair.
I pulled back, suddenly self-conscious as I looked up at him. I tucked my hair back, pulling the strands from his fingers.
“It’s…I guess you know now?”
Blake smirked and nodded. “Guess I can’t call you Azure anymore, huh?” He huffed a laugh and reached for my hair again. “It’s beautiful.”
“Oh,” I breathed.
“Not that it wasn’t beautiful before. You’re still my songbird. I just—” He shook his head, stumbling slightly over his words. “It looks right on you. So that’s why your favorite insult is that Red expression scorchhole.” He grinned at me.
I bit my lip, looking away as heartbreak rose sharp and sudden, pressing at the edges of my control. “Did Edith tell you…”
Blake shook his head, brow furrowed. “No. She said it was best you explain. But, Rubi—”
“I’m not Rubi,” I interrupted. I took his hands away from my hair and face and folded them between my palms. “I mean—I mean, I am. But not as you know me.”
“You’re a Red,” he says. “I know, but—”
“Not just a Red, Blake.” I took a long, shuddering breath. “I’m royalty.”
Surprisingly, Blake’s dimple flashed as he smiled. “That’s why you always seemed so regal, hmm?” He pressed another kiss to my hand.
My heart cracked further. “No, Blake, you don’t understand. I’m the heir to the Red Phoenix throne, their crown princess.”
He stared at me in shock. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
I steeled my spine. “I’m also the queen of the Dominion of the Azure Dragon.”
Blake blinked, confusion turning to hurt, then fear, in his icy gaze. “What are you talking about? The Azure prince—”
“Blake, I am his wife…. I’m married.”
Blake froze, his hand dropping to his side as the words sank in. “Married?” His voice was low, stunned. “How?”
I swallowed hard, tears stinging my eyes as I met his gaze. “You were there. At the Wedding of Flame and Sky. Only we had done the real ceremony in private earlier.”
Blake’s face paled, the muscles in his jaw tightening as he processed what I had just told him. “To Prince Draven? No. No, that’s not possible. You…you—no.” He leaned forward, gripping my biceps. “You can’t be Rubiana Phae, of the House of Phae. I saw the Red princess die with my own eyes.”
I was already shaking my head.
“She wasn’t you.” He nearly shouted the pain-filled words as he stood, pacing beside the bed.
“That was my body double,” I whispered, my voice trembling. “She was heavily veiled, in keeping with our royal tradition.”
I raised a hand to my chest at the pain there as Blake sank down, like his knees had suddenly gone weak. He slipped backward, sitting on the end of my bed. His hand shoved through his bronze hair, moving the strands into a mess atop his head.
“That’s what it was saying,” he mumbled, scraping his palms down his face. “The Starved—it wasn’t moaning that it had done wrong. It had eaten the wrong soul.”
The hairs on the back of my neck rose. “Edith is the Red Queen, Blake. She’s my mother, and she’s one of the most powerful nulls ever born. That’s why I had no power, no memories—she was doing it all. Keeping it from me.”
“To protect you.”
I nodded. “It doesn’t make it right.”
A deep sigh pressed from his lips. “No, but it’s understandable. I would have done the same.”
There was a moment then, a second when I considered my lies. Could I pretend I didn’t feel the tug of someone else?
“There’s more,” I said, closing my eyes and hugging myself around the middle. “There’s a reason we couldn’t Soul Pair. Because I am already Paired to Draven.”
“Soul Paired?” His voice was strained.
I shook my head. “We were waiting until our wedding night. We never got there.”
Grief tore through his expression as he watched me. He looked exhausted, like he’d lived a thousand lives before this morning and lost me in all of them.
“And Draven is…”
“He’s still alive. I can feel it, here, now that Edith’s magic is gone.” My hand rose to my heart, pressing there, and Blake looked as if I’d stabbed him with his own blade.
“So, that’s it then?” Blake’s voice was soft, broken. “Just like that?”
I shook my head. “I love you, Blake,” I said, trying to hold back the sob building in my chest. “You know that.”
“Then what does this all mean, Rubi?” he said. A bitter laugh escaped as he shook his head. “Gods, I feel like I’m fucking drowning.”
Tears spilled from my eyes.
“My duty is to my dominion, to my people. And…” Gods, this hurt. Saying this, admitting it, might have been harder than fighting that demon. “And I can feel it now—I love you, but I did love Draven, as Rubiana, as who I was before. Everything is all messed up in my head. I’m trying to—”
The sob burst free and I wiped at my eyes, desperate to steel myself against the pain.
“I thought I wanted to win the boon to recover my memories. I spent so much time chasing my past, convinced I couldn’t really live until I knew where I came from.
But I never considered that finding it might cost me my happiness in the present.
” My chest ached as I met his gaze. “And I never thought it would cost me you.”
Blake flinched like I’d struck him, but he didn’t step back. His gaze locked onto mine, searching, as if he could see straight through me. “Why? Why does it have to cost us our present? You can choose me. I won’t let your past steal you from me.”
My throat was tight. “Hasn’t it already?”
In an instant, he was in front of me, close enough that I could feel the heat rolling off him. “A few nights ago, we were going to be Soul Paired. Now—what? A ghost from your past means more?”
“Blake, it’s not that simple—”
“It is! I am here. Now. And I will fight for you—” His voice cracked. “I will be what you need.”
Closing my eyes, I shook my head. “Blake. It’s in the prophecy.”
I recited it for him now, no longer a lullaby but a warning.
“Born of passion and the silencing queen,
A light shall rise where none have been.
Through her, the dawn will banish night,
If the dragon’s heart grants her might.
Should the hollow one consume her power,
Darkness will reign in the final hour.
Let the serpent’s heir stand by her side
And storms shall rage and kingdoms die.
“We must finish the Raveling. We still need to fix the Anchors in the other three dominions. And if I am the woman of the prophecy, then Draven is the dragon’s heart that will grant me might.” The flash of pain in his eyes was like a dagger to my own soul.
“What about us?” The pain in his voice was tearing me apart.
Guilt and anguish ripped through me. “I don’t know,” I admitted, my voice barely a whisper.
“All I know is that we must go to the Dominion of the Red Phoenix to stop the warring and repair the second Anchor. After that, I think we need to go to the Azure Dragon Dominion. In any case, as soon as possible…” I squared my jaw. “I need to find him.”
Blake stiffened, his breath coming in ragged gasps. He stepped closer, his voice broken.
“Please don’t do this. We don’t know if this prophecy is real. We can’t—” he whispered, his hand reaching out to cup my face. His touch was so gentle, filled with everything we could have been. “Rubi…”
Tears blurred my vision as I leaned into his touch, my heart shattering. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, my voice trembling. “I have a duty. I’m no longer free to simply follow my heart. And I don’t even know what my heart wants anymore.”
I watched as this final blow landed. Blake released my face from his hands, stepping back slowly. For a moment, I thought he was going to turn away, to walk out of my life forever. But instead, he changed.
Every piece of him buttoned back up, his spine straightening. The beauty of his vulnerability, his open emotions, suddenly disappeared. He returned to the man I’d met outside the tavern. The ruthless Ambush Master. The brutal Twin Blade.
Blake lifted his head, the pain still etched into his features, but beneath it now was a resolve that hadn’t been there before. His voice was quiet, but every word rang with certainty. “I’m not letting you do this alone.”
Emotion swelled in my throat, but before I could speak, he pressed on.
A muscle in his jaw twitched. “I’ll protect you until you get to him safely. If you cannot be mine, then I will be yours. Whichever way I can.” His voice dropped. “And when it’s done…when he’s back…”
He swallowed. “I’ll leave you with him.”