12. Derek
Once again, Derek paused in front of his neighbor”s door and resisted the urge to knock. She was a mess. A tightly wound, secretive mess. And what did that make him? A borderline stalker who couldn’t stop thinking about her.
He settled with his grappling conscience by leaving a note on her door, inviting her to his game night in a few hours. Her friend, Emily, and Emily’s boyfriend, Bill, confirmed they were coming. No one would choose to stay home alone on a Friday night when their neighbor was hosting a small game night and her best friend was going.
He wished the only reason for the party was to socialize. But the truth was that he needed the distraction. Life was catching up to him, and he couldn’t keep pretending that everything was alright between him and Mel. Couldn’t keep convincing himself that he should wait for her. He wanted to move on, wanted to be free of living in a relationship limbo.
But he was stuck, still caught in Mel’s life. She hadn”t called him for the past two weeks. No texts, no emails, nothing. She”d called her parents, so he knew she had access to the internet, but she hadn”t taken the time to communicate anything with him.
He didn”t need much. Just a message here and there to let him know that she was alive and well. To let him know that she still thought of him. To let him know that there were still feelings in their relationship.
But he got nothing.
Did that mean he could date other people? Did that mean she’d expect him to end any other relationships when she returned? How could he date another woman, look her in the eye day after day, all while planning on dumping her for Mel whenever she came back?
He needed this party to stop the thoughts that made him want to permanently end things with Mel.
So why was he planning this game night, hoping that the one woman he couldn’t stop thinking about would come? The woman who’d rejected small offers of help and assistance, the one who would likely scream at him if he ever asked her out for a date, the one who clearly was only interested in old, rich men and not normal people like himself?
Mel was his past. She was supposed to be his future too. But was that what he wanted anymore?
Emily,Bill, Jake, and Kayce sat around the dining room table. Rows of dominoes sat in front of each player. They”d been playing domino train for the past hour, and Derek was in last place.
Jake placed a tile on the table, then turned to Derek while his wife took her turn.
“Any updates from Mel?”
Derek only managed a smile because he had won his secret bet against himself. He”d figured that Jake would be the first to ask about Mel. He was right, which meant he”d get to treat himself to lunch tomorrow. It wasn”t much of a win because he had to buy the lunch for himself since no one else knew of the bet.
“Nope.” He pretended to study his dominoes instead of looking at his friends gathered around the table.
“She”s been calling us less than normal too.” Kaycie spoke quietly, focusing on the game.
“Who”s Mel?” Emily asked.
“Derek”s girl—” Kayce stopped, catching herself. “My sister.”
“She”s teaching overseas currently. In Cambodia.”
“Wow. What does she teach?” Bill chimed in.
“English.” Kayce played her tile. “Derek, your turn.”
Derek tried to focus on the game while ignoring the continuing conversation.
“I always wished I had a sister,” Emily sighed. “I was an only child until my cousin moved in with my family when I was in high school. Ashley. She”s practically my sister now. You must miss her a lot if she”s halfway around the world now, Kayce.”
“I do,” she said, her voice hesitant. “We”ve always been pretty close.”
Derek grabbed a tile and put it on the table, slamming it down harder than he intended. Kayce jumped slightly at the noise.
“Bro, that tile doesn”t match.” Jake pushed the tile that Derek just played back to him. “You need to draw a penalty tile.”
“No, Jake, it”s fine.” Kayce jumped to his defense, looking at him with concerned eyes. “He just made a mistake.”
“Rules are rules. He needs to pick up an extra tile.”
“Let him have a re-do instead. He”s losing anyway.”
“No way. We all know the rules and we all agreed. He loses his turn and needs to draw.”
Derek picked up an extra tile from the drawing pile and held it up to Kayce. “I don”t need any special rules. I”m fine.” Now he sounded like Theresa.
“I was just trying to help.”
“I don”t need your help.”
Kayce looked at Jake sideways before biting her lip and focusing on her tiles again.
Bill and Emily remained silent, watching the interaction. He groaned inwardly. He invited people over to have a good time and distract him from Mel, not to turn into some version of a moody teenager who couldn”t follow basic rules of a game. “I”m getting another drink. Anyone else want one?”
Emily shook her head while everyone else stared at their tiles. Derek pushed his way back from the table and stalked into the kitchen.
He walked over to his speaker and pulled out his phone. A few taps on his phone later, and 1990s heavy rock music burst out of the speaker. He turned up the volume, then moved the speaker against the shared wall between his apartment and Theresa”s.
Petty, yes. Horrible manners, yes. But somehow, knowing that he was making Theresa mad made him feel better. It would be a matter of minutes before she stormed in.
He walked back into the living room and rejoined the game. No one spoke above the music filtering in from the kitchen.
He knew the reason why everyone was tense. He caused it.
Derek cleared his throat and said what he knew needed to be said. “Mel isn”t just Kayce”s sister. She”s been my girlfriend since middle school. We recently broke up.”
“Oh.” Emily spoke first, focusing on the game still.
“That sucks, man.” Bill reached over and clapped him on the shoulder.
“It”s probably temporary. She”s broken up with me before. Each time she teaches overseas, we end up taking time apart.”
“I”m sure you”ll get back together again when she gets back,” Kayce chimed in, trying to be helpful but failing.
“Right.” Derek couldn”t think of anything else to add to that.
“Unless . . .” Kayce looked like she was about to say something more, but Jake pushed her arm and shook his head. Kayce looked down at her tiles. “Who”s turn is it?”
“Mine.” Bill studied the tiles in silence.
Derek looked back at Kayce. “Unless what? You were going to say something. Might as well say it.”
“Forget it, bro.” Jake interrupted before Kayce could speak.
“No, I want to hear what Kayce has to say.” She had the same determined look on her face that Mel would sometimes get, and he knew it meant she had something on her mind. “Kayce?”
Kayce and Jake held a silent conversation with their eyes. After a moment, it was clear that Kayce was about to win. Jake stood up and stomped off to the bathroom, closing the door behind him hard.
Kayce ignored his exit. “I think Mel misses you.”
“Bill, can you help me get something from the kitchen?” Emily glanced his way as she nudged Bill.
“No, it”s ok, you two can stay.” Derek leaned in towards Kayce. “She can call me whenever she wants.”
“There’s five months left on her contract. I think she already regrets asking you for the break. Have you considered going to Cambodia for the rest of the school year? You could take a break from work for that long.”
“And expect Jake to pick up the extra work? The market is hot right now, it’s a bad time to lose a realtor.”
“I can’t help thinking of how much you two have gone through already, and how much the two of you are meant to be together. I mean, at first, I was mad at her for leaving you, and then sad when I found out you two were taking another break. You’re like a brother to me. Can’t you go to Cambodia, be with her, and then you’ll both come back when school’s out?”
He tried to replay some of their most recent conversations in his mind, but there was nothing spoken between them that made him believe that she wanted to be here, with him. “I can’t force her into anything, Kayce. You know that.”
“I do. But don”t you deserve to be happy too? I love Mel and you. I don”t like to see either of you in pain. Don”t you think it”s time to join her?”
“I have a life here. I can’t move halfway across the world next week.”
“At least talk to her about it? I think it would make her so happy. My parents too. We all agree, the two of you belong together and sometimes distance makes it harder than necessary. I’m sure if you go to Cambodia, things will be better.”
Better for who? He never wanted to live abroad, never wanted to give up his career. And even if he did, would she still return, still plan on getting married, still plan on settling down in a house with him and have kids?
Kayce looked so hopeful that he didn’t want to disappoint her, but he couldn’t lie.
A heavy silence fell over the table. Derek leaned back and stood up, looking at the clock. It was almost midnight. “Let”s just call it a night. I have things to do tomorrow.” That is, if watering his only plant counted as a thing to do.
Jake rejoined the room as everyone stood up to leave. “You ok?” he asked Derek.
“I”m fine.”
“Don”t let anything Kayce said get to you. You and Mel want two different things out of life, but that doesn”t mean you can”t end up together. Eventually.”
“Right.”
“I”m here for you, bro. You don’t have to go to Cambodia, but if you do, the business will be waiting for you when you return.”
A few minutes later, Emily and Bill retreated to Theresa”s apartment, and Kayce and Jake were on their way home. He wandered into the kitchen and turned up the volume on the music to cover the loneliness settling in.
He and Mel had talked about him joining her in Cambodia. And before that, Vietnam and Columbia. Each time, she’d said she wanted her independence and to experience the countries alone. And each time, he’d agreed, wanting to build his career and stay closer to home and family. Had he made a mistake? Would things be less complicated if he’d abandoned his goals in order to follow her? Why couldn’t they find a way to make goals and dreams together, instead of feeling at odds with each other?
A knock sounded on the door, barely audible above the singer”s voice. Expecting Jake or Kayce to be back to gather something they forgot, he swung the door open wide. “Come in.”
A flash of blonde hair and crutches brushed past him, wobbling through his living room toward the back side of his apartment. He looked at her, trying to figure out if he was happy or angry at seeing her. Thoughts of Mel left his head as he looked at her determined face. Her face looked even more beautiful when she was determined to get her way.
“When did you get the crutches?” he asked as he followed her with his gaze, shutting the door behind her. Even when she limped with the crutches, wearing sweat pants and a baggy shirt, she looked good. Too good. For the first time, he wondered what it would feel like to be with someone other than Mel. To hold her, feel her touch, spend hours together. He pushed away the thought as quickly as it came. Cheating was the last thing he’d ever do, even if Mel was less than clear about where their relationship was heading. He was only helping his neighbor. Nothing more, nothing less. The fact that she made him wish, for possibly the first time, that he had an easy way out of his relationship with Mel, had nothing to do with why he felt the urge to help her.
She didn”t respond, but turned the corner, leaving his sight. Less than a second later, the music stopped. She reappeared in his living room, clutching the speaker awkwardly as she maneuvered on the crutches.
“What the—” he muttered under his breath, not sure whether to be annoyed or amused. She looked ridiculous trying to carry the speaker while using crutches. Amusement won out.
He looked down, covering his mouth with his hand to hide his reaction.
She stopped in front of the door and raised one crutch to point. “Mind opening the door for me?”
“So you can steal my speaker?”
“Consider it a favor. I”m not calling the police.”
He opened the door wide.
She walked through, and he could swear that a smile peeked at the edges of her lips.