Chapter 11
GRAHAM LOOKED AROUND THE ROOM. “It’s really nice,” he said. “I didn’t get into Paulson Hall freshman year. I ended up living with mostly sophomores. I’m glad you got the freshman dorm.”
Kaya put a framed picture of herself and Grayson at the prom on the shelf above her bed. “That looks good there,” she said. She smiled. “I think the place looks great, don’t you?”
“It does,” Graham said. He sat on the bed and bounced up and down a little. “Even the beds are more comfortable here. And how did you get Mom to buy you a nice comforter? I had to bring the one I had in my bedroom at home.”
Kaya shrugged. “I’m her special child,” she said with a grin. “I just had to ask nicely.” She took an old, wrinkled family picture out of her last box and tacked it to her corkboard. “Hello, young Dad,” she said to it. “Welcome to my dorm room.” She turned away and went back to the box. “I hope my roommate isn’t a slob. I want to try to keep my room neat and orderly, just like my life.” She laughed. “Okay, I’ll keep it neat and orderly, despite my life.”
“Are you gonna make new friends while you’re here,” Graham asked, “or are you just gonna hang out with Grayson all the time?”
“Both,” Kaya answered quickly. “I’m gonna make new friends with Grayson. We’re gonna do everything we can. We’re gonna join clubs, and go to games. I mean, when I’m not at cheerleading practice or actually working a game. We’ve decided that we’ll be popular here. I know I was well liked at Wisteria High, but I mostly hung out with Cat, Bailey, and Rayna. And most of the time, it was one of them at a time. I want to try to have a group of friends here that I can hang out with.”
“That sounds like a good idea,” Graham said. “I made a few friends at first, but then when Gina and I got together, it was easier to just be with her all the time. She felt the same way. The next year, we had to work really hard to branch out. I’m glad we did, though. Gina would probably have burned out on me a long time ago if we hadn’t.”
“I don’t know about that,” Kaya said. She sat down beside him. “Do you think Mom will really be all right with both of us gone?”
“She will,” Graham assured her. “Maybe she’ll actually like it. Now that she was able to get a legal divorce from Dad, she’s free to start dating, and she doesn’t have to worry about being around for us all the time.”
Kaya shook her head. “Dating. I can’t imagine Mom on a date. Who would she even date? Does she even know any men? Maybe she can date Mr. Grace, the gym teacher at Wisteria. He’s nice, and I’m pretty sure he’s single.”
“I’m pretty sure that Mr. Grace and Mr. Beech are more than just chums that watch sports together on weekends,” Graham said.
“Oh. Huh. I had no idea. Rayna had a crush on Mr. Beech freshman year. Man, Wisteria is so small. Mom will probably have to go out to Florence or Garrison to meet anyone.”
“She met Dad,” Graham said. “He was just passing through town when they met. Maybe someone else will pass through town and she’ll meet him. Otherwise, she’ll have to take trips to the city every now and then. Or she can join a dating service. Lots of people are meeting people online these days.”
“It seems kind of weird to me,” Kaya said. “I like to meet people face to face. You know, so I can see the expressions on their faces when they tell me things, so I can tell if they’re telling the truth.”
“How can you tell?” Graham asked.
Kaya shrugged. “Sometimes, it’s in their eyes. Sometimes, it’s the way they breathe. Like, people breathe slower when they’re telling the truth. And of course, their tone of voice.” She looked out the window. “Look, there are still a lot of people arriving. I thought they told people to get here before three.”
“I think that’s just a guideline,” Graham said. “But let’s get back to their tone of voice. What about it?”
“I . . . I guess it’s the pitch. You know, if it’s higher or lower. And if they trip over their words. And how fast they talk. Some people talk fast, but if someone who talks slow suddenly talks fast, that’s a warning sign.”
“So,” Graham said, standing and starting to pace the length of the room, “are you talking about the talking they do when their lips move?”
Kaya’s face turned red. “What difference does it make?” She stood too. “You know, sometimes, I don’t understand you, Graham. You’re so worried about me all the time, about my voices. Why can’t you just trust me? I mean, I’ve done fine for years! So what if sometimes I listen to the voices, and trust them? I really think it’s possible that my mind creates the voices from my own instincts. I look at someone, or I see something happening, and then I hear the person say what I feel they’re thinking. Yeah, they’re not actually saying it, but maybe my brain is interpreting what they might say. And it works for me.”
She started to pace beside Graham.
“For instance, I figured out that Jeff liked Rayna by what I heard his voice say to me. And I was right. And I ‘heard’ Grayson say wow, and I was right. I pick up cues. You do it too, all the time, but you do it inside your head, and your brain interprets it quietly. I just do it outside my head, and with someone else’s voice. Maybe you can start thinking about it like that. That way, none of it matters anymore! I do want to work with Dr. Blake once things settle down a bit here, but basically because I want to understand why I’m different. I already know how I’m different, but not why. But think about it. What have I lost by having the voices? I got good grades, I was the cheerleading captain last year, I have friends, people like me, I have a boyfriend, and I have a really supportive family. I have a good life, Graham. You don’t have to give me the third degree every time you think I’m paying attention to my voices.”
She walked back over to her bed and sat down. Then she glared at Graham.
Kaya had left Graham speechless. He sat with her words for a few moments. Then he spent a few more moments formulating his response. “You’re right.”
Kaya waited. And waited. She looked at her watch, and then back at Graham.
“That’s it?” she asked. “That’s all you’re gonna say? I thought for sure you’d have some sort of rebuttal statement.”
Graham shrugged. “No, I’ve got nothing. You’re absolutely right. I don’t have anything to add, or take away. I’m gonna stop. I have no right to question you anymore. You’re doing great, and like you said, you have a good life.”
Kaya smiled and then nodded. “I do,” she said. “I like my life.” She looked up at her family picture, her smile slipping a little. “I mean, it would be better if, you know, some things had never happened, but . . .”
Graham sat down next to her again. “I know.” He took her hand. “It’s been a long time since he left, but I still want answers. I don’t think about it all the time. It’s like I had my foot cut off a long time ago, and I’m wearing a prosthetic shoe, and sometimes I forget my foot is gone. Then one day, my shoe gets untied, and I take it off. And there it is. My missing foot.”
Kaya laughed. “I know that you didn’t mean that to be funny, Graham, but I love it. My missing foot. I want to record an album and name it that. I bet Grayson would be into it, too. He could play the keyboard.” She paused, looked at Graham, and then squeezed his hand. “You will always be able to protect me, Graham. Don’t worry about it. I’ll let you.”
Graham looked back into her eyes. “Did I just tell you I was worried?” he asked carefully.
Kaya nodded slowly. “You did,” she said. “Do you get it? Look at you. You’re worried. You were pacing. It’s my first day at college. We were having a serious conversation about you letting go of your worry. Doesn’t it make sense that my brain would pick up on your cues, and project what I feel from you into the voice I hear?”
Graham had to agree. It made total sense. “Yes,” he said confidently. “I get it. I finally get it.”
Kaya smiled. Then the doorknob turned on the door to the room, and a young woman walked in shyly, followed by two adults.
“Hi,” Kaya said.
The other girl smiled. “I’m Cameron.”
Kaya nodded. “I’m Kaya. And this is my brother, Graham. He goes here too. He’s a senior.”
Graham stood. “Nice to meet you, Cameron,” He turned to Kaya. “I’ll take off now so you can get acquainted with your roommate.” He gave her a hug. “Call me tonight, okay? Gina and I will be home.”
Kaya looked up nervously at her brother. “You really don’t have to go,” she said timidly.
Graham smiled and nodded. “Yes, I do,” he said. “It’s time for you to be off on your own at college. But I’ll never be too far away.” He kissed her cheek, and then headed for the door. “I’m sure I’ll see you again, Cameron,” he said, and then he walked out into the hallway.
It was October, and Graham was starting to think about what he might do after college. He had chosen a path, but he didn’t know yet where it would lead him. He enjoyed learning about psychology, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to continue studying it or even work in the field. But he didn’t know what other options he had. Gina had been studying elementary education, and she knew exactly what she wanted to do: She wanted to be a kindergarten teacher.
“I love their little faces,” Gina said, talking about the children she was working with in her current placement. “They’re so small and round. And there’s no worry on them. I mean, yeah, someday there will be, but not now. Now they’re just like one of those blank books that are so popular, ready to be filled up, and I want to make sure that what fills them up is the truth, positive and focused. I get to help shape minds. And from what I’ve picked up from psychology, it’s not just a metaphor. Their minds are really being developed, one synapsis at a time. I love the look in their eyes when they make a connection.”
“It sounds like what you’re doing is a lot like what I could be doing,” Graham said, handing her four plates to put on the table. “But I don’t want to work with kids. They kind of scare me.”
He noted the look of horror on Gina’s face.
“No,” he said quickly. “I don’t mean our kids will scare me. Other people’s kids. The ones that aren’t bonded to me. Our kids will be perfectly well-behaved, mentally well geniuses who adore us and listen to everything we tell them.”
Gina laughed. “So where are we going to buy these perfect kids?” she asked. “But if you don’t want to work with kids, you shouldn’t. You would do well with adults. You’re intelligent, and you take other people seriously. You’re a good listener. You’d make a good therapist if you wanted to be one. I know you don’t know if you want to be one, but I think you’d be great. You’d be great at anything you wanted to be.”
Graham stirred the simmering pot on the stove. “I want to be a hockey player,” he said. Then he laughed. “I could sweep the street after parades. I could be president of the United States, but I’d have to find something else I can do until I’m thirty-five. Uh, do you need to go to culinary school to become a pastry chef?”Gina smiled as she finished setting the table. “I think you might. But if that’s what you want to do, I’ll support you. But I think you’d be happier doing something where you can use all the knowledge you’ve accumulated the last three and a half years. Maybe you could be a research assistant, and then go back to school later if you like doing research so you can do your own projects.”
Graham nodded. “Where did you put the colander?”
“It’s under the sink, on a hook.”
Graham opened the cabinet and felt inside until he found what he was looking for. “I kind of like the idea of being a research assistant,” he said. “It would give me some time outside of school to see what it’s like to work in academia. Maybe Dr. Blake would hire me. But he’s gonna retire soon.”
“Isn’t that what he said freshman year?” Gina asked as she folded the napkins into shapes. “He said two years. I think he’s still saying two years.”
Graham shrugged and then picked up the large pot of pasta. He poured it out into the colander sitting in the sink. The steam rose up into his eyes, and he closed them briefly. “Yeah, and he’s tenured. He could stay forever.”
“It’s an idea,” Gina said. “There are other professors who might hire you, or you can work for a different company. Maybe one that makes neuroleptic medications.”
Graham shook the colander until it stopped dripping and poured the linguini into a ceramic bowl. “I don’t know if I want to sell out to Big Pharma,” he said. “But again, it’s something to think about.”
“What time did Kaya say she and Gray were going to get here?”
Graham winced. “Don’t call him Gray to his face,” he said. “I tried it once. Kaya gave me an earful. They’re coming separately. Kaya’s coming straight from class. They should be here soon.”
“Good,” Gina said. “The sauce smells so good. I’m starving.”
“I think Kaya and I should call our mom together while they’re here,” Graham said. He blew on a wooden spoon filled with sauce and then tasted it. “Maybe I should go to culinary school. I make a damn good tomato sauce.”
“So does Mr. Ragu,” Gina said, grabbing the jar and rinsing it out in the sink. “I think it’s a good idea that you call your mom. I’d love to hear how her date went.”
Graham put the spoon down on the counter. “I don’t know if I want to hear about the date,” he said. “I can’t believe she went out with my childhood dentist. Did I tell you he used to keep hamsters in his waiting room? I bet they had the best hamster teeth in all of history.”
Gina laughed.
A knock sounded on the door, and Gina opened it a few seconds later. “Oh, hi, Grayson,” she said. “Come in.”
“I brought some wine,” Grayson said, handing a brown paper bag to Gina. “I had to have the RA on my floor buy it for me. I’m just glad campus police didn’t stop me walking over here.”
Gina smiled. “Take off your jacket. How was your day?”
“Great,” Grayson said. “I had chemistry class today. I didn’t think I’d like it, but I do, and I’m doing pretty well in it. I never really liked biology, but this stuff is much more interesting.”
“That’s great,” Graham said, walking over and shaking his hand. “Welcome to our apartment. Have a seat.”
Grayson helped himself to a seat on the couch. “I like it here,” he said. “It’s pretty close to campus. How did you get in here anyway?”
“It’s a lottery,” Gina explained. “Both Graham and I put our names in at the end of sophomore year. You have to be a junior to live here unless you’re married. Graham’s name got pulled. He was allowed to have whatever roommates he wanted, and he chose me. It’s nice, because we turned the second bedroom into a study room. It’s a good way to get space from each other to do our work if we need it, and if we don’t, we just study down here.”
“Good plan,” Grayson said. “Maybe if things keep going as well as they are, Kaya and I can get a place in two years.”
Graham gave him the side eye. “Two bedrooms,” he said. “One for each of you.” He laughed, and Grayson laughed with him.
“When does Kaya’s class end?” Gina asked, handing Grayson a glass of the wine he brought.
“Five forty-five,” Grayson said.
“It’s six,” Graham said. “She should be here in a few minutes.”
“It’s probably about a ten-minute walk,” Grayson said. “Sometimes she talks to other people in her class after. She’s trying to make friends outside our dorm. She’ll be here in about ten minutes, I bet.”
Gina sat down next to Grayson while Graham chopped vegetables for a salad. They all talked about their classes and going home for Thanksgiving. Graham brought the bowls with salad and pasta to the table and poured a glass of wine for Kaya.
“It’s six fifteen,” he said. “Shouldn’t Kaya be here by now?”
Grayson took out his phone and looked at the time. His forehead wrinkled. “I”ll give her a quick call.”
He pushed a button on his phone and held it to his ear. Ten seconds later, he looked up. “I got her voicemail.” He waited several moments and then spoke into the phone. “Hey, Ky. We’re all waiting for you over here. You’ll probably be here before I finish this message. Listen, call me as soon as you get this message to let me know when we should expect you. Love you babe. Bye.” He hung up. “That was weird. She should have picked up.”
Graham got a sick feeling in her stomach. “Do you think something’s wrong? She should be here. Should we take a walk back that way to see if we run into her?”
Gina put her hand on his shoulder. “If you want to,” she said. “I would say we should wait a minute or two, and give her a chance to get here. You know she wants you to trust her.”
Graham knew she was right. Kaya was fine. He nodded. “Five minutes.”
Five minutes went by without Kaya arriving. Grayson stood. “I think we should go find her. Maybe she stopped back in her room or something. Maybe her phone battery’s dead and she didn’t have her charger.” He grabbed his jacket.
Graham started walking toward the chair where his jacket rested, but before he reached it, his phone rang. He dove for the table and picked it up. “Kaya?”
“Is this Graham Reed?” a voice said.
Graham’s blood felt cold. “Yes,” he said. He made eye contact with Gina, and she immediately picked up on the fear in his eyes.
“Mr. Reed,” the male voice said. “My name is Sergeant Morris, from the campus police. Are you the brother of Kaya Reed?”
“Yes,” Graham said quickly. “Is something wrong? Is she okay?”
Suddenly, Grayson was at his side, his hand grasping Graham’s forearm.
“Mr. Reed, I’m afraid there’s been an incident on campus involving Ms. Reed, and we could use your assistance.”
“My assistance?” Graham asked. “What kind of assistance?”
“We have an ambulance coming to take Ms. Reed to the emergency room,” Sergeant Reed said. “We need you to come down to our office and give us a bit of information, some history.”
“Wait,” Graham said, holding his hand up. “Is Kaya okay? Is she hurt?”
“Mr. Reed, as I said, Ms. Reed was involved in an incident. She isn’t hurt.”
“Then why are you bringing her to the hospital?” Graham pleaded.
“Because,” Sergeant Reed said, “Ms. Reed appears to be going through a mental health crisis, Mr. Reed. She became hysterical on the quad and could not be calmed or redirected. It took two officers to restrain her enough to keep her safe from harming herself or someone else. Mr. Reed, your sister is being put on a mental health hold. She will most likely be admitted to the psychiatric unit this evening.”