Chapter Twelve
Donovan
As much as I wanted to drag Tyson and Hamish off to that lovely, huge bed in the primary bedroom—that I’d happily foisted on Hamish—or even have them join me in my smaller bed, I didn’t do it.
Huh.
If I convinced them to join me in my bed, we’d have to get closer. Three warm, male bodies. All exertions and sweaty and—
Nope. Couldn’t go there. Getting an erection was not going to help my current predicament.
Instead, we sat in the living room.
Well, delineation was a challenge as the cabin had one massive great room—with a kitchen in one corner, the huge dining table next to that, and this lounging area across the way.
Several sectional couches as well as two recliners.
Most facing the mammoth television, but some also pointed out toward the view.
Which was just of trees. But to a guy like me—a creature of the city—trees were stunning to look at.
“You guys ever spend a lot of time around trees?”
We were sitting on one of the sectional couches—at my insistence. This time, Tyson sat in the middle. I didn’t like having Hamish so far away from me, but he wasn’t the one who truly needed convincing about this.
“Trees?” Tyson closed his left eye—as if deep in contemplation. “Sure. My dad took me camping up at Manning Park every year. We had a great time.” He sighed. “Some of my better memories.”
“Is your dad—” Hamish swallowed. “Sorry, none of my—”
“He died. Recently.” Tyson winced. “He had lung cancer. I took care of him in those last few months. My, uh, wife…she got tired of the constant coughing and, more importantly I think, my inattention to her. She left me a few weeks before he passed. She served me divorce papers, we sold the house, and I went back to work and bought the two-bedroom on the Quay in New West. Nothing more really to say about it.”
If ever I’d heard a shutting this down now, that was it.
“I want to say I’m sorry.” Hamish said the words quietly—but with clear compassion. “Because that’s what we say. Losing someone is never easy. Cancer is a bitch of a disease. But what your wife did—”
“Bitch comes to mind.” I dug my fork into my pie and cut a smaller piece off. Then I glanced up to meet first Tyson’s, then Hamish’s gaze. “What?”
“She had her reasons.” Tyson also cut into his pie.
“And going over that time in my life is really pointless. I wouldn’t have done a single thing differently.
Which, I think, tells you the true state of our marriage.
Tammy’s not a bad person—but I wonder if we ever had a good relationship. Maybe if we’d had children…”
“You know children can’t solve a bad marriage.” Hamish’s words were spoken quietly.
“I know. And with my job? Plenty of cops have kids—but the bulk of the child-rearing falls to the partner. My hours are erratic. Part of why I’m so good at my job is because I can focus on what’s important—solving crimes and putting criminals behind bars.”
“Do you wish you’d had kids?” I was intensely curious—something I’d meant to ask both men but hadn’t yet found the right opening. Thank you, universe, for providing me with one.
He shrugged. “I thought I did. I mean, we got married, and after a few years, we started trying. It never took. We also never raced to the doctor to figure out what might be wrong. I’m sort of a whatever happens was meant to happen guy.”
Hamish cocked his head. “Well, that’s an interesting perspective on the world. I would’ve seen you as someone who can bend your story to your way. That your will is stronger than the universe.”
Tyson chuckled. Then he gestured to me. “No. That’s him.” He met my gaze. “You’re a force of nature. And no, I don’t want kids. Even if I had the right partner—”
“Partners.” Me, always having to get a word in edgewise.
Again, Tyson chuckled. “Partners.” He said the word with just a hint of amusement. “I guess…if I was with someone I loved deeply and they wanted kids really badly, I might reconsider.”
I met Hamish’s gaze.
He shook his head. “My sister has three lovely darlings. Even as well-behaved as they are—”
I arched an eyebrow.
He rolled his eyes. “Menaces. I mean, I totally love them—but they sure don’t make me want to race out and have a pile of my own.” He jutted his chin at me—clearly gesturing for me to answer my question.
“Nope.” I shrugged. “I’ve got a fucking good life, and I’d make a terrible father. I’ve always known that wasn’t the route for me. So I took my pleasure, entertainment, and companionship from the men and women I played with.”
“Did you have sex with both?” Hamish winced. “I’m just getting way too personal. I blame the pie.”
“This is delicious cherry pie.” Tyson took another forkful. “Even though cherry was never my favorite flavor. I’ve always been a pumpkin fan. With you, though…” He eyed Hamish. “I’m getting an appreciation for cherries.”
On cue, Hamish’s cheeks pinkened. He cleared his throat. “So we’ve gotten the children discussion out of the way. And cherries.” He glared.
This time, both Tyson and I chuckled. And took bites.
“Did you, uh, always know you were gay?” Hamish apparently directed that question to me. “Because I’ve always known. From the moment I was old enough to recognize—I did. My family was always incredibly supportive. Of my career choices? Not so much.”
“Okay, whoa. First—always gay and always known. Women are fun to play with, tease, and titillate, but I’ve never wanted to bed one. Tyson?”
“Bi. Boyfriends in college. Wife after that. No preference. Although with you two, I’m definitely leaning more toward gay, and what the hell do you mean your family wasn’t supportive of your career? You’re a freaking doctor.”
“A psychologist.”
“Sure, okay.” Tyson scowled. “That’s more than just about anyone out there. What’s that? Ten years of schooling?”
“I might’ve done it in less—”
I snickered. “Of course you did. And that’s a total compliment—you’re not allowed to see it as anything else.”
“Well…” He drew in a deep breath. “My family is filled with PhDs. But we’re talking medical doctors and biomedical researchers. My mom’s one of the top virologists in the country.”
“Which came in handy a few years ago. I assume.” I eyed my pie and tried to gauge how full I really was. Fuck it. I can always make room for pie. I cut off another piece with my fork.
“Yes. Her work was very important. But…” Again, he trailed off.
“Just say it. Because whatever it might be, it’s total horseshit.
” Tyson glared. “I’ll…do serious damage to them.
My God. I’d love to have a tenth of your talent.
I’d love to be able to understand why people do what they do.
Would sure make it easier to catch them after they committed crimes. Hell, prevention would be even better.”
“I’d say things are far more complicated—far less black and white.”
“In what sense?” Tyson frowned.
“Both that, as a psychologist, I don’t have all the answers.”
I rolled my eyes.
He continued, “And that my family dynamics are complicated. They’re proud of me…but feel I’ve wasted my life.”
“More fool them.” I gestured to his pie. “Eat up. We can talk revenge on your family later.”
“There will be no revenge. That would hurt Hamish more than it would relieve our great annoyance.” Tyson pursed his lips. “No revenge…except a life well-lived.”
“I suppose.” Happily, I watched as Hamish dug into his pie. “So the other thing I wanted to discuss.”
Tyson snorted. “Only one?”
I grinned. “Okay, there are, like, fifty things. But I’ll stick to what’s important enough to bring up.”
“What you think you can get away with.” Hamish. Just after he swallowed some pie.
“Yeah, I can own that.” I gestured between the two of them. “I want a triad. Plain and simple. Right now, you both have scruples. Doubts about how the relationship might work.”
“Yes.” Hamish nodded.
“Well…if that means you have to cut me out of the equation, I’m okay with that.” Total fucking bullshit…but I’m not going to stand in the way of two people finding happiness. No matter how much it’ll tear me up inside.
Tyson shook his head. “Nope.”
Hamish held up his fork. “I have to agree.” He pivoted his gaze to Tyson. “Not that I don’t want a relationship with you—”
“As I do with you,” Tyson was quick to add.
“But this…whatever this is…only works if three of us are in the relationship.” Hamish chuckled. “Words I truly never thought I’d say.”
“Okay.” My heart skipped a beat, and my chest tightened. “So where does that leave us?”
“With a lot of shit to work out.” Tyson’s expression was grim. “And I don’t know if that’s even possible.”
“One of the ground rules is communication.” I collected everyone’s empty plates and put them on the coffee table.
“So we’ve got a group chat. And we each have each other’s phone numbers.
If you guys need to talk, you do it, okay?
You don’t need my permission or my say-so.
You do what needs to be done. And—most importantly—you don’t need to loop me in after the fact.
What you say to each other can remain between the two of you.
I’m not so insecure that I need to know who you’re with at all times and what you’re saying about me. ”
Tyson eyed me. “You said you’ve never been in a serious relationship?”
I wasn’t certain where he was going with this, but I nodded.
“So you haven’t dealt with a lot of jealousy.”
I shook my head. “I find that a wasted emotion. If you want out, then you leave. You don’t obsess over the other person and whether they’re being faithful.”
Hamish cocked his head. “That’s a tremendous amount of faith to put in a partner.”
“Look, am I a little jealous of how close Caressa and Michael are to Cole? Do I sometimes feel left out? That’s a yes.
But I would never do anything that might jeopardize their happiness.
Just like, if the two of you decide that each other is enough, I’m not going to try to hold you back.
As if I ever could.” But it may hurt me in the process.
Because yeah, these two were coming to mean everything to me.