Chapter Fourteen #2
“What the fuck?” The latter came from Allie. She plopped her mug on the table, and a bit of tea splashed. “So you’re telling me that not only are you willing to risk your career for a client whom you’ve met with only twice, but that there’s another man and…” She spun her hand in the air.
“You want to be together as a triad?” Smith supplied.
Allie glanced at him before turning her attention back to me. “What the hell, Hamish?”
“Uh…”
“Don’t prevaricate. Tell me the truth. Be honest.”
“Okay.” I drew a deep breath. “I met Donovan and Detective Tyson McGillvary at the same time. We spoke before going together—as a group—to the crime scene. Donovan…walked us through it. Unconventional.” I indicated Allie with my head. “You taught me that.”
She snorted. Rather unladylike.
“Well, he asked, and I wasn’t going to decline.
I figured he’d work through his trauma of returning to the scene of the shooting, we’d do another couple of sessions, and he’d likely be ready to be discharged.
He…” I sought the right words. “He’s got a good grasp of the situation.
I mean, he blames himself—completely inappropriately—but I think that’s a normal reaction. I was helping him work through that.”
Smith rose to head to the coffeemaker. “Keep talking. You haven’t crawled out of the hole you’ve dug.”
I snuck a peek at Allie, and her frown assured me I hadn’t persuaded her…yet.
“He asked us to go to a coffee shop. The temperature outside was below freezing, so I had no issues with that. He invited Tyson along, and…I figured we were just going to talk.”
“Not a lot of privacy.” Allie continued to stare.
“True.” I eyed her as she used a cloth Smith handed her to wipe up the spilled tea. “But we weren’t delving into deep psychological issues.”
“So you just talked.”
“We…talked. I gave Donovan my card and planned to speak to him when he called me.”
Smith retook his seat, sealed coffee mug in hand. “And?”
“And we talked. He was at a low point—and a little doped up on painkillers—and he needed to unload. I would’ve done that for any of my patients.”
Allie sipped her tea. “You said you’ve seen him three times in person.”
“Right.” I winced. “We talked some more on the phone and texted a few times. Then last week, he said he needed to see me. At his house.”
Smith rapped his knuckles on the table.
“Jesus, Hamish.” Allie’s frown intensified.
“Right…I tried to work out another location, but…he insisted. Look, I’ve gone to client’s homes before.”
“Never alone.”
I couldn’t argue with Allie’s assertion. “No, you’re right. But Tyson was going to be there. Donovan said we all needed to be there—I assumed it had something to do with the case.”
“You know what they say about assumptions,” Smith mumbled. Still, the corners of his lips curled up as if he found my predicament vaguely amusing.
“Yeah, I know.” I hung my head. “So…something happened. Between Tyson and me…”
“And I take it Donovan watched?” Allie’s tone was scrupulously neutral.
I nodded.
She let out a breath. “On the basis of all that, you’re willing to walk away from your profession? From your life? Over, what?”
“A blow job.” Even saying the words had me cringing.
“Well, then.” She took another sip of tea.
Smith ran his hand along the table. “Look, a guy’s first time—”
My gaze shot to his.
As did Allie’s. She nudged him.
“What? You’re telling me he’s not a virgin?”
“Jesus, Smith, he’s still our employee.”
“And our friend. Something tells me that he’s here today in that capacity more than the other.”
He wasn’t wrong, and God bless him for understanding.
“Yes, my first blow job. I…don’t have that kind of experience.
But I know.” I pressed a hand to my heart.
“These two guys…they’re it for me. I want to spend my time with them.
I feel like I already know them. And that’s crazy, right?
If I were my own counselor, I’d be yelling from the rooftops how stupid this is. ”
“The heart wants what it wants.” Smith nodded. “I, above everyone, understand that. My relationship with Alessandra started with a power imbalance.”
She snorted.
He tilted his head.
“You thought you had all the power. Trust me, you didn’t.” She snickered.
His eyes widened in evident surprise.
Oh damn. “Uh, do I need to be here for this?”
Allie took another sip of tea.
Mine remained virtually untouched. I cleared my throat. “There’s, uh, more.”
She narrowed her dark-brown eyes on me.
I swallowed. “He might’ve convinced me, and Tyson, to join him in a cabin yesterday.”
Smith blinked. “Near here?”
“Good guess.” I sipped my tea because I needed a reprieve.
My bosses continued to stare.
I bit my lower lip. “You know I don’t believe in signs. Yet when I found myself just a few klicks from your house, I sort of saw that as the universe giving me a nudge.”
“And what precisely happened last night? All innocent?” Just a touch of sarcasm in Allie’s voice.
“Another blow job?” I might’ve squeaked that.
“Did you just ask a question or make a statement?” This time, Smith was staring at me.
“Statement.”
“With Donovan?” He spat out the name. Clearly, any amusement was gone.
“What? No.” I winced. “Sorry. Uh…” I swallowed. In for a penny, in for a pound. “I, uh, gave Tyson a blow job.”
“And Donovan watched.” Allie with her dry tone again.
“Uh, yeah.”
“I’ve never, in our entire relationship, heard you use the word uh. This isn’t like you. You own things. You don’t prevaricate.” Again, she glared.
I couldn’t find any understanding. And I didn’t blame her. “It’s complicated.”
“It always is. That’s not helping.” This time, Smith spoke. His normally empathetic nature was nowhere to be found either.
“Look, I’ve screwed this up.”
“You think?” Allis spat out the words.
“Yes, I know. I’m here trying to make things right.” I again took a sip of tea. “I’m formally releasing Donovan from my care. I can find another—”
“First, you’ll do nothing of the sort. You’re out, Hamish. Right fucking now.” She held my gaze. “This isn’t up for debate. What I suspect you were going to say was that Donovan would fight you on that. I’ve read your reports—he believes he’s good without more therapy.”
“Yes.”
“I’m going to need to speak to him personally.”
“But you’re on maternity leave—”