Chapter 18
Colin
My heartrate was out of control, adrenaline spiking so high my vision was blurring – which was a damn shame because I had never seen anything as beautiful as Leesa, eyes glazed, open for me, wanting me. Just over two weeks until the Tour and she was going to kill me.
Vindication was a heady part of the cocktail of emotions mixing in my chest. Six years, all leading to this moment. As I closed my mouth over hers, soaking up her whimper of relief, wallowing in the press of her body against mine, it had been worth the wait – a thousand times over.
I hadn’t expected her to burst over me with longing, but she was restless, wound up, and all we’d done was kiss.
‘These dresses drive me wild,’ I murmured against her mouth as my hand skimmed up her thigh, the filmy material under my fingers. ‘If you had worn these on training camps, I might have misbehaved earlier – at least alone in the shower.’
Dropping my lips to her neck, I pressed open-mouthed kisses down to her sternum, to the neckline of the dress.
‘Quick,’ she said on a hitched sigh, her chest heaving.
With one more unhurried kiss that found the subtle swell of one breast, I gathered the hem of her dress and worked it up around her waist, her ribcage and over her head.
I was unprepared for the sight of her in her underwear.
The little bra thing she wore was all lace and the stuff of fantasies.
Her knickers were no-nonsense cotton, but that was so Leesa the stripes were an unbearable turn-on.
I could see she wasn’t entirely comfortable getting naked, although she still grabbed me and dragged me back for another kiss.
Her posture brought her words from September back in a sudden strike of memory. Too much thinking… I nearly laughed at the realisation of how well I understood that now. On Friday, her sudden about-face.
The rush now.
She fumbled with the zip of my jersey and I let her peel it off me – one little fantasy I wasn’t going to abstain from.
A second later, my bibs were around my waist and she was working on the shorts.
I thought about stopping her, worried my very eager cock bobbing in her face straight away might not be the smoothest introduction, but then it was too late.
Heat rushed up my chest, waiting for the verdict. It usually did the job well, but dicks were kind of weird appendages and it was the first time she was appraising mine. She paused for a heartbeat, long enough for a squeeze in my chest, but then she licked her lips and took it in her hand.
‘Flaming hell, Leesa,’ I yelped, bracing myself against the door as she gripped me gently, her fingers the softest torture, turning my knees to jelly. With a little hum, she tightened her grip and explored the full length of it, sending sparks racing down my spine.
The floor was a live current and I was one step closer to keeling over in fatal ecstasy. Maybe I was already dead, her touch on my dick felt so good. Except, I couldn’t die yet. I’d only just discovered my main purpose in life was to give Leesa Kubicka an orgasm she’d still be feeling next year.
‘Babe,’ I managed to choke out. ‘Hey.’ I had to dislodge her hand with mine, but when I kissed her again, holding her arse to pull her against me, she didn’t complain. The noises from the back of her throat would give me horny dreams for months.
My muddled brain took a few critical seconds trying to work out how to get her bra off, but she wouldn’t wait, pushing down her undies and shimmying out of them before tugging me close around my waist.
All rational thought left my head at the feeling of her skin warm against mine.
I wanted closer, tighter pressure and friction and the way she dropped her head back against the door when I pressed her into it spurred me on.
Either she curled a thigh around me or I yanked it up – I wasn’t sure – but then my cock slipped up between her legs and I choked on a gasp.
She was hot and soft and wetter than my filthiest imaginings, squirming against me. I wanted to stay here forever, but the heat in my spine, the electricity in my veins would be too much – sooner rather than later, I feared, given how worked up we were.
‘I should get a condom,’ I ground out. I hoped I still had a few in the pocket of my toiletry bag.
I didn’t need them as often as everyone thought.
I struggled to dislodge her arms, which brought a smile to my lips, remembering the way I’d wound her up during the interview about not always doing what she should.
‘You don’t need it,’ she murmured, her voice thick. ‘I’m on birth control.’
We both knew I got tested for everything all the time, but I paused. I hadn’t had sex without a condom in a long time.
‘It’s fine,’ she said, a waver in her voice. ‘Or just use a condom. That’s a better idea.’ A cloud crept over her eyes and her throat bobbed.
‘What is it?’
‘Nothing.’ She moved her arms in a way that suggested she wanted to cross them over her sweet little lace bra-thing.
‘Hey,’ I began, lifting a hand to her hair.
‘Look, it’s totally fine. I haven’t… done this since my last medical in the team, so do whatever you want.’
‘Your last medical?’ I repeated before I’d thought it through. ‘What’s that, like, a year ago? More?’
She straightened, her tight expression so familiar to me. It should have been strange that she was delivering one of her disapproving frowns right now, but I’d spent a lot of time thinking about her over the years and her beautiful, private skin was only the final piece of a puzzle I knew well.
‘I didn’t think you’d want my full sexual history,’ she grumbled. ‘Maybe I should— This is—’ She squeezed her eyes shut. ‘Damn it, Colin. For a second, I actually thought I could do this.’
Leesa
Stupid, stupid, stupid. Now that my brain had come back online, I wasn’t sure how I had got this far: mostly naked with Colin Gallagher. My bralette was ludicrously difficult to take off, a fact I was almost thankful for now, and he was still wearing his socks, which somehow made things worse.
God, I knew how awkward I was in these situations. To try this with him! It might have been the most undignified moment of my life – and that was even before I started blabbering an explanation.
‘I just… I struggle with this. There are so many variables. You can’t know…
what I like. And then if I don’t like…’ I swiped my underwear off the floor, heat rushing up my chest. The residual throb of arousal between my legs was uncomfortable as I slipped into them.
I couldn’t help thinking about how his cock had pressed up along the sensitive centre.
I couldn’t bear to look at him, to confirm the strange ache of disappointment at how this had ended – this interlude and also the unexpected friendship we’d struck up. I didn’t like how stricken I was at the thought of losing that easy banter that had got us to this point.
Shit.
‘Leesa, I don’t care if it’s been a decade since you last had sex, although it’s good to know.’
‘It hasn’t been a decade,’ I bit out. ‘And I realise you don’t care, but I do – I mean, I’m careful about being comfortable with my partner. I just… this is complex and I—’ I gave up. I didn’t want to have to defend myself. ‘You don’t want this.’
‘I don’t think you really know what I want,’ came his reply after a long pause.
I looked up at him without thinking. Bad idea. He was watching me intently with half a crooked smile, as though nothing I’d said fazed him.
‘What… do you want?’
His smile grew rueful and, if I hadn’t been deep in the torture of my own awkwardness, that expression would have dug right under my skin. ‘You,’ he answered immediately, a catch in his voice. ‘Just you, Leesa Kubicka.’
Those were some of the only words that were capable of cutting through my haze. ‘What?’
‘Why do you think I came to watch your last race in September? I’ve thought about this a lot.’
I groped for the headboard and sat down. Colin sat carefully next to me, not close enough to touch, but close enough that I felt… together.
‘I’m sorry—’
‘Don’t,’ he said, cutting me off before I’d even got the words out. ‘Don’t be sorry. Kissing you is… like a bucket-list item or something.’
I bit my lip, assailed by warmth at his words, even though my thoughts were still tied in knots at the idea that what happened in September hadn’t been a prank at all. ‘You can tick me off now?’
‘No!’ He nudged me with his shoulder, the skin-on-skin contact so much more than our usual playful touches. ‘I just meant I won’t regret anything. No matter what happens, I’d rather have touched you than not.’
‘No matter what happens,’ I repeated, my voice weak. ‘That’s where I get stuck.’
‘I get it.’
I could almost believe he did get it – get me. That was a stupid notion. In which universe did it make sense that Colin Gallagher understood the wild landscape of my brain?
‘Does it help to talk about it?’
‘No!’ I answered immediately, which seemed to amuse him. ‘I think, once we get talking… that’s it. I can’t switch it off any more.’
‘Why do you have to switch off? I don’t really like the idea of you lying back and thinking of other things.’
‘You’d want my head consumed with you while we have sex?’
He was smiling again, which boggled my mind. Bracing his elbows on his knees, still almost completely naked, his posture was so easy, as though all we were doing was watching a movie together.
‘I wouldn’t want you thinking about anyone else,’ he said.
‘So cocky,’ I scoffed, which only made him smile wider. ‘I know it’s my problem, but I’ve always needed to sink into some kind of fantasy to…’
‘To get off?’ He peered at me, his gaze full of curiosity and blessedly free of judgement.
‘It’s weird, and I always hate the first time and so I’ve never bothered with one-time partners.’
He didn’t say anything for a long time, but I couldn’t look at him. When he finally spoke, the roughness in his voice surprised me. ‘That’s actually kind of hot, Kubicka. Fuck, I would love to know what fantasies run through your brain.’
My hair stood on end, unable to shy away from his honesty. My mouth was dry and I was dismayed to feel the flare of desire over my skin once more. That was not supposed to happen.
‘I bet you don’t tell anyone though, right?’
‘Right,’ I rushed to agree before he got any ideas.
‘It’s not weird,’ he said gently. ‘Or if it is, it doesn’t matter. I like it. It’s you.’
I like you. I want you. I would love to know what fantasies run through your brain.
I chewed on a nail, trying to stop those words wrapping around me and changing me. Maybe it was the fact that we weren’t discussing a committed relationship that made this conversation bearable. There was no pressure to interrogate our feelings, align our goals, make spurious promises.
After the Tour, Colin would continue his gruelling training and racing schedule and I would pursue my lacklustre career. There was no right or wrong in this moment, no life-changing decisions.
It was just Colin, who could sit comfortably next to me with his dick out without a worry, who was apparently so keen on my body that he didn’t mind the complex puzzle of my brain. I want you.
‘You really didn’t mean it when you told your dad you prefer big boobs?’
He grinned at me. ‘I said it because the opposite is true.’
‘You like small ones?’
‘I like yours. That lace thing you’re wearing, I want to rip it.’
The way those words flared through me. I wasn’t sure if he was doing it on purpose, painting a picture for me, but it stoked that fantasy cortex of my brain as I imagined him doing it, the backs of his fingers on my skin.
‘In real life, I’d probably need scissors,’ he commented with a dry smile.
I gave him a light shove on the arm. ‘That is not hot.’
‘Burst the fantasy, did I?’
I made the mistake of meeting his bright gaze.
‘You can imagine it though, right?’ He dropped his voice and I suspected he was doing it on purpose now. ‘I’d rip it right down the middle. Then I’d tell you to straddle me and put those sweet tits in my face.’
I knew he heard my sharp intake of breath.
‘You know what, Kubicka? I think I can keep your mind busy while I fuck you.’
Or he could just fry my brain with his dirty mouth.
‘Can I try?’
I didn’t need to think about the answer. ‘Yes.’