Chapter 26
Leesa
The cobbled squares and canal-side lanes of Strasbourg were heaving for the start of the Tour.
Kids in child-size yellow jerseys trailed after their parents in checked bucket hats handed out by the salami manufacturer – oh sorry, it was saucisson in France.
The carnival feeling extended to the colourful buildings of the old part of town, with planters of yellow flowers on the sills.
The quaint city on the border with Germany was the scene for the first three stages: an individual time trial to start, then two hilly stages, the second of which would take the riders to the next stop on the tour.
The Harper-Stacked support team descended on a town nearby called Obernai, a cute little place of half-timbered houses with wooden shutters.
The enormous team buses looked monstrously orange in the car park of the gabled brick hotel and the visceral memories they brought back hit me like a grand piano.
Last year, I was the one guzzling hydration gels in the back of the bus after a race, covered in dust and sweat – and occasionally my own pee. The haze of stress and overstimulation were things I didn’t miss, but it was impossible not to get caught up in the excitement again.
Each of my teaser videos garnered more engagement than the last and the CEO of PowerFuel himself sought me out when he came to see Tony, shaking my hand and telling me how glad he was to have me on board.
For the first time I allowed myself to really imagine that I’d be offered a permanent job at Redwin after this. The uncertainty could finally be over and I’d have a clear path into the future. I only hoped I didn’t get this gig again next year.
Only a small part of me imagined Colin and I might have a two-week affair every year from now on, our stars aligning for the short window before the Tour, but mostly I was concerned with the effect I was having on him, splitting his focus and leading him astray.
I was determined to keep my distance now the real test was only days away.
It was Thursday, the day before the team presentation, when the riders arrived, along with a flock of hangers-on, sponsors and media and fans, all keen to take their piece of the riders.
I might have been jealous of my teammate Lori’s results when we were racing together, but I’d never envied her the media circus and it was even wilder for the men.
I set up in the hotel foyer, responding to emails while also staying close to help Wil if necessary – and yes, to watch out for Colin, even though I had no intention of greeting him with anything other than a distant wave. But Colin wasn’t the first Gallagher I saw.
‘Leesa!’
Looking up from my tablet with a start, I was stunned to see Lori barrelling towards me. For someone who wasn’t particularly tall, Lori filled every room she entered, elbows out, her loud voice carrying. I had always been a little in awe of her.
Scrambling to my feet, I managed to catch her in a hug. The only times I remembered hugging Lori Gallagher were when she’d won. She had never been very touchy-feely – or particularly friendly.
‘You have no idea how good it is to see you!’
‘Hi,’ I managed inadequately, suddenly struck by the echoes of her brother in her features. Lori’s hair was darker, her freckles too. But the crooked smirk must have been a family trademark and her blue eyes were the exact shade of Colin’s.
‘You don’t believe me,’ she accused.
‘Not really?’ I admitted.
Lori barked a laugh and slapped me on the shoulder. ‘You see why I missed you!’
I was still a little mystified.
‘Bonnie had to pick up the slack with the snarky comments this year.’
A pang accompanied her words – for the time when I’d been one of them, in the ugly orange-and-blue kit, stamped with sponsor names, punching out the kilometres for too little pay, unless one of us won something big.
‘It certainly wouldn’t be the women’s team without the sarcasm,’ I quipped flippantly.
‘And it wouldn’t be the men’s team without my idiot brother. Has he been a lot of trouble? I know he was always horrible to you—’
‘No,’ I insisted quickly. ‘He’s been fine.’
She eyed me, making my skin bloom with discomfort and words I could not under any circumstances actually say rose in my throat: I slept with your brother and it was mind-altering, life-changing, erotic fantasy sex!
Sex, which had apparently given me the ability to exaggerate wildly in my own head.
‘You’re a miracle worker, making Colin look mostly normal. You deserve a prize.’
I tried for a laugh, but it came out like a choke, attracting too much attention from Lori.
‘He did something, right?’ she said with a sigh. ‘He went too far? Is that why Dad’s been on his case?’
There were more sparks under my skin at hearing Colin was still having trouble with his father. ‘No, I’m serious. We… cleared the air. I kind of understand him now.’
‘That makes one of us,’ Lori mumbled cautiously.
‘Tony needs to get off his back. I think he’s doing more harm than good.’
‘Leesa K, defending my brother. I never thought I would see the day.’
My face was hot. I hoped – in vain, I knew, given my pale skin – that the temperature didn’t show in my cheeks.
‘Is there… God, what am I even asking?’ Lori’s brow travelled lower and lower as she watched me. ‘Shit, you… and Colin?’
‘It’s nothing. You know Colin.’
‘I thought I did,’ she said, her jaw sagging open.
‘I mean, I thought I knew you. Holy fuck, you slept with my brother? After everything he did to you?’ She’d thankfully dropped her voice or we would have had the entire floor staring at us.
I was worried enough about the walls having ears – or at least people hiding behind the large indoor plant in the corner.
‘It didn’t mean anything and now that it’s the Tour, we’re staying away from each other. Please don’t tell your—’
Before I could finish my sentence, the doors swished open and Colin, Amir and Derek spilled into the room, dragging suitcases and shoving each other in a juvenile display of affection.
Everything inside me went still. The weeks on training camp washed over me: every drawled observation, every cheeky look – every touch.
He was across the room, but I felt him as though he were next to me instead of his sister. My hair stood on end; all of my nerves suddenly flicked on.
He grinned at something Derek said, the lopsided smile that wasn’t from his heart.
His wavy hair was a mess from the humid day.
His shoulders were as expansive as I remembered, but hunched today.
I thought of Valerio the dragon on his back and a hundred desires rose up – mainly the desire to touch him, anywhere.
Lori was saying something. ‘Uh, is this some Romeo and Juliet shit, because I’m not…’
I didn’t hear the rest, because Colin caught sight of me and smiled – properly this time – and I lost my faculties.
Breathing thankfully returned first, a giant inhale that was a few heartbeats late.
I hoped he couldn’t tell I wanted to launch myself at him, wrap myself around him like an aggressive octopus and talk to him all night until the sun came up tomorrow morning.
He seemed startled to see Lori next to me, but he headed towards us, only for Derek to call him back, draping an arm around his shoulders. The doors opened again to reveal Jarin Nelson pushing an enormous baby buggy, his dark-haired wife next to him.
‘Aw, you brought him, Nellie,’ Colin drawled, peering warily at the buggy. He reluctantly allowed Amir to drag him closer. ‘He doesn’t look much like his picture. Ramila, on the other hand…’ He shot Nellie’s wife a smile. ‘Congratulations!’
‘Thanks, Colin,’ she replied.
‘You, um, sure got busy quickly after you got married.’
Lori gave an amused snort.
‘I mean…’ Colin gave up with an inarticulate grunt, his neck flushed. ‘He’s… little.’
‘You don’t know anything about kids, do you, Gallagher?’ Amir asked.
He scratched the back of his neck. ‘I know how you make ’em.’
More laughter, which Colin joined in with this time, his throat bobbing.
‘Can I hold him?’ Amir asked. When Nellie nodded, Amir carefully scooped the little body out of his buggy and cradled him close, cooing and making faces at the baby. ‘I love kids,’ he said. ‘They smell good.’
‘Not all the time, they don’t! Phewhiff!’ Nellie disagreed emphatically. ‘Lucky he’s cute.’
Amir turned to Colin. ‘Are you going to hold him?’
‘Nah, mate. I’m good. Well done, Nellie! Your swimmers got there.’ He clapped Nellie on the shoulder.
‘Go on, you can hold him,’ Nellie replied with a perplexed smile. ‘He’s not that fragile any more and you’re not allergic.’
Colin released an uneasy breath. ‘I suppose not.’
‘I would not trust my brother with a baby,’ Lori said to me with a wince. ‘Lucky there’s no chance of producing one any time soon.’
I wasn’t sure if she meant she wouldn’t produce one soon or Colin wouldn’t.
Both probably. There was no reason for my throat to constrict or my mixed-up mind to bring me into this.
I wanted kids – at least I’d always assumed I did.
I’d never thought about it beyond soft-focus images of a vague future when I’d hit all my other goals.
But I’d never had anyone to imagine as that soft-focus partner in those unimaginative pictures.
And then Amir slipped the baby into Colin’s big scarred hands and the soft focus sharpened dangerously – especially dangerously because Colin was obviously uncomfortable.
He was just 25. Nellie wasn’t much older, but Colin wasn’t cut from the same cloth.
He was too bright and restless to settle down.
He had to juggle the boy to get him comfortably into the crook of his arm and then the baby fussed, turning his head and flinging his arms. Colin ducked to stare at him, brushing a thumb over the little red cheek.
Then a twitch of a smile touched his lips and no matter how hard I tried to stop my heart changing, it did. So much for keeping my distance.