Chapter 20
It’s the Thursday-night market and town is even busier than usual. Rows of white market stalls are visible in the park on the other side of the river beneath trees strung with criss-crossing festoon lights.
Mellie will be at hers by now. My heart reaches out to her with a fierce sort of love. I keep offering to help, but she keeps turning me down. She’s handled the stall on her own for years; she adores selling direct to customers.
I said I’d pop by and say hi to her later, but I’m tempted to bypass La Terrasse and go there now. I’m feeling awkward after my conversation with Lise—I’m not sure I can handle seeing étienne right now.
But Jackson is meeting us and étienne is supposedly saving us stools at the bar. It would be weird to just disappear.
étienne looks up from whatever it is he’s doing as we walk in through the door. His eyes lock with mine. I force what I hope looks like a friendly, collected smile and then avert my gaze, but I can sense him watching my approach.
“How did it go?” he asks as I slide onto a stool and get my phone out of my bag.
“Fine,” Lise replies on behalf of both of us. “They’ll look great when they’re done up.”
I’m not going to stay that long, I text Jackson, needing a distraction as Lise and étienne make conversation. I want to go and see Mel—
My stool swivels to the right and I jolt, mid-tap, my eyes shooting up as étienne takes the seat beside me and turns me to face him.
My heart skips a beat.
“Hello,” he says.
“Hello,” I reply.
He’s wearing a gray T-shirt that brings out the tones in his eyes.
He glances at Lise and holds out his hand. She places her camera onto his palm. They’ve obviously just had a conversation about this that I wasn’t paying attention to.
“Drink?” she asks me as étienne turns on her camera.
“Could I have a rosé, please?”
“With ice,” étienne interjects without looking up from the digital display.
Lise raises a questioning eyebrow at me. I nod. “Thanks.”
She shakes her head slightly as she reaches for a wineglass from a rack on the back wall.
“So it’s really happening, huh?” étienne murmurs. He’s scrolling through the pictures.
“The restoration? Yes.”
Lise places a glass of rosé with ice next to me and a beer beside étienne. I thank her.
étienne raises his bottle at her and takes a sip, continuing to flick through the shots.
He pauses, a smile playing about his lips as he examines one. I crane my neck to get a look and realize it’s a photograph of me laughing. He moves on to the next, another of me. His smile widens.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Jackson stroll past the window. I swivel toward the door in time to see him walk in. He lifts his chin at me, smiling, and the next thing I know, I’m being turned back to face étienne.
“What are you doing?” I ask with a laugh.
In response, he brushes his thumb across my bare thigh.
Playtime, I think as goose bumps spring up in the wake of his touch.
He rests his hand on my leg, his fingers curling around the edge of my knee, before letting go and turning toward the bar.
That had to be the longest two seconds known to humankind.
“All good?” I ask Jackson, trying to appear unfazed by the heat that’s flooded my entire body.
I realize it’s just pretend, but clearly my skin doesn’t know the difference.
His eyes dart up from my leg and he nods, but his smile is no longer as easy.
“What can I get you?” Lise interrupts.
“I’ll have a beer, please.” He slides onto the stool to my left.
My nerves are jangling.
Lise catches my eye. I give her a weak smile. I feel as though she’s watching my every move now. I look past her at Eve smiling out from the wall, and the feeling of being judged intensifies.
“You seem familiar to me,” Jackson says out of the blue. I realize he’s talking to étienne. “I feel as if we’ve met before. Like, before this summer.”
étienne shrugs and raises his beer. “I’ve seen you around so you’ve probably seen me.”
Jackson’s brow is furrowed. He tugs his eyes away to address me. “Have you told étienne about your mosaic idea?”
“No, I only came up with it in the grotto.”
“What idea?” étienne interrupts.
I scoot my stool back so I can see them both. Jackson’s expression is warm as I explain, but étienne looks dubious at my suggestion of hooking up sound.
“Crickets chirping and dripping water echoing off the walls?” he asks dryly.
“No insects,” I reply. “And the water wouldn’t be loud drips, more like little tinkles.”
He smirks and takes a sip of his beer.
“God, that sounds shit,” I mutter.
“No, it doesn’t,” Jackson reassures me, frowning at étienne.
“No, he’s right,” I reply. “We don’t want it to be like something out of Disneyland.”
“I’m sure you could do it subtly,” étienne says, brushing his knuckles against my knee. “You know what you’re doing.”
Jackson gives compliments away easily—he’s lovely like that—but étienne’s praise feels harder won and even more gratifying.
What I really like though, is the casual way he just touched me.
Unlike earlier, he wasn’t doing it to make Jackson jealous.
It felt natural. Real. And I want him to do it again.
Later that night, my mood takes a downturn.
I’m lying in bed thinking about Lise’s words.
He gave her his whole heart…he held nothing back.
When I compare the description of étienne’s relationship with Eve to the games he and I play, I feel kind of dirty.
This is all a bit of fun for him, but it’s starting to feel less like fun for me.
I don’t mean that I don’t like it. I mean that I like it too much. But it worries me that he could stop this just as easily as he started it.
And then there’s Jackson. I’ve been here for over a month and I’m still not sure what I want to come of this summer.
I’m still attracted to him—that much is clear—and I still like him—that much is clear too.
If he is having regrets about the past, is it possible that we might soon reach a turning point? And is that even what I want?
I’d hoped by now that everything would be clearer, but my head feels foggier than ever.