Chapter 25 #2
“Mm. It is,” I murmur.
“Easton was basically saying the same thing, but obviously less romantic.” He steals a second peck, then settles back against his own cushion. “How was the hospital? I thought you were going to be gone all day.”
I grimace and sit back, curling my fingers between his, and I press our joined hands to my chest. My thumb strokes the side of his, and the motion of it is so soothing I almost lose my train of thought. “Uh…yeah. She wouldn’t see me.”
“Oh, North,” he whispers.
“It’s okay. I mean, it’s not, but I’m learning to let it be okay.”
“Did they get the neurology results in?”
I swallow heavily, then let out a breath. “Yeah, uh…she’s not doing well. She’s got this type of dementia that’s caused by all the drugs she did before she got sober, and there are lesions on her brain, which is part of what’s causing all her issues.”
He grimaces, then pulls our hands toward him, kissing my knuckles. “I’m so sorry.”
I shake my head. “It’s…well, it is what it is. But she can’t live on her own anymore.”
“You want her to come and stay with us? Because, ah…well. That’s something I wanted to talk to you about.” His voice sounds hesitant and almost worried.
My cheeks heat up. I’m tired of thinking my life is going to blow up in my face. I’m tired of assuming that at any moment, Leo’s going to kick me to the curb and move on.
I know he loves me. I know he’s in love with me. I need to embrace that. “Okay,” I eventually say. “Let’s talk.”
He nods, then takes a few breaths before he starts. “I think I just need to say that if you need to be there for your mom, I’m okay with that. Even if that means you want me to move out.”
A flush hits me right in the chest. It’s full of shame because I want to keep him with me, but how can I when the decision I’ve made is going to leave me without a home? “About that. Uh…I kind of have to sell my house.”
He blinks at me. “You…but…why? You love this house.”
I roll my eyes. “At best, I kind of like this house. It was supposed to be a fixer-upper, but that clearly didn’t work out. I’m going to put it on the market next week, I think, and start looking for an apartment.”
“What about Russell?” he asks.
Those words hit me strangely, for some reason. The fact that he cares about my weird little one-legged forest creature is more than I could have ever expected. “I love you,” I whisper.
He laughs and leans over, knocking our foreheads together. “I know that. But can we focus and talk about the house, because I don’t understand why you have to get rid of it.”
With a heavy sigh, I sit back and rub at my tired eyes.
“I can’t afford the care my mom needs. Not on my salary.
My sisters are going to help, and Starr is taking care of all the arrangements, but my mom needs residential care, and the only asset I have worth anything is this place.
And I’ll be lucky to get a couple grand out of it. ”
Leo’s gaze drops down to my chest. “Okay. I think I get it. But it’s not the only option.”
“Trust me,” I tell him, “it is. My truck’s not paid off, I don’t have any savings, and I got this place at a screaming deal, so with the few renovations I did make, I can probably make a profit.”
Leo’s quiet for a moment, and then he says, “I found this property not too far from here. It’s not in a neighborhood.
It’s a piece of land, about an acre and a half.
There’s a house on it that needs work, but with your skills and the insurance payout I got, it won’t take us long to make it worth something. ”
I’m struggling to follow him, because he’s saying all this like it’s a thing we are going to do. Together. Like he’s thinking in terms of forever. Of happily ever after.
“It’s a good deal,” he goes on. “Easton and I went by there after I went to sign all the insurance paperwork, and…I don’t know.
I kind of fell in love with it. There’s a ton of trees, and it kind of makes you feel like you’re in the middle of nowhere, even though it’s barely ten minutes from here.
It’s perfect for a garden and maybe some bees.
There’s an old solarium I’d love to refurbish.
I could write my history book in there when it’s done. ”
“It sounds amazing,” I manage to get out, my voice shaking a bit.
It’s an amazing fantasy, but I’m not sure there’s room for me there.
“Are you sure you see me with you in that life? My schedule is always going to be a huge pain in the ass, and it won’t leave me any time to do work around the property.
That’s kind of my whole problem with this house. ”
“Yeah, so…” He hesitates as I blink at him. “I was hoping you might consider maybe…not working at the station. You could join me, you know? Figure out what you really want to do with your life? You were on your way to becoming a chef before, so maybe you could try that.”
I let out a ragged laugh. “Babe, I wasn’t on my way toward anything. I was working as a line cook and only thinking about applying to culinary school. After that, it became a pipe dream.”
He shifts a little closer and rests his chest against mine. “Okay, but you could still have it if you really wanted.”
I shake my head. I love cooking, and I love taking care of people, but with space to breathe now, I think I can admit that wasn’t ever what I wanted to do with my life. When I was a teenager, the idea of running a kitchen was a coping mechanism. It was a means of escape.
I don’t need that anymore.
“I can’t be sure what I want other than you,” I tell him, and he laughs softly, “but I don’t think it’s that.”
He bites his lip in thought, his brow furrowed, and it takes everything in me not to interrupt his thoughts with a kiss. “Okay, then you and I can do this together. We can take the time to figure out what we want, and while we’re doing that, we can enjoy being us.”
My stomach aches, and once again, I’m reminded that he doesn’t know what this life is like. “That sounds amazing, sweetheart, but I don’t have the money for that. I have nothing saved, and everything I get out of this house has to go to my mom.”
“If I’m overstepping, please just tell me,” he starts, “but you know I have money, right? Like more than I know what to do with?”
“Leo,” I start to protest. I can’t do that. I can’t possibly let myself do that…can I?