21. Reed
reed
Rose’s hand on my leg broke my brain in the best way.
Now, watching her play Speed with Jovie is putting it back together again piece by piece.
They’re sitting across from each other on the living room floor, filling the room with snapping sounds as they lay down cards in quick succession.
They laugh louder the faster they go, Jovie giggling so hard, we might be perilously close to pee-her-pants territory.
Luke stands near me, his eye on the game, too. He doesn’t assault me with meaningful stares or goofy, happy noises like other members of our family, bless him. He and Graham are fine. The rest could stand to take it down a notch. Even Dad gave me a cheeky look when we were clearing the table.
Rose never needed to worry about whether my family would like her. They’re head over heels for her already. They’d swap me out for her in a heartbeat.
“Do you go on dates with Uncle Reed?” Jovie asks, slapping down a card.
“Sometimes.” Rose is just as fast. I can’t decide who to put my money on. Probably Jovie, since I doubt Rose would be cutthroat enough to win when it comes to her. With me, on the other hand…
She’s got all the cards.
“What do you do on your dates?”
Rose’s gaze darts to me for a millisecond. “We have dinner and watch movies.”
Maybe our Q&A came in handy for once. Or it could be my date suggestions are boring and basic. She never did tell me her favorite date ideas. I’m only now realizing I should have asked.
Jovie giggles. “Romantic movies?”
Rose leans closer. “Sometimes.”
“Does he grumble through them like he does with Zootopia, but he secretly really likes them?”
Rose gazes up at me, one eyebrow lifted.
“I like the bunny,” I tell her. “She deserved the win.”
“Reed likes sunshines,” Nathan says helpfully from his spot on the couch. “They’re his catnip.”
He’s one smart remark away from getting dragged outside.
“I like cats.” Jovie looks up at Luke, plying him with her pleading eyes. “And dogs.”
Luke doesn’t react, which is probably his best move.
She’s been begging for a pet for what feels like years.
Their experiment with a hamster didn’t last long, through no fault of her own.
Pets that spontaneously keel over after a few months should not be as popular as they are among kids.
She’s antsy for an animal with a longer lifespan and a higher cuddle factor.
“I have a cat.” Rose slows her playing while Jovie’s distracted.
“Is it a kitten?”
“No. He’s an old, grouchy cat.” Her gaze darts to me, her mouth tilting into something sly. “Very set in his ways. Only likes one kind of barbecue sauce in the whole world.”
Jovie wrinkles her nose. “Cats eat barbecue sauce?”
“The grumpiest ones do.”
“How is Operation Ignore the Cat going?” I ask.
“Better. He’s starting to come around. I might need more grump lessons, though.” She pairs that with a bold look as if it’s some kind of challenge.
The idea of giving her lessons turns my blood molten. She only has to say the word.
“What’s his name?” Jovie asks.
Rose goes on staring at me. Jovie doesn’t have the same sense of sportsmanship as her opponent and takes advantage of the situation. She shuffles through cards as quickly as possible, but Rose doesn’t seem to notice. Is she going to tell them she named her cat after me?
Her grumpy, aloof, vomitorious cat. Lucy will lose her mind.
“I haven’t found a good name for him yet,” she finally says.
“We’ll find something,” I tell her. Her mouth curves, and I can’t look away from the sight. It’s all I can do not to scoop her up, drag her outside, and kiss that sassy smile right off her lips.
Jovie finishes out her hand, winning the round. She jumps up for a celebratory dance before flopping onto her knees again next to Rose. “I could help you name him. Can I meet him sometime?”
Luke makes a dismayed sound, probably at his daughter inviting herself over, but Rose is already agreeing to the idea.
“Sure. We can have a game night, if you want.”
“With pizza and popcorn?”
Rose pulls an exaggerated “duh” face. “That’s the best way to do it.”
Jovie claps her hands, holding them in front of her chest. “And Uncle Reed can come play games with us. That will give Dad a night to be alone.”
I glance at Luke. Maybe Jovie’s hints about needing to find a woman have paid off. He meets my gaze but ticks his head to the side. So. Actually alone, then.
“Does that sound like a good plan, Uncle Reed?” Jovie trots over, ready to glory in her grand plan. Reminds me of someone else I know with a thousand-watt smile and a million schemes.
“Sounds good to me, nugget.” We bump fists, splaying our fingers wide to make them explode in the not-so-secret handshake she likes best.
Mom steps into the living room, wiping her hands on a dish towel. “We’ve got fresh fruit for dessert, and the honey Rose brought. Come into the kitchen and let me know if you want strawberries or watermelon.”
The room clears out, everyone following Jovie, who’s high-stepping into the dining room.
I hold out my hands to Rose to help her from where she’s sitting cross-legged on the floor.
She gazes up at me, a soft smile playing at her mouth.
Want crawls up my spine, but I squash it down again.
This is not the time or place. I had no idea bringing her to family dinner would get me this keyed up.
It was that kiss this morning that did it. The taste of her is still on my lips like honey. I want more.
She takes my hands, and with a quick tug, she’s on her feet. She comes all the way to me, our chests touching, our faces closer than I planned. I keep her hands locked in mine. I want her even closer, but I’m trying to be reasonable.
“What’s your choice?”
She swallows, her gaze darting from my eyes to my mouth. “Choice?”
The half-smile forming on my mouth is probably more smug than it should be, but I love that I have an effect on her. She’s always had one on me. Her attention pins on my lips, firing up my nerve endings one by one.
“Strawberries or watermelon?” It shouldn’t be a seductive question, but my voice is low and gruff enough to make it one.
“I like both.”
“Which do you want?”
“Whichever one there’s more of.”
Slowly, I lean in until my mouth hovers inches from her face, my gaze locked on hers. She sucks in a breath but doesn’t move.
“What do you want, firefly?”
What I told her last week holds true—I’ll give her anything.
All she has to do is name it. My thoughts have strayed far beyond dessert choices, but she deserves to have what she wants, even in something as simple as this.
My wants should probably not be spinning through my head quite so vividly in my parents’ living room.
Her lashes flutter like butterfly wings. “I want…” She swallows again, her hand flexing in mine. “Strawberries.”
“Good choice.” I dip down to brush my lips against hers. The softest kiss. Barely a peck.
Jovie still whoops from the other room.
Right. Parents’ house. Family. An audience I really shouldn’t risk losing myself in front of.
I pull back, flashing Rose a smirk. “Come on.” I lead her into the dining room, my hand at the small of her back. I have some restraint, but I’m not ready to stop touching her.
Jovie giggles as Rose takes the seat beside her again. Avoiding the assortment of satisfied grins aimed at me throughout the dining room and kitchen, I snag a bowl of each kind of fruit drizzled with honey and hightail it back to the table.
Lucy groans over her dessert bowl. “This honey is amazing.”
“It will be so good with fall flavors like apple and cinnamon,” Rose says.
“Mmm, honey over roasted apples.” Lucy appears to already be in raptures over it.
“Like the ones we have at the cabin,” Jovie says. “When we roast them in the fire.”
“Hey, yeah.” Lucy aims her fork at me. “Did you invite Rose to the cabin?”
Jovie whips her head around at lightning speed. “You have to bring her to the cabin.”
“Our family has a place in Bigleaf Canyon,” Lucy explains to Rose. “It’s not fancy, but it’s fun to get away for a night or two. We’re all going in a few weeks. You should come.”
Mom and Dad echo the invitation, ready to lay out the red carpet for Rose at our family’s cabin in the foothills of Mackenzie Peak.
“Oh, that sounds—” She turns to me, searching for the right response.
My impulse is to slam the door on their idea. I’ve never brought a woman to dinner before, let alone the cabin. Rose is already tangled up in my family after one meal together. Bringing her into the mountains with us can only weave her more tightly into their lives.
Not that I’m thinking much about them. It’s my life I’m worried about. I’m not ready to have her so deeply embedded in my space that I won’t be able to let her go when fall rolls around. If there’s even a chance left of avoiding utter devastation, I should try.
But the stronger impulse, the one I knew would win out the moment Rose turned her big blue eyes on me, is to say yes. Hold her as close as I can, for as long as I can. Fall head-first into waters I already know are littered with boulders and hope for the best.
Might as well accept right here and now that I’m not getting out of this thing between us without scars.
“That sounds like family time,” she says brightly when my silence drags on too long. Everyone’s caught my hesitation. Even Graham’s giving me a dirty look.
“Oh, but you—” Jovie starts in, but Luke sets a gentle hand on her arm, hushing her.
Because it’s not her job to convince Rose to join us. It’s mine.
“If you want to come with us, you can.” Terrible invitation. The assorted eye rolls around the table prove it.
But how do I say “I want you to be so entwined with me I’m ripped to shreds when you go your own way in the end” and make it sound believable?
Rose offers a small smile, shaking her head. “That’s okay. Maybe another time.”
The woman who hates saying no rejected my request. And I’m pretty sure it’s not because she wants to. She thinks that’s what I want.
My family manages to shake off the awkwardness I’ve dropped over the evening, but the night wraps up not long after we finish dessert. Jovie says her goodbyes, keeping her arms around Rose while shooting a death glare at me for ruining everything.
I’m mad at myself, too, kiddo.
Rose lingers on all the hugs she’s offered. Even with Nathan, who I’ll be having words with later. She sinks in and holds on like she doesn’t get hugged enough. Which is crazy because she should be hugged every day. I’d walk around with her snugged to my front like a koala if I could.
My parents tell her she’s welcome to come back anytime. She’s sweet but stays noncommittal. Another sign of how badly I’ve screwed up.
As we head out the door, Nathan mouths, “Fix this.”
I will. If I can.
I start up the Bronco and head out, my mind spinning over where to start my groveling.
“I’m glad everybody liked the honey,” Rose says. Of course she’ll find a bright side. “Your family’s great. Sticking with Jovie was the right way to go. But if I did too much by inviting her to come over for game night, I’ll tell her I can’t do it after all.”
In the low light of the Bronco, I can see her work her bottom lip with her teeth. Once again, she’s not offering to abandon game night because she wants to. She thinks she’s doing what I want her to. Because I couldn’t just tell her the truth.
It’s going to break me when this ends.
“I want you to come to the cabin with us.” It sounds more like a demand than a request, but at least it’s out there.
She stares at me for so long, my skin starts to itch. “I don’t know if I should.”
“Because of me?” I ran so hot and cold tonight, it’s no wonder she’d be confused.
“Because of me. I’m not really a ‘camping with the family’ type girlfriend.”
“You don’t like camping?” At least that’s something I can work with.
Her sarcastic laugh punctures the air between us. “I mean I’ve never made it to the stage where I even meet a guy’s family before, let alone go on vacation together. I’m not the serious girlfriend.”
“That’s bull. You are the serious girlfriend.
” She’s the one you bring home and build a life around.
The fact that she’s been so convinced she’s not by men who never deserved her makes me want to punch something.
“You might have dated guys who weren’t serious about you, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy of being serious about. ”
I stop in front of her house, battling back the urge to tear off into the night until I find all her exes and take out my frustrations. Starting with Callahan. I don’t care if she said he’s a good guy. He’s closest.
I shut down the SUV’s engine and face her until she lifts her eyes to me.
“Right now, you’re my serious girlfriend. And I want you to come.”
Her smile appears like the dawn, slow and glorious. “Then I’ll come.”
I walk her to her door, regretting getting us into this space where we’re no longer holding hands. Maybe it’s simply because there’s nobody watching out her window to see us. If there’s no one there to witness, is the couple really fake dating? Something along those lines.
She unlocks her door and turns to me. “Will you arrange the game night with Jovie? Maybe Tuesday so I have something to look forward to after my day off.”
“Tuesday sounds great.”
She steps forward, offering me a hug, and I take it like the greedy man I am.
Just like she did with my family, she holds on longer than I expect, squeezing me tight.
I thought she was the one who needed the hug, but I’ve got both arms wrapped around her like I’m drifting at sea and she’s a life raft.
I inhale deeply, convincing myself she smells like honey mixed with strawberries. I brush my face over her hair, not quite a kiss, but no less damaging to my heart. My long, slow exhale is one of acceptance.
I don’t deserve her, and I don’t get to keep her. But I’m going to cherish her and show her how she should be treated by the man in her life for as long as I get that privilege.