Chapter 20
Beau’s phone was still in my hand.
I closed my eyes.
A sound came out of me. A small involuntary thing — a half-syllable, somewhere between a no and a hum — that I didn't know I'd made until I heard it.
I thought about every option.
I could stop the surgery.
If I stopped the surgery, Bonnie would die. The foundation doesn't give the slot back to a patient whose chairman's discretionary review has been pulled under fraud. Bonnie would go back to the bottom of the list. She only had weeks.
I could let the surgery happen.
If I let the surgery happen, somebody else's child lost their slot.
I could confront Beau here in this lounge in front of Mrs. Park and Kit, but I couldn't.
I opened my eyes and wiped my tears.
Beau was beside me. He had taken my hand when I'd sat down. He hadn't let go.
I let him take my hand because pulling my hand away in that room would have set off every person in it. Mrs. Park was reading. Kit had a crossword on his lap and a pen behind his ear and the look he had on a busy night at the bar when he was, by sheer force, refusing to be overwhelmed.
He spoke quietly. "Sabrina, are you okay?"
"I'm scared, Beau."
"I know."
"I want her out."
He put his arm around me.
I leaned into him because I couldn't pull away in that room.
He thinks he is comforting me.
He is comforting himself.
By the fourth hour, the lounge had gotten quiet.
The lounge door opened, and Simon Kessler was in the doorway. He was in the same cheap suit. He was alone, and he was holding a folder.
Beau went white when Simon walked in.
"Mr. Cross."
Beau stood up. "Simon."
"I'm sorry to interrupt. I wouldn't be here.
I called the foundation this morning to ask about my son's surgery date.
They told me he had been bumped. They didn't say how and why, but they said it was a chairman's decision, and I knew I could find you here just like before, so I drove to talk to you. "
Beau hesitated, like the words had left him and weren’t coming back.
"Mr. Cross, my son was scheduled for today. It was canceled, and the next slot is too far."
The lounge was very still.
"Mr. Cross, please, my son has been fasting since last night. He is at home asking my wife when we are going to leave for the hospital. I have to go home and tell him it’s not happening. I'm here because I want to know why. I'm not yelling. I just want to know why."
"Simon."
"Mr. Cross. Why?"
Beau was silent.
Simon's eyes moved and looked at me, then at Beau. He looked at the surgical board on the wall — the board with the names and the timers, the board with VELA B and a timer that had been ticking for some part of the morning.
His face changed. "Mr. Cross, whose surgery is happening right now?"
"Simon — "
I stood up and walked to him. "Mr. Kessler."
"Yes."
"My name is Sabrina Vela. My daughter is Bonnie.
She is in the surgery you can see on that board.
She is eight years old and has been on the foundation's waitlist for over a year.
Her cardiologist told me three days ago she had weeks.
I didn't know until some time ago that my daughter was on that table because Beau took the slot from your son. "
Simon stared at me. "You didn't know?"
"I didn't know."
"You — your daughter is on the table right now?"
"Yes, I can't stop the surgery. She is on the table. I can't kill my daughter to undo what he did. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Simon nodded slowly, once.
"I don't blame you, Mrs. Vela. I wouldn't stop the surgery either. I would do exactly what you are doing."
He looked at Beau.
"Mr. Cross, I'm not going to scream at you. I'm going to drive home and tell my son about the changes here. We are going to wait for the next slot. I'm going to call your office on Monday and everyday until you find a way to undo what you did, or until my son dies. Whichever comes first."
He looked at me.
"Mrs. Vela, I'm sorry for what is happening to you in this lounge today. I hope your daughter wakes up. I'll pray for her tonight."
He turned and left.
The lounge was silent again.
Mrs. Park stood, her bag in her hand, watching me.
Kit was beside Mrs. Park.
By the seventh hour, Dr. Reyes came out. "She did beautifully. The repair is excellent. She is in recovery. You can see her in about an hour."
Mrs. Park and Kit cried. I was crying, and the relief was bigger than the lounge was built to absorb.
My daughter was alive.
I looked at Beau. He was at the edge of the lounge, alone. His face was wet, and his hand was at his mouth.
I walked to him.
"Sabrina, I — "
"Listen to me. Bonnie is alive. I'm grateful, but also furious for what you did.
And you are going to listen to me right now.
I can't do this with you if you don't make it right.
You took a slot from a sick boy. His father is going home to tell him there is no surgery yet. You did this. You are going to fix it."
"I don't know how."
"You do. You are the chairman. You are going to find a way to give that boy what he needs. You are going to do it without telling me. You are going to do it because it is right. If you do it, I'll figure out how to be in this with you. If you don't, I can't."
"I'll…I'll fix it. I'll find a way."
"Don't promise me. Just do it. Now go. I'm going to be with my daughter when she wakes up. You are going to go and start figuring out how to make this right."
"Sabrina — "
"Go, Beau."