Chapter 6
Lennie
Yes, it's a little bit of a gift that some people enjoy, but it isn't always easy knowing what banter goes on between people, when you're not supposed to know. The look on Levi's face says it all. "Oh, shit."
"Are you not happy for them?"
"Um, no, it's not that." He stammers. "I just, it's nothing. Let's get out of here before they figure out that we've been eavesdropping."
"Okay." I nod, feeling so badly for him. He leads me to the stable quietly, without disturbing Wyatt and Liz, and he saddles the horse with ease. "Is this a boy or a girl?" I ask, trying to break the awkwardness.
"Oh, my apologies. This is Digger. He's a good boy. And that's Mazy, and Sprout is her son."
"Aw, they're mother and son? How sweet."
He smiles but his eyes don't crinkle at the sides.
I watch him place a saddle on Digger and carefully tuck my camera equipment into the small pockets at the sides of the saddle.
Levi then pulls a wooden block over to the horse's side and takes my hand, helping me up onto the horse.
The saddle is a two-seater, but he hesitates before he climbs up.
"It's going to be impossible for you to read my lips while I'm up here, so if anything is wrong, just tug at the back of my shirt, okay? "
"Okay."
He climbs up onto the horse like he was born doing that, and the horse starts moving at a slow walk, until he's outside of the stable, and then we take off into a slow trot.
I've never been on a horse before, and it feels strangely liberating.
It's dark out, but the moonlight is bright, illuminating the whole space, so it's like a natural flashlight shining a light all over the grass, the wooded area, even the pasture.
The temperature is perfect tonight and there is just a slight breeze.
As the land passes by us and we arrive close to where the tiny waterway is, the horizon opens up, and my smile is from ear to ear.
It's perfect. Even a half blind person would see that.
Levi stops the horse gently and gets off, holding his hand out to help me off, and I climb down, briefly ending up in his arms. His gaze holds mine for a moment, and I smile softly at him. "Thank you for bringing me here."
"It's my pleasure. Now, show me your magic."
I love it that he's genuinely interested in this.
He may even have a little crush on me, but I can't be sure.
A beautiful man like this has to be spoken for.
There's no two ways about it. Levi is kind, gentle, very sweet, and so handsome I see his face in my dreams. His crisp blue eyes, the honesty in them, those soft-looking, full lips.
I'm glad I have a reason to be looking at them often, otherwise I'd be staring.
"It's going to take a few minutes to set up.
And I think that the sky needs to be a little darker, but we can work with it. "
"Anything I can do to help?" He asks as he ties the reins over a strong tree branch.
"No. But do you mind telling me something, Levi?"
"Sure." He says, pulling the camera equipment and a blanket out from the side pockets of the saddle.
"How come you reacted so strangely when I told you about Liz saying that she thinks she might be pregnant? Are you not happy about that? Or is that not good news? Because it looked to me like she was a little nervous about it, but not unhappy."
He sets the blanket out and sits down, cross-legged, while I lift my tripod into position. "Well, I probably shouldn't be telling you this, Lennie, but since I don't know you that well, maybe you can help me out with it. So long as you can keep a secret."
"As long as you feel comfortable telling me, sure, I can keep a secret. Being able to read lips has made me have to keep a lot of things to myself, as a matter of fact."
"I don't doubt that." He snuffles nervously. I watch him lick his lips before speaking. "See, I've got myself into some trouble. It's the worst kind, too, and I don't know what to do about it."
I'm adhering the camera to the tripod, almost by rote, so paying attention to Levi isn't that much of a challenge. "I'm listening." Then I smile. "Okay, I'm watching." I admit.
He smiles back. He's got such a beautiful smile. When he smiles, if it's a good one, his eyes light up, too. Then it falls. He swallows. And I stop doing what I'm doing, so he has my full attention. "My girlfriend is pregnant."
My face goes blank. "Oh."
He gives me a moment to digest before continuing.
"It's not that I don't want it, but we don't know each other that well, see."
"Is she the one for you, Levi?" I ask honestly, feeling his hurt, because of his expression.
"I don't know yet. That's the thing. I've never been in love before, and I don't know if I feel it for her or not."
I sit down next to him. "Not that I know anything about being in love, either, but from what my mama and daddy have told me, and all the romances I've watched on television, if you have to second guess it, it's not love."
"That's my guess, too, actually. But, is it wrong to have a baby with someone you don't love?"
My gaze goes to my hands. "Levi, please don't judge me for saying this, but I have to be honest with you.
" I lift my gaze to his and touch his hand.
"I was raised with strict morals, tight rules, but lots and lots of love.
That being said, my folks raised me to be with someone you love, so to me, the whole act of making love with someone that you don't love, well, that's wrong.
For me, though, not for you. All I know is that if you raise the child out of love, even if it's not necessarily love for the mother, it's still okay. Love is important."
"What about obligation?"
My hand is still on his. "If you love your child, then it isn't an obligation, Levi."
"What if she wants to raise it on her own and I never get to see it?"
"That's something that y'all have to arrange with her first. If you need to, get a lawyer."
He nods and uses his other hand to squeeze mine. "Thanks."
"You're welcome." I smile at him and take my hand back. "What does your family say about all this?"
He sighs. "Well, I tell my daddy as little as possible. Hell, he doesn't even know that I'm in school, and he sure as hell doesn't know about Shelly."
"Oh." I'm surprised. "You're not close with your daddy?"
He shakes his head and scoffs. "Sometimes I think that life would be so much better if that man were dead."
My eyes widen. "I'm so sorry to hear that. I've heard a thing or two about your daddy, but I had no idea it was that bad."
His voice turns into a sneer as he points into the air.
"The only reason why that sumbitch ain't going to prison for good is because that damn Braylynn thought she was doing my brother Nash a favor by throwing him a bone.
But she's a fool. He damn near killed her.
And he's going to end up killing someone at some point in time.
No two ways about that. At least, this time, the sheriff took his license away. "
"There's that."
"And he's being forced to go to rehab for two rounds, his expense. Of course, that only means mine and Nash's expense, but at least this time it might not be a waste."
"You just have to think positive, Levi. I know it's hard."
"And now you see why I can't tell my daddy a lick about what's going on in my life."
"I do understand." My hand goes on top of his again. "Can I ask, you know, what do you think prompted him to start drinking to begin with."
He shrugs. "I don't really know. Probably because my mama's been fooling around on him for years, but I can't figure out which came first, if I'm being honest."
"Wow. What a mess. I mean, I've never been able to figure out what tears a family up, seeing as I'm so close with my folks."
He shakes his head slightly. "Well, I can tell you what, Lennie.
It's because your folks already had a challenge.
They were taxed with a deaf child. And they made the best of it.
Some people are cut out for shit like that, and others aren't. It's just the way it is.
My daddy has had a great job all his life, and my mama had a good thing going on with her job, until she screwed it up by screwing a dentist in Dallas, which just so happened to be a relative of her boss.
A long removed relative, but word gets around. "
My hand remains on his. I keep squeezing it intermittently, and he's not making any effort to remove it. "I believe that life is about choices. Some of us make good ones, and some of us make bad ones. But we always have a choice."
His opposite hand goes on top of mine. "It's also about goals, Lennie. And the choices that y'all make in order to reach those goals."
"Exactly."
He smiles at me. "Thanks for the talk. But you ought to get set up, or else you're going to miss your chance for this shot."
I notice that his eyes keep going to my lips, as if by me doing it, I'm normalizing the motions.
It's sort of cute but also kind of sexy.
I've only ever had crushes on boys and men.
I've never had a relationship. No man has ever been courageous enough to date a deaf girl in my circle.
Even during college. But I'm not looking.
Never really have. It's okay to fantasize and picture myself with a handsome man, though.
I know that in my heart of hearts that that's all I'll ever have.
Mama once said that even if I wasn't deaf, most men would be intimidated by what I do for a living and what I make.
My earnings are nothing to sniffle over, and I've invested most of my money, so I stand to live very comfortably if I keep it going.