Chapter 3
Stupid Fucking Hat
Clay
For the second time in less than twelve hours, I’m jolted awake.
My heart pounds almost as violently as whatever is beating on the door downstairs.
A muffled yell follows, then a groan from the bed beside me.
Leni’s curled into my side, her hair fanned out behind her.
Looking down at her, I realize I didn’t wake up once from the time she lay next to me until now.
“Make it stop,” she grumbles, and it’s adorable.
While Ma Kane has enough attitude to keep all five of her boys in check, Eleanor is all sugar, with a sprinkle of spice. She’s about as threatening as a kitten, and I love that about her. Reaching back to my nightstand, I grab my phone, and jolt upright when I realize it’s nine o’clock.
Holy shit. I slept through three alarms and am two hours late for my shift. I’m usually the first one at the office.
“What is going on?” Leni sits up on the bed, wiping sleep from her eyes.
“I’m late for work, like, really late.”
“Clay.” Her eyes widen. “Who’s at the door?”
“Fuck,” I groan, stumbling down the stairs at the exact moment someone is turning the lock.
I manage to kick Leni’s purse and hot pink shoes behind the door before coming face to face with her eldest brother, Brooks.
There aren’t many people who make me feel small, but at six-foot-four, Brooks is an inch taller and way more confident.
His hair is dark like Leni’s, beard always trimmed and clean cut.
I’ve looked up to him for half my life, for the way he always seems so sure, so put together.
“Hey?” he says it like a question. He glances behind me for signs of, I don’t know, struggle maybe?
“Hey, man, sorry. I was still sleeping.” Rubbing my hands over my eyes, he stands there and blinks at me. “I didn’t sleep much last night.”
“Is he okay?” Mercer’s voice comes muffled through the phone in Brooks’s hand. Brooks jabs at the screen like its very existence offends him, and suddenly Mercer’s on speaker. “Hello? Brooks? Ah, hell, Patsy, I think they’re both goners.”
“I’m right here dickhead,” Brooks grumbles. He’s a man of few words and even less emotion. I’m honestly surprised he got all four words out before cutting himself off and scowling.
“Well?” Mercer chirps.
“I’m fine. Sorry, Merc. I didn’t sleep well last night and didn’t hear my alarms going off.”
“It’s fine, nothing going on right now. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Do you need the day off?”
“No.” My answer is a bit too forceful, causing Brooks’ eyebrow to arch at me in question. Fuck. I’m not trying to be suspicious, but the last thing I need right now is a full day off to spend with Leni. “Nah, man, I’ll come in. I need to finish that supplemental report for the State Police anyway.”
“Alright, see you soon then. Thanks, Brooks.”
Brooks grunts an acknowledgement and jabs his thumb at the red button to end the call.
He cocks his head, studying me. Brooks doesn’t say much, but he’s good people, and no one cares more about his land or his family than Brooks Kane.
I always figured he’d make a good father someday, if he ever took enough time away from the ranch to find someone.
“You good, brother?”
“Yeah.” I squeeze the back of my neck. “I’m good.”
“Good.”
He heads down the small deck, snatching up the reins where his palomino gelding, Whiskey, is ground-tied.
With a grace I envy, he swings into the saddle.
At thirty-one, most days I feel like a grandpa moving through my various aches and pains.
Brooks is thirty-five, and after working every day of his adult life on the ranch, he moves like a well-oiled machine.
Taking one last look at his phone, he smirks at me and rides off toward the main house.
By the time I make it back up the stairs, Leni’s sitting on the bed, my phone in her hands, squinting down at it with a Brooks-worthy scowl. Notifications are pinging nonstop, which can only mean the group chat is going off.
“Is he gone?” She gets out of bed, stretching her hands over her head. My shirt is riding up higher on her thighs.
“Did you expect him to stay and chat?” I drop my head back, looking at the ceiling so I don't stare as the shirt rides up over her hips. She snorts. We both know Brooks isn’t the type to stick around for small talk. Another notification pings on my phone, Leni’s nose wrinkling with annoyance.
“Take it before I kill it.” She tosses the phone at me and disappears down the stairs, the globes of her ass peeking out from under the hem of my t-shirt.
She’s always been a knockout, but I never would have guessed she could get more attractive.
Yet here we are, my dick twitching in my pants while I think about my best friend’s little sister.
I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to erase the image of Leni in my t-shirt, but trembling hands and tear-filled eyes flash in my head.
My gut churns at the memory, a timely reminder of why Leni Kane and I can never happen.
When I glance down at my phone, the guys’ group chat is still blowing up. These assholes are supposed to have real jobs, the kind that shouldn’t leave time for gossiping like a bunch of old hens.
Kane Bros Group Chat
Merc D
He’s alive!
E-Man
I told you he was fine
Tobes
Yea bro we told you to chill out
Addy
You need a woman. Leave the rest of us alone dude.
To no one’s surprise, Mercer ignores everyone else in favor of interrogating Brooks.
Merc D
How’d he look Brooky?
Brooky
I told you asshats not to call me that anymore.
Addy
Yea that’s not going anywhere
Tobes
Absolutely not
E-Man
Agreed. It’s here to stay man. Unless Leni ever comes home and gives you a new nickname.
Merc D
Answer the gd question
Brooky
Fine. He looked fine.
Adler
Why was he late then?
E-man
Why are we talking about him like he’s not in this group? Why were you late man? You good?
Tobes
Yea you good Traegs?
Merc D
Said he didn’t sleep well
E-Man
Does he ever?
Addy
Does anyone?
Brooky
Fucker looked like he slept just fine to me
That bastard. Of course, Brooks would notice that I’d slept okay.
For the second half of the night, at least. Damn it, now they’re all going to be on my case, assuming I’m seeing someone.
This is exactly why I told Leni it wouldn’t be a good idea to have me lying to them.
They’re a bunch of nosey bitches, and it won’t take them long to figure out I’m hiding something.
Addy
Excuse me! What are you insinuating?
Tobes
Ooh insinuating…thats a big word for you Addy. Did you hurt your noggin pulling that one out?
Addy
Fuck off Teabag
E-Man
I too would like to know what’s being hinted at.
Brooky
Said what I said. Run along and fuck off now
I put the phone down, knowing damn well they’ll keep this nonsense going all day.
They’re stubborn like that. Normally, I don’t mind, but I’m generally not the center of attention or interrogation.
I reply with a quick middle finger emoji before I quickly brush my teeth and get ready for work.
Normally, I don’t bother with my hair; the curls do what they want.
Today, I work a bit of pomade throughout.
Attempting to give them some kind of structure.
Taming them as best I can. I pull on a pair of light wash Wranglers, tucking my tan polyester uniform shirt into the waistband.
Slipping a leather belt around my waist, I secure my handgun in its holster, then shoulder my vest. Everything else I carry on duty is strapped to the vest. Handcuffs, taser, extra magazines, all of it gets stored on the vest itself.
It’s a bad habit, but I don’t wear it unless I’m on a call or running traffic, keeping it stowed in my vehicle when I’m on shift.
Another message pops up from Mercer, this one in our private thread.
I smile at his name. Years ago, Mercer got hold of my phone and changed everyone’s contact name into some ridiculous nickname.
He put his as Sexy Cowboy. I changed it to Merc D because it makes him mad, but also Leni calls him D.
Another little piece of her that I can’t seem to let go of.
Merc D
We’ll definitely be talking about this when you get here. I’ve instructed Patsy not to call me out
Good luck with that.
Merc D
The scent of coffee fills my nose the closer I get to the first floor.
There’s a skillet of fluffy scrambled eggs on the stove, and my travel mug sat by the coffee maker like always.
Leni is already tucked into her breakfast at the small dining room table.
One foot propped on her chair, cheek resting on her knee between bites.
An arm draping around her leg in a half-hug.
“Still sitting like a gremlin?” My eyes catch a tiny stripe of pale pink cotton fabric that I hadn’t noticed before. One small scrap of clothing between me and whatever heaven she's hiding between those thighs.
“My eyes are up here, Traeger.”
“Yeah, but your panties are on full display right there.” I jab a finger toward her lap.
The leg she had propped up slips back down, crossing over the opposite knee. My eyes find hers, a fire burning in them. Leni might’ve been all sugar once, but I got a feeling she's adopted more spice in the years since I last saw her. “You gonna tell me how I can dress in my own home?”
“Technically, I think the cabin still belongs to your parents.”
Her eyes widen, steam practically billowing out of her ears as her nostrils flare. Yup, that was the exact wrong thing to say. “Don’t you have a job to be at, or something?”
“Sure do. Don’t you have some explaining to do about why you showed up in the middle of the night and don’t want to tell your family?”
“It’s not really any of your business, is it?”
“Come on,” I roll my eyes and scoop the rest of the eggs onto a paper plate to take on the road. “You guys tell each other everything. What could be so bad you can’t tell them you’re home?”
She snorts, a mirthless laugh scraping out of her. “Yeah, okay. Whatever, Clay.”
“No, seriously,” I stammer. “I haven’t been gone that long. You guys tell each other everything. This isn’t you.”
“You don’t know me anymore, Clayton.” She spits my name out like a curse, shaking her head.
Definitely spicier than I remember. I used to know everything about her; now I’m left with the scraps her brothers have told me over the years.
She’s changed, we both have, but there’s so much I don’t know about her.
I don’t know this version of Leni…but I want to.
I want to unravel all the pain she’s holding onto and fix it to make her the same girl she was before that night.
“Well, I’m here to talk, if you need someone to listen.”
She grunts, turning back to her food, tucking that same leg back under her chin.
“Thanks for the coffee. I’m gonna take the eggs to go.”
A wave of her hand dismisses me. Her eyes flick back in my direction for a second, but I hold myself back from walking over, like I might kiss her goodbye.
The truth is, I want to kiss her goodbye.
Good thing I’ve spent the past decade not acting on the things I want to do to her.
She deserves someone better, someone who doesn’t make her flinch when they walk by.
“Need anything from town?”
“No—ooh, yes! Coffee creamer, please.”
I groan, throwing my head back to look at the ceiling. “You know, Bertie is just going to text Ethan and tell him that I’m buying coffee creamer, right?”
“I read the group chat, might as well perpetuate this idea that you’re sleeping with someone.” She wrinkles her nose when she says it, like she doesn’t quite like the idea of it. I don’t either, to be honest.
“Easy for you to say when you’re not the one they’re interrogating.”
Leni sticks her tongue out at me, little brat that she is.
“You're going to be the death of me, you know that?”
Slipping my Stetson onto my head, I make my way to the door.
The piercing sound of glass shattering sends my pulse into my throat.
I reach for my pistol, pivoting on my heel, my upper body tucked low.
Leni’s coffee mug lies on a broken breakfast plate; her shoulders hunched to her ears.
She doesn’t look at me, shoving off the table to grab a towel from the kitchen.
I’m about to ask if she’s okay when I hear her mumbling, “Stupid fucking hat with the stupid fucking uniform.”
“You kiss your mama with that mouth?” I couldn't keep the cocky smirk off my face if I’d tried.
I never let myself really look at her before. Back when we were kids, four years felt too big an age gap to consider her as more than a friend.
I can’t seem to keep myself from looking now. Damn, she looks good. Long lean legs with curves in all the right places. I still haven’t seen her without a baggy top on, but something tells me it’s going to hurt when I do.
“Fuck off, Traeger! You’re late for work.”
I send her another wink before tipping my hat at her and making my way outside. Warm spring air brings me back to myself. Teasing Leni like an older brother is one thing. Flirting with her, after I went out of my way to make sure, she never thought twice about me, feels cruel.
I need to get my shit together. Falling for Leni isn’t an option. It never was.