Chapter 34
You’re on Narcotics
Leni
Three excruciatingly long weeks later, I’m finally discharged. Miya practically lived at the hospital with Clay and I. He never left. He bought a few changes of clothes and showered in the room.
When I asked him about work, he told me it didn’t matter. My gut says it definitely does matter, but I couldn’t get myself to ask him to leave. From the moment I woke up, he was the only person I needed to see. The one I needed to tell me that everything was going to be okay.
He’s the steady hand I need when I try to stand.
The one I want washing my hair or changing my clothes because I can’t do it myself yet.
I never felt like I’d left home behind, because the ranch is just a place without him.
Now that I’ve had a taste of life with him, I don’t know how I could ever go back to life without him.
Today we’re heading to the airport. Adler, of all people, surprised me by telling me he would charter a plane when I was released, so I wouldn’t have to ride all the way home in the car. I tried to tell him it was ridiculous, but he insisted.
I didn’t even know Benson International had private hangars, but that’s where we’re headed to board a jet and fly back to the ranch. They can’t land a plane on the ranch, so we’ll be flying into Halfor County’s airfield, but that’s only a thirty-minute drive home.
I can’t wait to get back to my little cabin.
I want to soak in my tub and sit in my reading nook.
I want some actual alone time with Clay where we don’t have to worry about someone walking in.
He refuses to have sex with me, convinced he’s going to do more damage than good, but I’m hoping being back in our home will put that fear out of his mind.
Hospitals are scary places, and I’m so ready to be out of there.
Not to mention, Brooks stole Pepper and took her back to the ranch to be his nanny.
I miss my Pepper. Neither Clay nor I have gotten around to replacing my phone, so aside from a handful of FaceTimes with Miya, I’ve had zero contact with her since she left.
“Holy shit.” I whistle as Clay carries me up the stairs into the plane. “Damn, this is nice. How does one even charter a plane?”
“The hell if I know,” Clay grunts.
“How did Addy know how to book it?”
“He’s not an idiot,” Clay chirps into my hair as he settles me down into a seat. His tone harsher than I think he meant. “I mean, yeah, he pretends to be one. But I think there’s a lot more to Adler than we see.”
“Hmm.” I give him a suspicious look. Clay snorts and gets up to rummage through the minibar stocked with expensive-looking alcohol. “Can we afford any of that?” I whisper-shout at him.
Clay turns around, a bemused smile on his face. “You’re on narcotics, Leni. I’m not getting alcohol for you.” Looking at the bottle of water in his hands, he twists the cap off before handing it over. “Maybe they’ll put it on Adler’s tab. I never gave anyone my card number.”
He winks, settling down next to me.
“I still don’t understand how he knew about these planes. It’s not like he’s ever ridden in a private jet. Has he? How much money did Nana leave him?”
Clay shrugs. “I guess enough to charter a plane? I can’t believe she really left nothing to the rest of you.”
“I can.” I chuckle, my jaw cracking with a yawn. “Nana spent most of the time in the hospital with him when he was younger. Ma was needed here, so Nana was always the one with him. They were super close.”
“I wasn’t around for most of that,” he muses.
“No, he only had that one bad injury after you came around.”
“Mhm.” He threads his fingers through my hair, his nails scraping against my scalp gently.
I lean into his hand. Letting his fingers lull me toward sleep as the medicine starts to kick in.
“Uhm, Leni.” Clay tweaks my big toe, getting my attention. “You might want to rethink that whole Adler’s-never-flown-on-a-plane-like-this idea.”
“Why?”
He tosses me a notepad with a gold-foiled plane in the letterhead, the tagline reading, ‘Adler Aviation.’
“What the fuck?” I look at Clay, eyes wide as he shrugs his shoulders.
“I told you, more than he lets on.”
“Did you know about this?” I’m gaping at Clay now.
“No, I swear to God. I don’t think anyone knows about it.”
Jesus, how out of touch have I been these last few years? “How the hell did he manage to keep this big a secret?”
Clay tips his head, arching an accusing eyebrow.
“Shut up.” I slap his chest before leaning my body back into the seat. “How much do planes even cost?” I wonder out loud as the engines roar to life.
“No fucking clue.” He looks around the jet like he’s seeing it through new eyes, and damnit, so am I.
Ethan and Mercer pick us up from the airfield in the Expedition. The rest of the boys, Dad included, are busy trying to put things to rights with the ranch.
The car ride home is incredibly awkward; neither of the boys speaks to us.
Clay sits in the captain’s chair next to me, his fingers wrap around mine.
I don’t think he’s left my side for longer than ten minutes since I woke up, and if I’m being honest, I don’t mind it at all.
Even those ten minutes made my skin itchy with nerves.
The last time I went somewhere without him, I woke up with more than ten broken bones.
I’m not ready to face that head-on again.
Part of me is happy he doesn’t have to go back to a real job.
I know he’s going to have to work eventually, whether that be at the ranch with Brooks or back at the Sheriff’s office, if Mercer ever gets his head out of his ass.
But I’m hoping for a few more days with him.
Days to settle in, to keep my mind from wandering too far into the what-ifs.
I need him to keep me grounded, keep me present.
The same as I did for him all those years ago.
Clay asked me if I remember the crash, and the truth is, I do.
Not the actual crash itself, but I remember waiting for the firemen to cut me out of the car, the way I could smell the gas leaking, feel the rain on my skin, how I couldn’t feel my legs.
There’s more to process than I want to deal with right now.
When we pull up around the horseshoe drive at the main house, Ethan stops the car, goes around the back, and opens the hatch. Mercer opens the side door, a soft smile aimed in my direction. “Ready?”
“Huh?” I glance at him, then out the window at the main house. This house hasn’t been my home in years. I guess I thought we were dropping something off, then we’d go back to the cabin. That little piece of paradise I carved out of the ranch. Somewhere for Clay and me.
“You can’t stay at the cabin.” Mercer stands there, looking at me like I’m dumb.
“Excuse me?” I rear back, blinking, wondering where he gets the fucking nerve.
“Baby.” Clay soothes his fingers down my arm. “You’re still in a wheelchair. The cabin isn’t big enough, or accessible enough.”
“Oh.” I look down at my legs. They work fine, if only my pelvis weren’t still broken. Speaking of said pelvis, I am suddenly very aware of how long I’ve been sitting. Everything is beginning to ache. “But it’s my home,” I whisper to Clay with sad eyes. “Our home.”
“I know,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to my hair.
“It isn’t fair,” I whimper when Mercer scoops me out of the vehicle, his face flinching when he hears the noise.
“Sorry, sweetheart.” Mercer sets me down gently. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“I’m okay, just sore.”
“Aren’t you glad you didn’t drive?” Ethan comes around the Expedition, taking up a post on the other side of me, blocking Clay from me. I sigh, my heart heavy as the boys wheel me away from him. I can’t even turn back to make sure he’s coming. My neck is still locked in this stupid brace.
Mom is waiting for us when we make our way into the entryway.
“There she is, our little pincushion.” Adler grins down at me.
Ethan’s nostrils flare, hand curling into a fist at his side. It might be a little too soon to joke, but I chuckle. If there’s one thing Adler is a pro at, it’s getting a rise out of someone, especially once he learns which buttons to push.
“How was the flight?” Adler asks, around a mouthful of food.
“It was enlightening, Mr...”
Adler’s eyes widen as he shakes his head. I guess I’m not the only one who doesn’t know that he owns an aviation company. I narrow my eyes at him, a silent demand for a conversation in the near future.
He nods, looking relieved when I don’t say anything else.
“Weird…” Mom reminds us that she’s there. “I’ve prepared your old room for you, Leni.”
“Thanks, Ma,” my voice croaks out. My throat is a mess from the extubation; it feels like fire most nights, and Miya said it will probably feel dry for a while as it heals.
“Do you need a room as well, Clayton or…”
“He’s not staying here,” Mercer cuts in, arms crossing over his chest.
Clay’s shoulders droop, the look of utter defeat on his face.
“Excuse me?” I scoff at the same time Ma says, “I beg your pardon?”
She looks at us, her face drawing into a tight expression. One that has Mercer relaxing his stance. A form of surrender.
“He can’t stay here, Ma. Not after everything.” Mercer spreads his fingers wide, lifting his hands out in front of him.
“He can, and he will. If that’s what your sister wants. This is my home, Mercer Duane, you’d do well to remember that.”
“Of course, he’s staying with me. In my room.
” I glare at Mercer. “This whole over-the-top, trying to make decisions for me thing is the reason I never came back before. You’re lucky, I have nowhere else to go.
Lucky that Clay is willing to be here with me, because if he weren’t here, I wouldn’t be either. ”
Mercer shakes his head, crouching down to my level, which makes me feel even more like a child, stuck in this goddamn wheelchair. “That’s not fair.”
“Don’t,” I cut him off. “Save it. Ma, can you call a family dinner tonight? If we’re going to be back, staying here, there’s some shit we need to work out.”
Ma gives me the biggest smile, her eyes brightening as she nods. Whipping her phone out, I grin at the fervor with which she types out her message.
Tonight should be really fun for everyone.
Rain pelts my face as I stare up at a pitch-black sky. I can’t feel my legs. Every other part of my body is screaming in pain. Something thick and warm drips down my forehead, into my eyes, tinging the world around me an eerie red.
My car’s horn, or maybe it’s the other car’s horn, is blaring, like the driver is stuck there, pressing on it. Suddenly, the heavens open and the rain begins to pour. It rises on the street, filling my car. Ice cold water that feels like daggers pricking my skin as it continues to rise.
Move. I tell myself. Please move. But I can’t get out. I can’t feel my legs. I’m going to die here. I’m going to drown.
Please! I beg.
“Shh, baby. Leni girl, you’re safe. You’re safe, baby. Wake up, love.” I wake sobbing. Clay holds me to his chest as he strokes my hair, arms wrapped tight around me. “You’re safe, Leni. You’re safe.”
I can’t form words coherently, as I cling to him.
The only thing I can say is his name; it comes out broken, and I keep saying it like I’m begging.
Begging him to take the nightmares and the pain in my body.
Begging him to make it all better again.
To erase the last few weeks and make me whole again.
“The rain,” I whimper, when my sobs have subsided enough to speak. “I thought it was real. I thought I was going to drown.” I choke back tears again, trying to get my words out.
“You’re safe. You didn’t drown. You’re safe.”
“It felt so real. It was cold. I could feel the rain. I could smell the smoke.”
“I know, baby.” He wipes my face, smoothing my hair back before he looks me in the eye and says, “I know.”
He’s been here, waking from nightmares that feel like real life, and I suddenly realize how horrible all those years must have been for him.
“Tell me that it goes away. Tell me that it gets better. Please.”
“It does, love. It gets better. They get less real, and as time goes on, you stop dreaming about them altogether. You start to dream new dreams. Better ones.”
“What were your better ones?” I whisper, snuggling back into his chest, pulling the blankets under my chin.
“You. You were in my better dreams. Every single one of them. Sometimes we were on the boat, and you’d close your eyes and turn your face up to the sun. Sometimes we were here in your room, and you’d hold me through the night, so I’d feel safe again.”
“All that time?”
“From that very first night when you snuck in to help me. That was the first night I dreamed of you. Eventually, the bad dreams became less, and when I could sleep, I always dreamed of you.”