Chapter 36
Loved & Well Fucked
Leni
Monday comes sooner than I’m ready for. Clay’s alarm startles us out of a dead sleep. The nightmares are still happening, though they never fully take root. Clay is always there to wake me up.
When my nightmares wake him, he wakes me with playful little nips and kisses.
It’s the best way to wake up from a bad dream and an almost sure-fire way to make sure another doesn’t come back.
I wonder if Clay’s getting enough sleep, but he isn’t complaining either.
He takes care of me, the way I’ve always wanted him to.
Today, when I wheel myself to the kitchen, I’m surprised to find Pepper and Miya sitting at the island.
Ma’s kitchen is made for making huge meals. It’s large and functional, but with an adorable farmhouse feel. She redid it several years ago. The original was covered in ugly blue tiles, a green fridge and orange gingham curtains. Papa Kane was not an interior decorator, that’s for sure.
“Well, that’s a look.” Miya raises an eyebrow at my cropped One Direction t-shirt that barely covers my breasts.
High school Leni was flat as a pancake. I’m also wearing a tiny pair of Sofee shorts that might as well be a thong at this point.
There are pretty slim pickings in the clothes department right now, seeing as no one has bothered to gather my stuff from the cabin when they made the decision I couldn’t stay there.
I get that it makes sense, but I’m still salty at being stuck here, especially without my clothes.
“Ugh, don’t make fun of me. I’m working with a limited wardrobe.”
“Oh, I know.” Miya points to the kitchen table that’s laden with reusable grocery bags. “You owe me big, by the way. I had to leave extra early so I could go by the cabin and pack up all your stuff. Well, most of it. Pepper mentioned she was questioning your wardrobe lately, so I thought I’d help.”
I grin. “You're an angel.”
Sorting through the bags until I find my favorite oversized hoodie and a pair of sweatpants, I slip the hoodie over my head, Miya helping me into the pants. “So much better.” I make my way to the island, locking the brakes on the wheelchair when I park next to Miya and Pepper.
Miya looks down at me, eyes narrowing at the little wheeze from my lungs when I take a deep breath, trying to hide how winded I am. Standing up, she takes a stethoscope from the tote bag hanging off her chair, pressing it to my chest and then my back.
“So, Pepper, I’ve barely seen you since I’ve been back. How is it working for Brooks?”
Pepper chokes on the massive bite of pancake she shoved into her mouth, holding a finger up at me while she works it down.
“Oh God,” she gasps, taking a gulp of orange juice.
“Shit, shoot, fuck. Sorry.” She rubs her face before dropping her forehead to the counter, narrowly missing the plate full of maple syrup.
Her hand swings toward a pack-n-play I hadn’t noticed tucked over into the corner.
Tessa is belly down on the mattress, her little fleece-clad booty sticking up into the air as she sleeps.
“This is where we’re at. She has decided that daytime sleeping is more fun than nighttime.
I’m starting to think that maybe baby care was not my strongest idea. ”
“At least she’s sleeping right now.” Miya pulls the stethoscope from her ears and tucks it back into her bag. Patting my knee, she gives me a smile and nod, which I think means...I’m good?
“Yeah, but, like, what about nighttime?”
“Sometimes babies get their sleep periods mixed up. It’s pretty normal.” Miya shrugs.
“Brooks is really having you watch her at night, too?” I quirk an eyebrow. “Jesus, he must be shelling out a fortune for twenty-four-seven nanny care.”
“No, I mean, I’m not supposed to, but one person can only take so much.
One time, she screamed for three hours in his room.
I heard him curse and slam a door. When I went in there, he was locked in the bathroom while Tessa was crying in her crib.
I took over then, and eventually we got some sleep, but please don’t tell Brooks because I put her in my bed. ”
Miya grins at Pepper. “Let me guess, Brooks won’t let her sleep anywhere but a crib?”
“Yeah, basically.”
“But it worked?”
“Yes, and I looked it up. There are ways to safely co-sleep. I dressed like a nun so I wouldn’t need any blankets.
I’ve literally never slept with so many clothes on in my whole life.
Plus, it’s not like she’s a newborn. The girl moves around in her sleep more than I do!
” Pepper glances over at Tessa, her face softening.
“She’s so fucking cute, though. Like, how the hell is one baby so damn cute? ”
“I bet he loves your potty mouth, too,” Miya chirps, swiping a piece of bacon off Pepper’s plate.
We laugh. Around here, there is no such thing as too much cussing.
Even Mom has been known to drop a few f-bombs.
She likes to tease me about being a lady.
It’s never been enforced. When you’re raising your kids alongside transient ranch hands, it’s kind of a given.
Knowing Brooks, Tessa’s first words will likely be God and dammit.
“How are you?” Miya asks, her eyes searching mine with sincerity.
“I’m okay,” I whisper, pulling the hoodie sleeves over my thumbs, tucking my hands into my lap. “The nightmares are still pretty bad, but Clay’s really good about helping me through them. He knows what it’s like, you know?”
“Yeah,” Miya sighs. “I’m glad, Leni.”
“Thanks, Mimi.” I bump her side with my elbow and look at Pepper, who might be sleeping sitting up. “Peps, go take a nap. We’ve got her for a minute.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, go on.” Miya waves her hand dismissively.
“It’s my job, though. I’m not getting paid to nap.”
“Well, she’s napping. So go lie down. We’ll wake you when she wakes up.”
“Bless you both.” Pepper slips off the barstool and heads for the couch. She’s barely lain herself down before she’s snoring.
“I can’t believe he hired her,” Miya whispers.
I grin because I can believe Brooks hired her. Brooks is desperate, but he’s also a good judge of character. Pepper might be a little immature for a twenty-five-year-old, but she’s got a heart of gold. “I wonder if they’ll bang.”
“Wait, I thought the brothers were off limits!”
“Adler is, for sure. She can’t fall for my annoying little brother, but Brooks could use a little wild, don’t you think?”
Miya eyes me suspiciously, like she can’t quite believe what I’m saying.
“We could die at any second, Mimi. Better it be loved and well fucked than lonely and horny.”
“Cheers to that.” She raises her coffee mug before taking a sip.
A knock at the door has me looking up from the book I’m engrossed in.
Wheeling myself around isn’t exactly ideal with the cast still on my broken arm.
I spend a lot of time in my room, not wanting to bother anyone with my need for help doing pretty much everything.
Clay keeps me comfortable when he’s here, but he’s back at work now, leaving me to my very boring devices throughout the day.
“Come in!” I call out, not surprised to find my mom peaking around the corner.
“Leni dear.” She smiles. “This package came in the mail for you.” She sets a small box on my lap with a pair of scissors.
My eyes widen at the label, a squeal coming out before I can stop it.
“I uh, I’ll let you…” Ma stands, giving me space like she has for the last ten years. Only, I don’t want it anymore. I want her here. Want a new normal.
“Wait.” I catch her hand. “Stay, if you’re not busy.”
“I am never too busy for you.”
I smile, because that’s exactly how it used to be.
Ma would run herself ragged trying to make sure everyone had what they needed.
She might have had six of us, but I don’t recall a single time as a kid when I was jealous of her time with my siblings.
There was always enough of her to go around somehow.
She settles on the bed next to me, tucking her legs to the side, shoulder bumping into mine. I can’t remember the last time we sat like this. Slumping my body down, I rest my head on her shoulder, the cumbersome nature of the neck brace making it hard to do so.
“Brooks really got you fired from a job?” She asks, one hand smoothing my hair away from my face.
“He did,” I sigh. It was probably for the best in the long run.
Patty’s was not a great place for a twenty-something to work.
Though it was supposed to pay my bills. I still don’t know how Brooks knew I was working there.
I don’t know how they had half the information that they did.
Sometimes I wonder if Miya was a double agent, but then, I think it’s more likely that she told her mom things by accident, and Miss Iva took things into her hands a time or two.
“I’m sorry I stayed quiet. I was trying to let you handle things. I should have seen that you needed help with the boys. I should have asked more questions, especially about that boyfriend they ran off.”
I chuckle. “I’m not mad anymore. Imagine if I were still dating him, it’d be pretty awkward considering Clay is kind of the love of my life.”
A warm laugh bursts from her chest. “Your dad and I knew it after the first time Mercer brought him home. There has never been anyone else for you, dear.”
“I think I get that now,” I sigh. “We wasted so much time.” I glance at her, sorrow building in my chest. Not only Clay and me, but all of us. I wasted so much time pushing my family away, building up walls when I could have had them on my team this whole time.
“We won’t waste anymore, will we?”
“No.” I smile, catching the tears that are trying to sneak out.
“Well, what’s in the package, Leni? I thought Ranch Life was a magazine. Do they have subscription boxes now? Like those smut boxes I see all over the facebook?”
I cackle, holding my ribs to minimize the pain that flares when I laugh. “Please tell me you are not subscribed to any of those.”