Eris
Idon’t mean to sit alone in the hallway.
It just… happens.
The adrenaline of the night burns off unevenly, like a fever breaking while the feel of the heat remains. My hands are steady, my breathing is fine, and my heart is annoyingly normal.
But something inside me has shifted its weight until it no longer sits right within me.
I draw my knees up to my chest, resting my forehead against them.
The concrete floor is smooth against my bare feet, and the bleeding light from the living room is too bright in the dark hall.
I turn my face away from it and listen. The loft hums softly around me.
Somewhere, a fan speeds up, and cool air blows overhead.
This place is alive in a way my apartment never was. I suppose that’s fitting since it was only ever a place to kill.
My fingers smell of citrus soap, though gun oil lingers underneath. It’s an old scent that brings me comfort while I process what has me in a knot.
Most of the people I’ve killed were problems before they were people.
Files. Images attached to risks. I never learned enough about them to have an opinion.
The only reason their names or habits were important was so that I could find them.
Maybe their voices too. Those deaths were clean in a way this one wasn’t.
I didn’t have to watch them smile at someone I cared about.
They were work.
She was personal.
I don’t regret it, though.
That’s the thing my mind keeps circling around. I’m waiting for the guilt to show up late to the party. But it isn’t.
She crossed a line and showed her hand.
She made herself a threat.
I did what I’m trained to do.
It’s just… this wasn’t a contract. Or a favor. And it definitely wasn’t me maintaining order for someone else’s empire.
This was mine.
That realization sits heavier than the act itself. It’s the knot, reminding me I might have crossed a line I can’t easily fix.
I murdered someone in front of people, in front of someone who isn’t Roo or my boss.
What if they wake up tomorrow and decide they aren’t okay with what I did?
I know the answer to that, but it still wouldn’t make me pull the trigger. I’d be fucked, compromised, in desperate need of a cleanup. And Roo would hate me for putting her in a situation that would make me hate her for taking action.
It would end up in a huge fight, and then we’d drink about it.
What if they’re scared of me, of what I might do? Like a dog that bit you once… You keep waiting for them to do it again or wondering if you provoked them. But nevertheless, you stay on your guard, even when you’re scratching ears or playing fetch.
Footsteps approach, soft and unhurried. I turn my head to give him a crooked smile.
Silas.
He stops a few feet away, far enough to not crowd me, but close enough that I don’t feel like he’s frightened of me. He’s good at that.
“Are you okay?” he asks, looking down at me curiously.
I huff a quiet laugh, adjusting so my chin sits on my knees and I can stare at the wall. “That’s a silly question to ask someone who kills for a living.”
“Why?”
“Usually, I would say yes. But right now? I don’t know how to answer it.”
He crouches beside me, careful not to touch without invitation. All of his actions give me little clues that make me wonder how many people he’s killed since he’s been in the Bay.
“I think I crossed a line today,” I admit finally. “Not morally. I don’t care about that. I mean… personally.”
Silas is quiet for long enough that I know he’s listening, not calculating a response because he thinks I need to be repaired.
“I’ve killed people,” I continue. “A lot of them. But it’s been years since I killed someone because they came for something that was mine.”
“And that feels different,” he guesses, the corner of his lip twitching. “That ethical line between business and personal.”
“Yes.” I snort at his double meaning. “It’s not worse, but it is… louder? That’s the only word I’ve got for it right now.”
“You haven’t changed,” he acknowledges gently. “You showed us a part of you without asking for permission that you didn’t need to begin with.”
I glance at him. “Is that supposed to be reassuring?”
“It is to me.” He tips his head as if he’s conceding the point. “I, for one, am thrilled the problem is solved.”
“You?” I question with a bit too much sarcasm. “You’re thrilled? That’s the word you’re going with?”
“If you didn’t do it, I was going to do it.
And I am not as in the know as you are when it comes to hiding bodies in the Bay.
So thrilled.” He raises a brow, oozing sarcasm back at me.
“Thrilled it’s done. Thrilled it’s gone.
Thrilled it’s over. Not thrilled you had to step up and do it, but I am grateful for your intervention. ”
I give him a small smile and sigh as I ask, “Do you think they fear me now? Or does murder make the heart grow fonder?”
Silas doesn’t answer right away, though he does match my smile like the questions are some kind of inside joke. “If they are, it’s not the kind of fear that makes people leave.”
“I’m not scared,” Jace says as he comes into the hallway.
I guess sound travels in the converted warehouse because we weren’t talking loudly.
Jace stands a few feet back, arms crossed over his chest, eyes locked on me like I might vanish if he looks away. Kieran is with him, hands in his pockets, expression unreadable in that way that means he’s already made up his mind.
“Watching you today didn’t make me rethink you.” Jace steps closer, crouching on my other side. “It clarified you, and it made me rethink why I let the situation last as long as it did.”
“That’s called pride,” Silas whispers to me, covering his mouth as if that will keep it between the two of us.
I roll my eyes, and Jace shoves his shoulder. Silas loses his balance, landing on his ass beside me.
“Admiration,” Kieran adds, shaking his head at the guys. “And relief.”
I frown. “Relief?”
“That if someone ever comes for you again, they won’t get another chance,” he clarifies.
“We’re not saying we’re morally healthy, but if you think for a second that we’re going to flinch away because you showed us what you’re capable of…
Don’t. We’re all monsters here. Maybe different types, but that doesn’t stop us from wanting to be with someone who doesn’t make us hide it. ”
Jace runs a hand through his platinum hair. “We may have crossed a few lines too.”
I raise a brow at him, and he grins.
“There will be no flinching here.” Silas looks at each of us. “And no hiding.”
Jace nods. “If anything, we’re recalibrating to the new reality.”
“What new reality?” I ask.
“The one we woke up in today, the reality where we now know you’re not just someone we want to protect,” Kieran explains. “You’re someone who protects back.”
I blow out a breath, my throat tight as I let go of the stress. That feral thing inside me stops pacing the edges of its confinement, stretching languidly. And the knot I had disappears.
“Daniel wasn’t part of my job. His death is for myself.” I glance between my HimLock guys and frown. “That’s why it was so easy for me to pull the trigger tonight, but I haven’t killed him.”
“What do you mean?” Jace bites his lips, as if that will stop the rest of what he wants to say.
“I was supposed to kill his friend, but we were having some difficulty locating him,” I disclose.
“It’s not something we’ve ever encountered, so I lured Daniel into a relationship to use him to get close to the mark.
That’s why I’ve given him so many chances to just walk away, but that’s ended up being rope to hang himself. ”
“From a misguided sense of guilt?” Silas asks, eyes sharp and brow pinched, poised to argue.
I wobble my head, agreeing and disagreeing.
“The job is done. I haven’t killed Daniel yet because now it’s personal, and I didn’t want it to get to that point.
I wanted him to take the breakup and walk away so he could live to be a dick that someone else stabbed.
But the more desperate he’s grown, the more I’ve realized I need this to be for the right reason, not for no reason. ”
“And what’s the right reason?” Kieran’s voice is steady, expression openly curious as he waits.
“He won’t stop,” I reply. “I’ve given him ample opportunities to not become a statistic in Crimson Bay, and he keeps choosing the path that puts him in a sealed barrel onboard a ship ready to be tossed over the railing.”
Silence settles around us as they absorb everything I’ve confessed. Or maybe it’s the threat of a barrel that has them staring at me.
Either way…
I know what I need to do.
Jace reaches out and laces his fingers with mine. “You don’t have to carry this alone anymore.”
I nod once and give my HimLock guys a soft smile. “I know.”
A weight lifts off my chest as it finally hits me. I’ve told them my secret, talked about it at length, and they aren’t running or screaming; they’re embracing it.
Our relationship has potential beyond the maddening obsession we each share.
They’re mine.
I’m theirs.
This is how I want to live.
And there’s a peaceful sort of alignment to this knowledge that I want to bask in for the rest of my days.
But first… Daniel has to die.