Chapter 7 #4
JJ steps into the room and closes the door behind him. “Did something happen to you today?”
Just tell him.
I shake my head. “Sorry, I’m trying to stay on top of things… I can’t fall behind in my classes.”
He doesn’t believe me, I see it in his eyes, the twist of his lips, but he doesn’t call me on it. “How do you know Rett?”
“We were on the same flight together when I moved here.” I could expound on that, but why bother? It certainly doesn’t matter. I don’t really ‘know’ him.
He nods, taking another sip of his champagne, and then sighs. “I wish I could walk you back to campus, but I can’t leave these assholes here alone.”
There’s a soft knock before Rippley enters the room. “I’m on my way out if you need a ride?”
That sense of familiarity with him gives me some reassurance. “I’m at Cornell…”
“Yeah, it’s on the way.”
JJ gives me a quick hug and whispers, “You were the best surprise this party had.”
I don’t know how to take that. Was it meant to put me at ease for showing up uninvited to get my backpack, or does he think of me as more than just his friend? Like I’m starting to see him?
It’s quiet as I walk side by side with Rippley to his black Porsch. I sheepishly wipe away the dirty mark my shoe left earlier, which makes him laugh.
It effectively breaks the ice.
As I climb into his car, a crushing pain strikes my head before I’m looking around the inside of another vehicle with plush black interior. “You can trust me. You know that, right?”
Relief floods me at the sound of his voice.
I nod with a smile, but I can’t see him as I turn to look at the back seat.
I glance back at the open door. He squats down, “Don’t leave with him… stay. Stay here with me.”
The purr of the engine and slam of his door jolt me back to the present. He adjusts the heat since it’s gotten dark and there’s a chill in the air.
“Music?” He cocks his head to look at me. “Or not? I listen to everything.”
I nod, while he turns the radio on. Missing You by John Waite comes on. The song wrings a deep sadness out of me. Silent tears fall as I turn away from Rippley to look out the passenger window.
Seeing the campus up ahead, I mutter under my breath, “Five minutes tops, then I can sleep this away.”
Rippley turns the radio down. “Sorry, did you say something?”
That’s all it takes. I open my mouth, and my groan of agony is followed by, “Coming to New York was my last chance. What was it all for? Getting poked, prodded…. why bother?”
I don’t do a thing to stop my meltdown.
Startled, Rippley pulls over in the first available parking spot. He turns to me. “Oh boy, context is so important.”
Through tears, I give him the rundown of my life over the past year. He holds my hand, nodding occasionally, once or twice starting to ask something before changing his mind. The more I dump my problems on him, the tighter his grip on my hand becomes.
I may have misjudged him.
He’s not giving me any snobby vibes. In fact his soft brown eyes glisten with tears as I wipe my face with the sleeve of my sweater.
“Dr. Fraine is at Rockefeller Amherst because he’s exceptional at what he does, but it doesn’t mean he can’t be wrong.” He tells me he interns for Dr. Fraine as a pre-med student, detailing how conscientious the doctor is and how he won’t give up searching for answers to help me.
Deep down, I feel foolish for telling a perfect stranger about my problems. JJ would have been a better option, but it came more easily when I had no expectation of seeing the person again.
Now I know we could run into each other at Dr. Fraine’s office.
“Do you mind if I ask you a couple of questions?”
Why stop oversharing now?
I shrug and sniff. “Sure.”
“You said you have hallucinations? Do they make sense to you?”
Oddly enough, I understand what he means. “Not one bit.” I shake my head vehemently.
“Does Josh know that you’re sick?”
I shake my head again. “No. Not at all, and I don’t want anyone else to know. Please.”
A light rain has started. Rippley gets out and races around the front of the car, pulling my door open. He takes a suit jacket from his back seat to hold over my head. “Let me walk you to your dorm.”
My feeble attempt to decline his offer is barely noticed as we walk at a fast pace toward the towering brick building in the distance.
The spicy scent of his cologne from the liner of his suit jacket reminds of something…
just beyond the edges of my mind. I’ve smelled it before. Not just in passing.
Once inside the entryway, I offer a pained smile. “Thanks… for listening… for,” I throw my hands up, “keeping my secret.”
He shakes the jacket out, then uses one muscular arm to encircle me lightly in a hug. “You don’t need to thank me. No one ever confides in me. It feels… nice... that you did. Your secret is safe with me. I promise.”
We move out of the way of a group of students going out for the night. My face heats as the girls glance back longingly at Rippley.
I get it. The more time I spend around him, the more I notice… the self-deprecating charm, the way his smile lights up his entire face, the way his eyes convey a sense of interest… intensity.
He looks down at me, his brows furrowed., “I don’t think you should be alone right now.”
No. Probably not, but I’ve spent the entire walk from his fancy car kicking myself for trauma dumping on him. I certainly can’t hold him hostage with my problems. “I’ll be okay. I just need to get some sleep.” Tears pool in my eyes.
Unfortunately, he must read cues better than most guys. “Nah. I can’t leave you alone after the news you got today. Trust me… I can crash out on the floor.”
“Rippley, I ca-”
“Rip… and if it makes you uncomfortable to have me in your room since we’re just getting to know each other, I’ll hang out in the hallway in case you need me.”
That thought hadn’t occurred to me. One more sign that I’m not thinking clearly. He knows JJ… he’s been more than kind…
Quietly I respond, “You don’t have to stay in the hallway.”
My expectations that Rip would find my single dorm room unfitting or horrifying were unnecessary. He seems unfazed by the flickering fluorescent overhead light, my twin bed with beige covers, or my bare off-white walls.
Generic.
My personality tucked away in my desk drawers.
“You really don’t have to do this,” I say once more when I come back from the bathroom in my strawberry-print pajamas. “I’m not flinging myself from a window tonight.” My attempt at humor earns a half smile from him.
“Noted.” He drapes his suit jacket over my desk chair and sits on the corner of the desk. Clearing his throat, he adds “I shouldn’t have snooped but I saw this.” He picks up the drawing I did yesterday and holds it up. “Is it yours? Did you do this?”
I’d been reliving one of my hallucinations… memories? A stream spilling over an outcropping of rocks, my mystery guy standing next to it with his hands over his heart, a fluffy dog rolled onto its back beside him. For the first time in a long time, I wanted to sketch. To put the memory on paper.
Nodding, I sigh. “I’m a little rusty. It’s been a while since I’ve drawn anything.” I take the picture and tuck it into a drawer face down, embarrassed that Rip saw it. It feels wrong that I’m having these memories.
He opens his mouth, then closes it slowly without saying what he was going to say. His hand drags over his face.
Rip settles on the floor with my comforter and a spare pillow.
He shows me videos of pandas until I’m laughing so hard my side hurts.
“I can see why they were going extinct. Big, furry toddlers,” Rip says through a laugh as we watch one flip backward out of a big circular swing.
“Look at the keeper. He's sitting in the corner, shaking his head in disbelief.”
Yawning, I tuck my pillow tight under my head. “Thank you… I never would’ve asked you to stay, but I’m glad you’re here. I just needed a break from thinking about it.”
He smiles sadly as he shuts off his phone and sets it on my desk. “How could I go after you told me your secret?” Moving to lie back with his head resting on his folded arms, he continues quietly, “Sometimes I feel like an afterthought. The last person to know anything.”
I answer just as softly, “I relate to that on a deep, personal level.”