Chapter 7 Annabelle
Annabelle
Annabelle had to give Madeline her answer tomorrow.
She’d been mulling it over for the past several days and was planning to discuss it with James tonight.
He’d been on call for the last three nights since two of his partners had come down with the flu.
They’d finished dinner, and the girls had gone upstairs to their rooms to do their homework.
Annabelle was checking her emails on her laptop while James loaded the dishwasher.
“Tea?” asked James, after he finished.
“I’m okay.”
“Come on. Some nice chamomile will relax you.” He made two cups and brought them over to the large island, sitting next to her.
“What’s going on? You’ve been preoccupied.”
She took a sip of her tea. She reached out and squeezed his hand. He could read her so well. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something. Madeline’s leaving, and she offered me her job. But I’m not sure what to do.”
His face lit up. “That’s great, babe. Congratulations! What’s the problem?”
“Well, it’s a lot more hours. Late nights. More travel. I don’t know.”
“Is it something you want?”
“I mean, yeah, I love what I do. I’d have a lot more creative control.
I’d be overseeing the whole team. In some ways, there’d be less daily work, but I’d have more meetings, at least in the client acquisition phase.
” She exhaled. “The girls are both still young. I worry that I won’t be there when they need me. What do you think?”
“I think it’s your decision. There are bound to be regrets either way. If you don’t take it, you may always wonder if you should have. And if you do, you’ll wonder if you shouldn’t have.”
Annabelle rolled her eyes. “Now I understand why you went into medicine instead of philosophy.” She laughed. “I get that there’s an upside and a downside to both. But which is the right decision?”
“And I get that you like to know how things are going to turn out; I understand there’s been a lot of uncertainty in your past. But you know as well as I do that there are no guarantees. We can always get more help if you decide you want to go for it.”
“I know. But I don’t want to miss the important things.”
James gave her a tender look. “I understand that. But you’re a wonderful mother, and the girls are happy and well-adjusted.
You don’t have to give up your dream job for our children.
But on the other hand, I don’t think you should feel pressured to take it just because it’s a promotion.
” He stood and gave her a peck on the lips.
“I know you’ll make the right decision.”
She stayed there after he left, thinking through her options, then looked up when she heard footsteps. Olivia walked over to her, clad in her pajamas.
“Can you come up and read to me?”
“You got it, sweetie.” Even though Olivia was a good reader, this was a bedtime routine that she’d established years ago, and both girls still enjoyed it. She followed her up the stairs, and they stopped at Scarlett’s door. Annabelle knocked.
“You ready for story time?”
“I don’t feel like it tonight. Go on without me.” Scarlett didn’t look up from her phone.
“Everything okay?” Annabelle asked.
She gave Annabelle an annoyed look and sighed loudly. “Fine! I’m not a baby. I don’t need you to read to me.”
Olivia looked up at her mother. “What’s her problem?”
Annabelle didn’t answer but called in to Scarlett. “Okay, honey. I’ll come by and say good night afterward.”
Olivia jumped into her bed and pulled the covers up to her chin.
“Scarlett’s been really grumpy lately.”
“Maybe she’s tired.” But Annabelle was concerned.
She’d noticed it, too, and had chalked it up to her being a teenager.
But now she wondered if something else was going on.
The one time Annabelle could always count on Scarlett’s guard being down was at night.
Annabelle enjoyed the bedtime routine, when the girls would tell her about their days or confide things they were worrying about.
If she took the new job, she might not be around to notice these kinds of things.
“Mooom!”
“What, honey?”
Olivia raised her eyebrows. “Are you gonna read? You’re staring into space.”
“Yes, of course.” She picked up The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.
“Let’s see, where were we? Oh yes, chapter three.
” She began to read, and blessedly for a little while, her thoughts were only on the story and taking delight in Olivia’s reactions.
After half an hour, she closed the book and stood, leaning over to kiss her daughter on the cheek.
“Good night, love. Sweet dreams.”
“You too, Mommy,” Olivia said, her eyes already closing.
Annabelle passed Scarlett’s room, then went back. She hesitated for a moment and then knocked.
“Come in,” Scarlett called.
“Is everything okay, sweetie?”
Scarlett shook her head. Annabelle moved closer to the bed and saw that her eyes were filling. She sat on the edge of the bed and took her daughter’s hand.
“Honey, what’s the matter?”
Scarlett groaned. “I hate social media!” She picked up her phone, swiped a few times, then handed it to her mother. “I posted this pic yesterday, and I only have ten likes. Luna posted practically the same picture, and she got like fifty.”
It was a selfie of Scarlett holding a Starbucks cup. Her lips were puckered in that teen selfie way, and her cheekbones looked more defined than usual. She must have used a filter.
Annabelle put the phone down. “Honey, social media is all about facades. It’s not a true barometer of anything.”
Scarlett raised her eyebrows. “That’s rich, coming from you. Aren’t you, like, the queen of social media at your job?”
“That’s why I’m telling you, it’s all curated images that often have no resemblance to reality. It’s a tool to sell things, yes, but it’s dangerous to tie your self-esteem to it. Maybe you should take a break from it for a while.”
Scarlett rolled her eyes. “You don’t get it, Mom. That’s how it is now. It’s all about how many followers and likes you get. I usually get a lot more.”
“I’m sorry. I guess I forgot how tough high school can be. We didn’t have to contend with social media, but I know what it’s like to want to be more popular.”
Scarlett’s brow creased. “Weren’t you the homecoming queen or something?”
“Yes, but when I was a freshman, I had braces and frizzy hair. All I wanted was to look like Maggie Brown, the most popular girl in school.”
Scarlett smiled. “I didn’t know that. I thought you were always this beautiful and confident.”
Annabelle brushed a hair from Scarlett’s forehead, touched by her words. “You’re sweet. But no, I was kind of shy. You are beautiful inside and out.”
Scarlett leaned forward and surprised her with a hug. “Thanks, Mom.” She leaned back in her bed. “Gotta get back to my homework.”
Annabelle rose. “Good night, sweetie. I love you.”
“Love you too,” Scarlett said, already looking down at her book.
Annabelle was troubled as she left. There was no shortage of articles on the damaging effects of social media, especially on teenage girls.
She thought of her daughter’s comment about her job.
Was she part of the problem? But what choice did she have?
Her expertise was marketing, which these days was mostly online.
She hadn’t connected her work with what many experts were citing as an unhealthy fixation on image.
The clients she represented were professionals with products or services aimed at adults.
As with anything, there were two sides to social media.
It was a great tool for gaining exposure and connecting with others, but it could also be a gateway to misery.
Especially for vulnerable teens who decided that their value was determined by how well-liked their posts were.
She’d keep a closer eye on Scarlett. She was glad that at least she’d restricted Olivia’s access to it until she was older.
Annabelle went downstairs to let James know she was turning in.
She’d read in bed for a while and try to get a good night’s sleep.
Maybe the morning would bring wisdom. She’d only read a few pages when her eyes became heavy.
Putting the book on her nightstand, she turned off the lamp, sank into bed, and closed her eyes.
I’m in a hotel room. It’s beautiful with a large balcony overlooking the ocean.
The door’s open and the salt air wafts through, beckoning me.
The sun is beginning to set as I walk out to the balcony.
The sky is painted in brilliant pinks and purples, and the sound of the waves crashing on the shore makes the scene complete.
I stand next to the railing, soaking in these last magical moments of daylight.
When I glance at the table, there are two wineglasses filled halfway with a crimson liquid. Who am I here with?
Turning around, I look into the room, but it’s empty.
Suddenly I realize I’m hugging someone. A man.
He’s tall, and I feel completely at ease in his arms. We don’t speak, we hold each other, and it feels right.
I can see his reflection in the glass balcony door—the back of his head.
I try to make out his features but they’re blurry.
My phone rings. It’s on the table next to the wine, and James’s name flashes on the screen. I extricate myself from the man I’m hugging, whose long brown hair I can see now. It’s not James.
A pang of regret fills me when he releases me from his arms. I pick up the phone and enter the room again.
“Hello?”
“I need you to cut your trip short.”
“What’s going on?”
“It’s Scarlett. She was vaping in school. They suspended her. Do you know how bad vaping is for you? This is really serious!”
“I can’t believe she’d do that. She knows better. Are you sure she was vaping?”