Chapter 23 Before
Before
Two lines. Shit, shit, shit. What was she going to do now?
Annabelle stared at the stick, almost hypnotized, as her life flashed before her eyes.
If there was ever a time she needed her mother, it was now.
She stood up and threw the test into the trash.
She and Randy had only been together a few months.
They were nowhere near the point in their relationship where plans for the future had been made.
She loved him, and he’d said he loved her, but they were still in the infatuation stage where everything the other did was charming.
She had no job, and how would she find one when she was visibly pregnant?
No one would want to hire someone who would be out on maternity leave a few months later.
And Randy wasn’t financially stable yet.
A professor’s job didn’t pay that much, and he was just getting started doing freelance writing for some of the local papers. This was a disaster.
She contemplated calling her aunt Celia, but quickly dismissed the idea. They weren’t close, and it wasn’t fair to burden her. Celia had enough to worry about with her sister’s illness. Annabelle had no idea how Randy was going to react, but if she had to hazard a guess, it wouldn’t be good.
She picked up her phone and sent a text to James.
Can you meet me for coffee tomorrow? I can come to the hospital. Need to talk to you. Pls keep it between us for now.
James would be a good sounding board. He knew Randy well, as they’d been roommates for a couple of years now.
She stared at her phone, willing it to light up with a response, but nothing.
He was probably doing rounds. She put the phone down and her hand moved to her stomach and rested there.
It was hard to believe that there was a living being inside of her.
She wondered if it was a boy or a girl. Annabelle knew that she wanted children one day, but between taking care of her mother, finishing school, and needing to make a living, this was the worst possible time.
Her mother had always told her that everything happened for a reason.
Could there be any good reason for this?
Her thoughts and feelings were so conflicted; she desperately wished she could get her mother’s advice.
Maybe she could. Her mother still had moments of clarity, albeit brief and sporadic. She’d talk to her in the morning.
She checked her phone again and saw that she had two messages. The first was from James, confirming tomorrow at eleven. The next message was from Randy.
Sorry you had to leave. My bed is lonely without you. Love you. xo
She started to type a response, then deleted it and typed an x and an o. Suddenly she was bone-tired. She fell into bed and turned off the light. Maybe morning would bring clarity.
—
Annabelle was relieved that she didn’t have any classes today. She would be too distracted to pay attention anyway. Her mother was awake and finishing her breakfast when Annabelle arrived.
“Hi, Mom,” she said, giving her a peck on the cheek and sitting across from her at the small table.
“Hi, darling, no school today?”
Annabelle shook her head. “I don’t have classes on Monday.”
Miriam’s brow wrinkled. “What do you mean? High school is every day.”
“I’m in college, remember?”
“Oh,” Miriam said, but Annabelle could tell she was still confused.
“Listen, Mom, I have something I need your advice on.”
“What is it?”
She took a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”
Her mother’s smile transformed her face. “That’s wonderful! Who’s your husband, again?”
“I’m not married, Mom. It was an accident, and I don’t know what to do.”
Miriam leaned back in her chair and studied her for a long moment.
“You take your vitamins and wait for the baby to grow. A baby is a blessing.” She stopped and looked up at the ceiling.
“I had a baby. I was so happy when I found out I was pregnant. Best thing that ever happened to me.” She turned her attention back to Annabelle. “What’s your name again, honey?”
“It’s Annabelle, Mom. I was your baby.”
Miriam grew quiet. Annabelle could tell she had gone to that other place again, somewhere unreachable by those around her, but somewhere good, Annabelle hoped.
Maybe Miriam was back in time at some happier place.
At least that’s what she told herself. She let the subject drop and spent the next hour following Miriam’s lead in conversation until her mother was tired again and ready to rest. It was almost time for Annabelle to meet James, so she kissed her mother and slipped from the room.
On the drive to the hospital, she debated the wisdom of telling James about the baby before she told Randy.
What if James told him that she’d done so?
Randy would be so hurt. But she was terrified of what Randy might say.
She hoped that James would at least give her enough insight to prepare herself.
When she reached the cafeteria, he was already there, seated at a table with two cups of coffee waiting. He stood as she approached and kissed her cheek.
“Thanks so much for taking the time to see me,” she said.
“Of course. Your message had me worried. Is everything okay?” The kindness in his eyes broke her, and she burst into tears.
“Hey, hey. What’s going on?” He slid his chair next to hers and put an arm around her.
It took her a moment to compose herself enough to speak. “I’m pregnant.”
James moved his chair back to its original position. “Oh, wow. Does Randy know?”
“Not yet. I just found out last night. I wanted to talk to you first. You know him so well. How do you think he’s going to handle this?”
“Um, I—I don’t know. How are you handling it?”
“I’m freaking out, naturally. This is the worst timing. How am I supposed to get a job if I’m showing? My head is spinning.”
“Well, you have options.”
“I know I do. But I’m not ready to think about those yet.
I need it to sink in a little more. The timing sucks, but I’m sure there are a lot of people who thought the timing sucked, and they can’t imagine their lives without their child.
It seems like the worst thing now, but who knows?
Maybe it’s okay. Oh, who am I kidding? It’s terrible. ” She put her head in her hands.
“It’s okay. You have time. Nothing has to be decided right now. But Randy’s a good guy. I’m sure he’ll support you in whatever you want to do. And I’m here for you, too.”
She reached out and squeezed his hand. “I know. Thank you. You’ve been such a good friend. Between my mom and now this, I feel like I’m always running to you with my problems.”
He didn’t say anything. And she felt something pass between them—or at least something coming from him—that made her think he thought of her as more than a friend.
She hoped she wasn’t taking advantage of him.
She was in love with Randy and didn’t want to give James the wrong idea.
“I probably should have talked to Randy first. Please don’t tell him I came to you.
I love him so much, but we’ve only been together a few months.
I would never want him to feel like I was trying to trap him, as old-fashioned as that sounds. ”
“You have my word. I won’t say anything to him. But you should talk to him as soon as possible. You shouldn’t have to shoulder this alone.”
“I know. I’ll talk to him tonight.”
“I’ll make myself scarce, try to grab an extra shift, so you two can be alone.”
“Are you sure? I hate to keep you out of your own house.”
“It’s no problem. I can always use the extra dough.”
“You’re a doll. Thank you.”
Annabelle hugged James and left feeling marginally better.
He was right. Randy was a good guy, and he was the one who’d encouraged her to throw caution to the wind that night.
Just because she was the woman didn’t make this her fault.
But then again, regardless of the fault, she was the one who had to deal with the consequences.
She thought of her mother’s words. Could this child be the best thing that had ever happened to her?