Chapter 39 The End of The Year
The End of The Year
Harper
February bleeds into March, and suddenly we're at that point in the semester where time does this weird thing—moving too fast and too slow all at once.
Cole and I have fallen into a rhythm that feels less like dating and more like living.
Not in the literal sense, since I still share a dorm with Maddie, but in all the ways that matter.
I wake up in his bed more mornings than my own. My toothbrush lives in his bathroom. Rex gets excited when he hears my car pull up. Cole keeps my favorite coffee creamer in his fridge even though he drinks his black.
"You're basically moved in," Maddie points out one Thursday afternoon when I'm back at the dorm grabbing clean clothes.
"I am not."
"Harper, you haven't slept here in five days."
I pause with a sweater halfway into my bag. "Has it been five days?"
"Yeah, it has. But who's counting?" She's grinning though, not annoyed. "It's fine. I'm happy for you. Just saying you might want to start paying Cole rent."
"We're not there yet."
"You're definitely there."
Maybe she's right. But there's something terrifying about acknowledging how quickly Cole has become my entire world. Not in a lose-yourself way, but in a can't-imagine-my-day-without-him way.
March brings the conference tournament, and I'm in the stands for every game wearing Cole's jersey. He scores twice in the semifinals, and after they win, he points at me through the glass. Sirus shoves him and makes kissing noises, but Cole just grins.
In the finals, they lose in overtime. I watch Cole's shoulders slump as he skates off the ice, and my chest aches for him. I wait outside the locker room with the other girlfriends, and when he finally emerges, his hair still damp from the shower, I don't say anything. Just wrap my arms around him.
"We played well," he says into my hair.
"You played amazing."
"Not amazing enough."
"Cole—"
"I know. It's fine. We'll get them next year." He pulls back to look at me. "Let’s go home."
At his place, I order his favorite food and put on a terrible action movie he's seen a hundred times. He doesn't want to talk about the game, so we don't. We just exist together, his head in my lap while I run my fingers through his hair, and eventually the tension in his shoulders eases.
"Thank you for being here," he says during a particularly stupid explosion scene.
"Where else would I be?"
"I don't know. Studying. Hanging out with Maddie. Living your own life."
I look down at him. "This is my life. You're my life."
Something shifts in his expression. "Yeah?"
"Yeah."
He sits up and kisses me, soft and slow, and I taste gratitude mixed with something deeper. When he pulls back, he's smiling. "I love you."
"I love you too."
We've said it dozens of times since that first night, but it never gets old. Every time feels like a gift.
April is a blur of final projects and papers and presentations.
Cole and I study together more than apart, sprawled across his living room floor with textbooks and laptops and Rex stepping on our notes.
Sometimes we actually work. Sometimes we get distracted and end up making out on the couch while our assignments sit forgotten.
"We're going to fail everything," I say one night after we've spent an hour doing everything except studying.
"We're both getting A's in all our classes."
"That's not the point."
"What is the point?"
I gesture vaguely at our abandoned homework. "We have no self-control."
"I have plenty of self-control."
"Evidence suggests otherwise."
He grins and pulls me back onto his lap. "Maybe I just don't want self-control when it comes to you."
"That's very smooth, but I actually need to finish this paper."
"Fine." He releases me with exaggerated reluctance. "But for the record, you're very distracting in my t-shirt."
"This is my t-shirt."
"That's definitely my t-shirt."
I look down at the faded hockey shirt I'm wearing. "Oh. Yeah, you're right."
"You're stealing all my shirts."
We do eventually finish our work, fueled by coffee and competitive energy and the knowledge that summer is just a few weeks away.
The thought makes me both excited and anxious.
Three months without the structure of classes and schedules.
Three months of figuring out what we are when we're not defined by the academic calendar.
One afternoon in late April, Maddie and I are having lunch on campus when she drops her bombshell.
"Sirus asked me to spend the summer with him," she says, stabbing at her salad.
I nearly choke on my sandwich. "What?"
"His family has a lake house. He wants me to come for a few weeks." She looks up at me, and I can see the conflict written all over her face. "But that means leaving you alone."
"Maddie, that's amazing. You should totally go."
"But we always spend summers together."
It's true. Every summer since we were kids, Maddie and I have been inseparable. Beach trips, movie marathons, late-night drives to nowhere. The thought of a summer without her feels wrong, but the thought of holding her back feels worse.
"We'll survive," I say, even though my chest feels tight. "Besides, I'll probably be with Cole most of the time anyway."
"Has he asked you to do anything?"
"No, but I'm assuming we'll figure something out."
Maddie reaches across the table to squeeze my hand. "Look at us. All grown up with boyfriends and summer plans."
"When did we get so domestic?"
"I blame the hockey players. They've ruined us."
We both laugh, but there's truth underneath it. Not too long ago, I was single and reading romance novels alone in my room. Now I can't imagine my life without Cole in it.
Finals week hits like a truck. I'm running on caffeine and adrenaline, bouncing between exams and presentations and trying to remember what sleep feels like. Cole is in the same boat, but somehow we keep each other sane.
"Just two more days," he says on Wednesday night when I'm having a minor breakdown over my marketing final.
"I'm going to fail."
"You're going to ace it."
"You don't know that."
"Harper, you've been studying for three weeks. You know this material better than the professor."
He's probably right, but anxiety doesn't respond to logic. He makes me tea and quizzes me on concepts until my brain feels like mush, and then he puts me to bed and promises everything will be fine.
Me: I ace the exam.
Cole: Told you. Celebrate tonight?
Me: Yes!
That night he bends me over his bed, pulls my hair, and this time we listen to Rex whine the entire time while Cole tells me how much he loves me, loves this, loves us.
The last day of finals falls on a Friday, and there's this collective exhale across campus. People are packing up, making summer plans, saying goodbye to friends they won't see for months. I finish my last exam around noon and head straight to Cole's place.
He's on the couch with Rex when I walk in, and he looks as exhausted as I feel.
"Done?" he asks.
"So done." I collapse next to him, and Rex immediately tries to climb into my lap. "How was your exam?"
"Brutal. But over." He wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. "We survived the year."
"Barely."
"We need to celebrate."
"I need to sleep for approximately sixteen hours first."
"Deal. Sleep, then celebrate."
We don't make it to the bedroom. I fall asleep right there on his couch, Rex curled up at our feet, Cole's fingers running through my hair. When I wake up a few hours later, the sun is setting and Cole is watching me with this soft expression.
"Hi," I mumble, disoriented.
"Hi."
"How long was I out?"
"Couple hours. You were snoring."
"I don't snore."
"You definitely snore."
I sit up, stretching. "What time is it?"
"Almost seven. You hungry?"
My stomach answers for me with an embarrassing growl. Cole laughs and stands, pulling me to my feet. We order pizza because neither of us has the energy to cook, and while we're waiting for it to arrive, Cole gets this look on his face like he's working up to something.
"What?" I ask.
"I've been thinking about summer."
My heart does this weird skip. "Yeah?"
"My dad offered me a job at his construction company. It's in my hometown, about two hours from here." He's watching my face carefully, trying to gauge my reaction. "I'd have to be there for most of the summer."
"Oh." I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it wasn't this. "That's... that's good. Good experience."
"Yeah. It pays well, and it'll look good on my resume." He pauses. "But I don't want to be away from you all summer."
"Cole, it's only two hours. We can visit each other on weekends."
"Or you could come with me."
I blink. "What?"
"Come with me for the summer. Stay at my parents' house.
You said you're not doing the internship thing until next year, so you're free.
And my mom already said she'd love to have you.
" He's talking faster now, like he's worried I'll say no.
"You could get a job in town if you want, or just relax.
We could have the whole summer together. "
My mind is racing as fast as my heart. Spend the summer with Cole and his family. Two hours from campus, from Maddie, from everything familiar. It should scare me, should feel like too much too soon.
Instead, it feels right.
"Your mom really said that?" I ask.
"She did. She likes you more than she likes me at this point."
"That's because I'm delightful."
"You are." He steps closer, taking my hands. "I know it's a lot to ask. If you need time to think about it—"
"Yes."
"—I totally understand. Wait, yes?"
I nod, smiling at the surprise on his face. "Yes, I'll spend the summer with you."
"Really?"
"Really." I stand on my toes to kiss him. "I want to spend the summer with you. I want to spend all my time with you."
He picks me up and spins me around, and I laugh against his shoulder. Rex barks, thinking it's a game, and the moment is perfect and chaotic and exactly us.