Chapter 46 The Conversation
The Conversation
Cole
I'm about to murder this motherfucker for talking about Harper like she's a piece of meat to pass around.
My fists are clenched so tight around his throat. I can feel his heartbeat under my hold. Liam has that smirk on his face, like he enjoys watching me lose control, like this is all some game to him.
"Cole." Her voice cuts through the murderous thoughts in my head.
I turn to look at her, and the expression on her face makes my chest ache. She's looking at me like she doesn't know me, like I'm a stranger wearing her boyfriend's face.
She guides me back a step, her hand on my arm steady and grounding. I release him.
"Can we talk?" She looks at Liam. "Alone."
Liam puts his hands up in surrender and heads toward the front door.
The door closes behind him, and suddenly the house feels too small. Harper's standing three feet away from me, arms crossed over her chest, and the distance between us might as well be miles.
"Is that true?" she asks. Her voice is quiet but steady. "What he said about you two sharing girls?"
I want to lie. I want to lie so badly. Tell her Liam's making it up, that he's trying to sabotage us, that none of it is real. But I can see in her eyes that she already knows the answer. She just needs to hear me say it.
I search her face for any sign of what she's thinking. Is she disgusted? Curious? Considering it? My mind is racing, trying to figure out what she wants to hear, what will make this better.
But there's nothing that will make this better except the truth.
"Yes," I say finally, the word coming out rough. "Freshman and sophomore year. It was... it was a thing we did only a few times."
She flinches.
"It was always consensual," I add quickly, desperate to explain. "Everyone involved knew what it was. It was just casual hookups, Harper. Meaningless. We were young and stupid and—"
"How many?" she interrupts.
"What?"
"How many girls?"
I run my hand through my hair. "I don't know. Maybe three or four over two years? It wasn't like we were doing it constantly. And we stopped junior year. Long before I met you."
"Why did you stop?"
"Because Liam started hooking up with girls on his own more. And honestly, I got tired of it. It felt empty. Pointless." I take a step toward her, but she takes a step back. "It was never a problem. We just... moved on."
She's quiet for a long moment, staring at the floor. When she looks up at me, her eyes are glassy. "I feel like I don't know who you are."
The words hit me like a punch to the gut. "You do, Harper."
"Do I? Because the Cole I know wouldn't—" She stops, shaking her head. "I can't even process this right now."
"It's in the past," I say, hearing the desperation in my voice.
"It's been years since we did anything like that.
I was young and stupid then, drinking all the time, treating sex like it didn't mean anything.
But you—" I take another step toward her, relieved when she doesn't back away this time. "You changed everything for me."
"Did I?" She's looking at me like she's trying to see inside my head, trying to figure out if I'm telling the truth. "Or am I just another girl you and Liam—"
"No." The word comes out sharp, forceful. "Harper, no. You were never that. Liam wasn't like that with you either. You were different from the start. For both of us."
"Then why is he acting like this? Why is he—" She stops, wrapping her arms tighter around herself.
"Because he's jealous," I say bluntly. "He's jealous that I have you and he doesn't. He's trying to get back in your pants, Harper, and he's using our past to manipulate you into seeing me differently."
When she doesn’t say anything, I ask, "Is it working?"
She doesn't answer, just keeps staring at me with those big blue eyes that are usually so full of love but right now are just full of confusion and hurt.
"Liam has an agenda," I continue. "He likes you. He's been in love with you since that first night and watching us together has been killing him. That's why he's been so bitter. That's why he told you about this. He wants you to leave me."
"Do you want to share me?" The question comes out barely above a whisper, but it lands like a bomb between us. "Did you two discuss it?"
"No." I grab her hand, holding it between both of mine. "No, of course not."
"Then why did you let Liam say that to me? Why didn't you shut him down immediately?"
"Because after you disappeared last night, I thought—" I stop, trying to find the right words.
"I thought it'd be better to come clean.
To tell you everything so you knew and could make a real decision.
I'm not hiding anything from you, Harper.
I want you to know all of me, even the ugly parts I'm not proud of. "
Her hand is limp in mine, not pulling away but not holding on either.
"I want to be with you," I say, my voice cracking slightly. "Remember summer? When you were at my parents' house and it felt like it was only you and me in the world? That's what our life is going to be like after college. That's what I want, Harp. A life with you. Just you."
She pulls her hand away, and I feel the loss of contact like a physical ache.
"I need to think," she says.
"Harper—"
"No, Cole. I need space. I need time to process this without you standing here looking at me with those desperate eyes, trying to convince me it's all okay."
"It is okay. It's in the past—"
"It's not in the past!" Her voice rises for the first time, anger finally breaking through the shock.
"It's right here, right now, affecting us.
Liam is standing outside our house because of this.
You two can barely look at each other because of this.
I ran away last night because of this. So don't tell me it's in the past when it's clearly very much in the present. "
I open my mouth to respond, but she holds up her hand.
"I love you," she says, and the words should make me feel better but somehow they make everything worse. "I love you so much it scares me. But right now, I don't know if that's enough."
"Don't say that."
"I have to say it. Because I need you to understand that this isn't just about what you did years ago with Liam.
It's about trust. It's about feeling like I know who you really are.
And right now..." She trails off, grabbing her bag from where she dropped it earlier. "Right now, I don't know anything."
"Where are you going?"
"Maddie's. Again." She walks to the door, then pauses with her hand on the knob. "I need time, Cole. Please give me that."
"How much time?"
"I don't know."
"Harper, please don't leave. Not again. Not like this."
She turns to look at me one last time, and the pain in her eyes nearly brings me to my knees. "I'm not leaving you. I'm just... leaving."
The door closes behind her, and I'm left standing in my living room, heart racing, mind spinning, feeling like my entire world just walked out the door.
Through the window, I see her walk past Liam without a word, get into Maddie's car, and drive away.
The front door opens, and Liam steps back inside.
"Well," he says, shoving his hands in his pockets. "That went well."
I'm across the room before I consciously decide to move, slamming him against the wall, forearm pressed to his throat.
"You did this on purpose," I growl. "You came here knowing exactly what would happen."
He doesn't fight back, just looks at me with those cold eyes. "Someone had to tell her the truth."
"The truth? You twisted everything to make it sound like—"
"Like what, Cole? Like we used to fuck the same girls together? Because that's exactly what we did."
"Not with her. I never wanted that with her."
"But I did." His smile is vicious. "And you know what? I think she's considering it. I saw it in her eyes when she looked at me."
I press harder against his throat, and he chokes slightly. "You're out of your fucking mind!"
"Am I? Or are you just scared that maybe, deep down, she's curious? That maybe the good girl wants to be a little bad?"
I release him with a shove and step back before I do something I'll regret. "Get out of my house."
"Gladly." He adjusts his shirt, still smirking. "But just so you know, when she comes to me—and she will—I'm not going to turn her away."
"She's not coming to you."
"We'll see." He heads for the door, then pauses. "You know what your problem is, Cole? You think just because you love her, she's yours forever. But people change. Feelings change. And maybe what she needs isn't your safe, boring relationship. Maybe she needs something wild. Something dangerous."
"Get the fuck out."
He leaves, and I'm alone with my pounding headache and racing heart. I sink onto the couch, head in my hands, trying to breathe through the panic constricting my chest.
Rex pads over and puts his head on my knee, whining softly.
"I fucked up, buddy," I tell him. "I fucked up so bad."
My phone buzzes. For a second, my heart leaps, thinking it's Harper. But it's just a message from Coach in the team group chat about practice tomorrow.
Practice. Hockey. The team. All of it feels completely meaningless right now.
I look around at the apartment—at the blanket Harper used this morning still draped over the couch, at her coffee mug still sitting on the counter, at Rex's bowl that she filled before her shower.
She's everywhere in this place. And now she's gone. Again.
I don't know how many times I can watch her walk away before one of these times becomes permanent.
My phone is in my hand before I realize what I'm doing. I pull up her contact, thumb hovering over the call button.
But she asked for space. And after everything I've put her through, the least I can do is give her what she asked for.
I set the phone down and lean back against the couch, closing my eyes.
The apartment is too quiet. Too empty. Too full of the ghost of her.
And I have no idea how to fix this.