Chapter 48 The Point of No Return
The Point of No Return
Harper
I lie down on Maddie's bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to calm my racing thoughts. But instead of peace, my mind conjures images I shouldn't be thinking about.
Liam and Cole. Both in my bed. Both touching me, pleasing me, working together instead of fighting. The fantasy unfolds behind my closed eyelids—Liam's rough intensity mixed with Cole's tender attention, both of them focused entirely on me, both on the same page for once.
The thought turns me on more than I'd like to admit.
I squeeze my thighs together, trying to make it stop, but it only makes it worse. Heat pools low in my stomach, and I'm suddenly very aware of my body's betrayal.
I roll over and close my eyes. Maybe if I fall asleep, this will all go away.
Sometime later, my phone buzzes. Then again. And again.
I grab it and see Cole's name lighting up the screen repeatedly. Calls. Texts. Each one more frantic than the last.
Cole: Harper please don't do this
Cole: I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry.
Cole: Please talk to me
Cole: HARPER
Good. Let him freak out. He wanted to hide something this massive from me for a year? Well, now it's time for payback.
But even as I think it, I know I'm not going to follow through. I only said it out of anger. I only agreed to the date to make them both feel as out of control as I feel.
Right?
The tears start falling before I can stop them. Hot, angry tears that soak into Maddie's pillow. I can't nap. Can't rest. Can't escape the mess I've made.
My phone rings. Liam.
I answer without thinking.
"Trouble. Heard the answer is a yes."
His voice does something to me—something I don't want to acknowledge.
"Come pick me up at Maddie's and Sirus's right now."
There's a pause. "I’m there."
I end the call and stare at the phone in my hand, my heart pounding. What am I doing? What the fuck am I doing?
I walk into the living room, tears streaming down my face. "I don't know what I'm doing."
Maddie rushes over and hugs me. "It's going to be okay."
"It's not. I just told Liam to pick me up."
She gasps, pulling back to look at me. "What? What are you doing?"
"I don't know," I cry.
The silence falls heavy between us. I cry into her shoulder while she holds me, and I feel like I'm falling apart.
"You still think about Liam, Harp? After all this time?" she whispers.
I nod, wiping my eyes, but it only makes me cry harder. "Does that make me a bad person?"
She hugs me tighter. "I'm so sorry, Harp."
A truck pulls up outside. The sound of the engine cuts through the apartment.
Sirus looks at the door. "Am I letting him in?"
I watch the door like it might explode. Sirus stands in front of it, a barrier between me and whatever happens next.
"One last chance to change your mind, Harper," he calls out.
Liam walks up and knocks.
When Sirus opens it, Liam's eyes find mine immediately. My breath catches in my throat. He looks good—too good. Dark jeans, leather jacket, hair slightly messy like he ran his hands through it on the drive over.
"Trouble."
"You don't have to do this," Maddie whispers beside me.
But I'm already moving. Like I'm hypnotized, I walk to Liam, never breaking eye contact. My feet carry me to the door, past Sirus's worried expression, past Maddie's tears.
I walk out.
I get into Liam's truck, and the familiarity of it hits me like a wave. The smell—leather and his cologne. The seat beneath me. It feels exactly like it did a year ago when I was being spontaneous, when I felt alive and free, driving away from that party, choosing reckless over safe.
Time is an odd thing. You think you can move on from things, but it's a lie. Around certain people, in certain places, you feel exactly the way you did years ago.
Liam gets in without a word and drives off.
My phone rings, and Liam steals it from my hand.
"What the fuck?" I gasp, reaching for it.
"Do you want to crash?" he asks, swerving the truck. I grip onto the dashboard, feeling terrified. Liam just laughs like this is funny.
"Turn around!" I demand.
"No. We're going to my place."
I sit in my seat, the overwhelming feeling in my chest threatening to suffocate me. But I refuse to cry. Refuse to beg. Refuse to throw a tantrum.
When we get to Liam's place—a nice townhouse I didn't expect—he parks and gets out. I don't move. I'm frozen.
He opens my door and offers his hand.
"Can I have my phone?"
He shakes his head. "Not until we talk. Come on."
I get out without taking his hand and follow him inside. The place is really nice—hardwood floors, modern furniture, cleaner than I expected from a college guy.
"I have a couple roommates, but they're at work right now," Liam says, heading for the stairs.
Reluctantly, I follow.
When we get to his bedroom—the master—he shuts the door behind me. Hockey equipment is everywhere. Sticks in the corner, gear bag by the closet, jerseys hanging on the back of the door. I feel like I just walked into a hockey store.
When I turn to look at him, he's right there, touching my face.
"I missed you, Trouble."
I start to tremble at how close he is. I take a step back.
"Harper," he says, and the way he says my real name instead of the nickname makes something crack inside me.
I start to cry, tears silently falling down my face.
"Is this what you want, Liam?" I ask as he reaches for me. I take another step back.
“I want you.”
I forcefully take off my hoodie, my elbows getting caught in every angle possible. It feels suffocating.
“Is this what you want? Hmm?" I successfully remove my hoodie and throw it on the ground. I start on my shirt now. "Is this what you want? Huh?"
"Harper, stop."
"No, this is what you want, right? You just want to fuck me? Use me? This is what you want!" I throw my shirt on the ground, standing there in just my bra and jeans.
"That's not—"
"All you care about is getting your dick wet again?” I lean in. “You want this pussy so fucking bad that you’re willing to fight over it?”
His eyes flare, looking down at my cleavage.
I start unbuttoning my pants.
"Keep those on," he says.
"No!"
He pulls out my phone and calls Cole.
"Harper," Cole's voice comes through immediately, desperate and broken.
"Get your ass over here. I'm dropping a pin."
I freeze at the sound of Cole's voice through the speaker.
Liam ends the call and texts him
"What the fuck do you think you’re doing?" I demand.
"Me? What the fuck are you doing!"
"Why did you invite him here? What happened to..." I make my voice deep and mocking. "Go on a date with me, Trouble. Date me. Fuck me, Harper. I miss your pussy."
Liam shakes his head. "I want you… to want me back, Trouble. I don't want you like this."
Shame floods me, and I start to cry, reaching for my shirt. "I don't know what I'm doing." I sit on the bed and start to crumble. "What am I doing, Liam?"
He sits next to me and wraps his arm around me. "I'm sorry. I'm..."
I look up at him. He wipes my tears with his thumb, gentle in a way I don't expect.
"I'm so fucking jealous because if you hadn't met him..."
"You think I'd be with you?"
He nods, looking at my lips. "Don't cry. I don't like seeing you cry."
For a moment, I think I might kiss him. I want to. But I know I shouldn't.
I climb further onto his bed and slip under the covers, hiding.
He watches me and grabs my leg through the blanket. "You look good there."
I cover my face with the covers, shutting out the world.
Then I hear the front door slam open downstairs. Footsteps pounding up the stairs.
"Where the fuck is she?" Cole's voice is raw, terrified.
Liam stands and walks out the bedroom door. I hear them in the hallway—tense, quiet words I can't make out.
Then Cole is crawling onto the bed, hovering above me. "Harper?"
I'm trying not to cry, failing miserably.
"Talk to me."
"Will you just lay with me?" I ask, my voice small.
He drops to my side and wraps his arm around me, pulling me close. "Did he do anything stupid?"
"No, he apologized."
Cole presses his forehead against mine. "I love you, Harp."
"I love you too."
"I love you too," Liam mocks from somewhere beside the bed, and I hear him sit down.
I look over at Liam, and my heart squeezes. My stomach flips. After all this time, he still has an effect on me that I can't explain. Can't rationalize. Can't make go away.
I pat the bed to welcome Liam next to me.
Cole goes completely still.
I face Cole, guilt written all over my expression. Liam scoots behind me on the bed, and suddenly I'm sandwiched between them.
"Is this okay?" Liam asks, gathering my hair to move it out of the way.
I nod.
Cole's watching me closely, searching my face.
"I love you," I whisper to him, and then I'm kissing him, trying to prove it's true.
He keeps his eyes open, watching me.
Liam's hand snakes onto my shoulder, and I lean into his touch without meaning to.
"Harper," Cole says breathlessly, pulling away. "You don't—"
"I want to."
"You do?"
I nod, kissing him again, harder this time.
"Harper," he says between kisses, questioning.
"Shh," I say, pushing my body back toward Liam. I grab Liam's hand and bring it to my stomach.
Then I turn around and look at Liam.
He moves the hair out of my face and whispers, "I knew you were trouble."
His hand starts to move lower, and I grab it, stopping him. I turn back to Cole.
"Cole. Are you going to hate me?" I ask, starting to panic. I feel like crying again.
He says, "I could never hate you."
Liam leans in and whispers in my ear, "Does this mean I'm your boyfriend too?"
A shiver takes over my body. "Is that how this works?"
Cole scowls at Liam but doesn't say anything.
"Do you want to be my girlfriend too, Trouble?" Liam whispers. “Unlike Cole, I can share.”
I gulp, watching Cole, waiting for him to shut this down. To say no. To save me from myself.
"Cole?"
"You live with me, Harper. I don't want to share."
"Fine. I'll move in," Liam says immediately.
Cole's eyes dart to Liam's, anger flashing there.