Chapter Twelve
“So, walk me through what happened one more time.”
I rolled my eyes at Jemma’s request. I’d already explained what had happened at the farmer’s market yesterday multiple times this morning, but she was persistently asking me every chance there was a lull in the conversation.
“For the hundredth time, I was out shopping and writing, then we literally bumped into each other. He helped clean up the tea I spilled, we kissed, and then I showed him around the rest of the market and different booths. Once everything was closed, we said goodbye, and Ryker asked me to go out to dinner with him tonight. The end.”
“You know, every time you tell this story, I get less excited.” I turned around to see Jemma reading my current work in progress notebook while I rummaged through my closet, trying to figure out what I should wear for my date tonight.
I had no idea what to wear because this man was dead set on keeping it a surprise.
Even with messaging him today, he wouldn’t give it up, just that he’d be here by seven.
“You’re only less excited about it because I’m not giving all the juicy details anymore.
” I rolled my eyes, even though she couldn’t see it, while I pulled out a pair of my favorite mom jeans that I usually rolled up mid-calf, which had holes on the knees.
Casual, but could still be cute dressed up.
“You might not be giving the juicy details, but this new story sure is.” I turned around to see Jemma fanning herself and then flipping the page.
There was no use in stopping her from reading what I was working on.
I took the kiss we had yesterday and ran with it in this story, even taking it further than just a kiss.
While none of what I knew she was reading had happened in real life, my stomach did a little tumble, hoping that it might with Ryker.
“Cute top or casual?” I turned around so she could see the bottoms I chose, completely ignoring the comment she made about the notebook.
“Where is he taking you?”
I sat down on the bed next to Jemma, “I’m not sure, he didn’t really say where, just to be ready by seven.”
“Go casual; it’s what you are most comfortable with, but you can always dress it up with a cardigan and a cute purse, your usual.”
I went to my dresser and rummaged through the drawers until I found the shirt I was looking for, my Luke’s Diner shirt, and grabbed my dark brown cardigan out of the closet with my brown bucket bag purse.
It was perfect, a cute and casual outfit for an evening dinner this time of year.
It felt like fall, without it being in full effect.
“Yes?” I did a little spin for Jemma after getting changed, needing one last approval.
She looked up from her phone since she’d stopped reading my notebook.
“Perfect.” She was grinning ear to ear with pride and motioned for me to come and sit next to her. “I’ve been trying to do some digging as well.”
“On what?”
“Ryker and Beckett.”
I looked at her, confused.
“I thought there was nothing going on between you and Beckett?” I questioned her.
“There isn’t,” she said cruelly. “But I’m just so fucking curious as to how they ended up at the award show. The Beckett I knew growing up was never a gamer, and while people can change, I can tell you that man would never game a day in his life.”
“I asked Ryker about being at the awards yesterday, and he couldn’t give me much either, but did say Beckett played a little, so maybe he has changed?”
Jemma turned her phone around to me and showed me Beckett’s social media page.
“There isn’t a computer in any of these photos, or a setup, which is odd because most guys who game or even just stream always have photos of their setup.
There is, however, his signature electric guitar that he got for his tenth birthday in every photo.
” She was staring at one photo of him for a little too long before she caught me watching and swiped away.
She wasn’t wrong, though. When I’d gotten home last night, after writing, I tried to deep dive to find Ryker online, and while I was able to, since his account followed my gaming page, he hadn’t posted on there in years.
He most likely used it to simply lurk rather than post. I had found a few gaming setup photos that had been posted, but they didn’t have captions and had no games displayed on the computer screens.
“I saw a couple on Ryker’s page, but they were from at least five years ago and nothing since.”
“I did too, that’s why I went down the rabbit hole of searching Beckett’s, since he’d made an offhand comment when he pulled me away from you at the ball, that Ryker was his assistant, and that he was the one into gaming.
It just felt off when he told me, like he had to say it, not that he wanted to tell me that. ”
“That seems odd, since Ryker didn’t mention that yesterday, but then again, he didn’t mention much.”
“It does.” Jemma held her phone up and was scrolling through images again.
“Maybe I can try to ask Ryker more questions tonight and see what I can find out.” I looked at the clock and saw that he would, in fact, be here in about twenty minutes. Nerves shot through me.
I hadn’t been this nervous for a date in a long time.
There was something about how easy it was with Ryker that scared me.
I let myself be open and honest with him, and yet I was realizing that I barely knew him.
I needed to start asking him more questions about himself tonight, not just inquiring more about gaming.
“I’ll see if I can get more information out of Beckett or if he is just going to keep brushing it off again.” Jemma now had her phone so close to her face that her nose was almost touching it as she looked through each of Beckett’s photos.
“Is this your excuse to talk to Beckett more?”
“No.” She didn’t move her gaze from her phone as I stared at her. “Yes.”
I laughed at her admission.
“What’s changed?”
She finally moved the phone away from her face and met my gaze.
“Ugh.” Her shoulders sagged, and an agonizing look graced her face, almost like a fake cry. “We’ve been messaging a little bit every few days about you and Ryker, and I don’t know, I feel myself falling for his stupid fucking southern charm that I hate so much.”
“You still haven’t elaborated more on Beckett and how you two know each other.”
“I don’t know if I’m ready for that full conversation yet.” Jemma glanced back at her phone, a notification popping up. From where I was standing, I could see Beckett’s name on the screen. Jemma flopped back onto my bed, arm over her face.
“What about just a little something so that I can stop playing the guessing game?”
Jemma blew out a puff of air before she told me anything.
“I mentioned that I knew Beckett since we were kids and knew each other well into high school. We had a falling out, and I never saw him again after I left Tennessee.”
“That is practically what you already told me, and there’s a lot of information missing still.”
Jemma sat up and grabbed her phone.
“Our families knew each other, probably still do. We saw each other every single day. We were inseparable for a long time.” Jemma’s eyes met mine again. Tears were welling up in her eyes.
‘Fuck.” I sat down next to her, grabbed her, and held her in my arms. She wasn’t one for much emotion, but when it came to home and family, she broke down. No matter how much time passed, it was always hard for her to think about her past life. “How can I help?”
“I honestly don’t know right now.” She wiped a tear away. “Make it so that the feelings I had for this man growing up don’t come creeping back up. Make it so he can’t break my heart a second time.”
“Jemma.” Her name was a whisper on my lips.
The rumble of an engine came from out front.
Jemma wiped away the rest of her tears, stood, and shook off everything she was just feeling.
“Let’s get you on a date, hun.”
“This conversation isn’t over.”
“It is for the moment.”
I stood next to her, taking her into another hug before she shoved me toward the front door, but I stopped just right before.
Ryker was going to come to this door and take me out.
He was at my house, and he only lived a short drive away.
He could come over here more often, or I could go to his place.
“Is this moving too fast?” I asked Jemma, who still hadn’t made her escape out the back door.
“What do you mean?” She was at my side now.
“I barely know this man.”
“You know him better than any of those other dudes you met online.” She scoffed and waved her hand at me.
“That’s not what I mean.” I turned toward her, my attention no longer on the door. Her head was tilted in question. “This feeling that I want to know more of him, all of him, to see him more, have him come over, or me go to his place. Spend actual time with him, kiss him more, be with him.”
“Oh, shit.” Jemma’s eyes were wide. “I didn’t realize it was this deep yet.”
“I didn’t either ‘til I looked at that door and realized that when I open it, I’m opening a lot more; I can feel it.
I trust him too much already. Like, I want to be my full self with him, but I don’t want it to be like last time.
That I get lost in someone that seems invested in me, and I end up missing all the signs, the red flags, that it’s wrong. ”
“Oh, hun,” Jemma grabbed my hand, understanding more now that my reaction was coming from my relationship with Parker.
I’d lost myself in his sweet words at the beginning, how he took care of me, but missed all the lies, deceit, affairs, and how he was only using me for companionship, so he wasn’t lonely.
In fact, he found himself someone to bed almost every week that wasn’t me, but he never wanted more than one night with them.
I didn’t find this out until after the relationship ended, though.
A tear fell, and I wiped it away quickly before it could undo the mascara I put on. Jemma came in for a hug and held me. We stood there in silence for a few moments until she pulled away and placed her hands on my shoulders.
“I can tell you this right now. From what you’ve told me so far, Ryker is not Parker.
Nowhere close.” She gave me a little shake before continuing.
“And it is clear already that man is very different from how he speaks to you, how he treats you, even with the few times you’ve been with him.
You feel safe, which, in all honesty, is a first that I’ve seen, and the way you smile when you speak about him or are thinking about him is something I’ve never seen from you before.
I can tell you that this is different; such a good different. ”
“Yeah?” I gave her a sheepish smile.
“Fuck yeah.” She gave me a little shove toward the door and stepped away. “And even if you’re worried about it going too fast, you can always slow it down, talk to him less, see him less.”
“Fuck no.” I righted myself. Even if I was overthinking, I knew that was something I didn’t want to happen.
“Didn’t think so.” Jemma let out a laugh.
A knock came from the front door.
“And that’s my cue to go.” Jemma snuck out the back door, and I looked myself over in the mirror one last time.
I could do this.
I could allow myself to fully open up the idea of letting Ryker into my life, to be a part of it consistently.
A part of me became more nervous at the thought, and another part became excited.
It’d been so long since I’d allowed myself to be me with another man.
I knew I didn’t want to get hurt, but I also knew I wanted to be with someone who could love me and live life with me.
Who knew if Ryker was that person, but I was ready to let myself be open to it.