Chapter Eighteen
Odette Reign was in my office.
She was standing in the middle of my office, looking around at the different items I’d had viewers send me over the years. Awards I’d won. If she looked hard enough at my bookshelves, she’d see her books there, too.
I wanted to freeze this moment, keep us in it forever, but Odette had asked me a question and I needed to answer her. Explain all of this.
“This is where I game and stream.” I walked over to my desk. “My lights change based on what I am currently playing, and this is Rex.”
I pointed to the stuffed dinosaur in my gaming chair, which I wasn’t sure Odette had seen.
“These are some of the awards I’ve won and gifts from viewers.” I motioned to the different walls and then looked back to Odette, who was still standing there staring at me.
Please say something.
“I see all of that, Ryker.” She took a step toward me and placed a hand on my chest. The simple gesture relaxed me. “But why now? We’ve been talking for weeks. I feel like that’s enough time to tell me you game.”
I took a few deep breaths before I spoke again.
“It’s not that easy to explain,” I started, and Odette opened her mouth to speak, but I put my hand over hers and squeezed.
Her mouth shut, and I continued. She wanted me to explain, so I would.
“Only a few people know about all of this. I had almost every intention of never saying anything, but after the other night, I knew I couldn’t do that.
I couldn’t hide this part of my life, because it is a huge part of my life.
It’s my job. It fills most of my days, and you would eventually learn that. ”
I waited in case Odette had something to say to that, but she just nodded her head at me.
“Beckett didn’t want me to tell you so soon, but I trust you.
I trust this and know that I had to tell you.
You’re in this world, and so am I. It would have become evident at some point.
I said that I want to be with you, Odette, and that’s true, but I need you to know who I am before I let that become a reality. ”
She nodded a few more times and looked around the room again, then her eyes landed back on me. She searched my face for I don’t know what.
“So, who are you?”
I stilled at her question. For most, it would have been a simple answer, but while I’d shown her this room and pieces of me, somehow saying my gamer tag out loud wasn’t happening. The words were stuck in my throat as I stared back at her. I could feel my palm starting to sweat around her hand.
There was no going back after this.
Odette took my ever-growing silence for her to continue.
“What, are you worried I won’t like who you are? You’re scared that I’ll think you’re like all the other gamer boys?” She let out a laugh and removed her hand from my chest, waiving it in the air at everything in the room.
“What, are you like CovertRetriever or something?” Her laugh deepened. It sounded like the more the words came from her mouth, the more ridiculous they sounded. “No one even knows who that is.”
I should be saying something.
Anything.
But no words were coming from my mouth as I watched her look around the room and then up to me again. I had no idea what look I had on my face, but suddenly Odette’s mouth formed into an ‘O’ and her eyes went wide with realization.
The hand she’d been waving around the room now covered her mouth, and she took a step back.
I moved the mouse next to my computer and typed in my password.
All three of my monitors came to life; the setup from earlier today was still on the screen. Editing software, my streaming service signed in, and a list of upcoming streams to prepare for. I selected the streaming service window and enlarged it to fill the screen before selecting my profile.
In large letters was my screen name.
CovertRetriever.
It was there in plain sight. She could see that the comment she had made wasn’t so ridiculous. That it was real. That I was him.
“Did you know who I was at the award ceremony?” Her question was valid, but it still caught me off guard.
“I did.” I took a step back toward her, but she held up a hand to stop me.
Fuck, she was going to leave.
She was already starting to guard herself.
“What else haven’t you told me yet?” Another valid question, but one I wasn’t quite ready to answer yet. Because there was so much more than just who I was as a gamer.
I opened and closed my mouth a few times. Unsure of how to tell her everything, all at once. Or if that was even a good idea. How long I’ve known her, how much I’ve invested in her games, her life, without her even knowing it was me.
“Actually,” she took another step back. “Don’t tell me. I need to process this first before you tell me more, because that look on your face and the way you are struggling to talk to me tells me there is more. There is a lot more.”
“Odette.” I let her name sit between us, not wanting to step toward her. She’d made the space, and I wanted to respect that. “Please don’t leave.”
I pleaded and reached a hand out to her, but I let it drop as she stood there staring at it before looking back up at me. I wanted her to let me explain, even if I didn’t deserve her time. I needed to be honest with her, especially after I’d dodged her questions and blatantly lied to her.
“I need to process this, Ryker.”
I took a deep breath. Understanding that even though I’d asked her not to leave, she was going to. She was going to walk out of this house and probably not come back. No matter what we’d had, this was it. I knew it was a possibility, but I’d hoped it wouldn’t have been a reality.
“If you don’t want to see me anymore, I understand.”
I didn’t understand, but I didn’t want to show her that I was hurt by her decision.
“Not see you?” Odette scoffed and took a small step toward me. Just ever so slightly, not enough as to where I could touch her, though. “Of course I want to see you, Ryker. I’m just trying to process this all, but if I let you too close or you touch me, I won’t be able to think straight.”
“Oh.” My eyes widened at her response. “You’re not leaving?”
“No.” Her shoulders sank, and she gave me a weary smile.
Odette still wanted to be with me; she was just processing this all. She wanted to see me, but right now needed physical space to think. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding, and her face softened.
She looked around the room again, walking over to a few of the trophies. Her fingers skimmed over the engraving of my gamer tag.
“How did I not know?” Her question was quiet. She turned back to me. “How did I not know that you were the one who was on the other side of that screen?”
She was calling me out now, knowing that we’d been communicating during my streams.
“It’s my job to make sure you didn’t know.
” I shrugged; my hands shoved now in my pockets.
“The first time you joined, I was in shock and wasn’t sure how to treat you, but then we kept talking and getting to know each other in real life, and you kept joining my streams. Sixteen streams to be exact, and I remember every single one of them. ”
I took a step toward her, and this time she didn’t move.
“I was being selfish with my time with you, trying to get as much of it as I could.”
Odette was silent now as she stood in front of me.
Her hands rubbed against her legs. She averted her gaze from mine as she took in the room once more.
It was like she was looking for something, anything else to question me about.
When she looked at me finally, her eyes were glazed over, tears starting to well up.
“Baby,” I emptied the space between us, taking her face in my hands. “What do you want to do, Odette? How do we move forward with this?”
I asked her a question this time. If she just needed to process, that was fine, but I wanted to know where I stood in this and how she wanted me to be there for her.
“I want to go home tonight.”
I gave a short nod.
“I want to talk to Jemma and really think about what you’ve shown me.”
She placed her hand on my cheek, just like how I was holding her. I let my head rest in her palms. She pulled my face forward, resting her foreheads together. There was no space left between us where moments ago it had felt like I couldn’t reach her.
“Then I want to come over tomorrow night to talk more,” Odette added.
I closed my eyes, and a smile formed.
She wants to come back.
“So, you’ll be back?” I asked just to be sure.
“Of course, Ryker.” She stood up on her toes and placed a kiss on the opposite cheek. “You have more you need to tell me, and I want you to show me everything.”
A sliver of hope filled me. She wasn’t just saying she wanted to see me again; she was making plans. Odette wanted to come back here. She wasn’t running away, but taking a moment for herself, and I could give her that.
I would give this woman everything if she’d let me.
“Everything,” I whispered the word and bit my lower lip, trying to stifle the grin that wanted to encompass my face.
This was going to be it.
Tomorrow night, I was going to bare my whole soul.