Chapter Twenty-Three
“Ithink it’s time for a break.” Jemma’s voice brought me out of the bubble I’d put myself in for the last hour.
“Huh?” My fingers were still typing out the sentence I had started.
I was currently working on edits for League of Warlocks while simultaneously trying to finish this draft to send to my editor.
I was so close to completing this new story, and the deadline was quickly approaching.
Finding my own happiness was exactly what I’d needed, but I wasn’t going to let Alexa know she was right. Even if that muse was Ryker.
Ryker.
It’d been a week since he had laid everything out, and we’d spent the night together. It was magic. Still was magic.
We’d spent a few nights together, but he still needed to stream and do work, and so did I. When I wasn’t with him, I had his streaming on as background noise. It was constant Ryker all the time.
“Let’s go touch grass.” Jemma got up from the couch where she’d been working in her sketchbook after spending the earlier part of the morning working on social media and our calendars for upcoming deadlines and events.
She placed her notebook on the coffee table and came over to me, shooed my hands away from my keyboard, saved the document I was working on, and closed the laptop.
She took it from me and placed it on the coffee table.
“But—” I tried to reach out, but Jemma swatted my hand away.
“No buts.” Jemma held out her hands to me and helped me off the couch. My knees creaked. Maybe she was right; I should move a bit. “We’ve been sitting here for hours, you haven’t eaten anything but chips and have only drunk from the same hot tea that was made this morning.”
I sighed. She wasn’t wrong. When I got in the zone, I kind of forgot about the rest of the world around me. I was left standing as Jemma exited the room to the kitchen and came back with two bottles of water.
I followed her to the front door, slipping on my shoes.
We both made our way to the front yard, where I had a porch swing set up under the large oak tree.
We both sat in silence, drank our water, and looked around.
It was a quiet day, sunny but cloudy and a bit on the chilly side.
I’d been bundled up in sweats and a jacket inside, and it was paying off coming out with Jemma.
“This is nice.” I had my face pointed to the sky, trying to take in as much of the sunlight as I could.
“I was looking at your calendar for the rest of the year.”
“I thought we weren’t working; touching grass as you said.” I gave Jemma a pointed look, who just took a sip of water and continued. She was a little more put together in jeans and a cardigan.
“Yeah, about that,” Jemma turned in the swing to me. Her arm rested behind me, and she looked worried. “There is something I do want us to talk about.”
“What would that be?” I didn’t think I had anything big coming up soon. Most events we were planning were next year since it was getting closer and closer to the holidays.
“Your birthday.” I’d brought the water bottle up to my lips, but placed it back down, and screwed the cap on. I didn’t turn to Jemma, but I knew she was staring me down. Her two words rang between us—something I hadn’t considered at all this year.
Another year. Another birthday.
“Fuck.” The word slipped out, and Jemma placed a hand on my deflated shoulder.
Birthdays were always rough for me, and for a long time, I didn’t celebrate.
Not until after Jemma and I became close, and she weaseled it out of me.
I always made her promise nothing fancy and no big parties.
Take-out and movies were the staple. It was easier with it being in the middle of the holiday season.
“I know we normally just do an ‘us’ thing, but I didn’t know if you wanted to change that with Ryker in the picture now.”
“I honestly hadn’t thought about it.” Tears were starting to form in my eyes. “I don’t know what to do, Jemma.”
I looked over at her, and the slight worry she had before became tenfold as she wiped away a tear that broke free.
“You’ve never told me why you didn’t want to celebrate your birthday, but this reaction tells me there is more to this, and by god, if his name is Parker, I will fuck something up.”
“Jemma,” I scolded her.
“Don’t Jemma me. You know I hate that man for the shit he did to you.”
“Yeah,” I sat up straighter. “As much as I’ve been able to move on, and what he did doesn’t affect me as much anymore, this one kind of takes the cake. This has probably been the one thing that’s stuck, and I haven’t worked to move on from.”
“Why?” Jemma asked.
“I think because it was the one thing that I could just pretend didn’t happen and no one would question it, because, let’s be honest, my family doesn’t care about my birthday. I didn’t really have friends to care; and all in all, it just became something that didn’t exist.”
We sat there in silence as I took a few more drinks of water.
“Tell me what happened.” Jemma’s tone was soft, inviting me to tell her the last secret I kept from her. I’d told Jemma literally everything else about Parker and my life but this one thing; it was something that I’d kept locked away.
It’d changed a pivotal day in my life forever, and I had accepted that it was always going to be that way. Except now it wasn’t. I had people in my life who loved me and wanted to celebrate me and be with me. It was different, and now something I needed to face.
“It was the first birthday I had while dating Parker,” I started.
“We’d been dating for almost a year; we’d been together since right after my birthday the previous year.
I’d made friends with a lot of his friends.
We hung out with them on the weekends, so I thought, why not just throw myself a party?
The day came, some of his friends were helping me set up, and then everyone showed up.
There were at least ten to fifteen people at my apartment.
We had food, appetizers, drinks, music flowing, and movies on in the background.
I’d already had my Christmas decorations up, so it looked a bit like a birthday party and Christmas party at the same time. ”
I laughed, thinking of that night. It had been a wonderful setup, and his friends had done such an amazing job helping me.
“What happened then?”
“Well, everyone was there.” I took a deep breath and nodded my head. Prepping myself for the second half of this story. “Except one person.”
I looked over to Jemma, whose eyes were like daggers at me.
“Mother-fucking Parker.”
I let out a bellowed laugh at her outburst.
“Yes, mother-fucking Parker.”
“What the fuck, Odette?” Jemma exclaimed, but I continued.
“I tried to call him multiple times, and so did his friends. No one knew where he was. I thought the worst, like he was in a ditch somewhere. I ended up in the bathroom for about an hour, sitting on the floor, crying, having a full-blown panic attack. I called and called again. Left voicemails. Sent texts. Nothing.”
I was looking up at the sky now, trying not to let the tears fall from my eyes at the memories. The memory didn’t make me sad, but the remembrance of the motions I felt that night sat in my chest. I grieved for that girl who just wanted to be loved.
“When I walked out of the bathroom, I could tell by the looks on people’s faces that they knew he wouldn’t be showing.
Kimmy, one of his friends whom I had grown super close with, brought out the cookie cake she’d gotten me, candles lit.
I looked around as all of his friends sang happy birthday to me, but he was nowhere to be found.
And while a lot of them were my friends too, it didn’t feel like I had anyone there for me. ”
I let a sob break from me and tried to wipe away the tears that were falling now.
“I was in a crowded room, but felt so alone.”
“Oh, honey,” Jemma pulled me to her, wrapping her arms around me as I cried. “Where the fuck was he?”
Her question sounded as if she was trying to understand what had happened that night.
“After everyone left, I cleaned up and went to bed. I’d been so worn out that I managed to pass out.
When I woke in the morning, I still had nothing on my phone, but I didn’t have any more energy to call.
Instead, I got up and was making breakfast when Parker walked through the door.
We’d shared keys to our places so we could come and go as freely as we wanted.
” I pulled away and laughed. The kind of laugh you have when you just know how shit a situation something is, but it happened, and you can’t change it.
“He walked in the door with a coffee and a box of pastries like he normally would on Sunday mornings, like nothing had happened. He didn’t mention the calls, the voicemails, the texts. ”
“What?” Jemma’s question was soft, but I kept going.
“He said nothing. Acted like nothing had happened. We went on with our day, and I felt so paralyzed on how to bring it up to him that I never did. He never said anything about it ever again, and I never mentioned my birthday a single day after that. Not to anyone. I had no idea if his friends ever mentioned it to him, but he never once brought it up.”
I looked over to Jemma, who now had tears falling down her face.
“Not until you.”
Jemma launched herself at me, causing the swing to move. I laughed as I held on tight to her.
“We can table this for now, but fuck, girl.” She squeezed me tighter.
“I know.” I held on to her tightly, relaxing into her arms. Jemma was an amazing friend, always there for me.
I pulled back and put my hands on her shoulders.
“Now that we’ve discussed my trauma, maybe you could tell me more about Beckett?
Like what’s been going on and why I’ve been seeing your bedroom light on at three in the morning when I know good and well you’re in bed by nine and up by seven each morning. ”
My eyebrow quirked up, and Jemma’s eyes went wide.
“Shit.” The one word was barely a whisper, but I heard it. “I thought we were being careful.”
“So, my guess is that we are at the lovers’ part and no longer enemies?”
Jemma closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. When she opened them, I saw the vulnerability shine through and immediately grabbed her again; this time, I was giving her the much-needed hug.
“I never once in my life thought this man would ever come waltzing back in, but fuck. It’s been hard to keep him away when he keeps persisting, and I’ve succumbed to not wanting to put my walls up.
” Jemma admitted all of this to me while her face was buried in my neck.
“I have no idea what this is, but I also don’t know how much of my life I want to let him in on. ”
I pulled back and looked at Jemma. We were each other’s rocks, and as much as she had been there for me these past few weeks and months with Ryker, this book, and the new game, I was here for her just as much.
“Why not invite him to your open house at the new art gallery in Toronto?”
Jemma backed away at my suggestion. Her art was her vulnerability on display, and she normally didn’t let anyone she knew see it besides me.
“Before you run away and tell me no, think about it.” I placed my hands on hers.
“He’s from home, you knew him when you were younger, and while I know there are a lot of memories with your family that you use as inspiration, this collection is not that.
In fact, your Awakening collection would be the perfect way to introduce him to what you are capable of doing and showing him a side of you he doesn’t know. ”
Jemma let out a breath and pondered my statement.
“One condition.” She held a finger up as if to let her stew before continuing. “You let me throw you a big birthday party since it’s the weekend before the gallery opening and we can test the waters on how Beckett is in a group setting.”
I froze at her offer. She was trying to combine our traumas. I shook my head and gave her a squinted look.
“I’ll think about it,” is all I said before Jemma stood from the swing and stood in front of me. She held out her hand, but not before wiping away a few tears she’d shed herself.
We were definitely a pair, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. We were going to do this together, and damn it, I was probably going to have a huge ass birthday party to walk into next month.
A smile crossed my face as I followed Jemma into the house.
A birthday party.
That was all mine.