Chapter Twenty-Five
Girlfriend.
Ryker had staked his claim in front of Parker, and while a part of me was thrilled as Ryker drove us back to my house, I could feel myself shutting down.
What if this were just for now? What if my own limelight fought with his?
Or if Parker showing up today wouldn’t be the last time?
What if I couldn’t give Ryker peace when it came to my past, or even my present?
I stared out the window as we pulled down my street.
We hadn’t spoken the entire ride, and were going to spend the rest of the day together.
I was going to cook dinner after a relaxing afternoon, but now I don’t know.
Now my head was spinning with questions that I hadn’t really thought of before, mostly because Ryker had put a label on this.
Not that I didn’t want a label, but it made it all real. Even more real than us confessing our love for each other, because now, this was something more public. Something that we would tell others when they asked if we were single.
Parker showing up shook me, not just by him being there, but by his comments as well. Ryker had stood up for me, ready to punch him, but I wouldn’t allow it. I was used to Parker’s remarks and had learned to deal with them, and I didn’t need Ryker to get in trouble for them.
But still, the entire situation had me on edge. I let out a deep breath as Ryker pulled into my driveway.
“What’s wrong, my love?” Ryker asked, and I finally looked over to him; worry was written across his face, eyebrows pinched together, lips pressed. “What’s going through your head?”
“Maybe you should just drop me off, and we can see each other tomorrow. Give us some space to breathe.”
He stared at me, unmoving for a moment, and then he was out of the car. I quickly got out, ready to put up a fight that I was okay and just needed some time alone, when he grabbed my hand and led me to the front door.
Ryker waited patiently beside me as I grabbed my keys and slid them into the lock.
I had no idea what was going on, but as I opened the door, Ryker crossed the threshold first and pulled me along after him. I kicked the door closed with my foot and trailed behind him toward the kitchen. He placed a hand on my shoulder and sat me in one of my kitchen chairs.
I watched in silence as Ryker moved around the kitchen looking for various items. First, my kettle, then tea bags, sugar, honey, and lastly mugs.
I made myself comfortable as I watched the man I was in love with make me tea in my house.
It was clear he’d watched me plenty of times to know just how to make it.
He let the tea bag steep for a few minutes as he cleaned up the kettle, then put four spoonfuls of sugar and a good helping of honey into my mug and only a little bit of honey into his.
“Ryker,” I said his name as he walked over to me with the two mugs in hand. He sat mine in front of me, moved one of the other chairs next to me, and placed his mug down.
He looked me in the eyes.
“First, don’t let yourself out of the car again.” Ryker blew on his coffee mug and took a small sip. “Second, I’m not Parker.”
I picked up my mug now, taking a long sip, letting the familiar sensation of the warm tea fill my body. I instantly relaxed. Then I registered his words.
He was right; he wasn’t Parker. I knew this, but my brain didn’t.
My heart was trying to get it to come out of flight mode.
I looked around the room, anywhere but at Ryker.
I could feel the tears forming in my eyes at how foolish I was being.
I was long gone, moved on from Parker, but something about him being where we were today, trying to take a jab at me and Ryker standing up for me, had me unsure of how to handle it all.
“I know you aren’t,” I took a deep breath, a tear streaking down my cheek. “But it doesn’t mean I’m not scared that you might have the same feelings that he did one day or act the way he did toward me.”
“Can you let me know what those things are, Odette?”
I’d talked to Ryker a little bit about Parker, mostly that he knew we dated and that I’d left him, but he didn’t know a lot of the little details. The things that I’d gone to therapy for years to try to work through.
He didn’t know how Parker had broken me.
“Take as long as you need to tell me. I’m not going anywhere.” Ryker took another sip of his tea, and I did the same. He looked comfortable in the chair next to me, like he was making himself at home. Like he was home, like he belonged here, in my life.
“You know that I was with Parker for a few years, and that when we broke up, it wasn’t great, but there was a lot in the relationship that wasn’t great either.
Things I didn’t see until long after we had been apart.
Things that I’ve been able to move on from with therapy, but sometimes little things creep up here and there that I hadn’t realized were big for me, or even the little things that still linger. ”
Ryker put down his mug and took my hands, leaning forward, listening to me. He was all ears to anything I would tell him.
“If you haven’t noticed, Parker kind of likes to get what he wants, however he can get it.
Even when we were together, it always had to be his way.
The music we listened to, what I could do in my free time, who I could hang out with, what I could wear, or how I did my hair.
If it wasn’t what he liked, it was out of the question.
” I pulled my hand out of Ryker’s, handing both of mine together in front of me, intertwining my fingers together, rubbing them together, the pressure helping me calm down.
I took a deep breath before continuing. “I changed my whole life without ever realizing I had done so. It was like going from my parents’ control to his, and I hadn’t noticed it had happened.
I’d lost my friends in the first few months of us dating because he didn’t like them and inherited his friends instead.
I didn’t look like myself when I looked in the mirror, and I hated how I felt most days.
Like I wanted to do more, but didn’t know how.
I didn’t see all of that until months after we had broken up.
It took me so long to get myself back, learn what I liked again, how I wanted to dress, style my hair, or even what music I wanted to listen to in the car.
I had to rebuild myself from the ground up.
That’s where a lot of this came from when I decided to move out here on my own. ”
I motioned around my home, a home that screamed me.
“Fuck, baby.” Ryker moved his chair closer to me, but didn’t try to pry my hands apart to hold them. Instead, he grabbed them together, pressing into them. The added pressure was helping.
“I thought I was madly in love with him and would have done anything for him, but he never did anything for me. It was always what he wanted. And at some point in time, he no longer wanted me.” I laughed, but this wasn’t funny.
“Scratch that. He wanted me, but as a friend. He wanted me in his life because I somehow made his life better, but he didn’t actually want me.
I knew about the affairs but could never prove them, not until after we were no longer together. ”
Ryker didn’t say anything as I stopped and grabbed my tea, needing a break momentarily because there was so much more. He didn’t add anything else, but waited until I was ready to continue, so I did.
“The day I told Parker that I wanted to move somewhere out here and for him to come with me, he’d made mention of still needing his own space, saying that we wouldn’t work well together crammed in one house.
I let it go on for a few months, where we saw each other once a week and talked maybe a few times a day.
It wasn’t until the day I told Parker it was over that he pleaded with me not to leave, that I was too much of a friend to him, and that he needed me in his life, and he wouldn’t know what to do without me. ”
I straightened myself in the chair, ready to unveil one of the hardest moments in my life. Even harder than when I cut off my family, because all in all, Parker had basically been my family for years, and then he wasn’t, and I had to let him go for my sake.
“He came over that night, drunk, trying to confess his love on my front lawn. I let him in out of pity, and he sat on that couch,” I pointed to the living room.
“And told me how much he realized he hadn’t been appreciating me, that we could do whatever I wanted, that he would move here, that I could, as he said, be with my ‘stupid’ friends again. ”’
I reached for my mug, taking a few sips of tea. I hadn’t thought about that night in quite some time. Thinking about it reminded me of just how manipulative Parker really was, and no one truly saw it.
“After he left that night,” I continued, “he started texting me every day. I thought maybe he thought it was just a bump in the road, that he thought I wasn’t being serious, until I finally blocked his number a month later, per Jemma.”
“I need to send Jemma a thank-you gift,” Ryker said as he took a sip of his tea and looked at me from over the mug.
“She was the best friend I could have ever asked for. Parker had kept going on and on about how we were best friends and still wanted me in his life. Wanted to be able to text me when he wanted to, show up, go out to dinner, but also be able to see others. He’d actually texted me that night, and it sent Jemma into a frenzy.
She blocked his number on my phone, blocked him on all socials, and that was it.
To this day, I do not speak with Parker, and if for some reason our paths cross in the gaming universe, his assistant is who Jemma works with. ”
Ryker was shaking his head as he held his tea, taking in everything I had just laid out for him.
I finished off my tea as Ryker stared at me. He took a sip of his own tea, finishing off his glass, before grabbing my hands again. He pulled his chair closer to mine, his legs between mine.
“I promise,” Ryker took a deep breath. “To always be there for you. Whenever you might have a shutdown, need to talk, or anything you need. I will work my fucking hardest to rebuild a trust I know I didn’t break, but fuck baby, what you just told me breaks my fucking heart.
You didn’t deserve that kind of treatment; no one does.
And if I could, I’d go back to that beach and punch Parker right in the face. ”
I let out a guttural laugh, and relief washed over me.
“I know that promise is a lot, but you deserve to be loved, to be taken care of. To be shown that you matter, and I plan to do just that. But, Odette,” He placed a hand on my cheek, and I leaned into it, our eyes locked. “I am not Parker.”
“I know you aren’t, and I trust you. I trust you with my whole heart, Ryker.”
He leaned forward, placing his forehead against mine.
“I love you, Odette.”
“I love you, Ryker.”