24. Meghan
TWENTY-FOUR
Meghan
I ’ve spent the past week with my dad, arranging for relatives to receive items my mom had expressed they get, and stocking up the freezer for him with homemade meals.
He’s been a godsend, making sure I’m looking after myself and the news of my pregnancy has done nothing but bring us closer to each other.
I explained to my dad in more detail my relationship, or lack thereof, with Cooper and expressed again my worry about telling him about the baby, but he’d just pulled me close and whispered in my ear that I’d always be welcome home.
Which, of course, sets off a stream of tears.
I’m hormonal with my pregnancy but also emotional with grief.
Now I’m sitting in the back of a cab on my way to the Jackson and Partners offices after catching a redeye flight from LAX. I haven’t bothered to go home, instead opting to go and see him first.
After another heartfelt conversation with my dad, I’m feeling better about my decision to lay all of my cards on the table and tell Cooper how I feel. If he rejects me, then I’ll leave my job and raise my baby back in Sacramento with my dad—at least until I can get myself established.
When the cab pulls up to the curb outside of the offices, I take a moment to look up at the imposing building before exiting the cab. This is it.
The cold winter air whips at me as I step onto the sidewalk. Taking a deep breath, I pull myself out of my contemplative mood and head toward the front door, a sense of foreboding building inside of me.
When I reach the thirtieth floor, I stride to my desk, hoping to speak to my temp replacement for a minute, if only to try and give me something else to concentrate on before I have the biggest conversation of my life.
Turning the corner, I come up short when I see that my desk is vacant, whoever’s covering me must be at lunch, which means no more procrastinating. Pulling in a deep breath as I walk toward Cooper's ajar office door. Just as I’m about to knock, I hear a woman on the other side.
“Cooper, stop it,” she giggles, breathlessly.
Something tells me to hide, so I press my body against the wall as I listen in, praying nobody comes down this end of the office. I’m sure it’s not what I think it is, but I have to be sure—he can’t really have another woman in his office, can he?
“Mm-hmm, that’s good,” she moans.
“Tell me about it,” he chuckles, his raspy voice coming through the door.
Tears well in my eyes and I smack my hand over my mouth in an effort to stop the sob that wants to break free from my throat. My mind can’t process this and my ears can’t bear to hear any more and so I spin on my heel, stumbling my way down the corridor to the elevators.
My vision is blurry from unshed tears and I’m dragging my hand along the wall for support as I try to get away from whatever is going on in his office.
I don’t see Alfie until I stumble into him, his arm going around my waist to stop me from falling backward. Pushing away from him causes his arm to drop to his side, and I blink up at him in an attempt to clear my eyes.
I can’t break down here.
I don’t want to draw attention to myself. I want to make a speedy getaway without being seen.
“Oh, hey, Meghan. You’re back,” he says, like I’ve just been on vacation.
“Hi Alfie,” I croak out, clearing my throat to try and clear the emotion currently clogging it.
“Is Mr. Jackson still at lunch with Hayley?” he asks, oblivious to my turmoil. I frown up at him in question and he continues with my unasked question. “You know, his ex-fiancé.” He leans in conspiratorially. “Rumor has it, they’ll be announcing that they’re getting back together any day now.”
“Oh,” is all I can get out as my world crashes down around me.
Rubbing my palm against my chest, I try in vain to ease the pain Alfie’s statement has created there. It feels like he’s taken a knife and tried to carve out my heart. My other hand goes to my stomach in an attempt to protect my unborn baby from his words.
“Did you need to speak to him?” Alfie asks, tilting his head to the side in question.
He really needs to work on his social cues.
“Um, no. I can email him,” I reply as I go to pass him.
“Hey Meghan…” Alfie calls to my retreating back, causing me to stop and face him.
“Let's go for a drink soon. Now that Mr. Jackson is off the market, maybe you can stop crushing on him. We’ve all seen the way you look at him in the office.” He winks, an almost devious smirk spreading across his mouth.
I don’t need to be close to him to see the malicious intent in his expression and so I straighten my spine as I narrow my eyes at him.
“Fuck you, Alfie,” I snap back, trying to keep my voice down. “You never would’ve stood a chance with me and you know it.”
Turning on my heel, I march toward the bank of elevators with my head held high. Out of the corner of my eye I can see a few heads turn my way, but for the most part, people keep their heads down.
Fuck the men of Jackson and Partners .
As I ride the elevator down to the lobby, my mind goes back to the reason for my visit and what I just overheard in Cooper’s office. A renewed sense of loss overcomes me, and I can’t hold back the tears that spill over my cheeks.
Stumbling my way out of the elevator, I all but run to the exit, bursting through the doors as if I have a monster on my heels. My vision is blurred and I don’t see him until it’s too late to avoid him.
“Meghan?” Jamison calls.
I just can’t catch a break today .
“Hi Jamison,” I murmur, swiping away my tears, praying he hasn’t noticed them.
“Are you okay?” he asks, concern evident in his tone.
“I’m fine. How are you?” I ask, wiping away the tears that just won’t stop.
“Why don’t you come get in the car?” He swipes his arm toward a town car that’s sitting idle on the side of the road.
“Honestly, I’m fine. I’m just heading home.” I take a step in the direction of the subway, but he anticipates my move and blocks me.
“I’d feel better if you took a seat in the car,” he cajoles.
Heaving a sigh out, I walk to his car, throwing the back door open and climbing inside, fully aware I’m behaving like a sulking child. To my surprise, he climbs in next to me, closing us into the small space .
“Don’t you have somewhere you need to be?” I ask, praying he leaves.
“It can wait. Do you want to tell me what’s upset you so much?”
“As if I could tell you, of all people.” I bark out a laugh.
“Has Cooper hurt you? I know he told me to leave you alone, but if he’s hurt you, I can help. I won’t expect anything in return.”
I turn to him and take in the sincerity written across his face. As his words register, I can’t help but laugh.
I must look manic .
“He’s hurt me, but not in the way I’m sure you’re thinking. Look, thank you for your concern, but there really isn’t anything you can do.” I go to open the door, but his hand on my forearm stops me.
“My driver can take you home. I have a meeting for the next couple of hours.” I go to protest, but his next words stop me. “Do it for me, Meghan. I’d feel better if you took my car.”
Nodding, I relax back into my seat before realizing I’ve left my luggage with the receptionist inside. Without a word, I get out of the car and walk toward the building I really didn’t want to ever step foot in again.
I’m vaguely aware of Jamison calling out to me and my garbled response that I’ve forgotten my bag, my focus on getting in and out as quickly as possible. I’m gone for a matter of minutes and when I return, Jamison holds the door open for me .
“Thank you for this,” I say, stepping into the car.
“Any time. I hope everything gets sorted,” he replies before closing the door and tapping on the roof of the car.
Turning to the driver, I give him my address and close my eyes until he calls out to me as we pull up outside of my building.
With a mumbled thank you, I climb from the vehicle, standing on the sidewalk looking up at the building I’d created a home in.
Walking into my apartment, I go straight to my bedroom, pulling out my other suitcases and packing the rest of my stuff.
I’m moving back to Sacramento.
I have two suitcases packed, my dad on standby to pick me up from the airport and my flight booked for tomorrow morning, when there’s a knock at my front door.
I put down the shoes I’m organizing and head to the door, checking through the peephole before opening it up to Alex.
“Hey babe. How are you doing? I’m so glad to have you back.” She steps into my apartment, pulling me into a tight hug.
I haven’t seen her since my mom’s funeral, and although we’ve spoken on the phone or via text message most days, it just isn’t the same.
“Hey. I’m as good as can be expected. How are you? I have so much to tell you,” I mumble as I pull back from her embrace to look at her.
“I’m good. Let’s get some wine before you tell me anything. It’s been a long week.” she replies, dragging out the word long.
Alex heads into the kitchen, and I follow before leaning against the doorjamb. She pulls a wine glass from the cupboard, holding it up and silently asking if I want one. I shake my head in response.
It’s time for me to come clean.
I haven’t told her everything that’s been going on in my life, not since we went on our shopping spree.
Rule number one.
I shake my head to clear it, angry with myself at thinking about the stupid rules that did nothing to protect my heart.
Walking to the couch with Alex following in my wake, I take a seat, turning to face her when she sits next to me. She takes a sip of her wine and I wait for her to swallow before dropping the first of my many bombs.
“I’m pregnant. About two months, to be exact,” I blurt, no longer able to keep it contained.
“Oh my God!” she practically screams at me.
I cover my ears and break out into a cheerful grin as she places her glass on the coffee table and pulls me into a tight hug. I knew I could count on her to be happy about this news .
“I have more…” I brace myself, pulling out of her arms as I continue, my eyes dropping to look at my fingers playing with the sleeve of my sweater. “It’s Cooper’s baby.”
Lifting my gaze to her, I catch the moment her jaw drops and her mouth opens and closes a few times, like a fish out of water as she digests the news. Her silence encourages me to continue, but I drop my gaze, unable to look her in the eye. Not yet.
“After our shopping spree, I agreed to keep seeing him. We had an arrangement, one of the rules was that we wouldn’t tell anyone. It was one of my rules and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.”
Alex takes my hand and gives it a squeeze, causing me to look up at her. “You don’t need to apologize. I thought you might have still been seeing him. I saw you with him the night we went out with Alfie and his friends.”
“You did?” I whisper.
“I think everyone did.” She chuckles. “He practically dragged you out of the club. It was hard not to see.”
“Maybe that’s why Alfie was a dick to me today.” I huff, folding my arms over my chest.
“Ignore him. I never really liked him anyway. He gave off such a weird vibe. What does Cooper think about the baby?” When I drop my eyes to my lap, she continues, “He knows, right?”
“I... I went to tell him today…” My chin trembles as my eyes well with tears. “He had his ex-fiancée in his of fice. I heard them…” I whisper as a single fat tear slips free, sliding down my cheek.
Alex closes the distance between us and holds me while I cry, rubbing my back in soothing motions as she comforts me.
“I’m moving back home,” I cry into her shoulder, and she pulls back to look at my face for confirmation. Sadness is etched into her features and in that moment, despite knowing I need to be with my dad, I hate that I’m leaving her.
“Do you have to leave? You can stay with me. We can raise the baby together,” she says, tears welling in her own eyes.
“I can’t do that to you. You’re young and single and I can’t cock block you with my baby.” I chuckle, trying to lighten the mood as I wipe away her tears.
“Are you sure you don’t want to tell him?”
“Maybe when I’ve had some time away to think about it and heal my heart.
I won’t make him choose me and the baby.
I don’t want us to be an obligation to him.
” I rest my hand on my still flat stomach before continuing.
“The fact that I left town to bury my mom and he brought another woman into his office hurts. I need some time to get over that.”
“I get that you feel like that, but I just don’t want you making any rash decisions. Moving to the other side of the country is a big deal when it could all be a misunderstanding. I really think he deserves to know about his baby. ”
“I know he does, but right now, I don’t want to be near him.
I heard her with my own ears, giggling and moaning in his office.
And I heard him. I’ll always hear them when I think of him now.
I can’t stay and work with him or raise a baby with him, not now,” I plead with Alex to understand this from my perspective.
“You know I’ll support you with whatever choice you make,” she assures me as she pulls me in for another hug.
“Thank you. I want so badly for this to have gone in a different direction, but it is what it is and I need to do what is best for me and my baby. You’ve always been the strong one out of the two of us, doing what needs to be done to protect yourself and those you love. That’s just what I’m trying to do.”
“I’m just going to miss you, that's all.”
“And I’m going to miss you too, but you’re still going to be my baby’s godmother.”
“I better be,” she laughs.
We spend the rest of the evening eating takeout, watching sad romance movies and crying over them, painting our nails and pampering ourselves. I wanted my last night in Manhattan to be spent with my best friend, doing nothing, and that’s exactly what I got.
Alex agrees to stay over and when she goes to get into my bed, I take my cell out of my bag and type out an email to Cooper.