Chapter 32
I park the car while Mom and Zola make their way into the hospital. By the time I finally reach Zola’s room, I’m half expecting to be welcomed by a new baby’s cries, but there’s laughter bubbling out instead.
Zola beams at me with a dopey grin as she bounces on her yoga ball.
“Well, you seem better,” I tell her.
“Right?” she says, framing her chin with her hands. “Turns out having a kid is actually kind of easy.”
Mom laughs from her spot on the couch. “That may have something to do with the epidural.”
Our jokes taper off when Dr. Nazim comes to update Zola on her progress.
“Well, my dear, things are moving along,” she says. “I’d say you’ll probably be ready to start pushing within the hour. What do you think? Ready to have this baby?”
Zola nods, looking so happy, and to her credit, only slightly terrified. “Let’s do it.”
The doctor smiles. “I’m gonna go get cleaned up. You have any last questions for me?”
“Has anyone heard from Jason?”
The question goes out to the room, but Mom’s the only one with information. “He was in the city when I called, but he’s coming. He’ll be here.”
Zola nods and takes a deep breath. “Then I’m good.”
When Dr. Nazim excuses herself, I ask Zola a question I’m not sure I’m allowed to ask.
“Jason’s coming?”
“It’s his son too.”
“Even after you’ve seen who he really is? What he’s capable of? You’re just gonna welcome him back in here?”
“I let you come, didn’t I?”
“Zo, I’m serious. You’ve done everything on your own, and now he gets to show up and play Father of the Year?”
Zola takes a deep breath and I can’t tell if it’s a response to my inquiry or another contraction.
“First of all, I haven’t been alone.” She reaches out for my hand. “And as far as Jason goes, he’s family. He’s always gonna be family. Making a mistake—”
Zola changes her wording when she sees the look on my face.
“Okay, making a lot of really bad decisions, back-to-back-to-back, doesn’t change his role in all this. And right now, I don’t want to waste energy being mad at anybody. Least of all him. He’s the father of my child, and in that way, I’m always gonna have love for him.”
“All right,” I say as soon as she finishes. “I get it.”
“You do?” Zola stops bouncing and tilts her head suspiciously. “Damn, what kinda drugs did they shoot me up with?”
“Shut up,” I say, gently hip-checking her shoulder. “You’re right. I can’t forgive him, but for your sake I can play nice. I don’t want to waste any more energy being mad either.”
She shakes her head in disbelief. “Who knew becoming an auntie would make you so soft?”
“Oh my god. You guys, I’m gonna be somebody’s auntie.”
From there, things move quickly. Dr. Nazim comes back in with the delivery nurses, and Mom and I take our places beside Zola.
When she’s in pain, she looks at Mom to help her through, but any time she gets scared, Zola looks right at me.
Right into my eyes, and I tell her in that silent sister way: I’m right here with you and always will be.
Just before she starts pushing, the door opens and a nurse ushers Jason inside. Even though we said it wouldn’t be, for the quickest moment it’s awkward that he’s here with us.
He hangs back by the door, looking unsure of his place, until Zola and I squeeze each other’s hands one last time before releasing our grip.
I step back when she reaches out for him, relinquishing my spot next to my big sister.
It doesn’t matter that he’s the one holding her hand now, she knows I’m here. Always.
So many things are happening all at once, and when Dr. Nazim calls for one last push, I worry Zola might not have anything left.
But then a first cry cuts through the chaos, and the whole world is forever changed.
With his single breath and that single cry, this pointy-headed little baby leaves us all forever changed too.
A mother, a father, a grandma, an auntie. He did that.
Love did that.
—
“Are they always this cute?” I ask Zola when it’s my turn to hold baby Zane.
Jason and Mom excused themselves to call everyone with the good news, so it’s just the two of us—the three of us.
Zola’s smile is sunshine. I’ve never seen her this happy or this in love.
“I don’t think so,” she says, reaching for the tiny toes that have just escaped their swaddle. “I think I got a really good one.”
“Yeah,” I tell her. “I think so.”
“Hey,” she says, waiting until I meet her eyes. “I’m really sorry about what I said earlier. That wasn’t fair. You’re not like Dad.”
I shrug, because right now, that fight and everything else feels so far away and so unimportant. “It’s okay. You’ve got a lot going on,” I say, smiling down at Zane again.
“But you do too,” Zola says, reaching up to take the baby. “You saved me these last months, you know that? I wouldn’t have a job to go back to if it weren’t for you—let alone my own company. Tiny as it may be.”
I pull up XO by Zo’s Instagram account and turn my phone to face her. “But still growing.”
Zola laughs, but she hardly looks at the numbers before her eyes lock back on Zane.
“I’m just excited I finally get to do it my way.” And she’s still looking at the baby when she says, “Even though Auntie Kaia probably thinks Mommy’s just the worst matchmaker in the world, yes she does.”
“Is this where you finally fill me in on your master plan?”
“I’m just fixing the things Eliza always got wrong.”
Zola leans down to place Zane into his bassinet. She keeps a hand on him, but she’s looking up at me now.
“She’d ask people what they wanted, and then she’d give it to ’em.
If it was that easy though, nobody would’ve needed us in the first place.
But she didn’t care if it worked out or not.
Her check cleared the same either way. I don’t wanna do it like that.
Giving people what they want doesn’t help them figure out what they need. ”
Her eyes glint under the fluorescent lights overhead, and even though I know she’s wearing an adult diaper under her hospital gown, Zola’s still as commanding as ever. And she’s finally ready to show me the wizard pulling the controls behind the curtain.
“And what you needed was to let yourself sit in the mess and the discomfort of not having any control over what comes next. So you could stop looking so far ahead and finally let yourself be exactly who you already are. This has never been about making you believe in love. It’s only ever been about reminding you how to believe in yourself. ”
I’m tempted to applaud when she finishes, but I don’t want to wake the baby. So instead, I lean over him and whisper, “You’re in trouble, little guy. Your mommy’s a fucking genius.”
And from somewhere behind me, my own mother walks in smiling and whispers, “Language,” but it doesn’t carry its usual bite.
Zola laughs, and when she looks out the open hospital door to where Jason’s still making calls, her smile remains.
“All I know is that you’re allowed to do whatever it takes to be happy.
Even if it means diving headfirst into the unknown.
” And she’s only got eyes for Zane again when she finishes.
“That’s where all the best stuff happens anyway. ”