Chapter 10
“I haven’t been here in a couple of years,” Esther said as Tiffany pulled her SUV into the parking lot at the Waterwheel.
The last time had been with her dad when he had wanted her to meet a lady he was dating. Nothing came of that relationship – just like nothing had ever come from any other relationship he had started.
He would date someone for a while, until the relationship seemed to be somewhat serious, and then, he’d introduce her to them. The next thing she knew, the relationship was over.
All of them had ended amicably – well, except for the one with her mother.
That one… she sighed. That one had been bad.
There had been many loud arguments before the morning her mom kissed her goodbye and told her to have a great day at school and had then walked out of her life before Esther had even noticed she had forgotten her lunch at home.
Fred had made sure she had food that day.
She sighed again. Man, she missed him.
“That’s a lot of sighing,” Mandy said as she opened her door to get out. “I know we’re not as handsome as Steve, but we’re all you’ve got tonight.”
Esther shook her head. “I’m not sighing because I’m out with you instead of Steve.”
Truth be told, she was a bit relieved to not be out with Steve. Wednesday night at the diner after the concert had been intense – for her. Steve seemed to weather it in happy oblivion to any of the smoldering dramatics around him.
Ms. Michaels hadn’t been wrong about some parents not being ecstatic about her dating Steve.
There had been at least one mom – Savannah’s mom – who had thrown a few dagger-filled looks Esther’s direction.
She was not looking forward to the next parent-teacher conference with that parent.
In fact, she wasn’t sure she was looking forward to even having to see her in passing.
Which she would, since Savannah was in her class.
“Then, what’s it about?” Rosalie draped an arm across Esther’s shoulders as they walked towards the door. Already, you could hear guitar chords filtering out from inside as patrons entered and exited.
“The last time I was here was with my dad – to meet a lady he was dating and who broke up with him about a month later.” She shrugged.
“He’s not good at the relationship thing.
” Perhaps that’s where she got it from. She had always thought it was from her mother, but maybe not.
Her mom seemed to know what she wanted – and it wasn’t her daughter.
“Well, none of us are going to break up with you,” Rosalie assured her. “We’re going in as friends, and we’ll come out as friends.”
Esther laughed. “I know.” She wasn’t a child, and yet, it seemed that she often found herself being spoken to as if she was. Steve did it on occasion. Mandy was proficient at it. Rosalie occasionally resorted to it – like now. And her dad? Well, to him, she was still his baby girl.
What was it about her that broadcast to one and all that she was immature and in need of guidance? She wasn’t immature. She was very mature. Quite put together. A career woman. All that.
And yet – she nearly sighed, but caught it – she wasn’t as sure of herself as she wished she was.
It came down to anxiety issues. She knew it did.
Her propensity to be anxious made her flip-flop on things.
Decisions were sometimes difficult to make – especially those that had to do with relationships.
They queued up behind a group of couples that were entering the pub and slowly made their way inside. Only to wait again at the podium for someone to seat them.
“Their guitarist is good,” Tiffany said.
That was the only instrument playing at present.
A lone acoustic guitar strumming Christmas tunes.
One song stopped and another began. This one was one of Esther’s favourite instrumental Christmas songs – “Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring.
” Fred played it every year for the Christmas Eve service.
She imagined him sitting on the platform strumming as people took their places while wearing their festive outfits.
It was one of the best parts of Christmas.
Always had been. Ever since Fred had learned to play that song.
“Yeah, he’s really good,” she agreed.
“He’s new.” The hostess, who had just gathered menus, motioned for them to follow her.
“The other guitarist for the group who plays on Fridays moved away, so they have a new guy sitting in.” She leaned towards them as they walked.
“And I’m hoping he stays because he’s as beautiful as his music.
” She led them past the take-out counter and into the main dining room.
Esther gasped. “Fred?”
Their server, Shannon if her name tag wasn’t lying, looked at her. “Yeah, that’s his name. Do you know him?”
“We do,” Mandy said. “We’ve been friends with him since high school.”
“Not me,” Tiffany inserted. “I just moved here, so I’ve only known him for a short time.”
“Lucky ladies, but maybe if he stays on, I’ll be able to be lucky enough to say he’s my friend, too.
” She waited for them to take their seats around the small square table that was just to the left of the stage.
Then, she distributed the menus and some napkin-wrapped utensils.
“What can I have Andrew bring you to drink? He’ll be your server tonight. ”
“Oh, I’ll have diet cola – whichever one you have,” Tiffany said. “And could you add a wedge of lime?”
“Sure thing.” Shannon looked expectantly at the rest of them.
Mandy ordered a fancy fizzy water, while both Rosalie and Esther got ginger ale.
Esther watched Fred. His head was bowed, and his eyes were closed as he played.
A small smile curved his lips. He looked so peaceful.
He and music were one at times. It was as if there wasn’t anything else in the world to be concerned about.
But then, he often seemed peaceful. He was the tranquility to her rolling waves.
He was the cool breeze that refreshed her on a day when things were jumbled and twisted.
She bit her lip. And he would never be hers. She had thrown away her chance for that. She blinked against tears.
“Are you okay?” Rosalie whispered as Fred’s song finished.
Esther shook her head and then nodded while trying to smile. “I love that song.”
“Just the song?” her friend asked.
“That’s all I’m allowed,” she replied.
Fred looked up just then and saw her. He smiled and gave her a two-fingered wave. Then, he nodded to the rest of her table before putting his guitar to the side and stepping down to say hi.
“Is this why you’ve switched around worship team?” Esther asked.
He shook his head. “Nah, but this is a result of that change. One that I didn’t expect but holds potential.” He looked at Tiffany. “So what brings you out tonight?”
“Just a girls’ night,” she replied. “How are the renos coming along? Have you seen the paint on the walls yet?”
“Yeah, yeah. It looks good. Although to be honest, it’s a lot of green right now.”
“The cabinets and countertops will break that up.”
He chuckled. “I know. You told me it would, and I believe you. I just haven’t seen it yet.”
“Is this about your new house?” Mandy asked.
He nodded. “Tiff is helping with some design choices, since I’ve been told by Cari that car parts and guitar strings are not appropriate décor.” He laughed.
“But we do have some automotive and musical nods in the design,” Tiffany inserted.
“Yeah, she’s good at what she does,” Fred said. “She gets me.”
Esther’s heart pinched, and she pretended to need to check her phone so that she could, once again, blink away the tears that had unexpectedly gathered.
She had always been the one who “got him.” She had always been the one whom he would go to for advice.
She was losing him. More and more each day, their wonderfully close friendship was fading.
First, it was a new worship team schedule. Now, he was getting design advice from Tiffany and playing with people she didn’t even know. She drew a silent breath and then re-entered the conversation at her table just as Fred waved to someone.
“Can I introduce you guys to Sean from my work?” he asked.
“He’s shown some interest in getting to know God, so it might be easier to get him to come to an activity or something if he knows more than just me.
” He leaned forward with a teasing smile.
“And it won’t hurt anything to have those other people be three good-looking and available ladies. ”
All her friends laughed, but Esther didn’t. In that moment, she felt like she didn’t fit.
Because she didn’t.
And it hurt.
Andrew arrived at the same time as the guy she assumed was Sean. She sipped her ginger ale as Fred introduced Sean to Tiffany, Mandy, and Rosalie.
“I know you,” Sean said when Fred had finally gotten around to introducing her. “You’re the former best friend.”
The former best friend? She pulled in a quick but shallow breath. Had someone suddenly sucked half the oxygen out of the room?
Fred cleared his throat. “Yeah, this is Esther. We’re still good friends, but she’s got Steve now.”
“I’ve seen your picture pop on Fred’s phone a few times,” Sean explained.
“Yeah, that’s me.” She tried to make her tone match the feel of the rest of the group. “Just the old best friend.” She swallowed.
“How was the concert?” Fred was looking at her with concern.
“It was good. No enormous disasters.”
“That’s good.” He shifted from foot to foot as if he was uneasy, which was odd.
She couldn’t remember the last time Fred had been uncomfortable around her.
Well, except for that time he had given her that note asking her to the hayride and then, that time when she told him she didn’t think it was a good idea.
Goodness, she had messed things up with that decision!
“Well,” he continued, “let me get Sean situated and greet Aunt Patty, so I can be ready to roll when Parker and the guys finish getting set. I was just warming up the fingers while I waited for them.”
There were several people on the stage now, arranging microphones and testing instruments.
“It was beautiful,” Esther said.
“Thanks.” Fred rubbed the back of his neck. “Anyway… um… hope you enjoy the rest of your girls’ night.” And with that he left them.
“That wasn’t awkward or anything,” Mandy muttered.
Esther was finding it necessary to blink against tears again. She shouldn’t be this emotional over any of this. She had Steve and Maddie. They both adored her, and she… well… she adored Maddie and liked Steve a great deal.
She gave her menu a cursory glance. She knew what she was getting.
The same thing she had had when she was here last with her dad.
“I need to use the washroom, so if I’m not back when Andrew comes for our order, I want the fish and chips.
” They had been delicious that day, and maybe they would taste good tonight as well.
Though, she thought, as she cast a glance at Fred, she highly doubted they would.
She stuffed her hands into her jean pockets and let her shoulders slump as she trudged to the back of the restaurant to where the washrooms were.
Maybe it was just tonight. Maybe it was just that things were changing – and she hated change.
Maybe it was because it was winter, and she went to work in the dark and came home in the dark.
But all of life seemed to be a bit duller these days.
And she had a sinking feeling that it wasn’t any of those things.
This was how life was without Fred in it.
Or maybe it was just tonight. She pushed open the washroom door as she pulled her phone from her back pocket and pressed Steve’s number. Maybe she just needed to be reminded that while somethings were falling away, others were waiting to wrap her in their embrace.
“Hey,” she said when he answered. “How’s the sleepover going?”
“So far, so good. Of course, Savannah hasn’t let her mom leave yet. So, we’ll see if there really is a sleepover portion of tonight or not.”
She swallowed. “Savannah’s mom is there?”
“Yeah, she usually stays until almost bedtime and then, when the girls are into a movie and getting sleepy, she sneaks out.”
“And does that work? Or do you have to call her to come back and pick up Savannah?”
“It usually works. I’ve only had to call once, and that was when Savannah’s tummy started hurting.”
“Well, that’s good. Not about the tummy hurting, but the staying.” Though Savannah had never struck Esther as a clingy child or one with separation issues. But then, nighttime often made insecurities appear that hid when the sun was shining.
“Aren’t you at the Waterwheel with your friends?”
“I am, but the music hasn’t started, and we’re waiting for food, so I thought I’d just sneak in a little call.”
“Miss me that much?” he chuckled.
“Just wanted to hear your voice. I’m glad your night is going well.” She heard him closing a door and the other end of the line became quieter.
“And is your night going well?” There was a note of concern in his voice.
She shook her head and smiled at herself in the mirror. “Yeah, it’s great, and I suppose I should get back to the table, instead of hanging out in the washroom talking to my boyfriend.”
He chuckled. “Or, you could ditch your friends completely and come watch Frozen with us.”
She laughed at that. “Uh, I think I’ll pass on that. I’ve seen it enough.”
“You think I haven’t? Every time Maddie and Savannah get together, they have to watch it.”
“Oh, they’ll grow out of it eventually, and then, you’ll miss it.”
“I know. But presently, I’m anxious for the day I get to miss it. That being said, the theatre owner has some pretty awesome snacks.”
Again, Esther laughed. “Guess you should go make sure no one else eats your snacks then.”
“I should. Because my favourites are also Maddie’s favourites. Enjoy the rest of your night.”
“You, too.” She clicked the end call button and stared at her phone. A laugh, a friendly voice, a heart emoji that had just popped up on her screen – that was just what she needed to stop her spiral of dark thoughts. Maybe the world wasn’t as bleak as she had thought it was a few minutes ago.
Down the hall, across the dining room, a guitar began playing the intro to “Let Your Horses Run” by Brett Kissel.
Esther sighed and let her head fall back against the wall she was leaning on.
While life wasn’t completely without joy and light, there was still a bit of grey around the edges. This was change. That’s all it was. Soon that bit of grey would fade. Wouldn’t it?