Chapter 6 #2
That’s a life that’s been changed. I have full faith in Hana Vargas. Just as I have all the faith in Suzanne’s work. I wonder what’s holding her back and why she’s afraid of being seen.
Being hidden has no benefits. Your success becomes a shadow. It follows closely behind but never catches up. I see her clearly. Sometimes she’s all I see. But I want her to see herself too. I have half a mind to take her sketchbook behind her back. Even I know this is something I can’t do for her.
You can’t force an artist into the light. They need to step into it themselves.
My phone starts ringing. I look down to see my mother’s name. I’ve been dreading her call. Beau’s call was bad enough. She’s going to keep digging, and I’m going to give her nothing.
I answer because I’m alone now. I want the conversation to be private rather than have Neil listening through the door.
“Cade, honey. You’ve been avoiding me. I expect this, but it still hurts. I’m your mother, you know.”
“I haven’t been avoiding you. I’ve been working.”
“Lies. Henry told me you never responded to his text. Really, Cade? We care about you. Is that so bad?”
I press a finger to my temple. I wonder how long I’m going to have to sit through this. “Mom, there’s nothing to worry about. I’m fine.”
“Honey, he was your father. It’s okay to care. I cried when I heard. He gave me you, so for that, I’ll always have a space in my heart for him. And I know he wasn’t the best dad, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve to be grieved.”
“Mom, please. Can we not talk about this?”
“I know how hurt you were when he left. I was hurt too.” She’s quiet for a moment. “His funeral is being arranged. Can I expect you to show up?”
“I’m not going.”
“You won’t be doing it for him, Cade. You’ll be doing it for yourself. You can’t carry all this hurt by yourself. It’s your decision to make.”
She hangs up.
I stare at the phone. It seems everyone has been talking about me. I picture them sitting in my mother’s living room, trying to prove how I’m in denial.
But I’m not. I’m fine. I don’t care that he’s gone. It makes no difference. He was a stranger to me. Why should I go to his funeral? Why should I be there for him when he was never there for me? Why should I…
My thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door. James, my assistant, pushes it open. “Lila is here to see you.”
I sigh. She’s a company I don't need. She didn’t tell me she was coming. Well, Lila never does. Lila likes to act as though we’re closer than we actually are. I let her, because I think that’s her way of dealing with the breakup. Two years later, and it appears she’s still dealing.
“Send her in.”
James retreats, and two minutes later, Lila strolls in. She walks in wearing a wool coat I bought for her on our first vacation together and sunglasses she does not need indoors.
She kisses my cheek before I stand up. Her blonde hair brushes my shoulder and sways as she moves.
"You're back!" She beams at me and settles into a chair in front of my desk. “I’ve missed you terribly. Where have you been?”
I’m sure she’s been by the office a few times to see me. I don’t ask. “I’m just here for the day. I’ve been staying at the Cresswell for some time.”
“Oh? What a coincidence. I have a meeting with a client there today.” She claps her hands. “This just works out perfectly.”
I raise one eyebrow. “How?”
“I need a ride. My driver has the flu. Terrible thing. I’ll be late if I try to get a car service, and you know how brides are. Very demanding.”
“What does that have to do with me?”
She giggles. “Oh, Cade. You’re always so funny. I need you to give me a ride, silly, since we're heading in the same direction. You can do this for me, can’t you?”
Lila bats her long eyelashes at me. It’s supposed to make her look adorable, but it just looks like she has something stuck in her eyes. I don’t comment on it.
I grab my keys and rise to my feet. I was going to head back to the hotel soon anyway.
"Sure."
Her green eyes light up. “Thanks, Cade. You’re truly a saint.”
I don’t respond.
She talks the whole drive back to Napa. I register about a third of it. She is funny. She has always been a person I could be in a room with.
Halfway through the drive, she asks me what I’ve been doing in Napa.
"Work."
"That’s hardly an explanation. Your office isn't in Napa. Is there an artist you’re scouting there?”
I think of Suzanne. “Something like that.”
Lila soon moves on from that topic. She talks about her favorite thing…us, how much she knows me, and how good it was when we were together.
“Doesn’t it ever make you wonder…”
I’m glad when I pull into the hotel’s garage, effectively ending the conversation. We walk into the hotel together. I instantly begin searching for her. It doesn’t take me long to find her, even within a sea of identical uniforms.
Suzanne is at the front desk with an armful of fresh white linens.
A woman is handing her a delivery slip, and Suzanne is signing it.
The woman says something I can't hear from across the lobby, and it makes Suzanne laugh.
The sight of her face doing that is worse than anything else that has happened to me today.
I’ve never made her laugh. It’s the first time I hear the sound, and I want her to make that exact same sound for me.
Then she looks up. Her eyes find me first. They go to Lila next. They come back to me.
I see the second she registers what she is seeing. I see her face close for less than a second. She turns. She walks toward the service corridor.
Lila kisses my cheek. I’m grateful that Suzanne at least didn’t see that part.
"Make actual time for me, Cade. I miss you." She turns toward the restaurant.
I stand in the lobby for half a second. Then I follow Suzanne. She is fast. She’s already at the service corridor door before I have crossed the lobby.
"Suzanne," I call after her.
She doesn’t stop. She swipes her key card. The door clicks open.
I catch up at the threshold. "Suzanne."
She goes through. The door clicks shut behind her.
It is a staff-only door, and I don’t have a card.
I can’t let her go yet — not when we have so much that’s unfinished between us. And it’s at that moment that I make up my mind.
I’m going to extend my stay at Cresswell. Indefinitely.