Chapter 37 #2
“I can barely think right now as it is,” I tell him. “The last thing I need is you touching me.”
A small, frustrated huff leaves him. When I meet his gaze, those blue eyes are blazing with a mix of emotions. Lust. Anticipation. Excitement. But the one missing?
Fear.
It’s enough to have my mouth dropping open, letting a glorious display of word vomit seep out without much thought.
“No more hiding. The whole coming out process happened, even if we didn’t want it to, and since it has, I have no plans to keep this a secret.
I wanna hold your hand on campus. Kiss you whenever I feel like it, in front of whoever the hell is around.
And I wanna do those things without worrying you’ll cringe or pull away from me. ”
He licks his lips and nods. “Easy. I want the whole fucking world to know you’re mine, Kee. The same way I’m yours.”
My heart strains inside my chest, doing its best to reach across the room to find its other half. But my head still needs more from him.
“You don’t get to make decisions about us on your own. We talk about shit and work through things together. If we do this, I’m your partner. Your equal, in every way that counts.”
“Done.”
My stomach rolls as the next one comes to mind.
“I can’t handle more rejection from you, Pen.
I can’t handle loving you and losing you all over again.
So if there’s even the slightest chance you’re gonna back out of this down the road, I need you to say something now.
Let me go, and let me be. Because I’m giving you the power to hurt me all over again, and I wanna know my heart is safe with you. ”
I watch as he works to swallow before clearing his throat. His jaw ticks tightly and he nods. For whatever reason, I’m surprised again with how quickly he’s agreeing to my terms and conditions.
“I’m in this. For the long haul.” Emotion rattles in his voice, making it shake uneasily.
“Until we’re both old and gray and can’t get our dicks up, let alone ride one.
” A short laugh breaks past my lips, and he smiles at me, flashing that dimple.
“Living without you isn’t an option anymore, Keene. It never really was.”
Elation takes over me, but confusion takes over when he asks, “So what else?”
“What?”
“For your list of demands. What else is there?”
“Uh…” I chuckle ruefully. “I think that’s all of them? Were you hoping for more?”
He shakes his head, his grin turning sly. “No, not at all. I just thought for sure no smoking would make the list somewhere.”
I wanna laugh, because at this point, that’s one of the lowest priorities. My only priority is making sure he doesn’t completely destroy my heart all over again. So instead, I just shrug. “I can’t ask you to be perfect.”
“Good thing you don’t have to ask, because I already quit.”
My brows raise in suspicion. “Since when?”
“Since the day you crushed my pack in your hands and told me if I walked away, there’s no coming back.
” One hand reaches up to run through his hair nervously, and if saved by the damn bell, his phone buzzes on the counter.
He makes a move to silence it, but just before the screen goes black, I swear I see—
“Was that…”
Aspen’s brows furrow as I cross over to him, grabbing his phone from the counter. He doesn’t try to make a grab for it, probably under the assumption I wanted to see who was calling him. In reality, I couldn’t give a shit about who it was.
What I care about is—
Fuck.
His lock screen. It’s the picture of the two of us from our trip to the beach. The same one that outed us at my game. Him in my arms, kissing each other like it’s the only way we can breathe.
But why...
“You’re probably confused, right?” he says with a soft laugh, and when I glance up to his face again, I find him watching me intently.
“A bit,” I admit, entering his passcode.
And sure enough, the picture is his background too.
“It’s one of my favorite pictures I’ve ever taken,” he starts, grabbing the phone from my hand to look at it.
A smile, small enough that his dimple stays hidden, crosses his face.
“But for a while, I couldn’t look at it.
It only reminded me of the day a massive choice was taken from us by it being put up on that screen without our consent.
A memory of when I wasn’t strong enough to stand beside you.
” He swallows harshly and clears his throat, but it’s still lined with gravel when he goes to speak more.
“Yet the moment it captured was the same moment I fell in love with you. Or, at least where I realized the love I’ve always felt for you shifted into something more.
Something I never knew I wanted. Something I was stupid to give up in the first place. ”
I bite down on my tongue to keep from saying anything, and instead try to focus on not blurting out that I love him too. Even when I feel the heat of his skin against my palm when he reaches down to squeeze my hand tightly.
The world starts to disappear around me, blurring at the edges as my emotions well in my eyes. I can’t help it. I feel like I’m being ripped apart. Torn between wanting to take things slow—if only for the sake of my heart—and mauling him right here in the kitchen, consequences be damned.
“I want you to know I’m done keeping secrets or hiding what I’m feeling from you. About you. For you. It was a fool’s effort to try to begin with, because you’ve always known my heart better than anyone else.” His voice thickens. “You and me, Kee. It’s always been you and me.”
He repeats those words he told me weeks ago outside the dorm. The ones that prove this—us—was inevitable. I realize now, he’s right. We were always gonna end up here, because there’s no one in the world Aspen trusts with his heart. Except me.
Before, it was just to see it and know what lies within it.
Now, I get to own every inch of it.
He’s made damn sure of it too. Because every demand I’ve listed…
fuck, he didn’t flinch. No second guessing.
Just a simple yes to every one of them. Knowing him as well as I do tells me he probably knew them all before they were even spoken out loud.
And he made sure he could handle it before he even came to find me weeks ago.
“You sure there’s nothing else?”
My attention moves back to his face, and the way he’s looking at me has my stomach doing barrel rolls and cartwheels galore.
Emotion. Love. Lust. It’s all written there, in plain sight.
God, when did the roles between us change?
I’ve always been the one to wear my heart on my sleeve. To let people see right inside me, even when I shouldn’t. Except, right now, that’s exactly what he’s doing, and I’m the one holding back. Staying guarded.
But if this is gonna work? I have to meet him half-way. And I have to give him everything he’s willing to give me, no matter how fucking terrifying it might be.
“Actually, there is.”
A brief flash of worry flickers over his features before he schools them. “Okay,” he says slowly.
My thumb moves absently over his skin where our hands are connected, the action calming me enough to make the jump.
“I love you too.”
Aspen blinks at me for a second before his brain catches up. The second it does, he beams and grips the back of my neck with one hand, my waist with the other, and hauls me flush against him. “Never in my life have I been happier to hear four words come outta your mouth.”
Then he crashes his lips to mine in a kiss so passionate and powerful, I feel it all the way in my toes. I’ve never felt more alive or at home than I do at this moment, and it’s all because of him.
“You and me,” I whisper against his lips before capturing them again, more hurriedly this time. Aspen takes the lead though, spinning us so my ass is pushed against the counter and he’s caging me in. Daring me to try to break free.
As if I’m not exactly where I want to be.
Our mouths fuse together down to the molecular level, allowing our tongues to tangle and mate.
He brands his words, his promises, into my heart and soul with every brush of his hands through my hair and press of his hips into mine.
And I tell him how much I’ve missed him, how much I love him, with every swipe of my tongue against his or soft caress of my fingers across his heated skin.
If I have a say in what happens next, I’m about to use every inch of my body to show him both of those things too.