Chapter 12
12
Tyler opened the back door while her key was still in the lock.
‘Jesus! Stalk much? Your shift finished half an hour ago.’ He was on his night off. She thought he’d have been gone by now.
‘Hmm, I wonder why you waited for that to come home.’
Busted. She should have been embarrassed for being caught out, but the way he’d been waiting for her, still all antsy and irritable, raised her heckles. She’d banked on having more time to get her thoughts together. She’d already said goodbye to one man today. Speaking to Tyler, having the talk, wasn’t something she relished. Seeing him now reminded her of how gutted she was to be ending something that had never had a chance to start. She should just rip off the Band-Aid, cry alone later. Instead, she decided to go the childish route, and pick a fight.
‘Oops.’ She yanked her key out of its housing and stomped straight up to her flat. ‘Sorry Dad, am I grounded for missing curfew?’
‘Don’t be cute. Where have you been?’ he demanded.
‘Out,’ she huffed, realising the second he strode into her flat behind her that she wasn’t going to be able to shut the door on him. Dropping her keys on the hook, she fished her phone out of her handbag and headed into the lounge. ‘Sharon said she would cover.’
‘I know that.’ He glared as his eyes fell to the phone in her hand. ‘Your phone obviously works too. You could have let me know where you were.’
‘Not that it’s your business, Ty, but I agreed to meet Bradley.’
‘You did what?’ Tyler’s face was contorted by confusion. ‘Why the fuck would you do that?’
‘To tell him where I stood, and can you not shout? I don’t need you in my face like this, Ty. Okay? I told him I’m going for the Arms. It’s done with, we’re done with. I’ve made an appointment with the bank; I have my plan. I don’t want to fight, okay?’
Tyler ran his hands through his hair, leaving little stuck-up tufts in their wake. ‘Okay. Fine. I don’t want to fight either. I’m not exactly loving this side of me.’ He sighed, his chest heaving with the effort. ‘Can we talk about the other thing?’
She steeled herself for what was coming. ‘I haven’t changed my mind about that, either. I want a baby, Tyler. I haven’t cancelled the order.’
‘So that’s it?’ His voice was high pitched, disbelief on his face. He looked like she’d told him she was planning a one-way trip to Mars. She might even take that offer right about now, if it meant avoiding this. And the way Tyler looked at her. Their dynamic had changed so much recently, she wasn’t sure what she felt when she looked at him; being close to him wasn’t as clear cut as it used to be. It was all the possessive, protective stuff, she reasoned. It was kind of nice feeling like she had her own grizzly bear looking out for her, but the confessions, the way they seemed to irritate and gravitate to each other? It was confusing, trying to marry up what she felt with their differences. He was here, but they were friends. He didn’t do relationships, even though he looked at her sometimes like he wanted to either shake her or kiss the ever-loving crap out of her. Bradley’s comments had made her think too. He knew Tyler didn’t do girlfriends, but he’d still picked up on the way Tyler was with her. It was driving her crazy. Sometimes, she wished she could swap parts of each of them to make one man. If she could take the commitment of the Bradley she first met and shove it into Tyler, would that work? No. Look at his reaction to the baby idea. He was shocked to hell. She needed to forget about the last few weeks if she wanted to keep Tyler. She needed his friendship, needed him on side. The thought of them not speaking again churned her insides. If she could just stop thinking about him naked, it would be great. Especially when he was all alpha male in front of her like this. As much as it irritated her, it was also a turn on. Feminists still loved muscular protectors. So sue me.
She used to say to people who asked the nature of their relationship that they were besties, almost brother and sister. Thinking of him as some kind of adopted sibling now felt utterly wrong. At odds to how her body responded around him. She needed some distance. She was already reeling enough from the meeting with Bradley.
‘Amber?’ Tyler pulled her attention back from her thoughts. ‘I know you want a family. I get it, but it’s not that simple. You can’t just order spermsicles on the net and think that’s the way to go.’
‘Yes, actually, I can. I’ve made my mind up, and I really hope you can respect my decision. I need to see it through.’
‘See it through? Jesus, Amber – it’s not some puppy you picked from a shelter. It’s the next eighteen years of your life.’
‘That’s not fair, and I don’t need a lecture. Stop being all squeaky!’
‘Squeaky!’ he squealed before clearing his throat. ‘I’m not squeaky,’ his voice now a low rumble as he started to pace.
‘You were,’ Amber huffed from the sofa as she sagged into it. She suddenly felt like she could sleep for a week. ‘And now you’re wearing a hole in my rug.’
‘Yeah, well, wait ’til you have a baby running around. You’ll have a lot more to worry about than a worn rug. They puke, you know. You really think you’ll have the energy for a baby and a new business? Especially if the kid is from some guy who used to sit in the freezer next to your vodka?’
‘Don’t be mean, and I know kids puke. So do drunk people.’
He resumed his pacing. ‘And they poo everywhere.’
‘So do drunk people.’
‘And they cry, and never sleep.’
‘So do?—’
‘Stop it, you know what I mean. You don’t have drunk people in your flat, do you, and that’s another thing. How are you going to work the hours you do?’
‘The brewery has plenty of families as employees, Ty. The landlady at the Wine Lodge in town has three kids. And, if I have my own place, I will plan for it. Take maternity leave, I have a little saved up. I could get a slightly bigger business loan. I just got a wage rise from this place; I can make it work. I have to try at least.’
He huffed, and she knew he couldn’t argue with her logic. ‘Fine. That could work out. What about the school runs?’
‘Tyler, I don’t even have a baby yet. School runs are, like, five years away.’
‘Five years won’t take long to come, and there’s other things too. You work downstairs most nights.’
‘Yeah, and I also have staff, and baby monitors nowadays do just about everything but feed the baby for you. Why are you so mad about this? Do you think I’ll be a bad parent or something?’
‘I’m not mad. Of course you’d be a great mum. I just want you to wait, concentrate on the business plan. Get your life back first and then think again. I’ll stay here, help you. I’ll stop looking for another job.’
Amber was still in her coat. The second she’d walked in the back door, Tyler had ambushed her. She was glad for it right now, found herself snuggling deeper into it as a shiver ran through her. Tyler’s tone had sent a cold jolt down her spine. She was messing everything up. Tyler was getting caught in the crossfire. Staying here with her was not an option. Tyler had his own dreams; head chef at the Slug was a waste of what he could do. She wouldn’t do that to him. Not a chance was she going to stop someone else going after what they wanted. She knew how it felt. If Tyler grew to resent her one day? She couldn’t bear it. She’d rather lose him altogether.
‘No, Tyler. Staying here is not what you want.’ She pulled off her coat. ‘I don’t want that for you either. You’re being such a good friend, but I want the best for you.’
‘Back at you. Which is why I am helping you now. I want you to just think about it some more, before you do something you can’t take back.’
Amber folded her coat over the arm of the sofa, settling herself down for what looked like a long talking to. The serene afternoon at the park felt like days ago now she was back in reality.
Her phone buzzed. Sharon had sent her a text.
Do you need an escape plan?
She laughed before she could stop it and Tyler, who was back to pacing and muttering to himself, stopped dead in front of her.
‘Laughing, really?’
‘Yeah, really.’ She tapped a text back.
I’m fine. Thanks bud .
I’ve just got to push the one guy away I never wanted to lose. No biggie. ‘ I’ve done nothing but think about it. I didn’t do any of this on a whim.’
‘Tequila-fuelled depression is more than a whim.’
‘Careful, Tyler,’ she chided. She could feel her heckles rise. ‘You’re my friend, but I don’t need your permission to do this. Nor do I want it. I don’t dictate what you do with your life, and my work status is not your concern.’
‘Not my— Amber, this is going to be hard!’
‘I know it is!’ She was on her feet before it even registered. Banging her shin on the coffee table, however, did. ‘Ow, shit!’ Tyler moved the coffee table away from her, but she held up a finger at him. ‘Don’t! Don’t you dare; I don’t need your help!’ She rubbed at her smarting leg. ‘In any of this! I can do what I like, so just go, will you?’
‘Fine,’ he huffed, getting to the door before rounding on her again. ‘I care, Amb. That’s all. I think you need to take a minute.’
‘That’s all I do, Ty. That’s the point. I want my life to start. This is about what I want, and it’s not a whim or a reaction to Bradley. He showed me who he was. He kept showing me who he was, over and over. I just didn’t listen. Everyone else tried to warn me that he wasn’t The One, and the truth is…’ She sighed, rubbing her arms to try to give herself some kind of comfort. ‘The truth is, I knew he wasn’t the perfect one for me, but I was trying to make it fit. I do that: try to make little pieces fit together to make a life. To try to convince myself that it’s enough, and it’s not. Not any more. Yeah, I got hurt. I turned thirty. Yes, all of those things suck, but this is not the reason for my decision. Decisions, actually. I realised that I was relying on Bradley to make things happen, but I should have been doing it for myself. Either way, I am going for all my dreams. Baby, business, the lot. ’
She could see her friend wrestle with his emotions. His jaw was pulsing, a full-blown muscle spasm across his cheek.
‘You kicking off like this doesn’t help. It makes me feel like a child, not a grown woman planning to have one. I don’t need my hand holding through this, Ty. It’s not your job. I know you don’t want children.’
‘I know that, but?—’
‘But that’s the point.’ She felt the tears sting her eyes. ‘I do. I don’t want to wait for something to change. I know you don’t get it, and that’s fine.’ She felt her lip wobble. ‘I’m not asking you to do this with me. It’s my choice. It’s my time.’ She led him to the doorway. ‘Now, if you don’t mind, I’d really like to have a long bath with a good book and enjoy the rest of my time off. Tell Sharon I’ll come down later to help her lock up if she needs it.’
‘Amber—’
‘I’ll let you get back to your kitchen,’ she said dismissively. ‘Ben will be flapping by now.’
‘Yeah,’ Tyler grumbled over his shoulder. ‘He’s not the only one. I hate this, Amber.’
She had to lift her head to look up at him, and her heart broke when she saw his expression.
‘I’m sorry,’ she blurted out. ‘I’ve been awful to you, and I hate it when we argue. We never do, not like this. The truth is, I’ve been so confused by you lately.’
His brows shifted. ‘You have?’
She shot him a ‘dur’ look. ‘You know I have, and I’m sorry for it. All of it. I need you in my life.’
His lips pressed together as he gazed down at her. ‘I need you too.’
‘Good.’ She half smiled. ‘Because I need someone in my corner, okay? I need someone to just be there for me, and I know the waters are muddy, but you’re my friend. I still want that at the end of… whatever this is.’
For a moment, he looked as if he was going to tell her to go to hell and walk out. Instead, he pulled her into his arms and dropped a whiskery kiss on the top of her head. ‘I would never walk away from you, Cherry. I don’t think I have it in me.’
‘So don’t,’ she breathed, wrapping her arms around him. As selfish a move as it felt, she still didn’t stop herself from inhaling his ocean salt scent. Storing it up. ‘Just trust that I know what I’m doing, even when you don’t agree with it.’
He gripped her tighter. ‘Whatever you need, I’m here. I think we both know I won’t walk away from you. Your friendship is the best thing in my life.’
Her heart squeezed. God, sometimes I wish he did want more. Much more. He was there all this time. I ignored all the good things I had. Maybe if I’d said something sooner, things might have been different.
‘Thanks, pal.’
He chuckled around her, and she knew that whatever storm was going on with them, it had at least calmed for now. Even if she had to have him at a distance, it was better than not having him in her life.
‘Anytime, mate.’