Don’t You Want Me

Chapter 9

A dam wrapped his arms around her, leaning his cheek onto her head. He hugged her. She hugged him back tightly, holding on to him as if this were the first time that she was caught in his embrace. Like a long-lost lover, she welcomed him home. In his arms she felt the weight of disappointment, exhaustion, and confusion melt away. She stayed there, basking in this feeling that she didn’t even know how to name. This wasn’t a first embrace. She knew him.

Adam raised his head and leaned back slightly. He touched her chin, bringing her face close to his. He reached down and kissed her gently, tenderly.

This was a new first kiss. It was soft, a whisper really, as his lips brushed hers lightly, his eyes closed. Lisa kept hers open in wonderment. Still, as she willed herself to yield to this momentary bliss, her mind was racing. This kiss was different from all the others they’d shared. This kiss came with no regrets, no guilt, no reckless thoughts that in a few moments he’d have to leave. This kiss belonged to her. She had rights to his lips now. She closed her eyes and allowed her emotions to sweep her away. She floated, a disembodied ghost, watching herself kissing Adam, enjoying the scene, realizing that this kiss was her first as his wife. Like the scratch on a broken record, that thought jolted her back into her body. She stepped away from him, keeping her hands on his arms.

She opened her mouth to speak but uttered no sound. Adam laughed. “What’s the matter, honey? My kiss still leaves you speechless, eh?” Lisa didn’t know quite what to say. Hi, I’m so glad you’re mine now. Those weren’t exactly the words one said to one’s husband. She stayed quiet, trying to figure out the next move.

Adam spoke first, sarcasm dripping from his voice. “Oh, hey there, Emily. I didn’t see you standing there; happy to see me as usual?”

“Yes, it’s always a pleasure.”

“How’s my dog?”

“Your dog is fine. Waiting for you to pick him up.”

“I’ll go over after I leave here tonight. As you can see, I’m busy visiting my wife.” Adam turned his attention back to Lisa. “I didn’t know you had company. I would have come later.”

Lisa found her voice. “Emily isn’t company, honey. She’s family.”

Adam took off his jacket. “Is there anywhere to hang this? I don’t want it to get ruined.” Lisa pointed to the tiny closet in the corner made for a patient’s few belongings. She didn’t remember him being fastidious, but then again, she didn’t know him as a husband. Late night or afternoon trysts don’t leave much room for finding out one’s lover’s neatness habits. The other Adam she knew was from the few visits to college. As she realized that she didn’t know this man who was now her husband, Adam had hung up his jacket and sat down in one of the visitor chairs.

“So, what did I miss?” he asked no one in particular. He had a wide smile, but Lisa noticed that it didn’t reach his eyes.

Emily spoke up first. “Not that you asked, but Lisa is feeling better.”

Adam blinked and laughed nervously. “Of course I want to know how she’s feeling. I assumed that since she was standing, obviously waiting for me, that she was feeling better.” Adam turned his attention back to Lisa. “How are you feeling babe?”

Before Lisa had a chance to answer, Emily added, “Lisa and I were just talking about the children. Who’s watching the girls?”

Adam crossed his legs and brushed a piece of lint off his trouser. “Thing One and Thing Two are both at choir practice. The nanny took them, Emily. You know that.”

Lisa thought she detected a hint of annoyance in Adam’s voice but wasn’t sure. She felt as if she had been turned inside out. She dismissed the thought. She needed to focus. She was in this new reality. She had Adam, she had Emily, and she had daughters, even if she still didn’t know their names. She wasn’t going to let fears and insecurities dampen her joy.

Then a thought entered her mind. What if this wasn’t permanent? What if it was only a dream? What if she traveled again? She could lose everything she had just gained. She shuddered involuntarily and rubbed her hands on her arms. She would analyze and obsess later after everyone had left, and she was alone.

She turned her attention back to Adam and Emily. She had to figure out a way to get information from Adam without divulging her secret. So far, he seemed fairly the same as before. Then again, she didn’t know much about him as a family man.

“I’ve been in this hospital for so long, I feel like I don’t know my daughters anymore.” Lisa thought this sentence might be a good ruse to get some information. “What are they singing lately, honey?”

“Come on, dear. You know. The usual choir songs. Religious stuff, classical songs, whatever the school’s choir director thinks is a good idea to teach third graders. I don’t know. I don’t pay much attention to that stuff. That’s your domain.” Adam reached his arms out to Lisa and gestured with his hands that he come to her.

“Come here. Sit down with me; I’ve been sleeping without you for years it seems. We can talk about the kids another time.” Lisa walked over and sat on his lap. He ran his fingers through her hair and spoke tenderly. “Now, when are you coming home? What did the doctors say today?”

Before Lisa answered, Emily cleared her throat. “OK, well, since you’re here now Adam, Lisa’s in good hands, so I’m leaving.”

She gathered her things and turned to Lisa. “Listen, buddy. You get some rest tonight. I’m going to go home and walk your dog.” She pointedly looked at Adam with these last words. “We’ll talk in the morning, OK? If they discharge you tomorrow, I’ll come get you, and we can have lunch.”

Lisa could tell that Emily had more to say but didn’t want to speak in front of Adam. Emily walked a couple of steps to get close to Lisa to say goodbye. Lisa tried to get up from her perch on Adam to hug Emily, but he held tightly to her. A slight struggle ensued. It was imperceptible to anyone who would have been watching, but the air was thick with a vague discord.

Someone tapped on the door and opened it while speaking, “Hello, anybody home?” Stephanie appeared and stood in the threshold. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you had company.” Her face looked crestfallen when she saw Lisa sitting on Adam’s lap. Emily moved her gaze from Stephanie to Adam and back like a ping pong game. Lisa, feeling inexplicably embarrassed, jumped up and walked away from Adam. “Come in, come in, you’re not interrupting.”

Adam stood up. Lisa noticed that he didn’t take his eyes off Stephanie. He walked towards her, hand outstretched. “Hi, I’m Adam.”

“You must be the famous husband. I’m Stephanie.” They shook hands, but it seemed to Lisa that they held hands just a tad longer than customary. “I’ve heard so much about you from your wife.”

“I hope she’s telling good stories about me.”

There was a familiarity to their banter that nagged Lisa. Did they recognize each other from the real past? She wasn’t sure if it was her imagination or if they did have something between them. Stephanie seemed shy, but Lisa dismissed that idea. You’re making yourself crazy. This is all in your head. He’s yours now; don’t ruin this. This is a new beginning. You’re the wife now. Not Stephanie. She ’s nobody.

Emily joined in the introduction. “I’m Emily. Lisa’s best friend.” Emily seemed to emphasize “best” like a cat marking her territory.

Stephanie replied simply. “Hi, Emily.”

Emily continued. “You look very familiar. Have we met before?”

Lisa shot her a dirty look, which Emily ignored.

“I don’t think so, but you do look a little familiar.”

Emily continued with a forced smile. “Well, maybe you have one of those faces that looks like others. But I just feel like we know each other. I run along the water in Hoboken. Do you run?”

Stephanie shuffled her feet and rubbed her hands together, definitely looking uncomfortable to Lisa. Emily, stop it. What are you doing?

Adam came to the rescue. “We’re all of that certain age where we look like everybody else. But you must have come here to see your patient—right Stephanie, not to be interrogated by her best friend.”

“Ummm. Yes, of course. Lisa, I wanted to tell you that the neurologist called a few minutes ago to say that he can’t stop by tonight, but he’ll be here in the morning to go over your test results.”

“Did he tell you what’s going on?” There it was. Time traveling and creating a different future hadn’t changed the medical issues. Or maybe they had. Lisa wondered if the problem in this world was still an enlarged pineal gland, or was it something worse?

“He didn’t say. He’ll discuss it with you tomorrow.” Stephanie smiled warmly, appearing more like the nurse that Lisa had gotten to know in her real life. “I also wanted to tell you that my shift is over, and I’m headed home. Good night. It was nice to meet you all.”

With an odd feeling of relief that Stephanie was leaving, Lisa said, “Hey, have a great evening, and thanks for all your help. Got big plans for tonight?”

“Oh, no big plans. It’s just me and my cat. I have leftovers and a good book, so it will be a great night.” As she said this, Stephanie looked at Adam. They exchanged a brief look, so slight that it would have gone unnoticed except that Lisa was hyperaware. Emily glanced at Lisa and raised her eyebrows but said nothing.

Right after Stephanie walked out, Emily said goodbye. “I’m headed out too. You guys need time to yourselves, and I have a dog to feed and walk.” She glared at Adam. “Don’t bother to pick him up today. Wait until Lisa gets discharged. She could use good company at home.”

“You’re funny, Emily. I’m going to the bathroom. I’ll let you two have your private chat behind my back.”

After Adam walked out, Emily kissed Lisa on the cheek. She whispered, “I’ve got a feeling that he’s messing around, and you need to stop being blind to him.”

Lisa grabbed Emily’s hands tightly. “Emily. Please. Don’t do anything stupid. This is my chance to be happy. Finally. You know that in my world I’ve been wanting Adam to be mine alone for years. Don’t ruin it for me.”

Emily sighed. “Fine. I’ll keep playing dumb for your sake. At least until we can talk more about this time traveling thing you’re doing.”

When Adam came back, Emily was already gone. “Oh, thank God, we’re alone. I thought she’d never leave.” Adam grabbed Lisa by the waist and kissed her on the neck, pretending to be devouring her.

“Why can’t you get along with Emily?”

“Because she hates me, and I don’t know why. She’s the only woman I’ve ever met who doesn’t like me.”

He paused.

“Maybe she’s a man-hating lesbian.”

Lisa laughed, forgetting her worries. “Maybe you’re an idiot, and she can see through you.”

Adam fondled her breast. “When are you getting out of this hospital? You seem fine to me. Maybe we can just lock the door and….” He left the words hanging. Lisa was tempted. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him, grabbing the back of his head, pushing his face towards her. The door opened, this time with the night nurse.

“Oh, my! Well, this isn’t the place for hanky-panky, folks.” They separated to opposite corners, like teenagers caught by the teacher at school.

Adam gathered his belongings while the nurse took Lisa’s vitals for the evening. “Babe, I’m going to head out. I’m starved, the kids should be home soon, you know. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He looked at his watch.

Lisa was disappointed that he was leaving so soon, but she had a thermometer in her mouth. She mumbled, “Do you have to leave?” He kissed her on the top of her head and walked out. Where is he off to in suc h a hurry?

L isa tried calling Adam again on his cell phone. Where could he be? When she called the house, the nanny told her the kids were asleep already. Lisa was relieved. She wouldn’t have known what to say to them if they were awake. Hi, this is your mom who doesn’t know you? But Adam had rushed off.

Between time traveling and the excitement of realizing she was now Adam’s wife and that the future was new, she was exhausted. She put down the book she had been pointlessly trying to read, Time and Again . Funny—someone in the time-space continuum had a sense of humor. She rearranged the pillows on the bed and lay down. Maybe I should call Emily and talk to her some more? But she was afraid of the answers Emily might have for her. Lisa had a nagging feeling that Adam’s not answering the phone involved Stephanie. Maybe the pineal gland problem made her intuition more acute now. Maybe she was just paranoid. Or maybe, I just know infidelity well enough to recognize it in others.

She tossed and turned, and, after what seemed like hours, she decided to call Emily.

“This better be an emergency that no one at the hospital can solve.” Emily whispered. “Have you fallen and can’t get up?”

Lisa laughed. Even in the middle of the night, her friend had a sense of humor. “No, but I can’t sleep. I thought you could help me?”

“You’re funny. At this hour, I’m in bed too, but I’m sleeping. Or was, until you rudely interrupted my delicious dream.”

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You have an odd way of showing that. Hold on. Let me get up. I don’t want to wake….” Emily didn’t finish her sentence.

The abrupt ending piqued Lisa’s interest. “Em, who’s there that you don’t want to wake up?” No answer from the other side. “Em?”

Lisa could hear padded footsteps. “No one. I just don’t want to wake up the cat. She’ll get all crazy if I disturb her beauty sleep.”

“When did you get a cat? I thought you were allergic to cats?”

“What gave you that idea? I love cats.” Lisa heard the phone crackle while Emily walked. “I can talk now. Never mind my cat though. You said you need help? With what? I’m in the kitchen. Shall I make you a cup of tea?”

Lisa decided not to mince words. “Come to the past with me, Em.”

“Ah, you did fall! And obviously cracked your head.” Emily paused. “First, you tell me you time travel, and I indulge your fantasy, even though it’s preposterous. Now you want me to go back in time with you. You’ve lost your mind.”

“Maybe. But I think it would help.”

“Help with what? Lisa, I’ve given you the benefit of the doubt when you say you went to the past, changed the future, and now Adam’s your husband. Aren’t you happy with that? Even if you could, why would you want to go back? Plus, if I were to believe this crazy story that you travel in time, wouldn’t you be worried something could get messed up?”

Lisa could understand Emily’s questions, but she was so focused on making things perfect with Adam that she wasn’t really listening to the undertone of her friend’s voice.

“It’s always possible that life might change if I go back again. I don’t know how it works, so I can’t predict anything. I just know that I went back and forth a few times, and things have changed drastically. Now here I am, Adam’s wife with two children, but our relationship still isn’t right. I think there’s a chance that if I go back again, I can get Stephanie out of our lives permanently. Or something else may change. But that could be good, don’t you think?”

Emily was silent. Lisa tapped her fingernails on the bed rail while she waited. Then she heard a sigh.

“Lisa, you’re my best friend, and you know I’d do anything for you, but I think this fantasy of yours that you travel back and forth through time is going a little far.”

Emily’s words were a punch in Lisa’s stomach. “You…you…don’t believe me?” she stammered.

“Honey, don’t be upset with me. I know this isn’t what you want to hear.”

Lisa interrupted. “You’re damn right I don’t want to hear that my best friend doesn’t support me.”

The two women were silent until Emily spoke up again. “Lisa, it’s the middle of the night, and neither of us is in any condition to make decisions, much less big ones. I’ll visit you tomorrow, we’ll get your test results, and we can figure out a plan for when you get out of the hospital. I’ll even bring you a large chai from your favorite tea shop. I make no promises beyond that.”

Lisa paced back and forth from the bed to the window, her steps loud in the quiet room. She hesitated in responding, realizing this wasn’t the way to convince Emily to travel with her. Maybe she needed more time. To an outsider, of course, it was a crazy idea, but if she could only show her. “You’re right. We’ll talk in the morning, and I’ll prove to you that I’ve traveled back in time.”

Emily audibly sighed. “Please go to sleep. We’ll sort it out tomorrow.”

“You’re right. Everything’s better in the morning. Have a good night. But Em?”

“Now what, Lisa?”

“I still like chai.”

“Well, that’s a relief.”

***

Stephanie arrived at the hospital with just a couple of minutes to spare before she started her morning shift. She was usually half an hour early, but today it was difficult to tear herself away from Adam’s warmth in her bed. To her surprise, he had stayed the night, taking advantage of his wife being away. She meant to ask him what he told the children—then thought better of it. It wasn’t her business how he handled his family life, was it? Maybe they didn’t notice him gone, but didn’t he help get them ready for school? That’s what she would have liked in a husband if she had had one. Maybe the nanny is the one who takes care of the kids in the morning.

Stephanie shook her head to banish all these guilty thoughts. The truth is he spent the night, so they barely slept. With last night’s passion, no one remembered to set the alarm clock, so they ran out of the house without breakfast, and she rushed, barely arriving at work on time.

But just remembering her amazing night kept her walking on air. She had exploded into a zillion little lights, and his arms were the only thing that made her whole again. The thought of those feelings made her smile as she walked towards her nurse’s station.

The fact she’d see his wife in a few minutes wasn’t going to get her down. As she read the patient charts for today, she noticed Lisa’s MRI results had arrived and felt compelled to look at them. Nudging her was the suggestion Adam had made that it would be convenient if his wife stayed in the hospital longer. Would these results grant him that wish? She scrolled through the report. “Cross section analysis of brain…using contrast…no tumors or cysts…all normal…pineal gland enlarged…twice normal size…no other abnormalities noted.”

Stephanie got a sour taste in her throat as she pictured the happy family reunited after Mommy had been in the hospital for so many days. Despite her best intentions, she couldn’t help but feel she was going to be in this situation for the rest of her life—unless she took action to change it. Adam had promised so many times that he was working on a plan, but she was starting to suspect he was simply toying with her. Maybe all those women’s blogs were right: They never leave their wives, you know. She could almost hear Oprah saying that.

The sound of another nurse’s voice brought her back to reality. “Hey, Steph, you going to be long? Mind if I use your computer for a few minutes?”

Stephanie grinned at her coworker. “No problem, I’m done.” With that, she started her morning rounds. No matter how many deep breaths she took, though, a large piece of her dreaded going into her lover’s wife’s room while she could still feel his hands caressing her.

***

Lisa sat up in bed, listening intently to the doctor explain her MRI results. Why did doctors show up at what felt like the crack of dawn? She had barely slept last night, tossing and turning with thoughts of going back to the past with Emily. And here was this guy telling her that her pineal gland was enlarged.

Lisa’s voice rose audibly with concern. “Enlarged? What does that mean?”

“It means exactly that. It’s a small gland in the back of your brain. Scientifically, it has no function, like an appendix. In prehistoric humans perhaps it had a purpose, but we don’t know of any now. However, yours is twice the normal size. Now, an enlarged appendix could mean trouble. Usually those have to be removed surgically before they explode. But this? We’re not sure what the enlargement means.” The doctor paused with a grave look on his face—or so Lisa thought. “So, we need to keep an eye on it. Check it periodically to make sure there are no changes. Do you understand what I mean?”

Out of the corner of her eye, Lisa saw that Stephanie was standing in the room now, near the door, listening to the conversation. “Doctor, you’re telling me that I have a gland in my brain that’s double the normal size, and you have no idea why that’s happened? Is that why I’m having these intense headaches?” And is that why I can travel backwards and forwards in time? she wondered silently.

“Mrs. Williams,” the doctor paused again. “We don’t have an explanation right now. Nothing else seems abnormal. It’s possible that the headaches are caused by this enlargement, and it’s possible that the enlargement could be benign cysts, but without further testing, we don’t know. Unfortunately, while I can look at your scan, I think it’s best that you seek the opinion of a specialist. I’ve already done some research, and there are several throughout the country. With your permission, I’m going to reach out to them and send them your medical records to see if any of them would be willing to examine you and follow up. Of course, we’d like to continue to see you, get another MRI here in three months, and see if there have been any changes.”

Lisa wasn’t sure what to think of all this. She was still trying to understand what this doctor was saying in comparison with her very real knowledge that she was moving across time. Maybe this last trip caused my pineal gland to enlarge? Or maybe that’s why I’m traveling in the first place? What c ame first?

The doctor was talking again. “So, what do you say, Mrs. Scheiner? Do I have your consent to send the records?”

Lisa came back to reality. Scheiner? “Yes, yes, of course.”

Stephanie jumped into the conversation. “Um, Doctor, I can have Mrs. Scheiner sign a consent form and send it to your office.”

“Perfect,” said the doctor. “Mrs. Scheiner, there’s no reason to keep you here, so I’ll sign the discharge orders, and you can go home. Please make sure that you schedule a follow-up test. Your nurse will give you all the instructions you need before you leave today. Do you have any questions?”

I n a span of a few minutes, that was the second time that Lisa had been called Mrs. Scheiner. The significance of it didn’t strike her until she heard it from Stephanie’s mouth. She was Mrs. Scheiner now. The enormity of that made her smile broadly. “No questions; thanks for your help.”

The doctor ended the conversation abruptly. “You’re welcome. I’ll see you in a couple of months. Your nurse will tell you how long it will take to get you ready to leave. You know hospitals—once we have you, we don’t want to lose you.” He laughed at his stupid joke and walked out.

Stephanie spoke first. “I’ll take care of all the papers, and you can probably be out of here in an hour.” She paused. “More or less. Probably more. I know, it takes a long time, as he said.” Stephanie smiled. “At any rate, you’ll be home with your family today. I’m sure you’ve missed them a lot.”

Lisa noticed this Stephanie was just as kind as the one she met when she was first admitted to the hospital, which seemed like a lifetime ago. This time traveling was causing some strange twists that were hard to describe. Lisa’s travels had taken Adam away from Stephanie. She had this uncanny feeling that this Stephanie might be sleeping with Adam, but she had no proof, just a hunch. A piece of her felt responsible for changing this woman’s life so drastically, for taking away her entire family. If Lisa hadn’t gone after Stephanie’s husband, then Stephanie would have him now. Who was the real cheater, after all?

When she talked to Emily the night before, she wanted to go back and permanently get rid of Stephanie. But here, this morning, with the light of the sun streaming through the window, Lisa couldn’t help but feel guilty. So maybe if Stephanie and Adam were having an affair, that was the price Lisa had to pay for being married to Adam. She had done something heinous, and now she was paying for it.

Maybe.

“I’ll be back in a little while. Do you need anything?”

Lisa wondered whether the way to get to the bottom of what was going on with Adam and Stephanie, if anything, was to get closer to Stephanie. “No, Stephanie, thank you. You’ve been very kind. I was thinking just now that I’m going to miss you. I’ve gotten used to seeing you every day and having our little chats.”

“Oh…no, don’t…umm. I’m not kind. Believe me. I’m going to miss you too.”

Lisa continued. “Maybe after I’m discharged, we could grab a coffee or lunch one of these days while my kids are in school?”

Stephanie raised her eyebrows as she listened to Lisa. “Well…” She hesitated. “Sure. We could do that, once you’re no longer a patient, there’s no problem in getting together. Just give me a call.”

Lisa smiled. This was definitely the way to get more information. “I’ll do that. After I’m home and settled, I’ll get in touch. I don’t have many girlfriends. It’d be nice to have another woman to chat with, you know, about life and everything.”

Stephanie smiled again. “Absolutely. That’d be great. One can never have enough friends.” She turned and walked out the door without another word, almost bumping into Emily, who had appeared from nowhere.

“Good morning, ladies! What a beautiful day, right?” Emily was at her most annoying when she was joyful in the morning.

“Excuse me,” said Stephanie and left abruptly.

“I guess that’s the one you wanted to erase last night?” Emily whispered as she approached Lisa’s bed.

“Stop! Someone will hear you say that!” Lisa giggled nervously. “Come in. I’m being discharged today. Your timing is perfect. You can get me out of here, and we can go talk somewhere privately, so I can convince you I’m telling you the truth.”

Emily closed the door as Lisa started changing into her street clothes. Emily walked over to the tray table and put down the cup she was carrying. “I brought you tea.”

Lisa had her back to Emily as she got dressed. “Thanks, that’s so sweet of you.”

“Why are they discharging you? Did they figure out there’s nothing wrong with you? That you’re just bat-shit crazy?”

“What are you talking about? I’m not crazy. And yes, I got the results. My pineal gland is super huge; they don’t know why; I need to follow up with a specialist. But I don’t know if I want to do that. I don’t want it changed. I think that’s the reason I can time travel.”

Emily plopped herself down on the chair and took a sip of her own tea. “No, Lisa. You have to follow up. You can’t walk around with something wrong with your brain.”

“Em, I can time travel. I will prove it to you. I just don’t know how yet. But for now, just get me home. Help me figure out my family. You’re the only person who knows that I don’t know anyone or anything in this new world. Whether you think I’m insane or not, at least you know that. So, give me a hand, will you?”

Emily took another sip of her tea and stared at her friend. She sighed, and stood up, helping her to pack her few belongings. “OK, but somehow I’m afraid that this helping you figure things out is going to get me in trouble.”

Lisa laughed, for what seemed like the first time in a long time. She was headed home to her Adam and her new family. Thoughts of a possible Stephanie and Adam slipped from her mind for a minute. This was her new chance.