Chapter 35
FAITH
Irang up Mrs. Floyd’s groceries. “That’ll be forty-eight forty, thanks.
” I’d only been working at Spicer’s for a week, but I could put a name to the face in most cases.
People were generally friendly, and Megan was a joy to work for.
She was fair, kind, and always had a smile on her face.
I’d worked a few hours every day, and the second week at Momster’s whilst torturous, wasn’t the worst. I’d been accepted to rent one of the apartments I’d seen last week.
I was signing the lease this afternoon. But even though things in my life had improved, that yawning pit in my stomach hadn’t even begun to fill.
I hated myself for missing Curtis, knowing that he’d likely have already moved on and was happy without me.
I missed his dimples when he smiled. I missed the warmth of his touch and the way it made my stomach somersault.
I missed our fun banter, and I missed him having my back.
It was as if I existed in an empty breezeway during a nuclear winter in an apocalypse—cold, lonely, exposed, hopeless, vulnerable.
Ugh, someone save me from myself.
Mrs. Floyd handed me her money. “Have a lovely day, honey,” she said as she grabbed her bags.
“Thanks. You too.” I dug a smile from the depths of my shriveled interior and turned to serve the next customer.
Double ugh.
Brandy stood there with her arms folded, hip cocked out, chewing gum, and looking bored, the deep V of her tight sweater leaving nothing to anyone’s imagination. I hated to ask, but since she had no groceries, I had to assume she’d come to bother me. “What do you want?”
She smirked. “That’s no way to speak to Mom’s favorite daughter.” Well, she wasn’t lying about who the favorite was.
“I can’t help it if my mother has bad judgment.
Are you here to buy some toilet paper?” I glanced around, looking for Megan.
Not because I thought I’d get in trouble, but I hoped she’d come and tell me to get back to work, thereby banishing Diablo to a different circle of hell, one that I wasn’t occupying.
Her brow furrowed, but then her gaze turned flinty. Her nostrils flared. “I knew it was your fault! Mom wouldn’t believe me that you used all the toilet paper.”
“Yes, I used all of it.” I smirked.
She drew a quick breath into her tunnel-shaped mouth.
It was nice that she realized I’d done it on purpose.
Maybe she’d be more wary about being horrible in the future.
Though I doubted it. “I guess you don’t want to hear what I have to say.
Your loss.” She bared her teeth in a flash of sarcasm and turned to leave.
I looked at old Mr. Hill, who’d arrived at the checkout with his cart. “Morning, Mr. Hill. How are you today?”
While he answered, Brandy stopped leaving.
Her back was to me, but it was obvious by the way her head dropped back that she was annoyed.
Ha! I’d called her bluff. Besides, whatever she had to tell me was probably from Mom, asking her to get me to bring certain groceries home—I was lucky enough to have a 5 percent discount.
It wasn’t much, but it was more than most places gave their employees.
Mom wouldn’t have been able to call me because it was a rule that we left our phones in the break room while working.
I started ringing up the items. How many beeps would it take before Brandy caved and told me what she came here to say?
The magic answer was six.
“Fine.” She spun around to face me. “Amy’s been trying to contact you. Something’s happened.”
My stomach, which didn’t have further to fall, managed to drop below ground level. We were headed for hell, it seemed, and the universe hadn’t even seen fit to give me a handbasket to make the journey more comfortable. “What happened? Is she okay?”
Mr. Hill cleared his throat. “If we could hurry this up, please. I have bingo in two hours.” Yes, and I had to get up at eight tomorrow. Best start preparing now.
I pasted on a fake smile. “Of course. Sorry.” I swallowed the panic struggling to take me down.
Amy wouldn’t call for nothing. There was no world in which she’d lose her job, so it must be about her health.
Or what if someone in her family had died, and she needed me?
Maybe she’d broken up with Ernie for the fourth time.
My stomach inched further down. What if something had happened to Curtis?
I mentally shook my head. No. I was not going to worry about him.
He wouldn’t have given me a second thought except to be upset at me for lying and losing him his job.
Not that it had been my fault… not entirely. I just hadn’t been able to keep my secret long enough. If we’d just been able to land that account and secure his job, none of it would’ve escalated. By the time my untruths surfaced, I would’ve been long gone, and he would’ve still been CEO.
What-ifs, the bane of my life.
Mr. Hill paid and left, by which time someone else was waiting to be served.
I dinged the bell next to my register three times.
Soon, Megan came over. “Brandy has an urgent family matter she has to communicate. Can you cover for me for five minutes? I’ll work the extra time before I leave. Is that okay?”
Megan gave a nod. “Of course. See you in five.” She turned to the next customer and smiled.
I walked to the front of the store and outside. There was no way I wanted anyone to hear whatever news it was, and if it was bad, bad news, then falling apart in front of my colleagues and customers wasn’t ideal. My mouth was dry when I faced Brandy. “What happened? Is she okay?”
Even though she was in her twenties, her voice was of the whiny teenager variety.
“I don’t know. Why are you asking me? Mom just said to get down here and tell you to call Amy immediately.
” She blew out an irritated breath. “Don’t look at me like that.
A little thanks would be nice. I was about to do a face mask when Mom made me come down here. You’re wasting my afternoon.”
“Okay, then. Thanks, Brandy. You can get back to wasting it with your own nonsense.” Because doing a face mask was super productive and life-changing.
“Pfft. You’re the one wasting her afternoon at this dive.
Mom and Dad were right—you’re the biggest loser in our family.
See ya.” She turned and strode off, her long attention-getting legs using little effort to sway her hips from side to side.
Maybe if I had legs like that, my life would be easier and people would be nicer to me.
Her comment hurt, but I covered it with an opaque smear of fuck-you and went back inside. I needed five more minutes to call Amy. “Megan, I’m so sorry, but I have to make a phone call. Again, I’ll make the time up at the end of my shift.”
“Of course. I’ll be here till you get back.” She smiled, the kindness in it almost setting my tears off. She was nicer to me than the people who were supposed to love me.
I shook off the poor-me stuff and hurried to the break room.
It didn’t matter how much of a loser everyone thought I was, I was capable of helping my friend.
Whatever Amy needed, I was there. God knew, she’d been there for me more times than I could count.
She wasn’t keeping score, but I owed her so much.
I grabbed my phone. Five missed calls from Amy and two from my mother. My heart thudded uncomfortably as I pushed the Call button. Amy answered on the third ring. “Faith! I’m so glad I got you.”
At least she didn’t sound like she was on her deathbed. “Is everything okay? What happened?”
“I have some news, but also, I hadn’t heard from you for a few days. I was worried about you.”
My heart slowed to a more normal rate as guilt made me wince.
I hadn’t texted or called Amy since the night I’d seen Curtis on the news because I knew she was busy with work.
I also didn’t want her asking how I was and trying to convince me to go back and stay with her.
What happened with Curtis was all I could think about, so I didn’t need to compound it by talking about it with anyone and dissecting all the ways I’d ruined things.
I also knew she still thought we could’ve made a good couple, even after what happened.
Before I left, we agreed he sucked but that he was damaged in a way that required him to fix himself, and I was just in his life at the wrong time.
I didn’t want to feel sorry for him. I wanted to be angry. If I felt bad for him, I’d cave and try and contact him, which would lead to him either ignoring me or saying something insulting or hurtful, neither of which I could handle right now.
“I’m okay. I’ve started my shifts at that grocery store I was telling you about.
So, what’s your news? I hate to make it quick, but I have to get back to work.
Do you need help with something?” After everything she’d done for me, I wished I could stay on the phone for as long as she wanted me to, but it didn’t sound like whatever it was, was life or death, and me keeping this job was important.
Being able to afford that rental so I could leave Momster’s was essential if I wanted to keep my sanity and the tiny bit of self-confidence I still had.
“I’ve gotten an award from work—Young Lawyer of the Year.”
“Oh my God, that’s fantastic! Congratulations.” I grinned, happiness climbing to the top of the trash heap of emotions clogging my body. “You totally deserve it. Do you get like a trophy or something?”
“That’s why I wanted to speak to you. I have to let them know this afternoon about my plus one to the prize-giving event. I would love if you could come with me.”
I swallowed. I didn’t want to say no to her, not for something like this, but I’d try. “Why aren’t you taking Ernie or your mother?”
“We’re off again. Argh, he’s just… boring.
And I didn’t want to ask Mom because then Dad would feel left out.
My brother’s in Florida for work, so he can’t go.
Please, please, please come. It’s free dinner and drinks.
It’s next Saturday night, so you can be home by Sunday afternoon.
I miss you, Faith. Pleeeeeeeeeease come.
I really want to share this moment with you. ”
I stared at the fridge, at the handwritten sign on it that said “No urine samples to be left in fridge.” Apparently, they’d had to put it on after the second time someone did it.
I yearned to beg her not to want me there, but how could I make her feel guilty for wanting her best friend there to celebrate with? It was the least I could do, and it wouldn’t even begin to pay her generosity back. “Okay, I’ll go. But I have nothing to wear. I imagine it’ll be fancy.”
“Yes! I’m so excited. It’s black tie, but I have something you can wear.
It’s a green halter neck that would look stunning on you.
Just bring yourself, and I’ll dress you.
I also have two women coming to do hair and makeup.
It’s all taken care of. You just have to get your ass here on Saturday morning.
Let me know what time your train gets in, and I’ll make sure I’m home.
Oh, and I can drop you home on Sunday, boxes and all, even though I’d still love you to come back and stay eventually. ”
When I’d left, she’d insisted I take my key, but I placed it on the side table in the entry hall. I wanted to convince her I was never coming back, at least not to live. Maybe I wanted to convince myself too.
Well, there was no way to say no now. And once I got my boxes, I’d have no need to go back in a hurry.
As upset as I was to return to the city, I was surprised to realize, I was more upset that I really was done.
My dreams for a life in New York, a life with Curtis, a life doing the job I loved were dead.
I put on my best fake-happy voice through my suddenly dry mouth and tried not to choke on the words.
“I’ll see you in a few days. I can’t wait. ”
Hopefully, she didn’t hear the lie.
At least it was unlikely I’d run into Curtis, but I’d run into his ghost everywhere.
The excitement I’d felt at signing the lease this afternoon and trying to move on had dimmed to nothing.
Past me had a lot of explaining to do. She’d assumed because getting over Mark hadn’t been so bad, it wouldn’t hurt that much to lose Curtis.
That I would be fine in a few weeks. But past me had made one fatal error.
She hadn’t realized I’d fallen in love.