Chapter 45 #2
When they released each other, Svyn looked past Nia, finding Reign’s concerned eyes. “Money wants me to stay here with y’all until he gets back.”
Reign and Nia asked in tandem, “Gets back?”
Svyn gave Nia a knowing look, but when he looked at Reign, he minced his words. “He uhh…he said he needs a minute.”
A minute alone under these circumstances meant that Markus could slip away from her.
Sink under water in the abyss that he pulled himself out of.
Alone in grief was a playground for demons to take up space.
She didn’t verbally give the information a response.
Instead, she finished what she was doing, left the three in their conversation to ample to her bedroom.
She changed into one of Markus’ sweatsuits and eased out of the house.
She remembered what streets to turn down to reach the brownstone she’d only visited once.
His truck was haphazardly parked behind his BMW.
A visible sign that he was in a state. Markus took pride in his cars.
How they were cleaned and parked. Reign parallel-parked on the other side of the street and made her way inside.
The code to the door, Aunt Lucille’s birthday.
She remembered that from one of the lunch dates she had with Markus.
As she entered, she could smell the weed lingering in the air.
The house had no light, no peace. Only darkness waited for a weak spirit to attack.
Through the first and second floors, she didn’t find him until she reached the third. Markus sat in the living area, eyes red, rimmed with pain. Shoulder slumped with the weight of regret and grief. She studied the table, the liquor bottle, the pills – sorrow scattered about.
“Markus,” she softly called his name.
Markus’ eyes snapped to her like a man possessed. She didn’t flinch. She was ready for this. Expecting this.
“Who the fuck told you to come over here?” his tone was void of the tenderness he held for her. It was buried in the ashes over everything he had to burn down in the last day. The man he had to become when the sanctity of his family was violated.
“No one. I needed to come see about you.” Reign’s tone, even, unbothered by his grief.
“You think I need someone to see about me?” his voice rose, and still she didn’t flinch. “You think I’m a weak nigga or something?”
“I think I watched your heart break,” Reign replied, moving closer to him. “I think I’m witnessing you trying to mend it alone.”
“I don’t need you. Get the fuck out,” he grumbled before taking another swig from the bottle. “Fuck you still standing there for? Get the fuck out!”
His words bounced off every wall. His pain couldn’t run her off.
He couldn’t shake her. That was her strength.
The things that broke her in one season were her superpower in another.
She removed the sneakers from her feet, trekked over the floor to where he staggered.
She knew Markus would never hurt her. He wasn’t that far gone.
She also knew that her touch could settle him.
He attempted to avoid her, but the clasp of her hand stopped him.
“Look at me,” Reign said.
He refused. “Get out, Reign.”
“Emilliano. Look at me,” she urged.
Markus turned around, peering down at her. She could see the fight in his eyes. He wanted to fall into her, wanted her touch to soothe the wounds of betrayal. The drugs in his system wanted their freedom to roam and destroy what was left of his good parts.
“I can’t do this shit with you. I can’t be no weak nigga right now,” he protested as she pressed the warmth of her palm against his face.
He pulled away. Only for her to do it again.
“He killed my aunt. His mother. I had to. I didn’t want to do it.
I’ve been trying not to fuckin’ do it. I ain’t cold like that, Reign! ”
“I know.”
“I ain’t fuckin’ weak either.”
“You’ve never been weak,” she assured. “You did what you had to do.”
It was his next sentence that unlocked the floodgates. “What if it was you? What if it was you? What if he took you from me?”
Reign wrapped her arms around him, panting her feet to handle the weight of his emotion-riddled body. She gave him the comfort he needed. The comfort he wouldn’t ask her for.
“Let me,” she urged, tugging at his dirtied shirt.
He put space between them and let her remove the shirt, then the pants, socks, and underwear. She dropped them into a pile, making a mental note to burn them. Leading him into the bathroom, she turned the shower on.
“For today and tomorrow, let me take care of you,” she compromised. “Today, be weak. Don’t have the answers. Cry. No one will know. Trust me?”
Markus didn’t miss a beat when his truth slipped out of his mouth. “More than you know, Speechless.”
“Okay. Then let me do the heavy lifting for the next two days, my love.”
Inside the shower, she washed him, top to bottom.
Sat him down to wash his hair, and when she was done, she left him alone so he could cry and have his moment without worrying about what it looked like.
She cleaned the room, ordered food, and cleaned the floors below.
When Markus emerged, her found her sitting on the couch, deep into her thoughts.
“Speechless,” his voice was heavy.
She turned to him. “Hm?”
“I’m sorry,” he said, moving closer so he could lay his head in her lap. “For talking to you like that.”
“I already forgave you. I said I was going to love you. I won’t hold that against you. I’m sorry you have to go through this. This version of death is brutal.”
“I can’t seem to figure out what hurts worst,” he muttered. “The betrayal or the loss.”
“Pain is pain. Neither one has to be greater. You have to process them both, though.”
“How? I got to lead. I got to stand up in front of all these niggas like this shit don’t hurt.”
Reign massaged his scalp, prompting him to rest. “You let me take care of you, and you handle the world.”
“How’s that fair to you?”
“It’s not about fair, Milli. It’s about the give and take. The exchange. It’s my turn to take care of you. Let me.”
It wasn’t long before Markus was finally asleep in her lap.
The silence allowed Reign’s mind to go back to Ms. Ophelia’s loaded silence.
Before she could get too deep into the possibility of it, she drifted off to sleep.
When she woke up, Markus was unbagging the groceries she ordered.
While a home-cooked meal wouldn’t take away his pain, it’d give him something else to think about for a while.
That, along with the other items she forgot, was sitting in her JoyCart.
When she rounded the corner, he looked up at her and back to the empty brown paper bag on the counter. “A pregnancy test?”
She froze. “That wasn’t supposed to come here with all of this. I forgot to take that out.”
“It’s here now. Not to rush you or make you feel no way. Having something else to think about other than death would do me some good, right now.”
Reign chewed on her lip before taking the bag off the counter. As she trudged away from him, she thought about the times the test was positive, and keeping it wasn’t an option. Anxiety set in as she went through the motions and waited. She could hear his breathing through the door.
“You good?” he questioned.
Reign shook her head with tears in her eyes. As the knob turned, she was sure to swipe them from her face and swallow any residual disappointment. When he stepped into the space, she caught his hopeful eyes.
She tried to turn her lips into an assuring smile, but all they did was quiver. “Maybe next time?”
“It’s negative?” Markus asked.
Reign nodded. “Yeah. I got into my head. Your aunt did something yesterday, and I thought they knew something I didn’t. It’s nothing. It’s fine.”
He stopped her from rushing out of the bathroom, cupping her face to study her. “No. It’s something, tell me what’s that.”
“This isn’t the time,” Reign shared. “Never in your grief will I have you worry about me. Never. I’m fine. What’d you want for breakfast?”
“Don’t do that,” Markus said, not letting her sweep how she felt under the rug for the sake of his feelings. “Don’t bury yourself because I’m going through some shit. Tell me what that was.”
Reign slightly shrugged her shoulders. “I thought I was. I’m only late by a couple of weeks. I was sick this morning, but it really could be all of this stress. Or maybe I just can’t because of all the ones I had to give up.”
Markus’ jaw tightened.
“See, this is why this isn’t the right time. I’m fine. Maybe next time. Plus, we got time, right?” She was trying to soothe him, but more than that, herself. She knew better than to get her hopes up. “Good news is Nia is expecting. We have that to look forward to.”
“For real?” he posed with a slack expression. “About time Svyn slowed her down. Happy for them. They deserve that shit.”
The hope his eyes held minutes ago, now distant. Reign clasped her hands around his and smiled sweetly. “Our time will come. There’s a lot to do before then. First things first, get you fed so you can weather the rest of this week.”
Markus inhaled as he kissed the top of her head. “Yeah.”
Once he released her, she stepped around him and out of the bathroom. Back to the kitchen to take over whatever he was doing before she got up. She took a beat to gather her emotions. As she wiped her face again, she felt him box her in.
“We’re going to have the world. And I’m going to put you at the top of it,” Markus muttered. “Do me a favor, though.”
“Anything,” Reign said just above a whisper.
“Don’t lose your light in my grief. Don’t take your voice away from me. I had my hopes up, too. Who knows, maybe she did know something we didn’t. Time will tell.”
“It will.”