Chapter Sixteen
That night, I stood just outside the kitchen—watching Lily and Rhodes from the shadows.
“Do you think Mommy will like these?” Lily stood on the stepstool, frosting her batch of the cookies and her corner of the countertop to go with it.
“Course, she will,” he exclaimed, swiping frosting on her nose. “Mommy loves ginger, cinnamon, and chocolate, so ginger cinnamon cookies with chocolate frosting will be like Christmas come early.”
“Hmm, maybe. I don’t know.” She was so adorable with her chocolate nose all scrunched up in thought. “Mommy likes new stuff now, maybe she won’t.”
“Likes new stuff?” Rhodes said over my stiffening shoulders. “What do you mean?”
“New stuff,” she repeated like it was obvious. “Like now she likes playing with me, and reading me stories, and dancing with me—even though she’s really, really bad.”
It’ll always be your own kin that cuts you the deepest.
“She didn’t like that stuff before,” Lily said so matter-of-factly, it broke my heart. “So what if she doesn’t like cinnamon and ginger anymore either?”
In fact, I hated cinnamon and ginger. Having both together would be like having a spice shop throw up in my mouth, but damned if I wouldn’t scarf down every single one of those cookies like they were magic stay-young-and-beautiful-forever pills.
“She... uh... Mommy...” Even then, my stomach did a little flip at Rhodes’s cute panicked expression.
“Mommy is... different now,” he confessed.
“But it wasn’t that she didn’t like doing those things with you, baby girl, she just didn’t know how to be silly and relaxed and have fun.
” Rhodes stopped icing and took her hand.
“See, Lily, some parents don’t let their kids be kids.
They don’t let them play, read fairy tales, or dance badly, so when they get older, they don’t know how to do that stuff with their kids because they’ve never done it before. ”
“Is that what happened to Mommy?”
“Yes,” Rhodes said clearly.
I wished I could deny a word of that, or even voice a word to defend my parents, but Rhodes was spot-on. Actually, he was putting it nicely.
“But how come she can play with me now?”
He paused, considering that. “Because of Halmeoni.”
I frowned. What?
“Your grandmom only got to be Mommy’s mom for twenty-eight years, and in that whole time, they never got to have any fun together.”
“Really?” Lily whispered. “That’s so sad.”
Something broken and screaming in me went very, very quiet.
“It is sad. It’s even more sad because they’ll never get the chance to have fun together again.”
Lily’s mouth trembled—her little frosted nose wrinkling.
“But she doesn’t want it to be that way with you and her,” he said. “For as long as she’s your mommy, she wants to have lots of fun with you.” Rhodes wiped her cheek, catching a tear. “So, what do you say? Should we keep making the best frosted cinnamon ginger cookies ever?”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah?!” he cried, tickling her.
Bursting into giggles, she belted out, “Yeah!”
“All right!”
They high-fived—tears abated as the two of them went back to working on their little cheer-Mommy-up surprise.
I stepped out of the gloom, clearing my throat. “Hey, guys. What’s going on in here?”
“Mommy, no!” Lily dropped her spatula, dropping over the cookies to cover them. “Don’t look. You’re ruining the surprise.”
“A surprise? I am?” I clapped my hands over my eyes. “Oh no, I can’t ruin the surprise!” I ran into the fridge and bounced off. Spinning around, I ran the other way and bonked into the pantry.
If Lily wasn’t already on the countertop, she would’ve fallen on it laughing.
“That’s right. No peeking,” Rhodes said. “We’re going to hide these, because you don’t get to see them until after dinner.”
I tucked myself in the corner while Lily and Rhodes put the cookies back on the pan, and stuck them in the oven.
“Nicely done, Lilybug. Can you go and get your other daddies for me, please?” Rhodes asked.
“Okay.” There was a clomp from her jumping off the stool.
Suddenly, little arms were around me. “I love you, Mommy.”
My throat closed—my heart filling to burst. Three days since losing Omma, and it was her three little words that put the first crack in the dam of my tears.
“I love you too, Nari.” Twisting around, I hugged her tight. “So much.”
Leaning back, she popped a kiss on my cheek, and then took off—just a happy, sweet little girl who trusted and felt safe with her family.
Only after her footsteps faded did I turn to Rhodes.
I studied the back of his head, watching him flit through the kitchen finishing off what, from the smell of it, seemed to be one-pot chicken and potatoes.
Even the back of him was handsome. Rhodes Newbury was tall, fit, and a great dresser. Even when he went out for a run, he had the best running shoes and nice, tight running pants that motivated anyone running behind him to keep up... but never get ahead of him.
He was an amazing father. So sweet and patient with Lily, and he always made time for her no matter how tough a day he had at work. Yes, there were many things to love about Rhodes Newbury—
—but that didn’t make him any less a complete stranger to me.
I’ve been an idiot. I crushed on him from afar for one year when I was fourteen, and then four years later, I made a date with him that I never got to go on—and I’ve acted like that’s enough to know a person.
Ten years have separated me and Rhodes, no matter how much I wanted to ignore that fact. I wasn’t here for the fights, the disappointments, the early growing pains of fatherhood, or the weight of his parents’ failed marriage falling upon him.
I don’t know this man at all, I thought as he turned to me, beaming away. So how do I know he didn’t kill my mother?
“Hey, babe.” He saw the look on my face. “Everything okay?”
“Um, no,” I said slowly, moving closer to the island. “Not really.”
“Is this about your friend?” Rhodes busied himself wiping the chocolate off the countertop. “How’s she doing?”
“Not good.” I was fixed on his face—studying his every twitch and tic.
“Her father got her the best lawyer in a five-state radius, and she’s poking all the same holes in their investigation that I did, but it’s tough because she can’t explain why she attacked Omma with confectionery if she didn’t have a grudge against her. ”
“Why did she do that?” Rhodes didn’t look up from his task. “I mean, it was so bad onlookers called the cops. Did she tell you at least why she flipped out on an old lady?”
“I already know why.” My voice was measured—calm. “It was because Omma drove a wedge between us. Courtney is the sister I never had,” I said—speaking truer than I ever had before. “And I’m hers.
“But, sadly, Omma didn’t approve of her.
And even more sadly, my self-worth was so tied to her approval, I gave up on my best friend when she needed me the most. It really sucks,” I whispered, “when you wake up one day and realize you never had to be this lost and alone. The whole time, all you had to do is take the hand reaching out to you.”
Rhodes slowed, staring down at the shining countertop. “I... Yeah,” he said softly. “I know what you mean.”
“So, Rhodes...” I slid my hand across the countertop, laying my palm over his fingers. My other hand slipped inside the pocket of my sheath dress and turned on the recorder. “This is me reaching out. Talk to me. Be honest with me. I’ll listen.”
He blinked at our hands. “Wait, what? What are you talking about? Be honest about what?”
“I spoke to a close friend of my mom’s today, and she told me that last year, Omma hired private investigators to dig into your life, and they found something that would send you to jail.
” I could’ve gone for subtlety, but every single member of my immediate family died violently, and I was the cursed bitch who had to witness it all three times, so I was officially done beating around the fucking bush.
“Excuse me!” Eyes bugging, Rhodes shot up—his hand flying away. “Put me in jail? Sue, were you talking to this woman in a locked ward in a nursing home? Because that’s the only way what you said makes sense.”
I didn’t back down. “What did my mother find out, Rhodes? What did she do with the information, because knowing her, she didn’t toss it in the trash and forget about it? Was she blackmailing you?”
“Blackmailing me?” Rhodes straight goggled at me. “Blackmailing me to do what? To live rent-free in her house? To let her help cover our losses when we had to pay to settle your lawsuits? How in the hell did I lose in those situations?”
“I’m not saying you did, Rhodes, I’m just telling you what my mom told her, so please, stop answering my question with more questions and just answer me. Did my mother dig up dirt on you?”
He tossed his head, looking to the ceiling like he was beseeching a deity for help. “Okay, fine. You want a direct answer? The answer is no. Your mother did not dig up dirt on me, because there was no dirt to find. I haven’t done anything illegal. I’ve never even double-parked.”
“Did—”
“No,” he sliced. “My turn. Did this woman really say that? She told you I broke the law, your mother found out when she hired people to dig into my life, and then apparently kept all of this from you—if you’re really standing here asking me about it.”
“All of the above,” I dropped. “Except she looked into all three of you. She came back and told Mrs. Choi that the investigators hit the jackpot, but she wouldn’t give her a name.”
He cracked a brow. “Then why are you assuming it’s me?”
“Because Omma said it was the one you’d expect,” I told him. “My mother was many things, and a racist was one of them.”
Rhodes snorted—not looking the least bit surprised. “Yeah, she was.” Rhodes returned the same bluntness. “You always denied it or made excuses for her when I brought it up. Why are you seeing the light now?”