Chapter 18
EIGHTEEN
My heels clacked on the marble path as I darted toward Holy Trinity Church. I didn’t even bother looking down at my phone. The lack of people congregating in the gardens already proved I was far later than I’d intended. Freaking alarm.
For thirty-two years of my life, Sundays had always started at church. No matter the illness, the holiday, or other important life event, my mother had one rule: when Sunday morning worship started, your butt better be in that pew.
I sent a silent prayer to all the saints as I snuck in the side entrance, barely bothering to look around before finding my family waiting on the opposite end of the church.
After a lifetime of worship at Holy Trinity, the building was an old friend, as familiar as the back of my hand.
After all, I’d sat through hundreds of sermons, bored as the priest droned on about sin and redemption.
So instead, I memorized the stained glass windows, pretended I was the one decorating the idols and the saints who watched over us.
And because church was never a simple affair, I’d hide out in the rafters as my mother socialized, gossiping about the other members of the community with her friends.
But no matter how many times I tried to hide from my mother, she always found me and dragged me back into her world.
As I crossed through the back of the pews, my mother snapped her head around, glaring at me as I tried to make my way through the crowd. Her disapproving frown followed me as I sank into my place next to my older brother, who stared at me with a knowing smirk.
“You better have a good excuse, Bebe. She’s on the warpath already.”
I knocked my elbow into Jason’s side. “You were supposed to cover for me.”
“I tried, but I’m already on her list because her grandchildren have the flu.
Apparently, that’s not enough of a reason to keep them home.
” He shook his head, probably remembering the time we both had the stomach bug and had to suffer through the hour-long service.
He lowered his voice, mimicking my mother’s faded Greek accent.
“Worship doesn’t stop because of a little sickness. ”
I rolled my eyes but snapped my spine straight when my mother turned to shake her head at me. Nudging Jason, I pulled out my phone, typing in a message without hitting send.
ME: The kids okay?
He nodded. “They’re champs. A couple of days relaxing with fluids, and they should be fine. Ella stayed home with them, so I have to leave right after to help her out.”
Traitor.
Okay, that might have been unfair. It wasn’t like my brother was abandoning me to the wolves because he felt like it.
His kids, Abby and Andrew, were only three and eighteen months, a handful on the best of days.
While I loved them dearly, they were exhausting.
Whenever I babysat, I spent the next few days trying to rebuild my energy, grateful I worked in upper elementary and not early childhood.
Jason opened his mouth to say something else, but the woman in the row ahead of us turned and glared. We both nodded in apology, turning to focus as the prayers began.
Each moment of worship seemed longer than the last, and my mind couldn’t help but wander.
And its favorite location lately?
Damien Ramos.
Heat soured my cheeks as last weekend came to mind, when he spent hours worshipping me in his bed, only for us to have to pretend to be strangers at the game.
He texted a few times in the days since, but I hadn’t responded, unsure how to explain my thoughts even to myself.
After all, what kind of person seduced someone and convinced him to keep it a secret, only to get upset when it stayed that way?
Oh, right. Me. That was who.
Honestly, I was more upset with myself than Damien.
He’d done exactly what we’d agreed. He’d been friendly when our paths crossed, and I was the one who couldn’t manage to string together any coherent sentences.
But every time he texted, that tendril of guilt and confusion grew teeth, and I wasn’t ready to face them quite yet.
A buzzing formed at the base of my skull, the sign a headache was beginning to brew.
I needed to get out of here. After only a few minutes in the church, exhaustion already plagued me from the pitying glances and empty prayers.
Maybe I should end this thing with Damien for good.
God knows my mother was already praying three times a day for Todd and me to reconcile.
If she found out I had multiple no-strings attached sex sessions with someone, much less a man who wasn’t Orthodox? There’d be no coming back.
Jason nudged me with his elbow, furrowing his brow in silent question.
I smiled back at him, hoping it’d come off more reassuring than it felt.
He furrowed his brow but turned back toward my mom, taking her hand.
She beamed back at him before looking at me and mouthing for me to sit up.
Shaking my head, I focused back on the services.
Jason had an easier relationship with both my parents.
He’d been the golden child growing up—star of the high school football team, valedictorian, and accepted into an Ivy league university.
He even married his high school sweetheart, whose parents were a staple at Holy Trinity.
For a long time, I’d tried to keep up, tried to be the girl my parents envisioned.
But even after following all the right steps, my life still fell apart, leaving me alone in the rubble. When my family should have rallied around me, they instead looked at me like I had a scarlet letter pressed into my chest—the pathetic woman whose husband left her for someone else.
Slamming my eyes closed, I forced the tears away, pretending the droning sermon moved me. I’d mourned the end of my past life a while ago, but forgiving my family for letting me flounder? Those wounds would take a lot longer to heal.
Despite the conclusion of worship, church didn’t end when the priest dismissed us. No, instead, there was always the after—hours of socializing with my mother as she paraded around the community room like the queen of the congregation.
I sat at the edge of the room, poking my room-temperature moussaka with the edge of my fork. Jason disappeared shortly after the priest wished us well, returning to his sick children. Honestly, I’d rather deal with the germs than the empty platitudes I’d received for the last hour.
You should leave.
The voice in the back of my mind called out, sounding suspiciously like Ollie.
But despite my annoyance, I stayed seated, unable to leave until my mother dismissed me.
Our relationship might be strained at the moment, but I still hated disappointing her, choosing my discomfort over her disappointment.
“Hey, Bri.”
My spine straightened as the familiar voice washed over me.
Todd. As I looked up to meet his eyes, nausea curled into my stomach.
It was a good thing I hadn’t eaten. Throwing up on his fancy loafers would be church fodder for months.
My eyes darted to my mother, who didn’t look surprised to see him.
What the hell was she doing?
Todd motioned to the chair across from me. “Can I sit?”
“What are you doing here?”
“I needed to talk to you, and you haven’t been returning any of my calls and texts.”
“Yes, because we’re divorced, and you’re getting remarried, Todd. There is nothing for us to talk about.”
“Come on, Bri,” Todd said as he scooted into the seat next to me.
My whole body went rigid. “We were such a good team for so long. Our marriage didn’t work out, but I’d like it if we could be friends.
” He sighed, running his hand through his blond hair.
“I miss you, miss talking to you. I didn’t realize—”
“No.” His green eyes darted up to meet mine.
For a moment, I almost wavered, hating the anguish in his expression.
That primal part of me wanted to soothe it away, to make promises that would ease some of his pain.
But I couldn’t, not after everything we’d been through.
“Our friendship—all of it—died when you chose to cheat, Todd. It’s not the end of the marriage that ruined us.
No, it was the lying, the deception. If you told me—”
“I tried!”
“Not hard enough,” I answered. “The moment you crossed that line, there was no going back, for either of us.”
I stood to leave despite my mother’s frown, but Todd’s voice broke through the din of the room.
“I made a mistake.” My knees shook as he stared up at me, genuine contrition reflecting at me for the very first time.
“Bri, you were the best thing in my life, and for years, I took you for granted. Never realized—”
“Todd, please, don’t do this.” My voice cracked, emotion clawing its way up through my chest. “It’s too late.”
Defeat slumped his shoulders, and he nodded. Before he could say anything else, my mother walked over and put her hand on his shoulder. All hope of her standing up for me died when she leaned down and kissed his cheek. “Good to see you, Todd.”
“You too, Mrs. Sideris,” he said as he cleared his throat and stood. “Thank you for letting me come to service.”
“Please, darling, you know it’s Olivia. No matter the…ugliness that happened, you’ll always be family to us. You’re welcome anytime.”
“Mom!” I hissed.
She narrowed her eyes at me. “Brianna, don’t be selfish. Todd was my son for a long time. I’m not turning my back on him now.”
“Thank you, Olivia.”
I almost bit through my tongue. Shaking my head, I leaned in to kiss my mother’s cheek, unable to stand this exchange for another moment.
After a lifetime of playing second fiddle to my brother’s accomplishments, you’d think I’d be used to my mother’s disappointment, but seeing her kindness toward my ex-husband made my patience snap. “I’m going to go.”
My mother’s jaw dropped. “But it’s so early! They haven’t even served dessert yet.”
My glare darted between her and Todd. “Lost my appetite.”