Chapter 24
TWENTY-FOUR
What the fuck did I normally do with my hands?
Staring at the bouquet clutched in my fist, I tried to make myself appear casual, even though it was the exact opposite of how I felt.
I wasn’t this guy—not the one who stood outside a girl’s apartment after spending way too much time searching through rows of flowers at the market.
Everything about being here seemed wrong, but after a week without Brianna, I couldn’t force myself to stay away.
The moment I got off the plane, I dropped my stuff at my apartment and rushed over here. The only stop I made was at the flower shop down the block, grabbing a bouquet of roses for the girl who occupied my every waking thought.
So fucking stupid. I played professional ball in front of millions of people for the better part of the year, yet standing here, in front of Brianna, made my palms sweat like never before.
She arched a brow as she stared back at me, shock coloring all her features.
Even in casual gym clothes with her hair tossed over her shoulder, she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.
Our time apart had only increased the need pulsing in my chest, making me crave her like no one else in the world.
Brianna continued to stare at me as my words settled between us. After the longest silence of my life, she finally smiled, leaning against the other side of the door. “And what if I did leave you out here?”
I held out the flowers and appraised them.
Fucking roses. The woman at the stall insisted they were the best, but now, the gesture seemed like too much, especially given the casualness of our relationship.
But the red color called to me, reminding me of the dress Brianna wore the last time I saw her.
Searching my memories, I tried to remember the last time I bought flowers for a woman. Outside of my sister and her wife, it had been a good five years. I smiled, trying to hide my anxiety under my cocky grin. “Then I wouldn’t be able to give you these. Pity.”
Brianna rolled her eyes, but took the flowers from my hand. She leaned forward, smelling the bouquet with a serene smile. I could only watch, too transfixed by her to consider doing anything else. “Thank you,” she said. “They’re beautiful.”
You’re beautiful.
I cleared my throat, trying to keep those words inside. “Saw them and thought of you. Figured if you were avoiding me, it might be a good first step to earning your forgiveness.”
She shook her head. “I’m not avoiding you, Damien. I was just trying to clear my head a little...”
“Was the gift too much?” I asked, anxiety climbing through my chest. Fucking Drobrek.
He’d made the trek to a little romance bookstore to look for a surprise for Ollie and dragged me along.
But when I walked in and saw the set of books on display, I recognized the name from talking with Bri.
She’d spent almost an hour explaining how she needed to move to Montana and find herself a family of hot, broody hockey players.
I then spent the hour after reminding her why her baseball player was a better option.
Without a second thought, I grabbed them and a bunch of other things that reminded me of Brianna.
It hurt my soul a little to spend that much money on books about hockey players, not baseball, but it was worth it to make her smile.
The last thing I added to the box before sealing it—and what I was most nervous about—was the jersey.
Brianna reached out and gave me a tight hug. “Not at all. I loved every part, especially the books. I’m shocked you remembered.”
“As if I’d ever forget that night.” I smirked, pulling back to search her eyes. God, I fucking missed her. Just being around her melted away the tension, and my entire body relaxed.
She reached down and linked our fingers. “Why don’t you come in?”
I glanced behind her, and my feet almost moved toward her, all too tempted knowing what might happen behind closed doors. But for the first time in a long time, that wasn’t what I wanted. “I have a better idea,” I said as I held my hand out for Brianna. “Let me treat you to lunch.”
“Lunch?” Brianna asked, staring at my hand like it was poisonous. “We don’t do stuff like that. Besides, I thought you weren’t supposed to be photographed with anyone. What are you going to say if someone catches us?”
“The team wants me to stay away from clubs and too messy hook-ups, I think they’ll be fine with us grabbing some food.” I shrugged. “It’s just lunch, Bri. You need to eat, I need to eat. Let’s not overthink it.”
She continued to stare at me, trying to decipher the hidden meaning in my offer.
If the situation were reversed, I might do the same thing.
But as much as I loved being with Brianna, today, I was taking Parker’s advice to show her what a relationship between us might be like.
Even more, I wanted to talk to her, to understand her better, to figure out why she had such a hold on me.
Eventually, Brianna smiled. “Okay, lunch sounds nice. But careful, Damien. Between the flowers and the invitation, you’re making this sound like a date. ”
A sourness coated the back of my tongue, but I swallowed it down, keeping up my sly smirk. “Wouldn’t dream of it, angel.”
As she walked inside, mentioning something about finding her purse and a vase for the flowers, I stood in the hall, contemplating her words.
A date. Was that what this was? I couldn’t remember the last time I’d gone on an actual date.
It had to be with Talia, but even with her, it was always more like fancy dinners or a show.
We’d spent a lot of time out of the house, enjoying the Manhattan nightlife a little too much.
There weren’t many quiet moments just the two of us.
Realization washed over me as I looked back on our relationship, seeing it with fresh eyes.
Even though I loved Talia—it might have been more about loving having someone as opposed to the woman at my side.
I’d hardly taken the time to explore her beyond the surface, and yet it seemed like enough to build our lives around.
But as Brianna walked back out of the door to stand at my side, I couldn’t help but think about how I wanted so much more.
“This might be the best thing I’ve ever put in my mouth.”
I snorted, sucking back a piece of my taco into my throat. My breath sputtered around the piece of food, desperate to breathe again. God, please do not let me go out like this—not by choking on a piece of carne asada because Brianna has no idea what she just said.
As I coughed up the remnants of my food, Brianna flew to my back, thumping between my shoulder blades. When the offending piece of meat came flying out, she pulled up my face, trying to hide her smirk as she looked me over.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I said through rasped breaths. “Next time, save comments like that for after I’m finished. You tried to kill me, woman.”
“Can’t do that. Pretty sure that would make this the worst date ever.”
The same delectable blush filled her cheeks, and I liked being the one to cause it.
I swallowed the thought, trying to keep my head together.
This was not a date. Despite the slip of her tongue, Brianna made that clear as we walked to the park by her apartment.
She asked multiple times until I almost got offended.
Brianna shook her head as she sat down on her side of the picnic table.
The rest of the park was quiet today, and we were the only ones close to where my favorite food truck loved to park.
In less than an hour, the whole place would be swarmed with the lunch rush, but for now, I got to enjoy my time with Brianna uninterrupted.
And what if this were a date? Would she be against it if I pushed? At this point, we knew each other’s bodies as well as our own, and I’d spent more time with her than anyone else in years. Fuck it. I replayed Parker’s words in my head, and I stopped holding back.
I leaned forward on my elbows, leaning in toward her. “Thought this wasn’t a date, Bri?” Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open. But before she could retract her statement, I reached out and took her hand. “But if you want to make this our first date, I’d be all for it.”
She shook her head. “That’s not what we do, Damien. We have rules—”
“That we made, Bri. They can change whenever we want. You want to go on a date? I’d drop everything to take you on one.”
She studied me for a moment, and I waited for the rejection, waited for her to shut it down. Instead, her eyes just softened. “This can be our first date.”
“Yeah?”
She blushed and ducked her head. “This is perfect for me. I’m not big on fancy meals or nights out. Just give me good food, nature, and great company, and I’m a lucky girl.”
“Noted,” I said, unable to hide my grin.
With anyone else, this would seem like nothing, but getting Brianna to admit this was more than sex was like overcoming insurmountable odds, the same as winning a marathon or climbing a high peak.
“So, now that we established this is a date, what should we talk about?”
Brianna shrugged. “What do you want to know?”
A familiar question tugged at the back of my mind, and I couldn’t hold it back any longer. “Tell me about your ex.”
The color drained from her face as she ducked her chin to her chest, the happiness fleeing her expression. “Why?”
“Call it curiosity,” I said, trying to keep my tone as casual as possible. “Might explain more about you.”
Brianna sighed, wiping the tips of her fingers on her napkin.
“We were together for a long time. We met right during freshman year of college, and everything seemed just…easy between us. I thought it was because we were so connected, but looking back, it was more because I gave in so much, molded my life around his. Now, when I think about our time together, sure, there were a lot of happy memories I want to hold on to, but there’s also a lot more loneliness.
He never saw the real me, and when I grew up and stood my ground, he didn’t handle it well.
” She paused, tapping her fork on her plate.
“When we first split, the idea of repeating that pattern with anyone else scared the hell out of me, of giving someone else the power to break me like that…” She shrugged her shoulders. “Honestly, it still scares me.”
“I get that,” I admitted, tucking my elbows onto the table. “I was engaged a few years ago.”
Brianna’s eyes widened as she stared at me. “I’m sorry, Damien.”
“Don’t be,” I said. “Sure, it hurt like hell, and it’s probably why I haven’t wanted anything real since then. But lately, I’ve been wondering if she made the right move.”
“Can I—” Brianna chewed on her lower lip. “Can I ask what happened?”
“Too devoted to the team, gone too often, all the things I should’ve noticed before she walked out the door.
Talia, she’s a good person, but we weren’t right together.
Instead of supporting each other, we got resentful, and instead of addressing the cracks in our relationship, we grew apart.
Honestly, we would’ve ended no matter what, so I’m a little grateful Talia walked away when she did.
I would’ve kept going, and who knows what might have happened. ”
“You could’ve walked down the aisle and then found yourself in the same position, only now, you’d have wasted almost a decade of your life with nothing to show for it.”
I reached out and took Brianna’s hand. She stared at my hand on top of hers, and for a moment, I wondered if I’d crossed the line.
Instead, she twisted her hand to intertwine our fingers.
Shit, they fit together perfectly. Had we ever touched outside of our apartments?
Probably not, but I liked it—too much. I liked holding her hand when she was hurting, liked to be the one offering her the support.
“You can’t go back and erase the past, Bri. It hurts, and you need to let yourself feel that hurt, but don’t let it define you.” I squeezed her fingers. “You’ve got too much heart to hide it away.”
The corners of her lips turned up. “You seem so sure. I might be a horrible person.”
“Not a chance,” I said, leaning closer to her. “Besides, we know each other a lot more than you realize.”
“How so?”
“I know what you like in the bedroom, what you look like when you fall apart.”
Brianna’s cheeks flushed as she shook her head. “That doesn’t mean anything, Damien. You don’t know my middle name, or my favorite color, or anything else like that.”
“Maybe not.” I leaned back and started ticking things off on my fingers.
“But I know you’re smart, too damn smart, and it intimidates some people around you.
I know how your face lights up when you read a spicy scene in one of your books, how you chew on your lower lip when something romantic happens.
That you like to make others comfortable because you’ve been the one on the outside of the circle.
I mean, hell, Auggie hasn’t stopped talking about you for weeks.
You connected more with the guy in one night than the rest of us have all season.
” I paused, searching her widening hazel eyes.
“And look at the day we met. You busted your ass for weeks because you wanted to help your friend. You spent the entire day baking in the sun because it gave your students joy. I might not know the little details, Bri, but I see you, see your heart. So listen to me when I say when you decide to give it to someone, they’re going to be the luckiest bastard on the planet. ”