Chapter 37
THIRTY-SEVEN
“No, Mom, I told you—I’m fine. It’s just been a long week,” I groaned into the phone as I slid the key into the lock, twisting the doorknob to my apartment.
After eight hours on my feet, every step seemed heavier than the last. We were two weeks into the school year, but it seemed like so much more.
September was always hectic, even more so when working a new co-teacher.
Thank goodness Brad and I reached that tentative truce before the year started, because otherwise, the past couple of weeks would have been unbearable.
Even with it, we’d had a few bumps, and there’d be a lot more throughout the year. Hopefully, we’d continue to work through them together and help our students grow.
“Are you sure? I could bring dinner over?”
My whole body stiffened at her offer. Sure, it was great that she wanted to take care of me for once, but her smothering, intrusive kind of care wasn’t what I needed right now. Quiet. Peace. All the things that called to me from inside my apartment.
For the past month, I’d been avoiding her, not even attending church on Sunday.
While I missed the community, I didn’t miss the judgmental looks and whispers about my former marriage.
Todd had been attending, which only added to the reasons I refused to go.
Despite my brother telling him to back off, he continued to ask about me, wondering how I’d been.
Jason tried to intervene, but Todd insisted he was just curious.
I had no idea why he was suddenly so invested in my well-being, but I didn’t like it.
As I shoved the door open, I continued the conversation with my mother, “Tonight’s not a great night for me to come over. Can we do something next weekend?”
“Fine.” She sighed. “Let me know what works for your schedule, and I’ll cook something you like.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Don’t need to thank me,” she answered, muttering something to my niece and nephew in the background. “Anything else new with you? Everything good in the city?”
I tensed, wanting to tell her how much my life had changed in a few short weeks.
Brad and I were finding our footing together, and I felt more confident at work than ever before.
While I’d always let my work speak for itself in the past, now, I’d become more vocal, only taking on tasks I wanted to instead of letting the guilt force me into it.
But outside of work, my world was bleak.
Between Todd showing up at my church, and the blocked number that had been calling me, I was having a hard time sleeping, unable to shake the feeling that something was off with him.
And then there was the loneliness and heartache that Damien had left behind.
Every day, I hoped it would get a little better, but it only got worse.
Time was supposed to heal all wounds, but this one was still festering and raw.
No matter what I tried, it never seemed like it would get better.
I missed him—missed everything about him.
Missed his touch, missed his laugh, missed seeing him, just talking about everything and anything under the sun.
The only sign of life had been the wilting bouquet by my door, the ones he’d sent on the first day of school. Even though the mere sight of his name annoyed me, I couldn’t bring myself to throw them away, wanting to believe this subtle sign meant he might miss me too.
However, with my mother’s reaction to my divorce, I refused to tell her anything about Damien. Those memories were too precious to me to be sullied by her judgment. Instead, I forced on my fakest cheery voice and smiled into the phone.
“All good here, Mom. Just getting back into my routine after the summer. You know how it goes.”
We exchanged a little more small talk as I shucked off my layers and dropped my overloaded teacher bag by the door, in desperate need of couch therapy.
My pajamas, a deliciously smutty romance novel, and a pile of snacks were calling my name.
After my mother ended the call, I turned around and walked through the entryway, scrolling through my emails, not bothering to look up.
“Hey Ol, you home? I’m thinking about ordering something for dinner. ”
“Yes,” Ollie groaned as she walked into the living room, dressed in her favorite kitten pajamas. “But only if you promise nothing healthy. I’ve been going through growth reports all afternoon, and I desperately need some grease to cut through the brain fog.”
“I’m on it.” I chuckled as I pulled up the delivery app, scanning through our options. But before I could click the first item, a knock came from the door.
Ollie arched her brow. “Okay, either that’s the best service ever, or I blanked and ordered a pound of fries already.”
“Or someone else is here,” I mused as I walked back down the entry hallway, stopping to check the peephole. When I glanced through it, my heart stuttered in my chest. I pushed off the door, unsure if I believed the sight in front of me. Damien.
Ollie joined me at the door. “Well, who is it?” She pushed me to the side, gasping when she saw Damien standing there.
Without waiting for me to say anything, she ripped the door open, glaring at the man in front of us.
Like a coward, I tucked behind her where I could see them but he couldn’t see me, trying to catch my breath.
“You have a lot of fucking nerve, showing up here.”
“Good to see you, too, Ollie,” he chuckled, shuffling on his feet. “Can I talk to Bri?”
“Why?” My roommate crossed her arms across her chest. “Finally decided to give her the time of day? Must be a fucking miracle.”
“Ollie…”
“Don’t,” she said, holding up her hand. “Save your charming smile for someone who still likes you, Ramos. You’ve put yourself on the top of my shit list.”
“Trust me, no one hates me more than myself right now. But please, Ol. Let me in. I need to talk to her.” He swallowed. “I need to explain myself.”
Ollie glanced over her shoulder at me, and in that moment, I knew she’d kick him out if I asked.
If I hadn’t loved Ollie before, I definitely did now.
She’d been at my side for the past month, my constant shoulder to cry on.
No judgment, just unwavering support. As she studied my face, I nodded, needing to talk to him just as much.
I couldn’t keep living in limbo, unsure of where we stood.
She stepped to the side, letting him into our home, but before he spotted me, she held up her hand. “This is your last chance, Damien. You mess this up, and I’ll make your life a living hell.”
He smiled sadly at her. “It already is.”
As Damien crossed over the threshold, his dark eyes met mine. My heart pounded in my chest, so loud, I was sure everyone else in the room could pick up on it. It felt like just yesterday we’d shared this space, since he’d crawled into my bed and held me through the night.
But time had taken its toll on him.
Damien seemed more disheveled than the last time I saw him, his dark hair now curled at the edges, brushing the tops of his shoulders.
His facial hair had gone from a dusting to almost a full beard, and I had to admit—I liked it.
It was a rawer version of him, one without the shiny veneer of the Erie Hawks on his shoulders.
The last time we’d seen each other, it had been in the hospital room almost a month ago, when he asked me for space.
The words had cracked open all my barely-healed wounds, sending me to a dark place.
Heading back to New York was one of the hardest moments of my life, every mile away from him tugging at the ties in my heart.
But even as I sobbed into my pillow, my na?ve heart convinced me it was temporary, that Damien needed me to be strong—to hold out hope until he was ready to face his new reality.
However, with every passing day, that hope dwindled until all that remained were embers, painful memories of empty promises in the dark. It had become clear that while I’d clung to Damien in my darkest hours, he didn’t trust me enough to do the same.
Sometime over the past week, I’d made peace with his choice.
After all, I’d spent so much time fighting this—fighting us.
Why would he think I wanted to stick around?
And why would he even want to? Our arrangement had been born out of convenience, a way for him to spend time with someone without affecting his baseball schedule.
Now, that wasn’t as much of an issue. Damien wouldn’t be traveling for a while, and maybe he’d realized he wanted someone more, someone to build a life with.
While even I could see my growth over the past few months, it was no secret my divorce damaged my heart.
Maybe after his injury, with everything else in upheaval, Damien had decided I wasn’t worth the fight.
These thoughts had plagued me ever since I came home, since the first unanswered message to Damien. The longer the silence stretched, the more I’d convinced myself of those dark truths until I could barely breathe at all, sure I’d never see Damien again.
And now, he stood in my home, in my city. I desperately wanted to crawl to him, wanted to hold him tight, to beg him never to let me go. I wanted his touch, his taste, his love, wanted him to overwhelm me in the best way, especially after so much time apart.
The anger in my chest ebbed and flowed, unable to handle the discrepancy between my brain and the rest of my body. Why did he have to look so good? It would have been so much easier to stay mad at him if he’d just let himself go.
I crossed my arms over my chest to stop myself from reaching out for him. “What are you doing here, Damien?”
“I came to see you.”
He stepped closer, and I finally noticed the contraption on his knee.
It looked like a smaller brace than the one he’d had at the hospital, which had to be a good sign.
My heart ached at the sight, knowing how much the injury had cost him.
But in the aftermath, he’d used his pain to break us apart, forcing me away to fight his battles all alone.
I swallowed, keeping my face as neutral as possible. “That was kind of you, but it was unnecessary. How’s your leg healing?”
Damien’s dark eyes met mine, and the longing etched in them almost knocked me to the ground. “It’s fine. Still throbs and aches, but I’m getting better. PT’s been kicking my ass, but I’m getting there. Healing takes time.”
“Glad to hear it,” I said, stepping toward the entry hallway. “But if you don’t mind, I have a lot to do.”
“Just a few minutes, please.” Damien swallowed and ran his hand through his hair. “Five minutes, and then you don’t ever have to talk to me again.”
Ollie glanced over at me, arching a brow—do you want me to kick him out? I subtly shook my head. Not yet. As hard as it was, I needed to hear him out.
“I’m going into my room. Let me know if you need anything.” She stopped in front of Damien. “Don’t pull any more stunts, Ramos. You have no idea what I’m capable of. No one hurts my girl and gets away with it, not even you.”
I grimaced, waiting for Damien to bite back a reply to Ollie’s harsh words. Instead, he placed his hand on her shoulder. “Glad she has you, Ol.”
Her grimace fell away, and she stared at him as if she wanted to say something, but he’d killed every comeback. She turned around, squeezing my hand before walking back into her bedroom and shutting the door.
Once we were alone, I turned and walked into the living room, already overwhelmed by the growing tension. Space. I needed space. Otherwise, I didn’t know if I’d fall apart or fall into Damien’s arms. Neither seemed like the right option.
As soon as I got to the other side of the living room, I turned to face Damien. “Okay, you have five minutes. What do you have to say?”
“I’m sorry, Bri.”