Chapter 40
FORTY
As soon as my mother’s footsteps faltered, my stomach sank.
Her eyes narrowed on Damien, taking in his imposing frame and the tattoos that stuck out under the sleeve of his shirt.
Her lip curled before her dark eyes turned toward me.
Even with half a foot between us, her confusion and disappointment were palpable.
Please let the floor swallow me up right now.
Damien didn’t bother to turn around, simply keeping his eyes on me. As he searched my expression, he whispered, “Do you want me to go, Bri?”
I paused, unsure how to answer. The answer should have been easy—yes, please go, before my mother makes you rethink everything between us.
My mother was notorious for her invasive questions and judgmental stares, which was nothing I wanted to subject Damien to right now.
But the words refused to come. As confusing as it was to be around Damien, I didn’t want him to leave.
Somehow, having him here was like pulling on my favorite worn blanket, keeping me from spiraling.
“No,” I whispered, offering him an apologetic grin. “But you might want to after you meet my mother.”
He smiled at me, some of the earlier tension melting from his shoulders. “You're not getting rid of me that easily, angel. Gonna have to meet her eventually.”
His words made my cheeks flush, and I stood to greet my mother and brother.
Jason’s wife and kids had left right after the service ended, needing to run errands to get ready for the week.
But he’d stuck around, and a small part of me wondered if it was because of Todd’s recent appearances.
As Damien turned around to greet them, my brother sucked in a sharp breath. “Holy fuck, that’s Damien Ramos.”
“Jason,” my mother chastised, but her words held a little mirth, “don’t talk like that.”
“Sorry, Ma,” he spluttered, shooting his arm out toward us. “But do you know who this guy is?”
“No,” she said, slowly perusing Damien. “Should I?”
“Mom, Jason, this is my friend, Damien. He had some free time this morning and joined us for worship.”
He stood and held out his hand to greet my family. My mother took it reluctantly, barely touching him with the tips of her fingers. My brother was another story—he clasped Damien’s hand with both hands, shaking it vigorously. “Mr. Ramos, I’m a huge fan. I’ve been following you for years.”
“Thanks, man. I appreciate it, but it’s just Damien.” He leaned down to meet my eyes. “You should come out for a game sometime.”
“Are you serious? Yeah, Mr. Ram—I mean, Damien. I’d love that.”
As my mother asked Damien his thoughts on the service, Jason continued to stare at him with stars in his eyes, in complete disbelief that one of his favorite baseball players stood in our church’s community room.
I nudged him in the side. “You okay over there?”
“No,” Jason answered. “I’m freaking the fuck out. How on Earth do you know the Damien Ramos?”
I rolled my eyes. “My roommate is friends with Parker Drobrek. I’ve become friends with a lot of guys on the team.”
“Yeah, but this is different. It’s one thing to hang out with them after a game.
But he’s here…meeting Mom.” My brother’s eyes widened impossibly larger as he stared down at me.
“Are you dating Damien Ramos? Please say yes. Actually, no, I don’t really want to picture my favorite player with my sister, even if it means tickets for life. ”
I smacked my hand against his shoulder, and he let out a little oomph.
“First, stop calling him by his full name. He doesn’t need any help in the ego department.
” My head turned, and I caught Damien smirking at me.
My cheeks heated at the unspoken words in his gaze. “And second, we’re just friends.”
“Right,” Jason chuffed. “Hate to break it to you, Bri, but friends don’t look at each other like that.”
I tried to argue, but the words refused to come out.
Damien’s dark eyes had pinned me to the spot; even if I could’ve broken away, I didn’t know if I would.
Being here with him, having him in my life, seemed right, more than it had ever been before.
I’d always been on the outside, the member who never quite fit in with everyone else.
But with Damien beside me, I didn’t care about anyone else’s comments or judgments.
As long as he kept looking at me like I was special to him, no one else in the room mattered.
“So,” my mother’s accented voice carried over our conversation, “Ramos doesn’t sound Greek.”
Damien shook his head. “It’s not, Mrs. Sideris. I was born in Puerto Rico, but I’ve been living here for almost fifteen years.”
She nodded, but her eyes held no warmth. “Then what exactly are you doing at our church?”
“I’m here to support, Bri,” Damien said. “It’s nice to meet you both. Brianna has told me a lot about you.”
She scoffed at his comment, judgment written across the faded lines of her face.
It twisted something deep within me—shame my mother took everything at such face value.
After all, she’d done the same thing with Todd.
She saw his style, took in his family, and decided he was worthy.
And yet, he’d turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life.
Damien might not seem like her ideal man for her daughter, but he had the biggest heart out of everyone I knew, and I hated her a little for not being able to see that.
My mother arched her brow, looking over at me. “You never answered your brother’s question, Brianna. Are you dating this man?”
I squeaked out a lackluster “no” at the same time as Damien said, “yes”. I turned and glared at him, finding nothing but humor reflected at me. Swallowing my pride, I turned back to my mother. “It’s complicated, but right now, we're just friends.”
“That’s enough.” She held up her hand. “This is not the time or place to discuss the complications in your love life.”
“Of course, Mom.”
Damien and Jason started talking about the Hawks, and my mother came right over to me, taking my arm in her hand.
She twisted me away from the rest of the crowd and lowered her voice.
“This is highly inappropriate. What would you have done if Todd had been here? You can’t drag some stranger into our lives just because you’re upset about his wedding. Be more mature than that, Brianna.”
Her tone was properly chastising, and I tucked my chin, hating that it just took a few words to pull me right back into my childhood. I was about to offer a muttered apology when Damien stepped in front of me. “Don’t speak to her like that.”
My mother’s mouth dropped open. “Excuse me?”
“Do not speak to Brianna like that. She did nothing wrong. If she wants me here, this is where I'll be, even if you think it’s inappropriate.” He lowered his voice.
“As for that idiot ex-husband of hers, I wish he’d come.
I wish I had a chance to look him in the eyes and thank him for making the biggest mistake of his life. ”
“How dare you—”
“I wasn’t done,” Damien bit out. “Because the real question is, how dare you? Your daughter works so damn hard to make everyone around her happy, and do you ever stop to think about what makes her happy? Or are you too busy judging her choices to even consider it?”
My mother’s mouth dropped open, and she turned, perhaps seeing me for the very first time.
But before she could say anything that might ease the tension between us, her eyes darted around the room.
While we were tucked far enough away from any prying ears, I should have known she’d never let down her defenses in public.
“As I said, this is neither the time nor place for this conversation.” She narrowed her eyes at Damien before turning back toward me. “We will discuss this later. I expect you to be ready by five on Friday.”
I couldn’t speak, so all I did was nod, hating that the words I wanted to say stalled on my tongue. As they walked away, Damien’s hand engulfed mine, pulling me out of the room. Once we broke out into the gardens, he twisted me to face him.
“I’m so sorry, Bri. I didn’t think—”
I cut off his words with my kiss. He let out a sharp breath before relaxing into my embrace, and his hands found my waist. His touch soothed the broken pieces inside my heart, clicking back together, just needing him close to feel whole again.
But the reality of our situation crashed to the forefront of my mind.
I leaned back, needing to get my head together.
God, being around this man was turning me into the queen of mixed signals.
The sudden thought caused me to push him back, needing some space to get my thoughts together. I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that, not until—”
“Don’t.” Damien silenced me with his forefinger on my chin, tilting it up so I had no choice but to meet his eyes. “I’m trying here, Bri. I really am. And you know I’ll keep fighting for you, as long as it takes. But I can’t keep fighting you.”
“Me?” I asked, snapping out of his grip.
Damien sighed and placed his hands on his hips. “I fucked up, Bri. I own that. But when are you going to stop pushing me away? I told you I love you, told you I’m not going anywhere. But at some point, I need you to meet me halfway.”
“Do you…” My voice trailed off, unable to finish the thought. “What are you saying?”
“I need something, Bri. A sign, something to show me you’re in this too.
That you’re fighting for us just as much as I am.
I can’t keep standing here, begging for you to give me a chance.
It hurts too fucking much.” His dark eyes met mine, and the pain lurking in them knocked the air from my lungs.
“Tell me you don’t love me. Tell me I’m wasting my time.
Because I’d do anything for you, Bri, but I can’t keep going without something. ”
I clutched my hand to my chest, hating how his words cut so deep.
All I wanted was to forgive him, to lay down my walls and let him back in.
Although he’d lowered them, they were still standing strong, keeping me from laying my heart in his hands.
“You’re not wasting your time,” I whispered, averting my eyes.
“I want to be with you, Damien, I really do. I’m struggling to trust you right now, but that doesn’t mean…
” My voice cut off, unable to complete the sentence.
That doesn’t mean I don’t love you.
I shifted closer to him and placed my hands on his chest. His heart pounded against the fabric of his shirt, so hard, I could feel it in my fingers. He was here, being open, laying his heart out for me, unsure if I would protect or crush it. “Please don’t give up on me, Damien. I just need time.”
Damien searched my gaze, and I prayed he could see the emotions behind my words, how hard it was for me to admit them, though I felt them all the same. Eventually, his eyes shuttered closed, and he dropped his forehead against mine. “Then I’ll keep waiting.”
I let out a choked sob, relief like I’d never known overcoming me.
My fingers dug into his shirt, and we held each other for a long moment.
Eventually, others started to pour into the garden, so we broke apart.
But before Damien could leave, I grabbed his hand.
“Thank you for waiting for me. I’m trying. I promise.”
“No need to thank me for that,” Damien sighed. “There’s no timeline when it comes to you, Bri.”