Chapter 12 #2
Aldridge is what happened. “That’s not the point.
I do think marrying Dante after just a few weeks is a bad idea.
But at least Anika is living. Me on the other hand, I’m just stuck in place.
Shit, I’m probably regressing. No man, a law school dropout, with a job I’m not over the moon about, back in the city I grew up in. ”
“Wait, you didn’t finish law school?”
His question helped to feed my sense of inadequacy. “No, I quit because it was too hard, and I didn’t know anybody.”
“Okay, that’s okay. Everybody’s journey is different.”
“That’s the thing everyone is on a journey, but my mode of transportation is broke down on the side of the road.”
“So, get out and walk.”
“Stop, stop.” I held up a silencing hand.
“Stop what?”
“Stop trying to be sensible and let me vent.”
“Okay you’ve got this, the floor is yours.”
“I didn’t realize my life was going to be this fucked up.
” Aldridge’s jaw clenched; it was clear he wanted to object.
“Don’t speak. I just thought I’d be further ahead at this point.
I’m not happy …” I covered my eyes with my hands.
“God, I don’t know why I’m telling you this.
” My attention was drawn to a couple across the way who appeared lost in love.
I barely remembered what that felt like.
“I’m not happy with the choices I’ve made.
I feel like my feet are in quicksand and when I make the slightest movement, I just sink further.
“I know objectively someone looking in would envy my life. I own a business, I drive a nice car. I have beautiful hair and a wardrobe most women and some men would kill for. But I feel like I’m wasting my potential.
I don’t want to be the pretty, cool girl.
I want to be a boss bitch who grabs her dreams by the fucking balls and just clamps down on it.
” I made my hands look like claws to drive home my point. “You know just … ugh.”
I couldn’t have these types of conversations with Anika. She was too easily distracted and would just tell me I was being ridiculous and put on her bad bitch playlist as a rallying cry. “Say something.”
“You told me not to speak, dear.”
“Yeah, but I’m over here pouring my heart out and you’re giving me radio silence.” I tapped on a pretend microphone. Bueller, Bueller?”
“I … understand … where you’re coming from.”
“How could you?”
“You don’t think I feel inadequate?”
“No … you’re Aldridge Fucking Mosley. You are a big fucking deal. You have endorsements with Nike and Powerade.”
“And Lexus.”
In spite of my mood, I couldn’t help but giggle. “You just had to slip that in there.”
“Just want the record to be accurate.”
“You’re proving my point. You have everything you could ever want.”
“Danessa, I don’t think you realize how difficult these past few years in the NBA have been for me.”
“What do you mean?”
“Nice try but we’re talking about your problems not mine.”
“I know what my problem is, it’s me.”
“I think you’re being too hard on yourself. You’re twenty-six, that’s young. Do you know our frontal lobe may not even be fully developed yet?”
Rubbing my head I said, “I didn’t know that.”
“So how are you going to be hard on yourself when you most likely still have a hole in your head?”
“Well, when you put it that way.”
“Our twenties are for figuring shit out. If you don’t like the path you’re on, pivot.
You are not stuck, you’re paralyzed, there’s a difference.
Get out of your fucking head and stop comparing yourself to others.
You do not want what Anika has because those two are going to end up in jail or in front of a judge. ”
“Don’t jinx it.”
“You were the one who was saying what a horrible idea it was.”
“Yes, but I don’t want to put any bad juju on it.”
“Danessa you own a company you built from the ground up. Not many people can do that.”
“Yes, all true but I just saw myself someplace else at this age.”
“What did you think you were going to solve? World hunger?”
“I had a plan.”
“Mmm, yes your plan.”
“Real estate pays the bills, and it feels really good to watch a couple’s faces light up when they find their home.
It’s funny no matter how rich the person, there’s always that moment of excitement as the possibilities for that house and their future kind of flashes before their eyes.
And I think seeing that hopeful look year after year just made it more apparent I didn’t have anything to be excited about. ”
“You have your entire life ahead of you. That should make you excited.”
“Every day giving tours of houses I could never afford. It’s not very challenging. It’s not open heart surgery.
“You’re squeamish.”
“Okay it’s not basketball. You get to wake up each day and do something you’re passionate about. I don’t have that.”
Aldridge hooked his thumb under my chin, bringing my eyes to meet him ensuring he had my full attention.
“You can start over at any time. Danessa you are the smartest woman I know. You don’t settle for anyone, not even me.
Your drive, your passion that’s what made me fall for you.
You used to be Team Never Scared, and now you’re getting spooked by a potential plot twist.”
“You have to say that. You can’t say you know what Danessa, you’re right. Your life is really unfulfilling.”
“Okay first I don’t sound like that.”
“And second?” I giggled.
“If you believed in yourself just a quarter as much as I believe in you, you’d be unstoppable. Life doesn’t always give you what you need, but it will always give you what you settle for.”
“Damn, that was a word.”
“I’ve been attending church virtually every Sunday, so I’m damn near an ordained minister.”
If Aldridge was my man this would be the part where I sucked his dick on the ride home until his eyes rolled back and we veered into oncoming traffic. And then when we got to the house the shit I’d let this man do to every orifice of my body would be obscene.
“Danessa?”
“Yes.” I spoke that word entirely too breathy.
“Did I make you feel a little bit better?”
“Yeah, thank you for listening.”
“Of course.”
He opened my car door. “Aldridge, I missed this. Being able to talk to you.”
“Me too.”
“I’m glad we decided to give the friend thing a go. Are you glad?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Well, that isn’t a ringing endorsement.”
“My bad. Being your friend is good. I planned on giving you a friendship bracelet the next time I saw you to solidify how dang stinking happy I am to count you as a friend.”
“Okay you put too much on it. Dial it back.”
“Do you remember that big headed doll back when we were kids with the bowl cut?”
“The My Pal dolls?”
“Yeah, I wanted one of those dolls but my dad said, ‘No son of mine is walking around with no damn doll.’ Which was dumb because the kid in the commercial was a boy. And him and the doll were going down the slide together and drinking out of juice boxes—”
“Get to the point.”
“The point is you’re my real life My Pal doll. Friends till the end.”
“That was Chucky.”
“It still applies. But if you prefer, you’re the Sinclair to my Overton.”
“They were a couple.”
“Not at first but point taken. You’re the Max to my Khadijah.”
“Wow you are such a dork?”
“Yeah, but I’m a cute dork. I’m a ‘Here me out’ type of dork.
Anyway, I had fun. Maybe … we … should do this again.
” Aldridge was probably stuttering at the realization he’d just lightweight asked me on a date.
“Not, not like a date … but on some friend zone type vibe. You don’t have to wear makeup or dress to impress, and I will try not to look so devastatingly handsome.
And when the check comes, we just split that bad boy right in half like King Solomon.
Because friends don’t make friends pay for their app, entrée, and dessert. ”
“And after the meal we’ll just go to our respective homes. Because that’s what friends do,” I added on.
“Sometimes, occasionally friends have sleepovers.” I had to fight off the laugh bubbling in my chest. “You know with the face mask and pajamas, maybe a good rom-com.”
“And then in the morning they go to brunch at that trendy spot everyone’s raving about.”
“Cut to twenty years from now and they’re picking out wallpaper for the guest bathroom. Because friendship.”
“I should go.”
He plunged his hands in his pockets. “Text me when you get home. It could be a quick ‘I’m home,’ message or a photo. I don’t … I don’t know. I’m going to let you figure that out.”
I laughed so loudly passersby several rows away looked in our direction. “Goodnight, Aldridge.”
“Drive safe.”