Chapter Thirty-Six
Alexandre stared at Mei. No matter how many times he repeated it to himself, he couldn’t believe it. Mei was staying at Livin.
Her eyes begged him to say something.
“You didn’t even tell me,” was all Alexandre could get out.
“You were traveling! I wasn’t going to tell you over text.”
“Maybe you didn’t want to tell me at all.”
Hurt flickered on Mei’s face. Alexandre almost reached for her hand. Then her eyes flashed defiantly.
“You’re right. I didn’t want to tell you. Or you.” She thrust her chin toward Ali and Luc. “But can’t you see what an incredible opportunity this is? I’m finally going to get promoted to VP. And I’ll present at Livin Forum. That’s a big deal!”
Alexandre sighed. “Are you sure about that? The people making those promises are the assholes who screwed you out of that very same promotion just a few months ago.” Out of the corner of his eye, Alexandre saw Ali frown at his sharp tone.
“Also, not every job is worth taking. I just turned down my own incredible opportunity because even though it seems perfect, it’s going to be hell. Like staying at Livin!”
“Well, you’ve had way more opportunities than I’ve had,” Mei shot back. “I never get chances like this.”
The still-lucid part of Alexandre’s brain knew Mei was right.
Throughout his life, he’d had more than her in every realm: money, privilege, education, family support.
He was a straight white man in a world built for him.
The fact that Mei was so successful was a testament to her strength, resilience, and intelligence.
The gracious move would’ve been to say so. But Alexandre couldn’t stop the words flying out of his mouth.
“What did you say back in Hawai‘i? About learning from self-delusion and knowing to stop when you’re headed down the wrong path? What happened to that? The last time didn’t work out so well, did it?
Are you just going to keep making empty promises to me, and yourself, and everyone else, while you dig deeper into that shitshow company you’re so devoted to? ”
Mei flinched. She narrowed her eyes. “Speaking of self-delusion, are you being honest with yourself? You act like I wronged you by not quitting. But maybe you’re just pissed because I know what I want and you don’t.”
Alexandre sat stricken. The anger in Mei’s eyes extinguished. She looked at him with sorrow.
Ali and Luc exchanged a glance.
“I’ll get the check.” Luc hurried to the counter.
Ali helped Kaia into her coat. “We’ll get going and let you two talk.”
Mei grabbed her jacket. “I’ll walk out with you.”
In front of the restaurant, Alexandre stood off to the side while the sisters talked. At one point, Ali scowled at him. Great. He and Ali had always gotten along spectacularly. Now he was a jerk who’d been mean to her sister.
“I’m sorry for the scene in there,” Alexandre said when Ali came over to say goodbye.
“It’s okay. I know you’re upset.” Ali smiled tightly, then turned her attention to Kaia.
Luc clasped his shoulder. “I don’t know what’s going on with you and Mei,” he said quietly, “but I know you’ll figure it out.”
After they left, Alexandre walked over to Mei. “Want to chat?”
She shrugged. “There’s a spot a couple blocks away.”
They trudged in silence to a little park outside the American Museum of Natural History. Alexandre registered the gaping distance between him and Mei as they sat down on a bench.
“Look,” she said, “I get why you’re upset. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Livin. I knew you wouldn’t understand, and you don’t.”
Alexandre laughed mirthlessly. “I do and I don’t.”
Mei acknowledged his remark with a wry huff. She watched a squirrel dig in the scraggly grass. “I’m not changing my mind. Where does that leave us?”
Alexandre searched her face for any hope or affection. All he saw was anger. Weariness.
His own exhaustion hit him. He rubbed his eyes. “I don’t know. I can’t think right now.”
His heart broke a little as Mei nodded. “Yeah. I need some time, too.”
“I guess I’ll get going.”
Mei didn’t move to hug him. Alexandre didn’t reach for her, either.
· · ·
Back at his apartment, Alexandre tried to lose himself in unpacking and laundry. All the while, Mei’s words echoed through his mind. Are you being honest with yourself?
As upset as he was, Alexandre missed Mei. He grappled with his phone every time it buzzed, hoping to see her name on the screen. It never appeared.
When he woke up on Sunday morning, Alexandre’s head was clearer, but his heart still ached.
He laced up his sneakers and went for a run.
What do you really want? Alexandre asked himself with every step.
Mei immediately came to mind. But it was the spirited, optimistic Mei he thought he knew, not the stony-eyed woman who put Livin above everything.
Afterward, Alexandre stood in his entryway.
For the first time since leaving Oregon, Alexandre missed his lab.
He missed the zenlike zebrafish facility with row after row of clear tanks, quietly gurgling with flowing water.
He missed losing himself in endless columns of data.
And he missed the fire that fueled him when he was on the verge of a major discovery.
Who was he kidding? He’d been so wrong about Mei. Was he just fooling himself about his new job, too?
There was only one way to find out.
Alexandre opened his laptop and drafted an email.
Hi Chris,
It was great catching up with you at the conference. Thanks again for reaching out to me with the UND opportunity. Now that I’ve had time to think about it, I realize I was a bit hasty. Could we set up a time to talk this week?
Alexandre