22. Rae
Rae
He’s wrong. I don’t want one or the other. I want both. Possibly at the same time.
I had to leave the small enclosed space because I was about to say just that, but it’s crazy. Absolutely insane. Even after that moment with all three of us, I can’t wrap my mind around this being my reality.
I join my family and see Chandler, smiling and laughing with Brent and Vince.
Matt is still on the couch with Grayson and Easton, but they’re all so happy.
I’ve never seen any indication that they aren’t.
Even Evie and Maya say their parents are all disgustingly happy, which seems to be a common theme with all our parents.
But could I really do that? Could that be my life?
Two different men? Two very different men?
Grayson looks over at me, like he can sense that I’m starting to spiral. His glasses remind me of when we were younger and he would complain about them, but hated contacts.
Gray smiles at me, and I return it, hoping he can’t see through it, but I know he can. I turn and see Asher standing off to the side while Nash and Charlie talk, I think trying to include him, but he doesn’t look like he’s saying anything.
“Hey.” Grayson pulls my attention back to him. “You okay?”
I nod. “Yeah, I’m great. Why?”
“Because you seem anxious.”
I don’t like how easy I can be to read sometimes. Especially by him and my mom; they have a sixth sense when it comes to my anxiety.
“I’m fine,” I lie, trying to seem convincing. He still doesn’t believe me; I reach out to grab his bicep, squeezing it. “Don’t worry about me. Have fun, it’s okay.”
He starts to open his mouth to speak, but Easton is throwing his arms around both of us and pulling us both into his sides. “What are you two whispering about over here? Secrets don’t make friends, you know?”
I push against his side so he’ll free me from the chokehold. I finally free myself while he laughs.
“Fuck off.” Grayson shoves his brother in the shoulder, which only makes Easton laugh harder.
“Aw come on, I just want to be included. You always steal Rae all for yourself, and maybe I’ve missed her.” He pulls me into his side again, holding me tighter this time while I squirm.
“Get away from me, you big dummy,” I protest, trying to push him away again.
“Oo, big dummy? Easy on the curse words, Sunny.”
I roll my eyes. Grayson has always called me Sunshine, which led to Easton calling me “Sunny” just to be annoying.
“It’s amazing how you two can look so similar, but be so different.” I shake my head.
“Ew, don’t say that.” Easton shakes his head. “We look nothing alike.”
I look at Grayson, then Easton, the exact same shade of dark blonde hair covers their head. Easton’s is a little longer because he grows it out during football season. He’s also a bit bulkier than Grayson. But they have the same green eyes, face structure, and height that towers over me.
“Right, not a single similarity,” I deadpan.
“Are these two bothering you?” Their dad joins us, looking at both his sons.
“Aren’t they always?” I joke to Colton.
“Boys, what have I always told you?”
“Uh, be nice to Mom?” Easton guesses.
“No, the other thing.”
They both stay quiet and look confused. Colton sighs, shaking his head. “I’ve failed as a father if that’s the only thing you’ve heard me tell you. Respect women, always.”
There’s a bark of laughter, and it comes from Brynn several feet away, but she slaps her hand over her mouth.
“What?” Colton questions his wife.
She shakes her head. “Nothing. Listen to your dad, boys.” She hardly manages to speak without laughing and I wonder what I’m missing, but realize I probably don’t want to know.
My mom said Brynn and Colton couldn’t stand each other for a while, but somehow got together anyway, so I’m sure it has to do with that.
“Don’t worry, Mr. Wheeler, they’re perfect gentlemen to me and always have been,” I tell him, even though we all know that’s not true. Especially when they used to chase me around the yard with worms they’d find threatening to put them down my shirt or in my hair.
“As long as they’re nice enough to you so your dad doesn’t want to kill me.” He leans down like he’s sharing a secret. “I’d have to kick his ass again.”
I laugh, knowing full well my dad has never been in a fight with Colton. “He was a goalie. You never fought.”
Colton smiles. “That was a test, you passed.”
These Wheeler men are ridiculous, but I look up at Grayson and can’t help the way my heart skips. Even though he may be a part of that, he’s always been something more to me.
“Collee on the other hand.” Colton speaks louder. “I’ve been waiting for a rematch for twenty-five years.”
“Not going to happen. Let it go,” Brynn calls out. And again, I think that’s another piece of family lore we don’t need to know about.
“You don’t want a rematch, Wheeler, we both know who will win,” Brent calls out.
Colton grumbles, wrapping his arm around Brynn and holding her against his side. “I won the first time.”
Brynn taps his chest, placating him, “Of course you did, sweetie.”
After dinner, Grayson pulls me into one of the guest bedrooms and cups my face. “That’s much better,” he says before kissing me, causing me to melt against him.
I smile as we part. “What part put you over the edge? Was it Easton refusing to give you the salt, or Matt and your dad throwing bread at each other?”
“I actually think it may have been when our moms tried to make everything better by offering shots to everyone.”
I chuckle thinking about that, and how quickly Audrey jumped up at that idea.
I couldn’t help but steal glances at Asher throughout the dinner.
He didn’t say much, and had that scowl on his face that I think may be permanent.
I wanted to check in to make sure he wasn’t too uncomfortable, but there wasn’t a good time.
He kept his distance after everyone was done before Grayson pulled me in here.
I’m rubbing my hand up Grayson’s arm and watching the movement until he hooks a finger under my chin, forcing my eyes up to his. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” I try to look away, but he won’t let me.
“Because you won’t look at me,” he calls me out, and I almost want to laugh.
Just to make a point, my eyes find his and then the truth falls out of me. “I think I’m going to see Asher after this.”
“Oh.”
“Oh? Care to elaborate?”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” he asks gently.
I sigh, breaking out eye contact again. “I want to help him.”
Grayson scoffs, “And he calls me the puppy dog.”
That gets a small laugh out of me.
“We had a good time the other night, right?” I question.
“Yeah. It was unexpected, but yeah.”
“And you trust me?”
He nods, holding my cheek in his palm, running his thumb along my cheek while his eyes search mine. “I do. And I trust that you’ll do what makes you happy.”
“What about what makes you happy?” I counter.
“That’s easy. You.”
I shake my head. “Why do you always say things like that?”
“It’s just the truth.”
“Well stop it because it’s too nice,” I tease.
He pulls my body into his in a strong hug. I rest my head against his chest. “Do you want me to join you again?”
I look up at him with a small smile. “Yes, but I think I need to figure out what’s going on with all this individually.”
Grayson gives me a closed-lipped smile. “I’m always going to be here for you, no matter what. Even if I don’t like the guy.”
I’m chuckling, “I get that, but you like me.”
“I do,” he admits easily.
I press a quick kiss to his lips. “You’ll be the person I call if I need anything.”
“Good, because you know I’ll be wherever you need me to be immediately.”
I smile. “I know.”
I manage to leave the family BBQ with the excuse of being tired.
Both my parents give me tight hugs before leaving.
I actually drove here because I’ve started to dislike the feeling of having to get a driver to take me everywhere.
The whole reason for this has been security, but I think I’m overreacting.
It was one small incident, and it wasn’t that big of a deal, just enough to shake me. But it’s time to get over it and I want more of my independence back.
Which, yes, is a little ironic considering the fact that I’m currently caught in between wanting two guys, and that doesn’t feel very “independent” of me.
But driving myself home does. It feels like it used to when I was younger, before the world really knew who I was.
I’ve always been Spencer Sparks and Jared Colver’s daughter, but that doesn’t compare to being known as Rae Sparks.
There’s a pair of headlights behind me, and they get close so I speed up. But whoever is driving keeps up easily. My Lexus isn’t a race car by any means, but the car currently trailing me might be.
As the lights shine into my rearview mirror, a wave of panic comes over me. Maybe driving myself was a mistake. The person behind me is so close, but if they wanted to pass me they could, and it’s not like I’m driving slow.
I turn, and hope they won’t do the same.
But they do. I tighten my grip on the steering wheel and press harder on the gas.
Chewing on my bottom lip, I wonder if I should call someone.
My security, Grayson, my dad…Asher. But my phone is in my bag, and I don’t want to go digging through it when I should be watching the road.
When I turn again and the car follows, I really start to panic. There’s no way I can go home and lead them to my house. Just when I thought I was safe, something like this happens and I feel like an idiot.
I reach over to my bag because maybe my phone is sitting on top, but then I swerve slightly, and panic even more, white knuckling the steering wheel.
The car that’s been following me finally moves over and speeds up; the sound of the engine is loud as they race in front of me.
That’s when I feel like I recognize the car and feel even worse. Especially when he leads us both to my house, while my panic subsides. Asher pulls over before pulling up to my gate so I can let us both in.
After we both park and are out of our cars, I walk up to him, shoving his chest. “You scared the shit out of me.”
He laughs. “You were driving too slow for me.”
I roll my eyes. “You knew what you were doing.”
He continues to laugh as we walk up to my front door, but then I see a small box with a note sitting by the front door. I narrow my eyes at it and freeze.
Asher doesn’t seem to pick up on my reaction, and reaches down to pick it up. “Did your not so secret admirer leave this for you?”
“What?” I squeak, watching him examine the box.
“Grayson? You think he left this?”
I shake my head, unable to speak.
He picks up the note, looking it over and then furrows his brows.
“What does it say?” I ask, almost not wanting to know the answer.
“’I’ll see you soon,’ that’s fucking weird.”
I try my hardest to hide the fear that’s currently coursing through me. “Let’s leave it out here, my security can deal with it.”
Asher looks unsure, slipping the note back and tossing the box down. “Is there something going on?”
“Nope,” I lie, and quickly fumble with the keypad on the front door to open it and get us safely inside.
After shutting and locking the door, I rush further into the house so he won’t see my hands shaking. When I get to the kitchen I manage to look at my phone without dropping it to see a message from security
Security
All clear, but we’re going to be looking into how this happened.
I feel Asher’s looming presence at my back while I try to calm myself so he can’t see how shaken I really am. He doesn’t touch me, but I know he’s there. I take a deep breath before turning to face him, hoping my face is neutral.
“What was that about?”
I smirk, opting to try and distract him rather than answer any questions. He rarely wants to answer mine so it’s only fair.
“You have me all alone, all to yourself, and you want to talk?”
His jaw clenches, while he examines my face and I can tell he’s conflicted. I push onto my tip toes and wrap my arms around the back of his neck. His hands fine my hips, gripping tightly.
“Not really, but I do want to know if you’re not safe,” he grits out, seriously.
“I’m safe,” I insist. “I have security, and also happen to have an MMA fighter in my house that I’m sure is more than capable of keeping me safe.”
His grip tightens on my hips and for a second I worry that I said the wrong thing mentioning MMA. On one hand I feel like I’m walking on egg shells with him, and on the other I want to push him because if I push his limits then he will end up pushing mine.
And right now that’s exactly what I want.
I’m figuring myself out. Part of that is discovering what I want, which right now is him. What he gives me, and how he’s shown me a new side to myself that I haven’t met before.
“If there’s something going on, I want to know.” His tone is serious and I really just don’t want to talk about it.
I don’t want to put into words how uneasy it’s made me. And I really don’t want to put this on his mind as something he has to worry about.
“Rae,” he says seriously.
I sigh, “There’s been a couple things sent to me on tour. I don’t know who they’re from, so it’s just something my security is keeping an eye on.”
He narrows his eyes, like he can tell there’s more that I’m not saying. “What else?”
“There’s nothing else. But if you want to talk then we can start with you, your past, and more about why you came here—”
He cuts me off with a harsh kiss. One that I accept easily because I don’t want to talk about this. I am curious about him, and want to know more, but right now I need the distraction. I don’t want to think about anything. I don’t want to be in control of anything. I just want to feel.
My legs hit one of the stools and I gasp, which Asher takes full advantage of, pushing me back onto it while his tongue thrusts into my mouth. I grapple, trying to hold onto something so I don’t fall over, but he has a strong grip on me, and I know rationally he wouldn’t let me.
“No talking, but you’re going to listen. Are you ready to do that for me?”
I nod, ready for anything as long as it gives me the distraction I crave.
“Such a good girl for me, aren’t you?” He nudges my nose with his, but keeps his mouth just out of reach when I try to close the distance again. “But we both know you can be a needy little slut.”
I bite back a moan. I never thought degradation would be something I would enjoy, but something about when it comes from Asher’s mouth has me weak.
“Turn around and kneel on this chair. Maybe if you listen, I’ll fuck you this time.”
Against my better judgment I pant, “And if I don’t?”
“Want to find out?”