40. Asher
Asher
Some days I swear my shoulder is completely better and I don’t need to wait to train anymore. Other days it hurts so bad that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fight again.
Those days are hard because it’s almost impossible to pull my mind from the dark spiral I go down.
The one where I’ve lost the vision for my future, and I’m back in that trailer with my parents while my mom is passed out and my dad is screaming at me, the alcohol on his breath is so pungent I could throw up.
Then when his fist connects and I hit the ground, I’m brought back to the present.
He’s dead, and I’m not.
He was a deadbeat and I never will be.
But when I think about losing my fighting career it’s hard not to think I may end up just like him.
That’s why I stare at the pill bottle with the pain medication in it and want to throw it in the trash.
I’ll never become reliant on something like that; I refuse to become addicted and turn into my father.
There was no chance I would be like my grandmother. She used religion as her excuse for her abuse. Claimed God told her to lock me in the closet when she caught me sneaking back into the house. Claimed the Devil had taken over my body because I talked back to her.
I’m sure if the Devil is real, she’s met him now because she has to be rotting in Hell with him for the way she treated me.
I step into the shower, and my head drops forward as the warm water hits my back. Unfortunately, when everything is quiet and I’m alone, the thoughts hit me the hardest. Especially right now when my shoulder is aching after physical therapy and I just want everything to go back to normal.
But I don’t even know what normal is anymore.
Normal used to be waking up, working out, training, maybe going to a fight, living my life without much care for anything that wasn’t the gym or the UFC.
Then Rae walked in and turned it upside down.
I never thought I’d be back in Denver, now I don’t know if I can leave again.
I never thought I’d see a future with a woman, let alone a woman like Rae. And even more so I never would have thought that future may include sharing her with another man.
Turning around, I splash the water on my face and focus on finishing my shower. Part of me feels like I could make everything easier for everyone by going back to Oregon and not looking back.
Running away like I did the first time.
I can’t do that.
Finishing my shower, I get out and even though I’m restless, frustrated, and about to go on a run just to distract myself, I glance at my phone and see a message from Rae. The way I feel myself calm at just the sight of her name should be studied.
I’m so far gone for her.
Rae
I know this is a long shot, but would you come to an award show with me?
Asher
Wouldn’t Grayson be better arm candy for you?
Rae
I want you both with me.
My eyebrows shoot up, and I call her immediately because I need to know what she’s thinking.
“You could deny me over text, I won’t be offended.” She’s trying to sound lighthearted, but I can hear the nervousness in her voice.
“I’m not calling to deny you, but I’m curious what you’re thinking.
Are you asking us both because you want to go with Grayson and have me act as a bodyguard?
” My tone is harsher than I intend, but I feel like there’s some sort of catch here.
There’s no way she’s wanting to show up to some red carpet as both of our girlfriend.
Is she our girlfriend?
“No, I’m asking because I want to go with both of you,” she states firmly.
“I feel like there’s a catch.”
“There’s no catch. It’s in LA, but it’ll be a quick trip. I just thought…I don’t know.” Her voice starts to trail off like it does when she starts to feel embarrassed and I hate it. I like when she’s confident, she’s come so far recently, and I love seeing her discover who she really is.
“I’ll go.”
“Really?” I can hear her smile. “Good, you’ll be able to meet Noah too.”
I grimace. “Is he going with you as well? Because I’m going to be honest, baby, I’m still getting used to sharing with Wheeler, I don’t think I can get along with anyone else.”
Rae laughs. “No, he’s nominated in another category, and we’re just friends. Trust me, you and Grayson are more than enough for me.”
“Fucking right we are,” I practically growl, thinking of the last time we were all together. How it felt to fuck her tight little ass while Grayson fucked her cunt. How her body took us both. How she looked. How she felt. How everything made complete sense for the first time in my entire life.
“But,” she starts, and I tense, knowing there was a catch coming. “You have to wear a suit. I need my arm candy to look good.”
I quirk a small smile. “I always look good.”
“What’s it like to know you’re attractive?” she teases.
“It’s pretty great, actually.”
The easy banter with her helps me feel better, and I almost forget what I was even thinking about before hearing from her. When we hang up, I look at myself in the mirror. The fog on it has faded so I can see myself and I hardly recognize the smile on my face.
There’s no way I could leave this behind again. Even if it ends up fucking me over in the end, I don’t want to lose this.
That’s when I get an idea. I don’t know if they would go for it, but I end up texting Adam just to see.
Asher
Would you ever consider expanding Uncaged to another state?
Maybe I really could have it all. And for someone that never thought I’d have anything, that thought is a big one to have.
Adam
What state are you thinking? Colorado?
Adam
I take it you’re not planning on coming back here.
I swallow roughly, and as I type out the message, I know this is the right decision. I’m sure they’d let me come back if I change my mind, but this is where I need to be.
Asher
I’m going to stay in Denver.
Adam
Caine owes me twenty bucks.
Adam
I’m not opposed to expanding.
I want to call them out for making a bet about me, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I’m actually happy. Especially at the possibility of Uncaged coming here.
The thought that my life may actually finally be aligning is comforting and scary because it’s never lasted long for me. Something always comes crashing down. It’s hard to be positive when history has shown that what goes up must come down.
But right now, I’m too happy to try and think about the potential downfall. I’m going to enjoy this for at least the time being.
I didn’t realize when Rae asked if I would go with her to the award show that would mean that everything would be such a whirlwind.
If this is what her life is like most of the time, I don’t know how she does it.
She had me come over when her designer was there because I guess she brought suits for me to try on.
Grayson is away for games again and I would have liked the time alone with Rae but between her writing sessions with Noah, practicing, recording, and now preparing for these awards, I’ve barely seen her.
When she swings open the front door, her red hair a mess, face free of makeup, and a giant smile on her face, I can’t help but pull her into me, crashing my mouth onto hers, needing to taste her lips like it’s been forever.
She sinks into me right away until someone clears their throat and we reluctantly break apart.
I glare at the three people in her living room.
“Sorry, Asher, this is my designer, Jaqueline, and her assistants, Roman and Stevie.”
I give a small wave and a grunt in greeting.
Jaqueline steps closer to me, looking me up and down, and circling me. “You weren’t kidding about his arms.”
I look over at Rae, feeling a little weird to have this woman examining my body. “What did you say about my arms?”
“She needed an idea of your size to bring.” Rae shrugs, but I see her cheeks turn red before she turns around.
“She told me to google you for your measurements, but that your arms are bigger than they seem in pictures.”
“Interesting.” I smirk, but Rae is still avoiding eye contact with me as Roman and Stevie hold up two different dresses to her body.
“It was an objective comment, don’t let it go to your head,” Rae snarks.
“It’s okay for you to compliment me, we both know how much you enjoy my body.”
“Try this one on.” Jaqueline hands me a suit and I almost forget there’s other people here because being with Rae is so natural.
I walk in front of her, looking at the next two dresses they’re holding up to her. “I like the black one, it’ll look good on the floor.”
I wink at her, and she takes the long black dress and walks into another room to change. Probably the best because I don’t think I’d care that these people are here and if I see her undress I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from touching her.
“No ripping the clothes before the event,” Jaqueline says seriously.
“No promises,” I retort.
When I change into the suit, I already feel suffocated.
I’ve never worn one before, and I don’t see the appeal.
The fabric on the button down is tight on my chest and arms, I have to unbutton the top just to breathe.
The jacket is thick and even though it’s cold outside, it’s warm inside and I already feel myself sweating.
The tie hangs around my neck because I have no idea how to tie it. The pants fit fine, but I prefer jeans.
“How does it feel?” Jaqueline feels and I pull the fabric on the collar away from my neck again.
“Tight,” I grunt.
“Not used to dressing up?”
“Nope.”
I hear Roman and Stevie gasp and have to turn around to see what they’re looking at.
Rae steps out, she’s barefoot but wearing the black dress that’s so long it grazes the floor.
There’s a slit in it that comes up her thigh, not far from the sweet spot between her legs that has my mouth watering.
The rest of it hugs her curves perfectly, but the plunging neckline shows her cleavage, and I struggle to swallow past the lump in my throat at how fucking perfect she looks.
“You’re drooling,” she jokes, but for a second I think I just might be.
I step toward her, wrapping my arm around her back and pulling her body into mine. “You look fucking gorgeous, good girl.”
Her teeth sink into her bottom lip. “Really? It shows a little more than I’m used to.”
“How do you feel about it?”
Rae smiles. “I like it.”
“Me too.”
She pushes back from me, looking me up and down. “You don’t look too bad yourself.”
“I’m showing less than I’m used to,” I grumble, pulling at the collar again.
She pushes off the jacket, and takes off the tie around my neck. “Think we could work with this?”
I turn to Jaqueline who she was asking, not me.
“I suppose so. What is Mr. Wheeler wearing?”
I raise an eyebrow, looking back to Rae. “Not sure yet, but probably something similar.”
Jaqueline nods. Roman and Stevie steal Rae away from me to start making adjustments to the dress to fit Rae’s height because there’s nothing else they need change from where I’m standing.
She looks completely perfect. I want to tell her that, but no words I can think of even come close to describing how I feel looking at her.
Holy shit, is this what it feels like to love someone?
Because that has to be what this is. She’s everything I never knew I wanted or needed in my life. She’s everything I can see for my life and my future. She’s just everything.
“Do you want to try something else?” Jaqueline asks me, but I’m unable to stop staring at Rae.
“No, this is fine.”
“No tie, though,” Rae speaks up. “I like how it’s open a little at the top.”
“Whatever she wants she gets,” I tell Jaqueline, and swear I see a small smile on her face. I change back to my normal clothes, feeling like myself again. I’m a little worried about how this is going to be for me, and then I realize something.
“Is your family coming?” I ask.
“My parents are, my mom is nominated for some legacy award.”
I tense. “And they’re going to see us together?”
Her eyes flash up to me, not a hint of nervousness within them. “They’ll see that I’m happy.”
I guess the good news is that her dad likely won’t freak out on me in public. At least I hope not.