23. Dove
DOVE
I stood in the middle of the empty garage, the faint smell of grease and gasoline wafting around me, while a popular country tune played through the radio speakers. For a moment, I could almost trick myself into believing it was another regular day on the farm.
Nothing was different, yet everything was.
It felt almost surreal, what had taken place just a handful of minutes ago. What Josh and I had done together here, in this garage. What he’d done to me, there, on the hood of his truck.
What I’d been planning to do to him before Mitch interrupted.
I could still feel the phantom press of his fingers deep inside me, a throb that wasn’t about to leave anytime soon.
There was also an uncomfortable slickness between my thighs that called for a bathroom break to freshen up.
A breeze drifted in through the garage doors, cooling my heated skin and ruffling my disheveled hair, bringing with it the thought of just how close we’d come to being caught.
It was exhilarating… and terrifying.
Which pretty much summed up my feelings being with Josh altogether.
Under his touch was the most I’d ever come alive, but I was so, so scared of having it ripped away. I had so much more to lose this time, and I was sick of experiencing loss. Despite Josh’s reassurance, what we were doing was like handling fire. How did we expect not to get burned?
Stepping out into the sunshine, I inhaled deep, waited a beat, then released it, allowing the panic that laid just beneath my skin to subside.
I continued breathing in the fresh air in steady gulps until my head was clearer, and I could push the remaining worry about the future—about our future—away and focus on the now.
And right now? I wanted Josh to hurry up and get home because I had plans for him.
I’d told him we needed to finish talking when he got back, but that was the last thing I planned on doing.
He’d had his turn, twice over.
Now it was mine.
The rest of the day passed by excruciatingly slow as I ticked off tasks on my mental to-do list around the farm, simultaneously creating a whole new list altogether.
This one a far more fun and enjoyable list. I just needed Josh back in order to get started on it, but as the day crept into evening, he remained gone.
Rocking on the porch swing, work done for the day, I overlooked the sunset in all its glory as I sipped a beer I snagged from the fridge.
A leftover of Gareth’s, a lager of some sort I typically wouldn’t drink, but, well, needs must and all that.
There was a butterfly in my gut that wouldn’t settle down, nerves that needed calming the longer Josh took to get home.
What the heck was taking them so long? Did the combine combust into flames, or had they lost track of time catching up?
Either way, it didn’t help sitting here waiting for him, thinking of every way I could initiate just exactly what I was thinking of doing. Of every possible way it could go wrong. I’d done it before, but never to anyone I truly cared for. Never to someone as important to me as Josh.
I took another sip of my beer, holding in my grimace at the taste.
You couldn’t really fuck up a blowjob, though, right?
I rolled my shoulders as still no headlights appeared down our long driveway. Maybe it was time to call it a night. I smelled like a mixture of sweat and hay, and I had dirt caught under my fingernails from weeding the flowerbed. I needed a long, hot shower.
Finishing off the last swallow of beer, I rose from the swing and made my way into the house to do just that.
As my hand curled around the knob, ready to push the front door open and head inside, gravel crunched in the distance as someone pulled into our driveway.
A quick glance over my shoulder revealed the glimpse of headlights as they cut through the growing darkness, and my beer-filled stomach did a massive somersault.
Josh was finally home.
The various plans I’d spent the day agonizing over left my head as the flutter grew in my stomach, the truck slowing to a stop a few yards from the porch.
My heartrate skipped within my chest as Josh hopped out, murmuring a low goodbye.
I returned Mitch’s wave loosely as Josh made his way over in the dusk, the porch light kissing his face into view.
He looked tired, but happy, a smile curving his face as he noticed I’d waited up for him.
His voice carried over the sound of Mitch driving back down the gravel lane.
“Sorry I’m so late,” he apologized, climbing the porch steps, each one bringing him closer to me.
My heart was beating erratically within my ribcage, like a bird struggling to get free, but I shrugged casually as if his presence hadn’t affected me at all. “I figured you got busy helping Mitch. I was just about to head in.”
Play it cool, Dove. Play it cool.
Don’t tell him how every thought you had today was consumed by him since he got in that truck and drove off.
How you wished he’d never agreed to help, because every minute ticked by torturously long without him.
Don’t tell him how all you could do while waiting was remember his touch, and how badly you wished for your chance to touch him in return.
The words were right there, settled on the tip of my tongue, but I kept them in. They were too much, too soon. Guys got scared off by that kind of thing, and scaring off Josh was the last thing I wanted to do.
His brows furrowed as if he sensed my inner struggle, eyes meeting mine before dropping down to zero in on the empty beer held loosely in my hand.
“You drinkin’ lager now?” The way he asked implied he already knew the answer. Because he did. He knew how much I hated the stuff; that’s why he ordered something sweet at the bar for me last night.
My fingers tightened around the neck of the bottle. “It’s all we have.”
He stalked closer from where he’d been standing at the top of the steps. One, two, three strides and he was in front of me, once again forcing me to look up to meet his gaze.
“Needed some liquid courage?” His voice dropped, and my shiver had nothing to do with the cooler summer night we were experiencing.
I licked my lips, and his eyes tracked the movement.
“Thirsty,” I replied, throat dry despite the beer I’d just finished. “That’s all.”
“That’s all?” he murmured, leaning in closer.
God, how I wanted him to kiss me. How I wanted to kiss him , lean up on my tip toes and press our lips together. But I knew if we did, we wouldn’t stop. I wouldn’t stop, not after imagining it all day.
I held back, my eyes scanning over his shoulder to make sure Mitch was out of sight.
“He’s long gone, Dove. It’s just you and me.” He bent down to brush his nose along my neck, placing the brush of a kiss along my fluttering pulse point. “I hear we got lots to talk about.”
“Lots?” I questioned, voice quivering nearly as much as my body was. Something about Josh this close made me ache, as if he was a drug I was craving a fix of. Even though I’d barely had a taste, I was addicted.
His lips twitched, stretching into a smile he pressed into the side of my neck. “I hope so.”
When his tongue came out to taste the patch of skin just behind my ear, my legs nearly buckled. When he bit down, I gasped.
“Josh.” My hand to his chest stopped him from going further as I pushed him back gently. “I’ve been outside all day. I stink. I need a shower.”
There’s was nothing sexy about how I looked or smelled right now.
Which I should have thought about beforehand, but I’d been too swept up in waiting for Josh like some lovesick puppy, ready to pounce the moment he got home.
Now that he was in front of me, I realize my one-track mind had left a few holes in the plan I’d spent all day devising.
“And I’ve been working on a filthy combine,” he countered, pulling back to look down at me. “So do I.”
“Me first,” I blurted automatically, habit from all the years we’d shared a bathroom. Embarrassment heated my cheeks as he stared down at me, his dark eyes intense. I swallowed, attempting to ease the dryness of my throat as he leaned his forehead against mine.
“We don’t have to take turns,” he suggested huskily, nudging his nose with mine. The movement caused his breath to ghost across my lips, and I had to physically stop myself from rocking up to kiss him.
The image of Josh in the shower, completely naked and soaped up had me biting my lip to stop a moan from slipping out. I hadn’t thought of that , but I should have. Although, something about showering together felt ten times more intimate than me going down on my knees for him.
My hesitation must have bled onto my face because he slipped his hands into my back pockets to tug me closer. At the movement I slid my free hand around his waist and rested my cheek against his pec.
“Just an idea, Dove,” he reassured, the timbre of his deep voice vibrating under my ear. “You can always have first shower.” He placed a kiss to the top of my head. “You know that.”
It was true. I’d always called dibs on first shower, and Josh had never challenged it.
He’d just shake his head good-naturedly like he’d missed his opportunity, but he never fought me on it.
Not once. A warmth rose up in me at the memory, of all the times he’d done those little things for me I’d taken for granted.
They were just small pieces that made up the bigger picture of why I’d missed him so much.
Josh had always put me first. Even when he left, I now realized.
Even now.
I could put him first for once, too.
“No.” I shook my head, my cheek brushing along his soft T-shirt. I allowed myself a small, subtle inhale. He smelled faintly of sweat, sawdust, and gasoline, with that signature smell of his lingering underneath. “Best to conserve on water in these times.”
“These times” being the rainiest season we’d had to date, but Josh didn’t contradict me.