Chapter 17 Jess
Jess
Iwas mesmerised by Brodie’s smile and the way his face lit up talking about his sister. And I was still getting over the shock of hearing he’d actually done manual labour, but then I’d remembered how his palms had felt rough on my skin. A little nugget that had been too inflammatory to dwell on.
He was looking at me as if waiting for a response. Crap. I felt my face get hot again. What had he said? Something about hosting events?
He went on. ‘She got married there recently, my sister. Her husband is a landscape gardener – they met when she was starting the renovations and hosted the first event, her best friend’s wedding.’
‘More happy couples?’ I remarked.
‘Hmm.’
Brodie didn’t sound so sure. I couldn’t help a short laugh. ‘You really are a cynic.’
He looked at me. ‘And you’re not?’
I felt like scowling. I’d walked into that one.
He seemed to be happy to wait for a response.
After a while I sighed and said, ‘I don’t not believe in love, but, like you, I’ve lived through my parents’ divorce, so I’m not under any illusions.
They didn’t tear each other apart, but it still turned our lives upside down. ’
He stayed silent. I kept talking, against my best instincts. ‘But I feel hopeful for my brother and Lucy. They seem really...happy.’
Yet even as I said that I knew that that sort of naked vulnerability made me want to crawl under a stone and hide. It was too...big. Too potentially devastating.
I’d made myself vulnerable once – trusting someone with my heart – and it had backfired spectacularly. It had only made me determined not to be vulnerable again.
But it wasn’t just the pain of being hurt romantically. There was something else. And Brodie was still silent as if he could intuit there was more coming. ‘Actually, I had another brother. He was older.’
‘Had?’
There was something about being in the cocoon of Brodie’s car, and how smooth it was, and how his deep voice was, that made it feel easy for me to say stuff. Stuff I never usually talked about.
‘Callum. He died when Jamie and I were twelve. He was fifteen. Tall, strong. Gorgeous. Kind. The best kind of big brother.’
‘Shit, Jess... I’m so sorry.’
I swallowed the lump rising in my throat. ‘It’s OK, it was a long time ago. He was our half-brother. The product of one of Mum’s affairs. She adored him.’
‘Your dad knew?’
I nodded. ‘I think he just put up with her having affairs because she was so beautiful and he didn’t want her to leave. He never treated Cal any differently, which was commendable.’
And then it hit me, everything I’d just basically vomited out to Brodie. Someone I barely knew and yet we’d had sex, so I did know him intimately. My face felt hot. ‘Sorry, that was more information than you needed.’
‘No, it’s fine – after all, we’re meant to know this stuff about each other. Ask me some questions.’
Oh, God. Now he was trying to make me feel better. But to deflect from me, I said, ‘OK, favourite colour?’ Lame, but it was all I could think of right then.
‘Green.
What’s yours?’
‘Yellow.’
‘Because it’s happy?’ he asked with the faintest tone of humour in his voice.
I rolled my eyes. ‘Gigs or listening to music alone?’
‘Gigs. Alone.’
‘Ooh, interesting and a bit sad.’
‘I like to focus on the music.’
I held my hands up. ‘I get it. But I do like going to gigs with Tash; she always makes us go right to the front. Take-out or cook?’
He made a face. ‘Woeful cook, I’m afraid. Take-out, eat out. You?’
‘I like cooking. Staycation or vacation?’
‘City break.’
‘Staycation.’
‘You’re a home girl.’
I hadn’t really realised it till then, because I’d focused so much on getting away from Scotland after Callum had died, and because I rarely went back home. But I’d missed it. It unnerved me to realise this and I said almost defensively, ‘Maybe I am.’
Brodie took his hands off the wheel momentarily. ‘No judgement from me. Actually, I really like London. I love how you can walk down a street that’s frozen in time from a couple of hundred years ago and right around the corner there’s a something bright and modern. And London does parks very well.’
‘I thought as a property developer you’d see green space as the enemy.’
He put a hand to his chest. ‘I’m not a monster!’
I snorted, but inside I was more than unsettled by how easy it was to talk to him.
Then, as casually as I could, ‘Relationships?’
‘Not if I can help it.’ He glanced at me. ‘You?’
‘Nothing substantial,’ I said carefully. ‘The longest one was in university, probably lasted a couple of months.’
‘Why did it break up?’
‘He was only using me to make someone else jealous.’
‘Wow. What a dick.’
I liked that he said that. I glanced at him and tried not to notice how fucking gorgeous he was. Even in profile. He had no bad angles, not even with the scar. As much as I wanted to know about it I instinctively held back.
Instead I went another controversial route. ‘What about that actress? That can’t have been nothing.’
I noticed Brodie’s hands clench on the wheel. ‘She was a mistake,’ he said eventually.
‘Ouch.’
He sighed and his hands relaxed a little.
‘We met at one of those silly fashion parties. I was only there because a client invited me. She seemed genuine. We got together. When she realised I wasn’t interested in courting the media’s attention she dropped me, but not before getting some mileage out of it by giving a kiss and tell, making up a story that I’d cheated on her. ’
‘You didn’t?’
He looked at me, frowning. ‘No. I would never do that.’
Then he said, ‘My parents...they had affairs almost as an excuse just to make each other jealous. It was exhausting and toxic. That’s why I would never...’
I believed him. I would never either. ‘I get it.’
We were silent for a while as if both absorbing the fact that we’d shared. A lot. So when he said, ‘Maybe it’s time to listen to some music?’ I nodded eagerly. I didn’t want anything else coming out of my mouth.
‘Yes.’
Brodie put on a female Irish artist who I actually really liked.
I sat back and tried to ignore the fact that the unsettling feeling was only deepening.
I really hadn’t had expected to feel a sense of affinity with someone like Brodie Montgomery.
And we hadn’t even started pretending to be together, yet.