Chapter 39
Jess
‘Why on earth would I wear this dress again?’
‘Because he is going to be there and you are going to show him that that night meant nothing, and you’ve moved on and he means nothing to you.’
‘That’s a lot of nothing and what part of I’ve fallen for you do you think he won’t remember?’ I said, feeling ill.
I turned around, dislodging Tash’s hands from where she was adjusting one of the straps on the dress. The red dress. The dress that had been witness to my fatal down and dirty downfall.
‘He’ll be so overcome with lust for you, and you can torture him with regret and punish him for making you fall for him.’
‘Tash, it wasn’t his fault.’ I point this out wearily. ‘He can’t help being...him.’ Ugh. ‘Why do I have to go to this again?’
Julia and I had been invited to the launch of Brodie’s new company, Montgomery Partners, where they were announcing the redevelopment of the charity’s new premises and a slate of other projects.
The fact that he’d been inspired by me and that I’d had some influence on this coming about was thrilling. And it made me feel proud. For him. But I had to push that aside. I didn’t have that place in his life. He’d made that clear.
‘You are going to have to see him again at some point, so it might as well be tonight. And after all, it’s pretty much down to you that your charity is getting this fabulous new home. You deserve the kudos too. Just go, make him drool and then leave, head held high.’
‘That didn’t work out so well the last time.’
Tash took my shoulders and looked at me. ‘Jess, you’ve got this. It’s just a dress. Go, have a drink and then leave. This is your closure.’
Just a dress, ha! But I had to admit that a small part of me was curious to see his reaction. Was that immature? I didn’t really care. I needed all the armour I could get. Julia had told me he’d tried to contact me, but I hadn’t returned his calls. I’d blocked his number from my cell phone.
The suspicion that he felt guilty and was concerned had made me feel nauseous.
Tash looked out the window. ‘Your taxi is here. Off you go and slay. And if anyone asks about the dress...’
I held up my clutch. ‘I’ll give them your card.’
‘OK. See you later.’
I’d made sure to bring a wrap with me so I didn’t feel so exposed. The party was taking place in the Shard, on one of the top levels.
My nerves were bouncing around my gut by the time I got there and ascended in the elevator.
I stepped onto the floor where the party was taking place.
There were already lots of people milling around and waiters serving drinks.
I checked my wrap into the cloakroom and went in, helping myself to a drink and gulping half the glass in one go.
The views were spectacular, but I couldn’t have cared less.
I was looking out for a distinctively tall man.
Dark hair. Bluer-than-blue eyes. I was in the middle of the crowd now and I couldn’t see him.
I suddenly had a vision of seeing him here with someone else and I went cold all over, a sense of humiliation already crawling through me.
This had been a huge mistake. I turned around, determined to just leave asap, and I looked up and came to a dead stop. Brodie. In a black suit, white shirt. Gorgeous. He was alone and staring at me as if I was a ghost.
Then his expression changed and became fierce. He walked right up to me, took my hand and said in a growl, ‘You are coming with me. Now.’
I could barely get a breath out to say a word before he was tugging me behind him, and I was holding the dress up in one hand and trying not to break my neck in the high heels.
‘Brodie, what the...?’ But he wasn’t listening, he was too intent on bringing me somewhere.
We went to the other end of the space and Brodie opened an exit door.
There were stairs leading upwards and I had no choice but to follow him, my hand tightly clasped in his, and in truth a part of me didn’t want to break free.
We went up a couple of flights and then he opened another door, and we were stepping out onto a platform. My head swam. We were so high and outside. At the very top level of the Shard. It was breezy and my hair came loose, whipping around my face.
Brodie let my hand go and paced away from me, and then paced back. He stood in front of me and looked me up and down. ‘You’re here. And in that dress.’
I pointed out the more obvious and pressing thing. Our location. ‘Should we be up here? How do you even know about this place?’
He waved a hand. ‘I’ve been up here in the past for work, with engineers, but that’s not important.’ He stared at me so hard I could feel it on my skin. ‘When I saw you, I thought I was having a hallucination, Jess. I’ve been trying to call you. You blocked me?’
I nodded. He looked hurt. I said defensively, ‘You know where I work. Julia gave you the address of our temporary new offices.’
He ran a hand through his hair. ‘I had to go to Paris, and then Skye was here for a visit... But I was going to come to you, Jess.’
‘OK... Why?’
He shook his head, his hair ruffling in the wind. ‘You ruined me, Jess. For years I’ve kept everyone at a distance. No one got close. Not even her.’
The actress. I hated to admit it, but that satisfied me.
He went on. ‘Then you came along, in that dress, and nothing has been the same since. I’ve never felt lonelier, because for the first time I really know what it feels like.
Because I love you, Jess, and I’m so sorry I couldn’t see it sooner.
But... After what we went through, me and Skye, the thought of opening myself up again, of risking that level of chaos and destruction.
..the violence...’ He shook his head. ‘It was easier to just push it away. Push away any chance of that.’
My chest ached for him. ‘It doesn’t have to be like that.’
‘I think I know that now... Or maybe it’s just that my fear of being vulnerable and traumatised again is so much less terrifying than the thought of not being with you. That is...’ he said. ‘If you meant what you said.’
I could see him almost brace himself. As if preparing for a blow.
I had never been more vulnerable or as strong as in this moment when I closed the distance between us and wound my arms around his neck.
‘Brodie Montgomery, I love you too, and I’d really, really, like to keep seeing you, if that’s what you want. ’
There was a second when he didn’t move, and then his arms were around me and he was lifting me off my feet and we were kissing, with London spread out around us, stretching as far as the eye could see. Not that we even noticed.
An insistent cough alerted us to the presence of someone else. A man with a walkie-talkie in a hi-vis jacket. Brodie held me close. ‘Sorry, I was just showing my girlfriend the view.’
Girlfriend. I felt dizzy from happiness. Brodie let me down and he kept my hand tight in his. I was never letting go. The man moved back to let us walk past him. As we did, he muttered, ‘You wouldn’t believe the amount of people we get sneaking up here to propose.’
Brodie looked at me and brought our entwined hands up to his mouth, kissing them. He smiled and said, ‘That’ll be for the next time.’